Coldfeet: @ Op if all the women or just me here on nairaland should apologise on behalf of your wife! Would you go home tonight and do these things to try and save your marriage?
1 If she's in the kitchen hug her from behind!
2 If she's sitting down watching the tv stand in front of it with your arms stretched out!
3 If she's having dinner take a spoon and eat out of her plate!
4 If she's in the shower join her with your cloths on!
5 If she's already in bed pull up a chair and sit in front of her till she wakes!
6 Say this words to her...
Sweethrt I am hurting! I may not mean much to you anymore but you mean the world to me! Your family may be more important to you than I am but you see you are most important to me! Our marriage is falling apart and so am I! I love you and I want u by my side till the end!!!! If the divorce papers are close by please tear it up! Give her a light kiss on the forehead and leave her presence! IF YOU ARE THE HEAD OF YOUR HOME ITS TIME TO ACT LIKE IT!!!

If your wife is not a jezebel and your problems are not your undoing! you will get the AM SORRY! You seek!

This is a happily married woman saying am sorry on behalf of your wife! Best of luck!

BLESSED are the parents that gave birth to a wonderful woman like you, Blessed to the lucky man that have u in his home as a wife and lucky and blessed are the Children that have you as their mom. God bless you and your home. My wish for is your dream stay big and your worries stays small. I can't help it but read the post over and over again. God bless you ma. @OP divorce on its own is something i despise with passion please what this lady said and u will remain blessed ever after bro. Save your marriage for the sake your kids i know how horrible it is to be raised in a broken home its just a setback. Please save this Marriage God bless u thank u once again Ma'am and God bless u and me heavily AMEN.

Coldfeet: @ Op if all the women or just me here on nairaland should apologise on behalf of your wife! Would you go home tonight and do these things to try and save your marriage?
1 If she's in the kitchen hug her from behind!
2 If she's sitting down watching the tv stand in front of it with your arms stretched out!
3 If she's having dinner take a spoon and eat out of her plate!
4 If she's in the shower join her with your cloths on!
5 If she's already in bed pull up a chair and sit in front of her till she wakes!
6 Say this words to her...
Sweethrt I am hurting! I may not mean much to you anymore but you mean the world to me! Your family may be more important to you than I am but you see you are most important to me! Our marriage is falling apart and so am I! I love you and I want u by my side till the end!!!! If the divorce papers are close by please tear it up! Give her a light kiss on the forehead and leave her presence! IF YOU ARE THE HEAD OF YOUR HOME ITS TIME TO ACT LIKE IT!!!

If your wife is not a jezebel and your problems are not your undoing! you will get the AM SORRY! You seek!

This is a happily married woman saying am sorry on behalf of your wife! Best of luck!

BLESSED are the parents that gave birth to a wonderful woman like you, Blessed is the lucky man that have u in his home as a wife and lucky and blessed are the Children that have you as their mom. God bless you and your home. My wish for is your dream stay big and your worries stays small. I can't help it but read the post over and over again. God bless you ma. @OP divorce on its own is something i despise with passion please do what this lady said and u will remain blessed ever after bro. Save your marriage for the sake your kids i know how horrible it is to be raised in a broken home its just a setback. Please save this Marriage God bless u thank u once again Ma'am and God bless u and me heavily AMEN.

Every person willing to divorce always have a plan B. Which they not ready to give up no matter the condition.

Coldfeet, bless you. nice one, married people give up too quickly. the grass is not always green yonder.

I hope the OP will humbly work on his marriage.

U ARE A BLOODY ANIMALL..SHAMELESS FEMINIST

Sapphire86: Abeggi make I hear word with ur pathetic title. How does it apply 2 women? Shdnt it ve bn 'why can't she say I'm sorry?'

Were you told that pride is only found in women? Dt let me 4get abt ur heartbreak and lash u properly.

Or u don't think that maybe she feels you are d 1 2 apologise 2 her as well?
Dey dere and allow pride turn u 2 a divorcee!

Nonsense! U wld rather wait 4 I'm sorry than fight 4 ur marriage @ least 4 ur kids sake. Hisssssssss

True NaijaBwoy: Point 1 i do apologise, im not afraid to be sentimental!
Point 2 Women changing after the ring goes on, thats another issue! It a default land mine... this is not what this is about!!
Point 3 we initially had financial strangle on us that i felt was both to our mutual understanding, obvisouly not, im an absolute extrovert, she knew this about me and loved this about me,she also has this in her nature,but i firmly go to work n go home to spend time with the family, my time with the guys is playing on a footy weekend, which i have cancelled on a numerous occassion to hang with family,,, my flexibility has never been an issue... she also loves my relationship with kids which never changed, she will always tell you 1 thing, i am a good father and a hands on dad as she is a good mum,,, our problems was never us a a couple,,, its the external factors which are crippling and undermining us.
by the by,,,, I'm a very good cook and do cook for her, and my saturday is typically a house cleaning blitz by me,, especially sat mornings,,, this is neither here nor there, my point is i am not shy to be soppy if i feel happy!

silly me, maybe!! but we both deserve happiness even if its apart!!

I will say one fair thing, women(maybe her) prefer to see what they want to see rather than appreciate the personalised effort!

kai, una don turn me to agony uncle!!

well wiv all these!the point is *u guyz need to stay far 4rm d reach of external factors

OMG! The importance of the word 'I'm sorry' I tell it to you can heal a wound. Buh if one party happens to be responsible all the time saying sorry for he/she dint do rung at or what he/she finks the actually real sense of the meaning is lost.

In my relationship I've learnt to say sorry just to keep it going, not because I'm rung or so buh the fact that we've come dis far and a little mistake dares not part us.#MyLife

Nways, @op she wud learn in d hard way and dis I say she wud come back to ha senses and say sorry at the due time

True NaijaBwoy: Na wa o

I always thought people who divorce must have been lazy in their marriage to keep things together.... but the sad fact is i am now going through a divorce. Its even more painfull to realise the key reason for me parting ways with the woman i still love is simply because she wont address the error of her ways.

Ironically, if she had said, "my husband, i am sorry please fogive me and lets patch things up (even for the sake of the kids)". I would with out doubt reconsider. it would help restore my confidence in her and my marriage.

The harsh reality is without these words, I would continously battle with her in respect of who wears the pants in our marriage. it truly doesnt help that her tenacity is supproted by her family. This truly chops my legs of me manhood and dignity... My marriage is currently the spin off from Eastenders... the family affairs is out there...

Im guessing you want to know what she should be sorry about it will pop out when i get enough feedback from the women out there.

9yrs knowing her, 5yrs married, 2kids later and a divorce............ Ladies, Learn these words, it goes a long way to retaining your marriage " my husband i am sorry"

@ OP,I believe ur wife has nt always been like dis.d problem is ur wife has been listening to bad advice.there r so many pple out there looking for marriages to destroy whilst their home is in peace.I once told my hubby I dnt wnt to go to a family friend's house again cos of d things d woman always tell me to do,but some women will foolishly heed d advice nd destroy their homes.I pray she realise herself in good time.Goodluck.

Sapphire86: Abeggi make I hear word with ur pathetic title. How does it apply 2 women? Shdnt it ve bn 'why can't she say I'm sorry?'

Were you told that pride is only found in women? Dt let me 4get abt ur heartbreak and lash u properly.

Or u don't think that maybe she feels you are d 1 2 apologise 2 her as well?
Dey dere and allow pride turn u 2 a divorcee!

Nonsense! U wld rather wait 4 I'm sorry than fight 4 ur marriage @ least 4 ur kids sake. Hisssssssss

O God u should understand that the reason I divorced my wife is because she couldn't say just "sorry".
Hahahahahaha.
Sir, I'm not saying she is right.
You're just giving "sorry" too much power.
What are you going to do to your Children if they don't say sorry? She is your wife not your girl friend.
Pls............................................... don't divorce her. Tell her what u are expecting from her(She may not even know u really need a "sorry". Even if its infidelity, take your time to make that decision.if you're a Christian, try and be a practicing Christian.

Only a women wrapper would say such nonsense so u were born through the anus

CAMEROONPRIDE: Don't mind them, women are the worst thing that happened to mankind, i curse the day God almost killed us to create una.Tufiakwa

@OP ...you still love your wife and she definitely loves you. She may be shy to blurt out that word to someone she loves dearly, don't use the absence of such words jeopardize your Heavenly blessed marriage.

Do not divorce her today only to find out she had a 'my dear husband, I'm sorry forgive me' love note tucked somewhere in the closet where she feel you will shockingly find it someday. Your thoughts and anger may be blinding your way to reaching that note. By the time you do, a thousand 'Had I know' may never bring back that sparkle you saw in her 5 years before marriage and more years after.

Ignore her errors if it can be ignored, help her be a better wife you want her to be. A clay pot is molded gently not in anger or aggressively.

D bottomline here is dat "marriage is 2 b enjoyed & not endured". Its all abt respect & value 4 each oda from each oda's perspective & not from d perspective of others! My take on dis is : Each should make sure dat dey will not allow d kids 2 lack any luv. Both parties might know each oda's worth wen dey give each oda space 4 awhile!

D bottomline here is dat "marriage is 2 b enjoyed & not endured". Its all abt respect & value 4 each oda from each oda's perspective & not from d perspective of others! My take on dis is : Each should make sure dat dey will not allow d kids 2 lack any luv. Both parties might know each oda's worth wen dey give each oda space 4 awhile![/color]

biafranqueen: Only a women wrapper would say such nonsense so u were born through the anus

Only a men wrapper can recognize a women wrapper.

Daresh:

Ol boy I'm married. Proudly 5 years and 2 kids. My issues and your issue are diff. From my experience men are the ones who dont apologize. Do you see me going around to announce it? Men want a perfect wife, what have u done to deserve. Talking about how women change when d ring is on their finger. You did you not change? Do u to her out on dates like you used to? Do u buy her those gifts you used to buy? Or do you leave her at home with kids to do nothing but vex all day, cooking and cleaning. Do u buy her flowers? Or do u go and hang out with the guys after work and come home at 10pm? You changed and you don't want her to. Silly you

hahahahahahaha.no be only flower. Money wey we go take chop, I go use am buy flower for my wife.NawaOo.
Don't expect things to be the way they were.things hv got to change.were u guys living 2gether b4? Did u know abt how much He makes b4 u got married, his properties(WIFE:Honey u knw I'm your wife now, I'm supposed to know all these things).He used to eat outside wit or without u b4 u got married, should he not change? He spends sso much on drinks, shld that continue?He always used protection b4 shou he continue?



I'm not entirely diposing everything u said. They are Good I'll do thOse 4 my wife. God help me

Daresh:

Ol boy I'm married. Proudly 5 years and 2 kids. My issues and your issue are diff. From my experience men are the ones who dont apologize. Do you see me going around to announce it? Men want a perfect wife, what have u done to deserve. Talking about how women change when d ring is on their finger. You did you not change? Do u to her out on dates like you used to? Do u buy her those gifts you used to buy? Or do you leave her at home with kids to do nothing but vex all day, cooking and cleaning. Do u buy her flowers? Or do u go and hang out with the guys after work and come home at 10pm? You changed and you don't want her to. Silly you

hahahahahahaha.no be only flower. Money wey we go take chop, I go use am buy flower for my wife.NawaOo.
Don't expect things to be the way they were.things hv got to change.were u guys living 2gether b4? Did u know abt how much He makes b4 u got married, his properties(WIFE:Honey u knw I'm your wife now, I'm supposed to know all these things).He used to eat outside wit or without u b4 u got married, should he not change? He spends sso much on drinks, shld that continue?He always used protection b4 shou he continue?



I'm not entirely diposing everything u said. They are Good I'll do thOse 4 my wife. God help me

Confusion:
I heard this from a friend that a man usually come home from work b4 his wife
And everytime he comes back he would clean the house n the dishes, then a particular day the wife came home early and left everything the way they are, when the husband came back and saw the house n dishes still dirty, he said to the wife " honey you didn't clean the kitchen. The wife turned and told the husband that "I thought cleaning the house n d dishes is your job. I was told that that was the last time the husband went into the kitchen or cleaned the house, he said sometimes women tend to take men for granted when they are too nice

now that's gonna make me get a divorce

Daresh:

Oga abet don't project your issues with you wife to all women. How do you know ALL women don't say they are sorry? Abeg piss off and go and settle with your wife jor!

Look how this yeye ignuramus dey address another woman husband
And peoples Father!!!!!!
Na babes like u dey scatter ppl marriage! Ewu Congo

Divorce is not an option you have to have a storm before rainbow this is a test of your marriage do not fail and ruin your life and the children's future. If in anyway her family helps you with $ cut it off and struggle with your family alone. The grass is dead on the otherside stay where u r bros

Daresh:

Ol boy I'm married. Proudly 5 years and 2 kids. My issues and your issue are diff. From my experience men are the ones who dont apologize. Do you see me going around to announce it? Men want a perfect wife, what have u done to deserve. Talking about how women change when d ring is on their finger. You did you not change? Do u to her out on dates like you used to? Do u buy her those gifts you used to buy? Or do you leave her at home with kids to do nothing but vex all day, cooking and cleaning. Do u buy her flowers? Or do u go and hang out with the guys after work and come home at 10pm? You changed and you don't want her to. Silly you

I'm sure this one dey slap her husband

Divorce is many times used as a tool to hurt the other person or to pay them back for their wrongs. However it is a very magnified approach of revenge which I feel often times is not necessary. Marriage is about give and take. You cannot have it all. You have to be willing to sacrifice. I wonder what your wife has done that you can't forgive her. You sound like you are so much in control but believe me, the end product is not juicy, for you, your wife and your 2 children.

I am writing this before reading through the 4 pages. I will likely comment again afterwards.

Reference: It is better to walk away from the issue than the marraige. You have been offered an opportunity to develop emotional strengths by divine providence that will be useful to you beyond marraige.

I suggest you close the chapter and reboot your relationship.

Wallking away from the issue leaves an unresolved problem that slowly eats away into both your essences... its no different to sleepin and waking to the same problem (which is an absolute no!no!!).. its a time bomb that will explode - Bros, this is purely from experience!

You are probably not different from the woman in Question,If women are sensitive and weaker sex does that take the place of the respect and submission your husband deserve from you,how on earth would a man take decisions that will affect the kids he gave birth to in the first case?,this being your reason to go against your husband instruction. You could probably make a bad,stubborn and an Unruly house wife if you get married;The roles of men are just to pay attention to details Clap 4 your self.

Princess zoe: The issue is, a woman can go against her husband instruction if it is going to affect her and the children. The women are the weaker sex, they are vfery sensitive. Husbands are meant to pay attention to details and listen to their wives complain. Now biblically, divorce is only granted when one of the partner has committed adultery if not, Mr. Man you must not remarry for the sake of your salvation.

You are probably not different from the woman in Question,If women are sensitive and weaker sex does that take the place of the respect and submission your husband deserve from you,how on earth would a man take decisions that will affect the kids he gave birth to in the first case?,this being your reason to go against your husband instruction. You could probably make a bad,stubborn and an Unruly house wife if you get married;The roles of men are just to pay attention to details Clap 4 your self.

Princess zoe: The issue is, a woman can go against her husband instruction if it is going to affect her and the children. The women are the weaker sex, they are very sensitive. Husbands are meant to pay attention to details and listen to their wives complain. Now biblically, divorce is only granted when one of the partner has committed adultery if not, Mr. Man you must not remarry for the sake of your salvation.

Toks2008: Honestly some women have ego problem.

My wife is also separated from me right now staying with her sis for about 3 months now. Wetin be the issue? Incompatibility. Yet we have been together for 11 years, 6 years of marriage.

All i believe is that at one point or the other, marriage becomes so frustrating for no justifiable reason and there comes a moment of madness for either parties and when this moment comes, only patience can build things. My guy, whether she says sorry or not, forget divorce because GOD hates divorce and he states that emphatically in Malachi 2:16 "I hate divorce, says the LORD God of Israel"

So whether she says sorry or not, for the sake of GOD and your happiness, forgive and forget.I know when my wife eventually comes back, she will never say she is sorry yet im willing to forgive her.

The apology alone is simply not the easy recourse,,,, theres a lot of patching up to be done....2 of us have to dance the dance... the remorse is a start without it you dont have a team player!

I have always hated the idea of a divorce and shuddered when i made it known it was to be my recourse... but my actions have always offered the oppurtunity for her to realise i will forgive but i need to be recognised as the man of the house.... The Lord also confirmed a woman should recognise the man and he will show her respect!

Lifes lil mysteries

You are probably not different from the woman in Question,If women are sensitive and weaker sex does that take the place of the respect and submission your husband deserve from you,how on earth would a man take decisions that will affect the kids he gave birth to in the first case?,this being your reason to go against your husband instruction. You could probably make a bad,stubborn and an Unruly house wife if you get married;The roles of men are just to pay attention to details Clap 4 your self.

Princess zoe: The issue is, a woman can go against her husband instruction if it is going to affect her and the children. The women are the weaker sex, they are very sensitive. Husbands are meant to pay attention to details and listen to their wives complain. Now biblically, divorce is only granted when one of the partner has committed adultery if not, Mr. Man you must not remarry for the sake of your salvation.

coolzeal: Be man enough and apologise no matter who is right or wrong besides she is your wife for damn sake. Don't allow pride to ruin your marriage you will regret it later on

i have done this,,,, she wont appreciate her own errors... this is important for us to continue!

I tink some people dn't get d op,simply dat it's hightime d op got a sorry 4rm his wife...come 2 tink of it,why wld anyman want 2 divorce his wife jst bcus he needs a sorry 4rm her??(If nt dat it has turned 2 anoda tin lik d wife nt giving him his due respects anymore)it means,d man has bin saying it 4 a long time even wen he was right,(maybe jst 2 safe d marriage)and naw d man wants 2 correct his wife like..honey wen u are wrong u should say am sorry..and d wife is lik..noo u are spsd 2 be saying dis al d time...maybe it's how d man brot his wife up(naw she wan spoil)or maybe d wife is financially ok dan d husband,or maybe d wife's parents have much 2 say in d husband's life..any whichways,I tink wat d op wants naw is some respect 4rm his wife nt only her saying"am sorry"....my opi

churific: What a pathetic and silly write-up. "Till death do you part" and you're here bickering about "I'm sorry" as your marriage ultimatum.

This is obviously a cooked up story. No one sane enough would end a marriage that involves kids and 2 grown adults because someone didn't say "I'm sorry."

Even if she unforgivably slept with your whole village, her saying "I'm sorry" won't change a thing so NICE TRY!

Then beggers the question, if it important for me,,,, why cant she say it? (It may not change a thing but you should understand by her not saying it its a painful dose of a reality check for her)

alutacontinua: Dt ur write-up sounds like you're writing an article, it doesn't really sound like you have a story that touched you.

I think you just want to have a 10-paged thread on nairaland...
*just my thoughts*

Didnt want to contribute but i had to when i saw this. Woman, not everybody got poor writing skill like you. Its not his fault that he can write well. Mind your business if you got no meaningful contribution.

Carsonv:
First of, I know the information you've given here is quite incomplete and its 'your side of the story'...would be different from 'her side of the story'. But I'll still comment byour side of the story.
I think your proud and selfish!(Sorry for d bluntness)
It takes two to tango. All you've been saying here is how you've tried to make her do what you want her do and then getting angry cos she obviously has her own life as well. Have you ever talked to her(I mean TALK not scold, shout or intimidate) concerning whatever you feel she doesn't do right? I dnt support her bringing her extended family into HER FAMILY. But your pride hasn't allowed you dialogue rather you've been authoritarian.

You're selfish because you're only looking out for yourself? Have you considered the effect the divorce will have on her, your kids, your n her extended family? I guess not. But you now want to leave because she doesn't do what you say. Well, Mister, she's your wife not your housegirl!

People should seriously learn how to communicate in marriage. When things are good know how to enjoy communication in such moment. If things go bad, know how to communicate! If you're marriage is going down, you're equally culpable.

So swallow your shitty pride, and the overbloated male chauvinist attitude and go talk to your wife. And save those kids the life of asking, "WHY?"

Mmmmmh! I can be selfish but not inconsiderate, I am selfish with my family and rather keep our shit to ourselves,,, so judging by what your saying i am selfish to ask for humility from my wife?

I'll agree with you on one thing.... communication is a big ass issue... Im a 3 dimmensional thinker and with due respect to her she can be 1 dimensional.. this causes major issues when trying to talk.... p/s i m absolutely horrible communicating with people who believe shouting yelling screaming is the way to talk to people! your on your own (my 2nd flaw)

Coldfeet: @ Op if all the women or just me here on nairaland should apologise on behalf of your wife! Would you go home tonight and do these things to try and save your marriage?
1 If she's in the kitchen hug her from behind!
2 If she's sitting down watching the tv stand in front of it with your arms stretched out!
3 If she's having dinner take a spoon and eat out of her plate!
4 If she's in the shower join her with your cloths on!
5 If she's already in bed pull up a chair and sit in front of her till she wakes!
6 Say this words to her...
Sweethrt I am hurting! I may not mean much to you anymore but you mean the world to me! Your family may be more important to you than I am but you see you are most important to me! Our marriage is falling apart and so am I! I love you and I want u by my side till the end!!!! If the divorce papers are close by please tear it up! Give her a light kiss on the forehead and leave her presence! IF YOU ARE THE HEAD OF YOUR HOME ITS TIME TO ACT LIKE IT!!!

If your wife is not a jezebel and your problems are not your undoing! you will get the AM SORRY! You seek!

This is a happily married woman saying am sorry on behalf of your wife! Best of luck!

@OP Am joining Coldfeet to tell you 'AM VERY SORRY' on behalf of that beautiful woman you loved,loves and will continue to love. Please discontinue any divorce proceedings.

@OP... First of all, you did not give out your story straight. You made people guessing through different angles. You might not get the right feedback or responds. Secondly, you said you did not come for advice but that you had already made up your mind. My advice/comment will be hold on for a while.
Let me start by saying that you might not be the first with this issue. I think they all did not separate because of the issue. There is no marriage with out issues. Even though no marriage is same. Am not going to sweet talk you into keeping your marriage but i will just share somethings with you and the rest is yours. There are different types of women out there and they change par situations.
Let me give a little bit of my self. Been married for 13yrs. I will say I married the best woman on earth. I thought I understood her. It started first with my family. I will agree their reception of my wife was not the best. I stayed on the side of my wife giving her all the assurance. over time, she developed this idea that she is hated and even added me to it. It became difficult agreeing on anything even as simple as putting on the fan or not. I was shocked. I tried to douse the tension to no avail. even when we agree to hold on babies, she decided to have it without further discussion. My kind of job that kept me out of home most of the time did not help matters. I even started to think why did I marry this woman. There was a time i even left the home.
We sat down and stated real communication.I realize we were just talking without communicating like somebody said. Start talking without blame, acting and showing her that I don't hate her. I realize that what she needed was double re-assurance. I made her know that we are partners and we need to share our thoughts, fears, doubts, and strength. We need to respect our weakness and don't use them as weapons against one another. Showing of all kind of love without real in-depth talking and sharing the moment does not hold much water for most women
I don't know the level of real communication with your wife. It is a very vital tool. please use it. You need to get somebody to get her family off her so she can concentrate on her marriage. They've had their time. They should leave you both to put the pieces together once again. see if you can get somebody elderly to talk to her parents. Unless they do not want the marriage to work and they do not care about their grand children.
I wish you good luck bro.