alutacontinua: Dt ur write-up sounds like you're writing an article, it doesn't really sound like you have a story that touched you.

I think you just want to have a 10-paged thread on nairaland...
*just my thoughts*

You have nailed it jare.

Dagbalamu poster.

ebyjoyken: never I have my own family with my husband, my parents and siblings are secoundary. May be your wife is tired of the marriage that's why she doesn't want to apologise.

You are more than likely correct. Why would a woman who still wants her marriage not apologise when her husband has made it clear the action will save the marriage? If you truly loved someone you'd hold on to them at all cost as long as there's the faintest of hope(which the OP in this case has more than expressed by apologising even when he's right). The man's wife aint feeling him nomore jare. No woman wants a divorce but then living with someone you've lost feelings and respect for is even more hellish. How do I know? I've been in this situation more than once. Never ever allow a woman to dictate the direction of your realtionship it never works. Women are like shadows the more you cling the more they flee and vice versa.

It is better to walk away from the issue than the marraige. You have been offered an opportunity to develop emotional strengths by divine providence that will be useful to you beyond marraige.

I suggest you close the chapter and reboot your relationship.

Honestly some women have ego problem.

My wife is also separated from me right now staying with her sis for about 3 months now. Wetin be the issue? Incompatibility. Yet we have been together for 11 years, 6 years of marriage.

All i believe is that at one point or the other, marriage becomes so frustrating for no justifiable reason and there comes a moment of madness for either parties and when this moment comes, only patience can build things. My guy, whether she says sorry or not, forget divorce because GOD hates divorce and he states that emphatically in Malachi 2:16 "I hate divorce, says the LORD God of Israel"

So whether she says sorry or not, for the sake of GOD and your happiness, forgive and forget.I know when my wife eventually comes back, she will never say she is sorry yet im willing to forgive her.

OP, stop writing GRAMMERS and tell us the whole story. You post half-baked story and expect people to sympathize with you.

What a pathetic and silly write-up. "Till death do you part" and you're here bickering about "I'm sorry" as your marriage ultimatum.

This is obviously a cooked up story. No one sane enough would end a marriage that involves kids and 2 grown adults because someone didn't say "I'm sorry."

Even if she unforgivably slept with your whole village, her saying "I'm sorry" won't change a thing so NICE TRY!

Be man enough and apologise no matter who is right or wrong besides she is your wife for damn sake. Don't allow pride to ruin your marriage you will regret it later on

CAMEROONPRIDE: Don't mind them, women are the worst thing that happened to mankind, i curse the day God almost killed us to create una.Tufiakwa

so sorry for ur wife

if she'd rather go through with the divorce than own up to her faults and work things out, let her go please; she's no keeper.

If you really need 2 save ur family from divorce simply because ur wife is nt saying ur Aplology Language. I'll advice u 2 get Gary Chapman & Jennifer Thomas book [The five Apology Language].
Albeit, ur own apology language are 'expressing regret and accepting responsibility'. You shld confront her as it was clearly laid out by Jesus (Lk: 17:3-4 & Matt. 18:15-16) Or take d initiative to apologise to her if u really want to get over it n if u want peace in ur marriage.
Lastly, i'll advice u 2 shld go 4 counselling.

been there...bite the bullet and move on...if its meant to be it will be. just make money and take care of the kids..there s someone out there for you....

carr96: ...

If you've failed in ur marriage, you've failed in EVERYTHING!

Na who tell you this one? Well I think marriage is meant to be for life but then you should live to marry not the other way round. This life is once, my dear if you are not happy with it and you feel frustrated please why won't one take a walk and free him/her self and the partner. One thing in life is when people are frustrated or sad they tend to make everyone around them feel same. I for one have said and will continue to say marriage is not a do or die affair.

When one is not in a particular situation, it's easy to say anything. It's really energy sapping to live with someone who would not own up to his faults and apologise.

My advise is for you is to pray harder. What God would not do for you, no man can.

He who will lead must serve.

what about you doing what you ask of her.

__________________________

I am in a similar situation as your wife and my man is expecting me to beg....but I will not. He has known me since I was 15 and knows I will not beg.
He says I am arrogant and I feel he wants to put me down, you see we have been together since our teenage years and the respect I used to give him then will not do now becos he is doing well ( I m doing very well and been making solid money way before him) but now he finds girls who bow for him and to show I love him I must bow too.
It hurts because when you have loved someone for 17 years (since JSS 3 secondary) and they suddenly think love equals worship.


OP pull your wife closer and simply be grateful she married you, gave you 2 beautiful kids, loved you for so long, cooked for you n the kids, held you during the good times, tried to make it work cos if you donot the chnace another man will raise your kids is high. She is also hurting....be the big one and hold your family together.

And everybody is falling for dis fake story. Very difficult for him to be explicit on his wife offence. I guess u just want traffic on dis thread.

True NaijaBwoy: Point 1 i do apologise, im not afraid to be sentimental!
Point 2 Women changing after the ring goes on, thats another issue! It a default land mine... this is not what this is about!!
Point 3 we initially had financial strangle on us that i felt was both to our mutual understanding, obvisouly not, im an absolute extrovert, she knew this about me and loved this about me,she also has this in her nature,but i firmly go to work n go home to spend time with the family, my time with the guys is playing on a footy weekend, which i have cancelled on a numerous occassion to hang with family,,, my flexibility has never been an issue... she also loves my relationship with kids which never changed, she will always tell you 1 thing, i am a good father and a hands on dad as she is a good mum,,, our problems was never us a a couple,,, its the external factors which are crippling and undermining us.
by the by,,,, I'm a very good cook and do cook for her, and my saturday is typically a house cleaning blitz by me,, especially sat mornings,,, this is neither here nor there, my point is i am not shy to be soppy if i feel happy!

silly me, maybe!! but we both deserve happiness even if its apart!!

I will say one fair thing, women(maybe her) prefer to see what they want to see rather than appreciate the personalised effort!

kai, una don turn me to agony uncle!!

I heard this from a friend that a man usually come home from work b4 his wife
And everytime he comes back he would clean the house n the dishes, then a particular day the wife came home early and left everything the way they are, when the husband came back and saw the house n dishes still dirty, he said to the wife " honey you didn't clean the kitchen. The wife turned and told the husband that "I thought cleaning the house n d dishes is your job. I was told that that was the last time the husband went into the kitchen or cleaned the house, he said sometimes women tend to take men for granted when they are too nice

I see you're posting this just to attract comments... How can you stupidly post a topic without the content... And then you end up closing it with bullshit.. Absolute balderdash!!

Well whatever the crux of the issue is,divorce is never the best option but a sensible option as opposed to resorting to domestic violence which may even lead to death of either one of the parties

@OP:
Now that you have clarified the topic title to reflect that it is YOUR wife (or at least not all women) that are allergic to saying "I'm sorry", let me also advise you to be explicit in your post.

You cannot drop hints and clues across seven or eight different posts and expect people to be objective or to understand your plight truly and completely.

You either narrate/summarise the entire story including how her family have interfered, or you invite her to nairaland to come and give her side of the story.

You are probably here because you either want advise, sympathy or a shoulder to cry on. Maybe even a combination of all three. Either way be specific about the kind of interference from her family and instances when she refused to apologise. Without these, how will you get advise? And if its sympathy you want, okay: eyyaah! And if its a shoulder to cry on that you need, then go and get it from your wife...oh, I forgot - she is estranged.... but you wont tell us exactly why. Hmmmm.

Be sincere and tell us the koko of the matter. Otherwise I see no point in your post. Are you hiding something or are you looking for validation of your impending decision to divorce your wife?

And YES I AM MARRIED... for much longer than you and with kids so dont even start that "wait till you marry" crap with me.

PS: The above is a test of your sincerity, maturity and sense of humour.

@ op swallow ur stupid pride nd save ur marriage except there is an option outthere you are eyeing. Say the sorry nd understand ur woman shikena.

Ladies pls be careful of this gender equality cos u will be blamed at the end. Respct ur husband and alwys be endour wit him for the sake of ur marriage and kids. Am not say men should not patience wit his wife also. But have d roles to play in their mariage for d sake of ur kids.
Women can u marry a single man after 2 isues?
Dont let negative stifilatasion decive u. You can never be equal to men in gender.
Even it is in both Quran and Bible that men are above women in all class.

Grown Man Logic:
When husband & wife stop communicating, it gives the devil sufficient time & uncontested opportunity to communicate with both of them. Satan loves it when spouse don’t talk. He uses that time to sow mistrust, suspicion, lies & other divisive seeds in the minds of both spouses.
Don’t give the Devil a foothold in your marriage; never stop communicating with your spouse regardless of how disappointed you are. It is for this reason that the Bible warns “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
Ephesians 4:26. The silent treatment is the loudest invitation for the Devil’s interference in your marriage. If you can’t agree on something, agree to disagree, change the subject & keep on talking.

@True Naijabwoy...I feel u bro. U r a nice guy and fun loving guy who don't mind stooping low to ensure everyone is happy. But that is also ur weakness. Women have a unique character of taking advantage of a "nice guy".
When u're too nice, they'll disrespect u...trust me.

Learn how to add tactical arrogance to ur relationship to keep her on her toes.

True NaijaBwoy: Na wa o

I always thought people who divorce must have been lazy in their marriage to keep things together.... but the sad fact is i am now going through a divorce. Its even more painfull to realise the key reason for me parting ways with the woman i still love is simply because she wont address the error of her ways.

Ironically, if she had said, "my husband, i am sorry please fogive me and lets patch things up (even for the sake of the kids)". I would with out doubt reconsider. it would help restore my confidence in her and my marriage.

The harsh reality is without these words, I would continously battle with her in respect of who wears the pants in our marriage. it truly doesnt help that her tenacity is supproted by her family. This truly chops my legs of me manhood and dignity... My marriage is currently the spin off from Eastenders... the family affairs is out there...

Im guessing you want to know what she should be sorry about it will pop out when i get enough feedback from the women out there.

9yrs knowing her, 5yrs married, 2kids later and a divorce............ Ladies, Learn these words, it goes a long way to retaining your marriage " my husband i am sorry"

Excuse the hell out of me! Like seriously? Why generalise?have u checked urself properly? Are u sure you are not the reason for your wife's change? Her family must have a reason for backing her. Bros abeg,come out and tell us the real story, as for me,I don't believe in enduring an unhappy marriage because of the kids,you kno why?,the gloom,frustration,depression will definitely affect the kids.

u are bringing ur personal issues to the public.u must be a joker

These people keep talking English here, making person read too long.

#Too much reading from the computer don dey affect person eye.

Poster abeg tell us wetin she do, abi she go "chop" that thing from outside ni? Its really a pity that this 5 letter word (sorry) is the key to keeping or breaking a marriage even when there are kids involved. Mehn, i feel for the kids. For the kids, I could say the "sorry" but i guess its not that simple. Im sure its not just about saying the "im sorry" rather meaning it when its said.

Poster, possibly take a break from the marriage, reconsider your stand. Divorce is always the last resort. You know, based on the heading for this thread, it would really be funny to learn that, you divorced her because she didnt say "sorry". Sorry for which offence(s). Im sure there is more to this than we have read.

But wait o, you knew her for 9 years, didn't you notice she had some attitude problems? I'm not sure what to say here. For me, I usually don't apologise first especially if I'm not wrong but when a fight starts to get too far I forget who's at fault and apolOgise for peace sake.
If you say you've apologised profusely then maybe you should let her go ahead with whatever she wants. She obviously has issues and with her family spurring her on she's very confident.
My fathers words when I was getting married was that they would never interfere in my family issues and I shouldn't think I have a house I can run back to anytime I have any issues. I blame the family also for interferring and even causing more problems. They are the ones giving her liver.

No man deserv sorry!

@Poster,

I feel your pain and effort you have made to make your marriage work. However, the success of your marriage and keeping the marriage rock solid is in your hands not your wife's; agreed you're the head of your family but your wife is the neck and the head cannot stand without the neck. Poster, you need to be more matured and save your marriage from collapsing, if your wife refuse to say sorry for whatever she might have done, go ahead and say sorry to her, you need to stoop sometimes to win for the sake of your kids and their future.

As regards family intrusions, you guys allowed it from the inception because you as the head failed to address during your courtship and immediately after your marriage. In Africa settings, Families will want to know how their sons and daughters are fairing especially when they are newly married, no harm in that though, but you need to define the limit of their inquisitions and know how to keep a sealed lips to certain information, you guys failed in this regard and the reason your marriage is having problem.

@Poster, you need to take time out with your spouse, go to a secluded area with your kids, have heart to heart talk about your marriage, define the limits for family intrusion and information, let your children see and feel the family bound.

This I believe would rekindle the love between you and your spouse. Please don't make separation/divorce a final option to resolve issues and challenges in your marriage

A real relationship must have simple fights,
trust, faith, tears, and genuine laughter.
Jealous, Communication, patience, weird/
stupid unnecessary arguments; no hiding
secrets, true love and most importantly there
must be forgiveness on both sides.
No one is perfect on earth, we all make
mistakes in our relationships but the best
solution is to accept your mistakes and say
SORRY to your loved one. It’s a small word
but it means a lot. Many of us find it so hard
to say it out yet it costs nothing, but it only
eases the tension between lovers. Say it from
deep inside your heart. Don’t fake it please
but just mean it always. And if he/she is the
one in wrong never get tired of forgiving
him/her depending on what they have done.
If you get to think of moving on because
you’re pissed, my dear think of where you’re
going, the time you will take to find & fit in a
new relationship, The imperfectness you will
find with that new lover might be
incomparable to the one you dumped, then
you will start regretting and wishing you
never dumped her/him.
Think about it my dear friends having it in
minds that WE HAVE GOT NO ANGELS ON
EARTH. We’re the ones to transform our
Boyfriends/Girlfriends to be like angels
So be proud of the one you have got and
fight all the challenges that are trying to tear
you apart. Right now you may be seeing your
guy/girl as a fake person but some dude/girl
is somewhere seeing him as a handsome
king/beautiful queen.
They’re wishing and praying you fall apart for
them to replace you.

@ Op if all the women or just me here on nairaland should apologise on behalf of your wife! Would you go home tonight and do these things to try and save your marriage?
1 If she's in the kitchen hug her from behind!
2 If she's sitting down watching the tv stand in front of it with your arms stretched out!
3 If she's having dinner take a spoon and eat out of her plate!
4 If she's in the shower join her with your cloths on!
5 If she's already in bed pull up a chair and sit in front of her till she wakes!
6 Say this words to her...
Sweethrt I am hurting! I may not mean much to you anymore but you mean the world to me! Your family may be more important to you than I am but you see you are most important to me! Our marriage is falling apart and so am I! I love you and I want u by my side till the end!!!! If the divorce papers are close by please tear it up! Give her a light kiss on the forehead and leave her presence! IF YOU ARE THE HEAD OF YOUR HOME ITS TIME TO ACT LIKE IT!!!

If your wife is not a jezebel and your problems are not your undoing! you will get the AM SORRY! You seek!

This is a happily married woman saying am sorry on behalf of your wife! Best of luck!