A LESSON ABOUT PRAYER

In 1977, after Miss Kuhlman's passing in early 1976, I was asked by the Kuhlman Foundation to hold a memorial service for her in Pittsburgh. Up to that time, my work for her ministry had consisted of minor things like passing out choir music, so I was stunned that I would be asked to participate in such a significant event. I was very young and immature as a Christian, and this was going to be a major event.

When I arrived at the offices in the Carlton House, Maggie Hartner, who had been Kathryn's closest confidante and whom I love very much, took me aside and said something that amazed me. "Now, don't go and pray and get so tied up and wrapped up in your own needs that God can't use you tonight," she said quite sternly. "Go take a nap or something."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "That is the most unspiritual thing I've ever heard," I thought, "and this is the most unspiritual woman I've ever met." I was going to go and pray whether she liked it or not. Jimmy McDonald, the singer, picked me up and took me to the Carnegie Music Hall, describing the program for the evening. The choir would sing this and this, he said, and then he would sing. "When I begin leading, 'Jesus, There's Something About That Name,' you come out." I nodded okay.

Well, they showed a film of Kathryn's powerful service in Las Vegas, which continues to have a major impact when it's shown, then Jimmy sang. I looked at the crowd from backstage and I froze. I couldn't move. Jimmy sang the song a second time, and then a third time, and finally said, "When we sing this the next time, Benny Hinn is going to come out." He added a few complimentary words about me. Most people didn't know who I was, of course. He sang again. I was still frozen with fright. Finally I got out onto the stage. Jimmy whispered, "Where were you?" And he left the stage. That didn't make it any easier. I tried to lead them into singing the song again, but I started too high, and it was terrible. Nobody sang with me. I was struggling by myself. All I could think about was getting out of there and going home. It seemed like nearly half an hour had passed. All I could do was throw my arms up in the air and cry, "I can't do it, Lord; I can't do it."

At that moment, I heard a voice deep inside that said, "I'm glad you can't; now I will." I totally relaxed, and it was like going from hell to heaven. There was instant release once I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that I couldn't do it. The power of God descended, and everyone in the hall was touched —not by me, but by God. It was a marvelous, moving service. Maggie came to me later and said something that I will never forget: "Kathryn always said, 'It's not your prayers, it's not your ability, it's your surrender.' Learn how to surrender, Benny." By then I was so stunned by the whole experience that I could only say, "Maggie, I don't think I know how." "Well, you had your first experience tonight," she said. Back at the hotel room, I prayed, "Lord, teach me how to do this." I knew the key was in Maggie's statement that afternoon. But only in the last few years have I fully understood what she was saying: Don't pray just because you have a service. I don't talk to my wife just when I need her. I'm supposed to have a relationship with her. It's the same with the Lord. You pray—all the time—so your fellowship can remain. You can't say, "I'll talk to You when I need You," and then ignore Him for a while. God will say, "No relationship, no anointing." Your life depends on prayer. (Benny Hinn)