I have gained a lot from stories and debate on these site even up to communication techniques. I have decided to bring mine up and this will be the first time I had be sharing it to anyone, family or friend for fear of their invectives.

Now I have a fiancee I had done introduction with last year and the marriage is bid to come up later in the year. She has got a multimillion naira partnership business with a married man where she share 50%. Somehow before we met she had had intimate ties with this partner of hers in the cause of their business. They both agreed it was misplaced and he decided that is was right for her to get a man and himself back to his wife.

I had my suspicion then because my fiancee was so fond of his partner, who is much older, beyond business line as he sometimes get to see fiancee's parents.I just tucked that away in my heart thinking I was given in to jealousy. Part of her condition for starting our relationship was her partner's approval and I had to even meet him and got screened by him but I passed! lol

Then one day, she dropped the bombshell! and confirmed my suspicion. She said she wanted me to know before committing myself to her and she couldnt keep the secret anymore. That she truely loves me and she feels nothing for her biz partner any longer except normal friendship. I could have walk out of the relationship! Heck no! I didn't. Just a little fuss here and there and I forgave completely.

Maybe I should tell you about this partner: He is a billionaire, he is a dormant partner in the biz, always very strict, nice, dont really feel comfortable with me around. I imagine I sense jealousy from him and reported me once to my fiancee's mother once and had in one or two occasions disapprove of our relationship behind me saying I wasn't serious with her. I dont know why he thinks am after my fiancee money. In actuality, I am as rich as my fiancee and I do give her upkeeps when necessary but he thinks the reverse is the case! Now, he didnt know I know about any of these secrets and still acts the boss for me! His own wife has her own doubt too and don't feel too comfortabe with the biz arrangement. I have meant her once.

Even if I believe my fiancee isn't going to condescend to that immoral relationship anymore( assuming my believe is right), still am very human! it just difficult for me to her his name mentioned around and know he still deal with my fiancee from day to day. I hate to be insecured! I usually advise people on virtually all aspect of life but I dont know how to start advising myself. I need you guys to say something. Am I losing touch with realities. I was just hoping this man would be sensible and honourable enough to leave the company and our life alone. Maybe selliing out his shares!

P.S: Moderator, Nike4luv,  please oblige me and dont stick it out on the front page. I only want to hear from the family session. They are the coolest peeps on your website. Thanks all

You went for approval from your GF's biz partner?lol but that is your first and most important fvck up.

You know what dude?Have u tabled out all your fears and insecurities with ur girl and what is she saying?
If the man is an ex(according to them),still a principal partner(they see often) and wields so much authority/influence on your girls personal life then its either you accept your position as secondary partner/2nd fiddle or you man up,talk with ur girl and then go talk to the 'big boss'.walking is another option.

If they are done with each other emotionally,why is he still interested in the babe's private life?.Something tells me that you know the truth . . .and still hanging on to that relationship for reasons best known to you.aka living in denial and praying/hoping for change

You and your girl should sit down and discuss, as much as possible it would be better she did not talk about your interactions to her partner. If you get a bit flustered if she mentions her partners name in your discussion then well you better call it a day and look elsewhere because she must talk about her day with you every now and then and his name must keep coming up.

They're still having a sex.ua.l relationship. Once debe. . . .everlastingly debe :-)
You are no better than a pi.mp for walking into this bizarre domestic arrangement with your eyes wide open. You had to be approved by him? Joke is on you boy your wife played you for a mugu
Try & have se.x with his wife if you can at least you guys would be on the same page since he is so obviously fu.cki.ng your own wife (with your permission though)

ifyalways:

You went for approval from your GF's biz partner?lol but that is your first and most important fvck up.

You know what dude?Have u tabled out all your fears and insecurities with ur girl and what is she saying?
If the man is an ex(according to them),still a principal partner(they see often) and wields so much authority/influence on your girls personal life then its either you accept your position as secondary partner/2nd fiddle or you man up,talk with ur girl and then go talk to the 'big boss'.walking is another option.

If they are done with each other emotionally,why is he still interested in the babe's private life?.Something tells me that you know the truth . . .and still hanging on to that relationship for reasons best known to you.aka living in denial and praying/hoping for change

This man was much older than her and I thought she just respect this man judgement. That was why is met this 'boss'. Looking back, it seems I was taking for a horse ride because she could have skipped that knowing she had done some flolicks with him.
No, he doesn't weird any power anywhere around her or me. They are friends, they were friends before they went adventurous and the biz made it worse. Emotions could stir them again and he seems he hasnt given up on her. My fiancee seems to be into me. She tells me everything about her work.She believed am over with her partner issues and his name always crop up. I listen a lot but inwardly am scared anything could still or may go on. I have exes. I can almost sleep with anyone of them if I spend 1 week with them. Moreso, who knows if she hidding more facts!
I intend talking to him man-on-man once I get home. Am currently on job training abroad. I will lt him know I know of his past with my fiancee and it will be fair if gave up the partnership lest I will let hisown wife know about it.

otokx:

You and your girl should sit down and discuss, as much as possible it would be better she did not talk about your interactions to her partner. If you get a bit flustered if she mentions her partners name in your discussion then well you better call it a day and look elsewhere because she must talk about her day with you every now and then and his name must keep coming up.

She had made it clear that she had nothing with this partner of hers. That that was in the past. She had shed tears telling me. I quite realise the fact there won't be anyway she wont mention her partner if she has to tell me about her work.

I prefer her to say it anyway but it seems I cant truely let go. Even if nothing happens now. What about in the nearest future? What about when we have disgreement? She would easily find a shoulder to cry on! This business of hers is just growing by the day. It seems selfish of me to destroyed all she has built for years. But she crossed the partnership contract by ruining it with an affair.

She wants me to understand her true position. She said she would die standing by my side but who knows tomorrow?

ziddy:

They're still having a sex.ua.l relationship. Once debe. . . .everlastingly debe :-)
You are no better than a pi.mp for walking into this bizarre domestic arrangement with your eyes wide open. You had to be approved by him? Joke is on you boy your wife played you for a mugu
Try & have se.x with his wife if you can at least you guys would be on the same page since he is so obviously fu.cki.ng your own wife (with your permission though)

I can't dispute you bro. Its possible. You never know with women. But that would really really hurt especially with all that she has sworn. I am most particular about the future. Anything could happen. isn't this a temptation worth freeing oneself from?

Sleep with the wife? That won't make up for his action. His wife is nothing hot again. . That would be like 10 -1 scoreline. Moreso, the wife is so cool. Can't do that to her

Dude, you are being played, end of. They can't be together for obvious reasons so are using you as a standby generator, so berra wise up and shine ya eyes Why do I suddenly feel like giving you a backhand slap

ziddy:

They're still having a sex.ua.l relationship. Once debe. . . .everlastingly debe :-)
You are no better than a pi.mp for walking into this bizarre domestic arrangement with your eyes wide open. You had to be approved by him? Joke is on you boy your wife played you for a mugu
Try & have se.x with his wife if you can at least you guys would be on the same page since he is so obviously fu.cki.ng your own wife (with your permission though)

This is h-i-r-a-r-i-o-u-s, especially the last paragraph, tsk tsk tsk

chaircover:

Personally if you were my kid brother, I will tell you that you haven't found a wife yet.

You are the third party in this strange set up. Marry her and you will always be wondering at the back of your mind if and what they are up to.  You will most probably never relax and will always be having doubts. Some might say that is your problem if you choose not to trust your wife but I too wouldn't feel comfortable if my husband worked closely or ran a business with an Ex.

The gallant thing for the boss to do is to take a very back seat in the organization and have a man to man with you to allay your fears since he already knows that you know about the relationship.

This has all been handled wrong from the onset. Why on earth will you have to go for an "exam" with the man? That is very disrespectful amongst other things.

Ok. CC has spoken, I was really waiting for your comment. I looking forward to hearing from Jennykadry, debrief08, makcluji, lastpge etc

No. This man isn't aware I know about their past(If i can truely say that so that I don't delude myself). He was his hope my fiancee keeps it away from me for good but she told me. That is the only reason I forgave her. But I find it difficult to let go what might still be happening or may still happen in the future. They crossed the line once. It may be possible again. Thanks anyway. There biz is very large. Most rich Nigerian dudes lack honour. But I can give him a shocker, that is why I would go speak with him man to man once I get home in March.

I handle it wrongly? truely? I meant a girl who is a partnership biz and she wanted me to meet her partner. So, I would have refused for a girl I truely love? It not as if it was a question and answer session. I just realised that they were a little more than the regular biz partner at some point in their lives.

big_bumper:



Dude, you are being played, end of. They can't be together for obvious reasons so are using you as a standby generator, so berra wise up and shine ya eyes Why do I suddenly feel like giving you a backhand slap


This is h-i-r-a-r-i-o-u-s, especially the last paragraph, tsk tsk tsk

Why are you so sure they are still bleeping. Am not saying it isnt possible. Are you saying its impossible? So assuming she wasn't or you were in that position, would you have given up the tenth of million partnership biz to go live peacefully with ur hubby to be? What would you have her do? be sincere and pragmatic

OP you need to ask yourself a question,just like Jenny said,if they are done with each other on their intimate relationship levels,why is he still interested in her private life? Seriously I think something fishy is still going on between them.

His going behind your back to say negative things about you only goes further to prove he's not ready to let her go just yet,though I think your girlfriend is kinda tired of the arrangement with the boss and wants you,that's why she told you about the affair,it seems like the boss has some kind of hold on her,you need to talk it over with her again.

@ Poster, if you really want this relationship, then you have to set the rules in that relationship, the way it is now, it is either you let her be; forgetting about the whole relationship or go ahead with it, put the past behind and trust your fiancee, what has happened has happened, there is no way one can turn back the hands of time. I would rather you talked to your fiancee and let her know how you feel about the whole situation and set up.

chaircover:

^^^^^ The truth is that because they have once been lovers and they still work closely together in an boss - subordinate, Richer & older man relationship, there is that possibility no matter how small it is that they can still find themselves in bed together.

I am sure that you have thought about it and that is why you are here today seeking peoples opinions and you are right to think about it.

When you do get married, there will be times when your wife will be caught in traffic, has to work late, go on business trips with her boss etc.

The question is How will you cope in these instances? Are you strong enough and trust her enough to get through these periods?

CC, to be frank, am just confused.*wiping my face clean with my hands*. But I can't afford to be confused now. The stake is too high. I cannot afford to miss a blissful marriage. I have always had beautiful relationships in my life to miss the real one. I am the last man that will monitor a woman! Knowing well that they have cross that business line, I can't fully admit I wud jump to her defense when issues come up. A woman's heart is so fickle. Her partner is so close for comfort. It will be so easy for her to slide when she faces trouble with me. I may also attack her wrongly. Now, that is bad!

freecocoa:

OP you need to ask yourself a question,just like Jenny said,if they are done with each other on their intimate relationship levels,why is he still interested in her private life? Seriously I think something fishy is still going on between them.

His going behind your back to say negative things about you only goes further to prove he's not ready to let her go just yet,though I think your girlfriend is kinda tired of the arrangement with the boss and wants you,that's why she told you about the affair,it seems like the boss has some kind of hold on her,you need to talk it over with her again.

I thought so too. Maybe he never bargained for the girl falling for me and he thought he would have been easy for him to give up fiancee. Before I came into the scene, they both agreed they did wrong and he begged her to get a boyfriend. Ehen, do u know he told me my fiancee was a virgin and that he hasnt ever believed there were still 20 something virgins and that was a little secret for me.

I just wondered why he would say that and how he was even sure. Later, I got to know she was actually. That is probably why I dont believe the word 'virgin' anymore. It could be pretence and deceit. She doesnt do a penetrative stuff. She only does surface stimulation of her cl*t(sorry for my lewdness). I still call it intimacy anyway.

He is becoming jealous as he realised am taking control over him. When we had trouble, he told her to leave me alone. Maybe he prefers the former position they were in. This man is a highly respected elder in one of the orthodox churches.

ronkebp:

@ Poster, if you really want this relationship, then you have to set the rules in that relationship, the way it is now, it is either you let her be; forgetting about the whole relationship or go ahead with it, put the past behind and trust your fiancee, what has happened has happened, there is no way one can turn back the hands of time. I would rather you talked to your fiancee and let her know how you feel about the whole situation and set up.

So one thing is clear. It will be damn selfish of me to ask her to leave the business for me sake, right?
It is either I call the relationship off?
or I just trust her and get on with it like nothing happened? These are your summission. I am afraid the last one will destroyed me. The first one is no go area. So am left with ur second option. Could there be a better option that will lead to the remaining ever happy end?

No lady has been able to tell me exactly what they would do in this situation assuming you truely do not feel anything for your biz partner anymore and loved ur fiance so dearly

cottonx:

So one thing is clear. It will be damn selfish of me to ask her to leave the business for me sake, right?
It is either I call the relationship off?
or I just trust her and get on with it like nothing happened? These are your summission. I am afraid the last one will destroyed me. The first one is no go area. So am left with ur second option. Could there be a better option that will lead to the remaining ever happy end?

No lady has been able to tell me exactly what they would do in this situation assuming you truely do not feel anything for your biz partner anymore and loved ur fiance so dearly

Poster, you gat to do what you gat to do. The truth is how sane will you be after your wedding and you still see your' wife' with her so-called business partner??, would it sound selfish when you tell her about her leaving her job?, of course it would, but will it help your relationship?, i think so. She might take it hard, but that is the sanest thing to do, if it were me, it is not debateable, i draw out ,my priorities and just count my losses, big deal, if what she does is very marketable and if it will be easy for her to get another job, then why not?

But it is always good to be realistic, put yourself in her shoes, with all her acheivements, if it were you, will you leave your job for the sake of your fiancee just to satisfy her curiosity??

chaircover:

It depends on the nature of their "affair" Some women find themselves in relationshis that they wouldnt necessarily have chosen due to various factors such as blackmail, money, of what they can get from the man, or in return for a favour etc while others go for a man because they genuinely like him. If a woman genuinely liked a guy and their break up wasn't messy, there is a possibility that given the right scenario, they may still see each other if the opportunity arises.

You are very right CC. There is still that slight chance of the unforbidden happening especially when I travel out of naija. I don't even wish to harbour such thought. My time is much more important than negative thoughts. I mean-what is that! Thoughts could be very destructive!

Recently, two months ago, an ex called me to say someone has proposed to her but she hasnt said a thing because she want to ask me if I am still interested in her. And that she had preferred me to any other. She got my contact from a friend. If you genuinely like or love anyone, u could romp with him/her again when the devil knocks! I don't want to give that chance to the devil.

I will have to speak to that man and tell him to leave the business. I could bring in my uncle, no, aunt to buy his share but the questioning will be too much. I know my family will hate her instantly. I know them. I don't know if it is right to tell his wife if he refuses. I swear the woman would be broken hearted and I hope she doesn't pour acid on my fiancee. If everything fail, I will have to take a bow. There are game you win and there are those you lose. I guess latter will do me.

@ OP

I think u need not confront the biz partner but your own wife and let her make a choice between the 'biz partnership' with the man and you.Yes,something must give here because no two captains can run a ship.It will be a hard decision for her 'cos from your posts,her family knows the man but the choice has to made. Believe me we(or You) have not not heard the last of the union partnership as posters have rightly said this man has a grip on your fiancee and if u don't set things straight here,you will be on a collision course with this man when you get married.

You are not being selfish here if u tell her to make the choice 'cos u are after your happiness and hers and the sanctity of your marriage if she doesn't see that way well the choice is yours.And for the man telling u that she is a virgin, hmmm how him carry know or is it part of their business discussions, ?


Pray for wisdom here bro and may the force be with thee

^^^
Thanks. We seem to have same mind. That is exactly what I will do. Laying my card on the table. I will have to take my leave after making exhaustive effort. No sane man should agree to this type of arrangement. Its calling for trouble. I better face it now than latter. Thank God she told me!

I think you just need to move on. Tell her you are moving on and really move on. There is a chance that those two are being intimate with each other. There is something about women that men don't know. If that fiancee of yours has strong feelings for that man, it Is not something that will go away at the flick of your finger no matter how hard she tries and if there are working so close together then the chances are slim.

I honest,y don't think you should be giving her ultimatums. Let me tell you the truth, she might agree to get off that partnership but if she still wants to continue seeing that man behind you back, she could EASILY continue the affair under your very nose. Are you going to be able to monitor her movements every single second of the day?


Leave that girl and move on, forget ultimatums because it might come back and bite you in the bum. I am a woman and believe me if I tell you that with or without ultimatumS that girl can still cheat on you and you will never find out.

Please do not victimize her for telling you. She could as well have kept everything under wraps so she can continue with any clandestine meetings. Even if he was not her business partner and was just an ex, she can sleep with him anytime if she so desired. I think she actually wants that break from him. Why not speak with her about ur doubts and fears and try and reach a resolution. Do not give her ultimatums, instead judge from her responses what you will have to do next.

It will be a pity to judge and blacklist her based on her past. WHy not chart a new path from now? Pls, whatever u do, do not hold this her indiscretion against her. If you will continue with her, put it in the thrashcan of history where it belongs. If u will dump her, do not spread the story about her to any other potential suitor.

Your fiancee needs to grow up and take her future seriously . . . instead of dilly-dallying with a married man!

You sef need to become a man! Are you marrying her or is she marrying you? I tire for men of now-a-days sef!

Hmmm, tough case, I dont mean to sound judgemental but i generally have an issue with women who sleep with married men. Having said that if I were in ur shoes i would ask myself if I would have been prefered to be lied to by fiancee, secondly now dat i know the truth can i handle it? can i deal with it? Can I trust her/ him? at the end of the day only you can answer these questions and move forward. Has she given you any reason to doubt her after telling u? or is ur ego just bruised?
My Husband tells me that the best gift anyone can give you is the truth, someone who tells you the truth not under threat or suspicion is genuienly sorry and wants to leave that part of his/ her life behind and move forward, but someone who constantly lies to you and only says d truth under duress or when caught most probably feels d need to conceal a lie and go on living that lie. Even the Bible says the truth shall set you free.
Its ur decision sha

@Cottonx, i think sincerely your fiancee wants to break away sexually from her bizz partner (Which is why you are in the picture) but he seems to have a kind of hold on her.
I'll advise you sit her down and discuss your fears, that could help.
Best of luck bro.

cottonx:

I thought so too. Maybe he never bargained for the girl falling for me and he thought he would have been easy for him to give up fiancee. Before I came into the scene, they both agreed they did wrong and he begged her to get a boyfriend. Ehen, do u know he told me my fiancee was a virgin and that he hasnt ever believed there were still 20 something virgins and that was a little secret for me.

I just wondered why he would say that and how he was even sure. Later, I got to know she was actually. That is probably why I dont believe the word 'virgin' anymore. It could be pretence and deceit. She doesnt do a penetrative stuff. She only does surface stimulation of her cl*t(sorry for my lewdness). I still call it intimacy anyway.

He is becoming jealous as he realised am taking control over him. When we had trouble, he told her to leave me alone. Maybe he prefers the former position they were in. This man is a highly respected elder in one of the orthodox churches.

There's no need for even prolonging the matter,its obvious the man has some kinda hold on her,you just have to let her make a choice,its either you or the old foool,if she's reluctant about it then my dear you have to brace yourself and move on with your life.

I'm sure you don't want a situation where your wife's boss will have a hold on her. Goodluck.

OP, I was not going to comment on your thread O until I saw 'mackluji' and that had me laughing. What can I say? This your relationship with your fiancee is risky, if I want to be brutally honest, I will say your fiancee is spoilt and doesn't know when to stop flirting and when to settle down. I am not implying that she is a slut O but which sensible woman presents her future husband to her ex-lover for screening, what could be more humiliating?

I says let her go, you might be better-off with a sweet untouched girl from your village whom you can mould into the woman you want as a wife since you say you are rich. It seems harsh on the good half of your fiancee, but I am afraid she is damaged goods, big shame isn't it?

^^^^^ And down the road, after marrying ''the sweet untouched girl'' and that one has given him 3 kids, that is when he will realise that he never loved the girl he married. This matter is simple.

It is either he calls it quit with the lady OR he goes ahead with the relationship and let the past be (with serious communication from both parties though).