CAMEROONPRIDE: Don't mind them, women are the worst thing that happened to mankind, i curse the day God almost killed us to create una.Tufiakwa

Daresh:

Oga abet don't project your issues with you wife to all women. How do you know ALL women don't say they are sorry? Abeg piss off and go and settle with your wife jor!

Princess zoe: The issue is, a woman can go against her husband instruction if it is going to affect her and the children. The women are the weaker sex, they are very sensitive. Husbands are meant to pay attention to details and listen to their wives complain. Now biblically, divorce is only granted when one of the partner has committed adultery if not, Mr. Man you must not remarry for the sake of your salvation.

True NaijaBwoy:

Your not married yet! Stick around, Youll learn a little about conflicts in a household and how things can easily go pear shaped

This is abount content not context!

True NaijaBwoy: Point 1 i do apologise, im not afraid to be sentimental!
Point 2 Women changing after the ring goes on, thats another issue! It a default land mine... this is not what this is about!!
Point 3 we initially had financial strangle on us that i felt was both to our mutual understanding, obvisouly not, im an absolute extrovert, she knew this about me and loved this about me,she also has this in her nature,but i firmly go to work n go home to spend time with the family, my time with the guys is playing on a footy weekend, which i have cancelled on a numerous occassion to hang with family,,, my flexibility has never been an issue... she also loves my relationship with kids which never changed, she will always tell you 1 thing, i am a good father and a hands on dad as she is a good mum,,, our problems was never us a a couple,,, its the external factors which are crippling and undermining us.
by the by,,,, I'm a very good cook and do cook for her, and my saturday is typically a house cleaning blitz by me,, especially sat mornings,,, this is neither here nor there, my point is i am not shy to be soppy if i feel happy!

silly me, maybe!! but we both deserve happiness even if its apart!!

I will say one fair thing, women(maybe her) prefer to see what they want to see rather than appreciate the personalised effort!

kai, una don turn me to agony uncle!!

ileobatojo: OP, do you know the underlying reason for her behavior towards you? Not the superficial reasons you've put up here. So no, it's not just because she won't say sorry. Her not saying sorry is probably a symptom of something else. No, it's not because of her family. If she were simply a sheep doing what anyone tells her, then why won't she follow all your own instructions? So again, do you know the underlying reason for her behavior? If you know it and it is not something that can be dealt with, then good luck with the divorce. If you don't know it but are at the point where you don't care anymore, good luck with the divorce. If you don't know it and may be curious to know, maybe one last ditch effort would be to try to uncover the root cause and see if it can be addressed.

Daresh:

Whatever men. I have my issues to deal with, find a solution to your problems and you 2 solve your issues and stop bringing in outside forces.

jidegirl12:

Lmao Deresh, the guy seem to have answers for everything.

@Madam, excellent post, I always tell my hubby , I can only accept one third party involved in my marriage and that'll be a psychologist/marriage counsellor , they will divulge both party their faults without disposition , no marriage is perfect, we all have our drama to deal with in a sophisticated way. when the good qualities outweigh the bad a great deal I guess saying sorry will not be such a big deal.

@hispinkolo... Nice post , my initial Point; Man up and take charge of his home!

And lastly OP, I don't need 5min of fame to express my opinion hence the final decision is yours, obviously the ambience in your matrimonial home is unpleasant and a mess presently. IMO , you are both adults so clean your mess up yourselves, however if one party wouldn't own up to her shît , it's the other's mandatory responsibly to clean it up because you're a TEAM! = Marriage

So it's up to you if she's worth cleaning up after , like @ileoba said good luck with your divorce if you know deep down its not worth dealing with. Ciao

P.S if she's worth it then there're wide range of marriage counsellors and mediators to look into.


I actually like this.... its constructive

p/s youve spotted my apparent flaw.......... i have an answer for everything (cuz im fairly objective and obsessively rationale)!
i am trying to address this and see things in its natural context! allah dey!!

True NaijaBwoy: Point 1 i do apologise, im not afraid to be sentimental!
Point 2 Women changing after the ring goes on, thats another issue! It a default land mine... this is not what this is about!!
Point 3 we initially had financial strangle on us that i felt was both to our mutual understanding, obvisouly not, im an absolute extrovert, she knew this about me and loved this about me,she also has this in her nature,but i firmly go to work n go home to spend time with the family, my time with the guys is playing on a footy weekend, which i have cancelled on a numerous occassion to hang with family,,, my flexibility has never been an issue... she also loves my relationship with kids which never changed, she will always tell you 1 thing, i am a good father and a hands on dad as she is a good mum,,, our problems was never us a a couple,,, its the external factors which are crippling and undermining us.
by the by,,,, I'm a very good cook and do cook for her, and my saturday is typically a house cleaning blitz by me,, especially sat mornings,,, this is neither here nor there, my point is i am not shy to be soppy if i feel happy!

silly me, maybe!! but we both deserve happiness even if its apart!!

I will say one fair thing, women(maybe her) prefer to see what they want to see rather than appreciate the personalised effort!

kai, una don turn me to agony uncle!!

True NaijaBwoy:

You are right there are underlying reasons...

They are way too numerous to mention but a lot have to do with inferences suggesting she is hated.. naturally, she seeks comfort and sollace from me and her family. unfortunately my assurances are considered biased which makes her belive her family support and assurances are the best (because its what she wants to hear!)... for all its worth, she is not hated and its been a very difficult climb to assure her of this. This unfortunately impairs her judgement (a lot) and subsequently creates toxic tension..

my failings - if i could turn things around,,,im speechless - how do you tell people stop hating on her when you know they dont, i did discuss it anyway - naturally, it didnt quell but it created an uncomfortable environment for all. nothing becomes natural and everyone holds there guards... (trust me,,,, this is a effd up situation to be in). throw kids in the mix and you realise, there are efforts being made to keep the kids away from them despite assurances that this mythical hate is not being passed on to the kids. (like i said this is not a weekend activity, its been years of this).

The issue of the apology, is one that is important for us.... (please, im a lot of things but not a chauvanist)its for her to appreciate im the bobo of the house, it one that should show that i have her best interest at heart, its for her to appreciate the risk the kids where placed in, it for her to understand that i was undermined in the midst of a lot of people, its for her to understand her role as a wife and how it fits into our module........ the apology is a make or break one,,,,

I believe she understands the relevance,,,, why else is it so difficult for her to utter the words that could have saved her marriage.....

trust me,,,, divorce was never been my forte!!

Morayo747: Why would anyone say sorry when they are not in the wrong? You set up yourself for being taken as a doormat my friend and from experience its a very verr difficult tide to reverse. It sends the message to the other party that you need them more than they need you. Its like the law of demand and supply and you've sold yourself cheap..my 2 cents

Daresh:

Ol boy I'm married. Proudly 5 years and 2 kids. My issues and your issue are diff. From my experience men are the ones who dont apologize. Do you see me going around to announce it? Men want a perfect wife, what have u done to deserve. Talking about how women change when d ring is on their finger. You did you not change? Do u to her out on dates like you used to? Do u buy her those gifts you used to buy? Or do you leave her at home with kids to do nothing but vex all day, cooking and cleaning. Do u buy her flowers? Or do u go and hang out with the guys after work and come home at 10pm? You changed and you don't want her to. Silly you

....I like dis dude

ileobatojo:

A bit cryptic, but if I understand what you're trying to say, the problem is that she feels that ?your family hate her. You know they don't hate her and you assure her of it but she feels you are biased towards your family and that you don't see what she is seeing. Her own family on the other hand seem to identify with her point of view. You tried to tell your family of the way she feels but it didn't work and only made everything even more awkward.

So essentially you have an us against them situation in your home between the two families. Now you insist on her saying she's sorry because you feel she is wrong in believing she is hated, essentially you feel she is the cause of the rift in the family. She has refused to say sorry because she still believes she is hated and feels you haven't stood up for her enough.

Is that about right?

True NaijaBwoy:

Haba! we, ve only just started.... I'll let you all into my mindset in good time!

All i'll hint is this!.... Would you as a married woman go 100% against your husbands instruction simply because you have your family backing?

carr96: ...fact is, if u really did care and for the sake of ur kids, u'd fcking swallow your pride and make things work with her! Tho' she might be wrong (buh thinks she's right) it takes a real man to apologise for something he didn't do and make things work for peace to reign
In other words you and ur wife have got problems wit pride

If you've failed in ur marriage, you've failed in EVERYTHING!

True NaijaBwoy:

love is not proud!
Saying im sorry for how your partner feels shouldnt mean she cant say sorry for how she reacted because of how she felt!

i guess it takes a certain kind of mindset to appreciate this!!