!!

Touching....
Looks like its the season. Im practically in the same sh*** bro. Bt im letting mine go(which i dnt advice in your case)
Dont put any blame on yourself. If sure you guys are meant to be you will. Nlders gv dis guy sum words(infact both of us lol)

Sorry about your situation but really there is nothing you can do.
She made a decision not necessarily a good one but she is aan adult abd will bear the benefits or effects of her actions.
You can force her to love you, its sad and hard but you should grieve and move on.
There is a chance that it may not work out with the other guy and there is a chance that it would, but that is not your business.
Leaving a long term relationship is hard but sometimes very necessary.
You can't get her back if she doesn't want to be with you anymore, you will onnly earn disrespect to yourself.
So sorry

Only if its true
@op,as a guy in phd programme,I assume u r an adult.as an adult, give her gap.no matter hw u lv her, deliberately avoid her.
This will make her sit up,but if sittin up is against u,bro,move on. Such is life.she is an adult and she must hv known dat things like dis will happen despite d warning. Also,she is kind of manipulative if u know what I mean.maybe let me c his reaction, bla bla bla.I think that u hv bn showin her all along that ur life is incomplete w'out her and she is now toyin with ya emotion. Be a matured man and take a step,if she eventually comes around,re evaluate ur r/ship to c whether u can put up with such after marriage. Marriage does not change a person's xter.it bring it to d fore.thanks

kinisoo?:
Dear NLanders,

I'm just the regular NL guy who reads through threads and make comments once in a while. However, I need you to help me out constructively on this issue I'm facing. I'm engaged to a lovely girl, in final year at the university. I am currently on my PhD. There is this guy that stays in the same house where she stays and anytime I come visiting, I notice this cold reception from this guy. I told her that she should be careful with this guy and she allayed my fears, saying they are just friends. She would not say one sentence without mentioning this guy's name. Sometimes later, I noticed this closeness (I don't stay close to where they are) and I warned her again. This time, I was a bit harsh. I told her to ask her whatsupp with him and that why is he trying to be unnecessarily close, knowing well that we were both in a very serious relationship. She was offended (cos I was harsh and told me she had allayed my fears earlier and that there was nothing to it. Of recent, she noticed this strange behavior from him still and asked him what was happening to him with regards to her. He then told her that he loves her but could not tell her due to the fact that she was in a relationship. Unfortunately for me, my research work became intensified these lase few weeks and so we had not been seeing as usual as before. She was also preparing for exams which they have started and being her final year exams, I felt I should give her some room to read hard.


However, I noticed a strange gap but I felt she knew the right thing to do and that she could handle it well. Ever since I was harsh on her with this guy, she had been withdrawn and talks less of him to me. I apologized but she still did not tell me anything about the guy again as usual. Then, a male classmate of hers, who is my friend too talked to me that I should talk and that she's going through a FIX. I called my fiancée and asked her what's happening to her only to tell me that she has developed feelings for the guy and that she loves him. She said she did not know how she found herself at this point and then told me that she's in a fix as to whom to go for between both of us. For me, that was devastating. This is someone I've been with for over THREE years, her family knows mine and mine hers, we've practically become one. Everyone that sees us together always envies our relationship, even my friend and hers. I never ever saw my girl fall for another man while she's with me and we've not broken up. She told me that she woke up one morning and she could read, despite the fact that she had a paper that morning. She was just thinking about the guy. She told me that she had been thinking of him all week, even when he travelled and was not around. She felt his absence around her will help her out but it did not make a difference. The guy calls her 4-5times EVERYDAY and she confessed that they shared a KISS at a point! I was shattered.

I know that this was partly my fault that all this is happening. I love her very strongly and I know she still loves me too. I feel this is just a strong wind trying to pull us apart. She acknowledged that this is a strong force beyond her that she could not control and that I should help her out of this. I know she loves me from her heart, not with all we've passed though and the great times we've had together. All I want is my girl back in my arms. I want her to think only of me as her man and to get out of this FIX she has found herself. Please advice, this is no childsplay. I haven't slept since she told me all these.

How is it your fault

I don't get it, did you do anything to make her stop loving you. She suddenly started kissing and loving another guy and now it's your fault

There's not much you can do about it now . . just like the old saying "when you love a bird, you let it fly . . . ".

Maybe she wants someone more her age (I'm guess you are much older ). Just give her space to make up her mind. DO NOT pressurize her into coming back to you, it'll definitely backfire~

That's why men shouldn't always go for younger women they can control!

Ujujoan:

How is it your fault

I don't get it, did you do anything to make her stop loving you. She suddenly started kissing and loving another guy and now it's your fault

There's not much you can do about it now . . just like the old saying "when you love a bird, you let it fly . . . ".

Maybe she wants someone more her age (I'm guess you are much older ). Just give her space to make up her mind. DO NOT pressurize her into coming back to you, it'll definitely backfire~

That's why men shouldn't always go for younger women they can control!

Actually, it's just two years between us. SO it's not so much of an age-related matter

Prehaps you have small joy stick and this guy is better equiped!

The girl is being honest with you. Dont force yourself on her. Right now she is at a stage where she can fall for anyone for whatever reason. And you are at a stage where you need to concentrate. What will be will be, both of you are not in a place conducive for a relationship. Focus on school and let her focus on whatever is important to her right now. You will both be fine. Obviously, she needs attention. Constant attention which because of your studies you are unable to fill that void. The guy spotted a weakness and took advantage. Move on and find someone that will appreciate all your hardwork, effort and loyalty. You sound like a genuinely good guy, and she doesnt deserve you. She will realize this sooner or later. Give her space.

worry 359: Prehaps you have small joy stick and this guy is better equiped!

kolo....

worry 359: Prehaps you have small joy stick and this guy is better equiped!

In as much as this might be a possibility, please don't compound ops headache with this line of thought.

I will suggest you tell her how you truly feel and then you sit back and let her make her choices.
I don't believe it's ur fault in anyway.

I will however warn you, that even when she decides to return back to you, there are still issues to look at critically.
A woman who decided to fall for someone else just because that someone else is more available than you is gonna have issues later in marriage.
She went astray when you had being trying to give her space for her exams. Not so good at all.
I hope when you eventually get together, distance won't be a barrier to your happiness.

How is it your fault?? Really you tried for her, you saw from afar the guy is a threat to the relationship but she took it with levity now she has fallen for him how re you at fault??the truth is she has made up her mind. Its better you move on. Ve a one on one. What does she want?? She can't av the 2 of you! She's even cheating on you.its better you distance yourself from her and move on!

OP, I had once been in your shoes. I made a mess of it though, so I hope you would not do likewise.

That she has apologized to you, does not mean you use that selfishly against her. My advice is for you to give her space. Let her reflect on her actions genuinely even though you first found her out. She has to primarily come to the realization of who does she love.

Your emotions are surely bound to leap here and there when you think of where you had been coming from with her, and I know it is not easy to control them at this point. But kindly sit back, maintain a relative good communication flow with her and hopefully she comes to her full senses.

Otherwise, be prepared for the other side of this incident.

LET HER GO!

RULE 1: Let go when it is time to let go. Also know when the time is up: to let go. Never convince a lady to go with you when she is having double mind. Whatever made her to refrain from loving you now would make her go extra-marital tomorrow.

RULE 2: Level students alone. Most of them are usually undecided, unstable, and do not know what they want in a relationship.

To be frank with you from my own judgement, it has been long she started having a relationship with the guy. Don't be suprised that they must have slept together before now.

Is she less than 25years? If yes, then she is stiil not matured enough though maturity doesn't depend on age. Rule 2 applies.

op c'mon don't be a sissy. You talk as if you are disadvantaged are you ? When men act like wimps like this it hurts. As a man you need to learn how to use your head and not your heart
Women hate guys who in the name of acting the angel turn out as sissies.
Your girl is cheating on you and you are still blaming yourself for her two timming attitude.
Since she already confessed to kissing the guy trust me they are phuucking already.
my advice to you is to grow a pair of balls and stop acting like her parents pay your school fees . For Pete's sakes you are supposed to be the man huh

Pataki: OP, I had once been in your shoes. I made a mess of it though, so I hope you would not do likewise.

That she has apologized to you, does not mean you use that selfishly against her. My advice is for you to give her space. Let her reflect on her actions genuinely even though you first found her out. She has to primarily come to the realization of who does she love.

Your emotions are surely bound to leap here and there when you think of where you had been coming from with her, and I know it is not easy to control them at this point. But kindly sit back, maintain a relative good communication flow with her and hopefully she comes to her full senses.

Otherwise, be prepared for the other side of this incident.

THANK YOU, Pataki. I really appreciate your view. God bless you.

She's undecided....carried away by trivial things. It doesnt mean she's a bad person. She's just not emotionally ready 4 marital commitment.
.
Take things slow. When U are both settled enough(no exams/break 4rm research), take time out to see her and have a long talk.
Ur aim shld be 2 knw wat she's carried away wt. Identify wat d issue is....depending on wat it is,then U can rightly approach d situation.
:
4 now, don't push too hard, and don't be too far away.

People might overlook this fact... But pray about it, talk to your pastor... Some guys do cast love spells on babes...it happens for real...use this period to pray and both of you, go for counseling in church..best of luck.

I know this is difficult for you but if a girl truly loves you there won't be another no matter the circumstances. Well, in my honest opinion i will let go. Sometimes in life you can't simply get all you ever wanted and guess that's another way of suffering in silence. You are faultless and please think smartly.

How is it your fault? Educate me

Uju's the only one that highlighted that. When I read that part the first thing I said to myself is WTH is he talking about

Winneygirl: She's undecided....carried away by trivial things. It doesnt mean she's a bad person. She's just not emotionally ready 4 marital commitment.
.
Take things slow. When U are both settled enough(no exams/break 4rm research), take time out to see her and have a long talk.
Ur aim shld be 2 knw wat she's carried away wt. Identify wat d issue is....depending on wat it is,then U can rightly approach d situation.
:
4 now, don't push too hard, and don't be too far away.

On point, I was at that stage not too long ago, Op I feel u should let her go instead of blaming yourself. If she really loves u she'll come back to you, if she doesn't then you were not meant to be. Find someonelse who will cherish you.

jennykadry: How is it your fault? Educate me

Uju's the only one that highlighted that. When I read that part the first thing I said to myself is WTH is he talking about

Madam Jenny, he's in luuuuuuuuuuuurrrve

So sad while some ladies are praying to God for true love,some are busy taking it for granted. She deserves a knock on her head,someone needs to wake her up. Kindly explain the situation of things to her family,perhaps they wilL be of great help. Abi the guy use juju on her?

The girl is kinda confused. Op, take a break from her for a while and let her finally decide who she wants to be with. Probably there is something wrong in your affair you don't wanna tell us. whatever the case may be, try and make things right if she decides to come back to you. If she doesn't come back to you, well, life goes on!

Winneygirl: She's undecided....carried away by trivial things. It doesnt mean she's a bad person. She's just not emotionally ready 4 marital commitment.
.
Take things slow. When U are both settled enough(no exams/break 4rm research), take time out to see her and have a long talk.
Ur aim shld be 2 knw wat she's carried away wt. Identify wat d issue is....depending on wat it is,then U can rightly approach d situation.
:
4 now, don't push too hard, and don't be too far away.

Thank you, Winneygirl. Honestly, we've talked this thoroughly and trust me I've approached the issue.

Pataki: OP, I had once been in your shoes. I made a mess of it though, so I hope you would not do likewise.

That she has apologized to you, does not mean you use that selfishly against her. My advice is for you to give her space. Let her reflect on her actions genuinely even though you first found her out. She has to primarily come to the realization of who does she love.

Your emotions are surely bound to leap here and there when you think of where you had been coming from with her, and I know it is not easy to control them at this point. But kindly sit back, maintain a relative good communication flow with her and hopefully she comes to her full senses.

Otherwise, be prepared for the other side of this incident.

This is good advise.