Hello world!
I have a novel am writing and about to round up. I will be sending it to my editor soon but I have a FEW PIECES to share with you guys but it is going to be from the middle of the story. Until i have it edited will post all. I first want to see your interest in it. If it gets your attention or not. I like criticism. I need your it to continue with this story.
The story has a time period set a 100yrs ago, now and the future. It has african settings in a modernized way. It's pure fiction and it has two protagonists. It's about a woman who could'nt grow old nor die. She has strange powers which she never used to harm anyone but her loved ones passed on yet she was still alive. She has a great grand child, who has powers also but she harmed people moderately with hers...The point is, they both don't like their powers. They want to be normal......Okay, here we go..........

* * *

There was a new kid in school. She always kept to herself and looked creepy. Her eyes were very wide and the white part as white as snow. Her pupil was grey and transparent. No one was able to look her in the eye.
She approached Rosie one day in school. Other students were surprised she talked to someone finally but they were not surprise it was Rosie she chose to talk to.
"Birds of a same feather," said one student. They shrugged and walked away.
"Hey Rosie," she greeted.
"Hey. How did you know my name?" Rosie asked.
"Roaster call" she replied.
"Okay". Rosie began to walk away.
"You don't want to talk to me?"
Rosie laughed cynically. "But I am," she paused and walked back to her again.
"What's your name?"
"Ra," she replied.
"Ra is your name? Just Ra?"
"Yes. Just Ra."
A look of confusion crossed Rosie's face.
"You have b...beautiful eyes,” Rosie said sarcastically and scared, "they are...".
"They are wide and large, I know." Ra Interrupted.
" Yes, they are and grey. Haven't seen such eyes in my entire life." Said Rosie curiously.
"Yeah I know. They are the way the are for a reason". Said Ra, matter- of-factly.
"I believe you. It is like you are looking right through my soul. Scariest thing I've ever seen."
"Hey. Am right here. Stop talking as if I wasn't here." Ra said.
" Sorry, I was carried away but why are you looking at me like that?"
"I know what you did to Mr. Garuba," said Ra with a convincing look on her face.
"What are you talking about?"
"He's now looking like a woman because of you. He wears bra now. I saw his bra strap and he doesn't come to school often anymore. Are you telling me you haven't noticed his once flat chest now full with breasts?" Asked Ra.
" I have but how is that my fault?"
"You are chasing away all the teachers sent to your class. They believe your class is cursed."
"What are you talking about? I have to leave now." Rosie got up swiftly and dusted her dress.
"I can see your heart. More than half of it is as black as night. Darkness is talking over your heart and you are letting it." Ra said.
" I haven't done anything bad to anyone. Where are all these coming from?" Rosie asked.
"You haven't, physically, but with your mind, you have committed atrocities."
Rosie took few steps back and ran into her class. She avoided Ra through out the day and the next week. She avoided glances with her in class. The following week, she bumped into Ra in school.
"You know you can't hide from me or ignore my presence forever. We are in the same school and class".
She pulled Rosie on the wrist and dragged her to the school backyard.
"Listen, you have to stop this madness," said Rosie.
"Look. Am trying to help you. You better listen to me. Stop wishing bad things on people because when you do, it happens. You won't tell me you don't know about this. It will be had to be pure in heart again once darkness has full control over it."
Rosie looked down to the ground.
"Ra, I don't know how I possessed this...this magical power. Sometimes it happens without my knowledge."
" Don't worry. Just learn to control it and you will have nothing to worry about again. We are all gifted in many ways. I'm gifted with the gift of sight. I see what people are made of. I see your inner-most secrets."
“Wow! No wonder your eyes are like this.” Said Rosie.
“Yes, that’s why. But no matter how people avoid eye contacts with me, I still see them for what they truly are and trust me girl, I’ve seen things unimaginable.” Said Ra.
“Okay. One more bad thing and am done.” Rosie said.
“And what might that be?”
“My dad's boss.” Replied Rosie

* * *
There was a gentle knock on Mr. Anderson’s office door.
“Come in,” he said.
“Mr. Anderson, there’s a little girl here to see you. She said she’s Mr. Pius’s daughter.” Said his secretary.
“What is his daughter doing here? Let her in.”
Rosie walked in with a charming smile on her face.
“Good morning Mr. Anderson. My name is Rosie, Rosie Pius.”
“I know, little girl. What can I do for you? What are you doing here? Is your mother dead?”
Rosie’s faced changed. She wondered what he was feeling like.
“Mr. Anderson, do you wish my mother dead?”
“No, kid. No.”
She looked at his baldhead and well shaven mustache, his potbelly that made him look like a seven-month-old pregnant woman. She looked at his clean, well-ironed suit made of the finest quality. She looked around his office, clean, sparkling and cozy.
“Well then, why did your fire my father?”
“Kid, you don’t know anything about how this earth evolves until you reach my stature you will know but for now, what I can tell is, go back home and take care of your sick and dyeing mother. She needs you now more than ever.”
“Wow! Good speech. I wish you said those to my dad when he told you about my mother’s health. When he asked for permission to leave. Those words would have made him stronger than he is now but what did you do? You fired him. I have observed that you talk carelessly a lot and I have also noticed you have two tiny lines across your face, could those be your lips? They are too tiny for the amount of words that comes out of them.”
“I can’t imagine a kid as insulting as you are. Your mother didn’t bring you up well. Now, leave my office before I throw you out myself.”
“No. You don’t have to throw me out because I am on my way out already Mr. Anderson. Good day.”
Rosie closed the door behind her and walked to the glass wall of Mr. Anderson’s office. She looked at him through there but he didn’t see her. He was talking to his wife on the phone telling her about Rosie. Few minutes into the conversation, his lips started swelling up. Under few seconds, his lips were eight times bigger than it was. He told his wife what was happening to his lips immediately. He noticed the more he talked the bigger his lips. Accomplished, Rosie walked away.
Two days later, Rosie was with her father in the living room and they heard in the news about Mr. Anderson’s lips but it was said to be cancer of the lips. Rosie who knew the truth smiled at herself.
The next day, Lucia’s health deteriorated, “Rosie, promise me you will not use your gift to hurt people. Promise me that no matter what people do to you, you won't harm them with what you possess.
Tears came running down her face. She thought about the promise she was about to make to her mother and made up her mind.
“I promise, mum. I promise.”

* * *
Ra and Rosie went in search of would relieve Rosie of her powers.

They got down the bus and stood on the tarred road. All the passengers in the bus watched them through the widows.
“And what might two little girls be looking for on a road like this in the middle of nowhere? Get back in. The next town is miles and miles away from here,” said the bus driver.
Ra smiled and looked at the passengers staring shockingly at them. The passengers were talking among themselves; contemplating what the girls wanted alone on the road that hardly had cars pass by. They joined the driver to persuade the girls.
“Don’t worry. We will be fine.” Ra said and held Rosie by the hand and the bus driver sped away leaving a thick, dark, choking carbon monoxide behind. They stood and watch as the bus went down the road and disappeared into the morning fog in front of them.
Rosie looked around them. The road was as clean as if someone had swept it that morning. The thick bushes on both sides of the road had healthy happy green leaves, well nourished by the loamy soil. There was no soul on the road.
“Come on. Our journey begins here.” Ra said and made way into the bushes.
“I know. History is about to repeat itself. My great-grand-mother took a journey like this many years ago and it did not end well.” Said Rosie.
“Well, you are not your great-grand-mother. Both of you are two different people with two different gifts and on two different journeys, seeking two different things.” Replied Ra.
“Remind me. How old are you again?” asked Rosie.
“Thirteen.” Said Ra.
“Believe me. You don’t sound like a thirteen year old girl.” Replied Rosie.
“Yes, I get that a lot. What did you expect from someone my kind?”
Passing all sorts of animals and deep into the dark forest, they walked. Their food was finishing. They came out of the forest into a wide-open desert of hills and mountains. It was like a different world. From a thick forest into a mountain dessert land both located in the same region, standing next to each other.
The journey was far, very Far East beyond the mountains of Harukruna basin. Two days and two nights, Ra and Rosie walked. On the third day, they reached the caves of the Harukruna. They saw all the caves except the seventh one.
“There’s a legend that the seventh cave laid hidden where the seven rivers meets and has never been seen again in over a hundred and seventy-six years since it was last seen by a hunter named Ekpenyong.” Ra said.
“Legend? I don’t believe in legends. If it actually happened, what makes you think we will see it now?” Rosie asked.
“Oh yeah? If you don’t believe in legends, what do you call what happened to your great grand mother? Back in her time, her story was real, later, it became history, now, it is a legend and soon it will become a myth and that’s it goes. Every myths and legends once happened, dear Rosie. ” Ra explained. “ Also, I know we will find the cave. It will not hide itself from us because we are not seeking it for a selfish reason. I heard white men used to go there for it’s precious gems but one day, they could not locate it anymore. It disappeared. So they said. But I know it is here.” Ra said.
Rosie could feel nothing or hear nothing at that moment, for her mind had wandered far off the forest back to her home. She saw her sick mother in her mind’s eyes, lying and coughing on her sick bed. She felt miserable. Her conscience was killing her. And then she thought again that she’s doing what’s best for her and everyone around.
“I feel really bad for my mum. I should have stayed back and help her,” she said.
“Rosie, please stop talking like that. Your mother will be proud you did this thing you about to do. This is all she ever wanted you to do. Even if she had known you were planning to come here, she would have given you her full support, your dad too,” said Ra.
“I know,” she replied.
Then, they stopped. A rambling sound of rushing water made them stop.
“Come over here, Ra.” Called on Rosie.
Ra ran to where she was standing. It was the edge of the mountain and water was running down from a tunnel-like gap from the mountain into a long river. There were six other running waters from other mountains into the same great river.
“The cave should be somewhere here, then.” Rosie said.
“When I tell you something, don’t doubt me.” Replied Ra. They laughed and did a few dance steps.
“Now bring out the OdinaEkong stone.” Ra said. Rosie searched her bag and brought it out. It was a piece of stone, a size of a bowl, wrapped in a piece of white cloth.
“Rosie, look at me. Like the abia told us, do not breathe while I read the stone. Hold your breath. Okay?”
“I’ve heard you loud and clear.” Replied Rosie nervously. As Ra opened the cloth and took out the stone, Rosie stopped her.
“Are you sure we should do this? It is not too late to turn back home, Ra.”
“Shut up and give me the chalk? All these are for your own good not mine.” Ra snapped.
“Okay.”
Ra wrote on the stone. She gave the chalk back to Rosie and held the stone high up above her head.
“Now, hold your breath, Rosie.”
Ra closed here eyes and opened it again swiftly looking at the stone fiercely. Beams of light came out of her eyes at the writings on the stone. The stone shone brightly.
In a shrill voice, Ra spoke. “Some say you a god. Some say you are ancient. Some say you are human. We know nothing. We are two little naïve girls born in a generation where mankind fails, corrupts and too carefree. We know nothing but we know you can help us. We call you whose name can only be written and called on OdinaEkong stone. We summon you, Odrii. Show us the way.”
A noise came from behind a hill beside them, they went to take look. There was another rock behind the first rock. It opened from the middle and a staircase from the edge of the leveled ground where they stood dropped down into the dip dark cave. Water was running down the steps like a little stream. They followed the stairs.
Once inside, the hill closed and the whole tunnel was dark.
“Where is the light powder? Here’s my hand. Put mine in my hand.” Ra stretched out her hand in the dark.
“Remember. Only your toes.” Ra reminded.
Rosie searched for Ra’s hand and placed it in. She rubbed hers on all her toes and her toes glowed and shone like torchlight. They could see where they step in but not far ahead.
On the walls of the cave were sparkling and glittering diamonds, packed in thousands.
“I can’t keep my eyes off of them, Ra. They are…they are beautiful.”
“Whatever you do, don’t touch them. I would try not to look if I were you.” Ra warned.
“Ra, they are calling my name, beckoning. Oh! What a beauty you all are. No wonder the white men couldn’t stop looking for you.” Rosie said as she took her had closer to them. Ra hit her on her hand and held her down the stairs.
At the foot of the stairs stood a man all white and gray.
“We have been waiting for you for quite a long time, my children. Follow me.” He said.
They could not say a word but quietly followed him. Sticking against each other like bread and butter. Deeper into the dark, they went. There was a long corridor that was almost very dark but the could see the human size stone statues of young women holding what looked like clay pots in their hands.
Rosie held Ra’s wrist firmly with all her strength. “What is it,” asked Ra.
“I think I just saw one of those statues moved,” she said.
“Statues don’t moved, Rosie.” Ra replied.
A statue next to Ra moved and Ra screamed in fear. They both jumped towards the other side of the wall which had other statues aligned just as the other side. When another statue moved its head from the side they both jumped to, they made another jump to the middle of the corridor and walked faster towards the old man that never looked back at them.
They noticed the corridor was becoming brighter and brighter. They stopped and looked back and saw the statues whispering to each other as the lit fire in each other’s clay pot.
“This has got to be a dream,” said Rosie in a frightening tone.
“No, it is not a dream. It is real as real can be. Welcome to my world. I see strange things like this everyday and I was not able to explain them to you.” Said Ra.
Then, the statues looked at them with their cold dead eyes, blinking and smiling, it made sounds like heavy stones dragged against each other. The girls walked away in fright and never looked back.
Far ahead they could see a light, a light that shone in the middle of the darkness. Closer and closer, they went.
Someone sat crossed-legged in the light. Dressed in white as the old man but smaller in stature. His face looking down at his feet and when he felt they were close enough, he looked up.
“Here they are, Odrii.” Said the old man, stepping away to Odrii’s side.
It’s a boy. Odrii is just a boy, a boy of ten perhaps. Rosie and Ra exchanged glances.
“Rule no#1: You should not talk until you are asked.” Said the old man to the girls.
Odrii stretched out his hand to his left side and the old man put a white chalk and stone in his palms. He started writing something. After he finished, he handed it to the old man. The old man handed it to Rosie. Rosie and Ra looked at it in shock.
“What does this mean?” Ra asked.
“Rule no#1?” asked the old man.
Ra kept quiet. They looked at Odrii again and he was looking at them. He was very young and fresh; his skin as brown as chocolate but his eyes was very old, older than the old man’s eyes.
“Those symbols are the Nsibidi, the ancient efik symbols. It is the key. You can leave now.”
Rosie raised her hand.
“Can I talk?
“Yes, you can now.” Replied the old man.
“We did not even tell you why we are here. How did you know already what we are seeking for?” Rosie asked.
Ra looked at her in anger and pinched her on her hand.
“Because odrii knows the people he was assigned to help. Now go. You have a long journey ahead of you and so many answers you have to find by yourself. The Nsibidi is just the key to the answers. Go.”
They looked at Odrii again and he was still looking at them without blinking an eye.
“Is there any other way we can take out of here?” Rosie asked the old man
“No. It is one way and one way out. Don’t fear. Go now.” He said.
They walked by the statues again and the statues all watched them as they walked by. When they reached the top, they looked back but the hill was not there anymore. They rested for a while before they began their journey home.
“Do you want to talk about this?” Asked Rosie.
“No!” Ra replied sharply. “Not here, not now”.
“Okay. Let’s go home and look for an interpreter.” Rosie said.




Again, please critique my work.....I will continue soon.

wow! interesting.

Good write up, but it sounds like a children's story. Anyway, more power to your elbow, but you need to make these three critical changes:
1. Your story is full of dialogues. It almost looked like a drama. Cut out the not-so-important dialogues or add some narratives inbetween.
2. Mind your tenses. Sometimes it goes from past tense to present tense, even in the same sentence.
3. I read the part where you said that Rossie does not believe in legends, yet she possesses some mysterious powers and she knows that they are not ordinary powers. Ensure that there is a logical agreement in your story. Aside that your story is a good one. Thumbs up!