A friend of mine who got married recently was suppose to file a sponsoral application for her husband but after gathering all the document and filling it, she decided not to send it to the processing office . I asked her why she went through the trouble of gathering all the document with her husband when she actually knew she didnt wanna bring her husband here and she said , she didnt want her husband to look at her as an enemy of progress.

She said her huband is not well educated and he woould not wanna go to school if he comes hence he cant get a better Job. The guy is a pastry chef and he's doing good for himself in 9jia. she said if he comes here ,he cant work as a pastry chef immediately becos he cant get a pastry chef job here without having a canadian experince, they will hire canadians before considering hiring an african make even if you he's better than them.

She said she want to raise her kids home and he believes somebody has to be in 9jia with those kids,so she think it is safer if the husband is in 9jia with the kids for few years,while she is here working and the kids could always come for vacation. She said ,she's not too good with staying under the same room with a man for a long time ,so she prefers the distance .

What are the advantages of bring your husband abroad when you know he could be better off where he is ? I need to convince her to bring him but i need a good advice. For real, some men come here and they change, it is either they start pushing you to go do nursing or they decide to depend on you becos you are a nurse while they prefer factory Jobs or drive cab.

Selfish woman. Why can't she let the man make his own decisions. If the man finds out that she didn't submit the documents, that is really when she will be labelled enemy of progress

Bikonu, why would you even need to advice a wife to want to be with her husband. We only live this life once what is the point in being married when you can feel the warmth of your significant other next to you, some people just want to work work and work, no life, nothing. Why did she marry when she knew she couldn't survive staying with a man for a long period of time.

The only tangible reason are the children but that is a discussion for man and wife not just wife alone.

//

yeye woman

Who dey shine her kongo sef?

no1madman:

Who dey shine her kongo sef?

, i see thé meaning of ur username.

OP just tell that woman that her excuses are fake, if she doent want to bring thé Hubby for her reasons let her bring him for thé saké of thé kids. They need both parents. She is just been selfish and self centered.

How can a mother want to bear a child and then leave it with the father at such a tender age?.
This woman is not ready to be a wife and neither is she ready to be a mother.
She just got married and wants to have kids because she is on some kind of ego trip.
What a bitch!!
Sorry i hardly react this way but this is the limit.

Hmmmm, this life is something . Some people want something and they cant get it and those that have it dont know how to take care of it . Honestly I dont know what to say, i just wish she can sit down ,think properly and whatever her desicion is,she will get to live with it for the rest of her life.

This is not a matter of advantage and disadvantage. Haba. Who is she to play God. So she tells the man she sent it through and then what? Keep a lie for the rest of their marriage. She is not only a bad wife but also a bad person. She cannot make a decision to tie this man to her and yet hold back information that can alter the course of his life. She is just a horrible person. I really hope it is not too late for her to send those papers in. Advice her to either turn those papers in or to tell her husband that she is not doing it. let him make his own decision on if he will stay with her ass or not

I never knew people could actually be this selfish!

^^I was just about to say that,
Thats a real selfish lady.

rita@NL:

She said her huband is not well educated and he would not wanna go to school if he comes hence he cant get a better Job

This is wrong on so many levels. .talk about belittlement
Why did she marry him in the first place? Or is afraid her friends'll bash her if they find out she's married to a 'semi-literate'
The lies will definitely come back to haunt her so it's best she fesses up and send those papers in.

She doesn't want a good future for her husband at all. SMH

What a pity! She married & had kids for a man, & did not realise he is not well educated until now. Now she has the opportunity to help the poor man get good education, she does not want to assist him. Also she can not stay around him for too long. Was the marriage to the man contacted under duress? @poster, please appeal to your dear friend to at least think of her kids & file necessary Papers so her husband & kids can join her. Like chaircover rightly said, he can receive training &run his own business, & with time it will blosom & she will be proud of him. It baffles me that a mother can comfortably stay away from her kids for so long & is not in the least perturbed. What is the world turning to?

Why did she marry in the first time, that's a selfish attitude.

Stupid, selfish woman. What happened to "Together, Forever, till death do is part"? She must be silly to even contemplate not sending in the documents. That is what happens when some women start earning big bucks- they lose all their sense of responsibility to their family. So the husband should do the baby-sitting while she enjoys her "freedom"? @ OP, your friend is disgusting. When she was all ecstatic and making out with him, was it not under the same roof? Abi did she have the kids with him in absentia? I can't figure out an advice for her because something is grossly wrong with either her or the marriage otherwise she wouldn't have even thought of holding back.

Yeye Ashee woman!
She no wan make the husband come spoil ha pole dance show canada but make she no worry before she go realise wetin dey happen, the husband go don take ha money dey maintain one local girl for naija

rita@NL:

A friend of mine who got married recently was suppose to file a sponsoral application for her husband but after gathering all the document and filling it, she decided not to send it to the processing office . I asked her why she went through the trouble of gathering all the document with her husband when she actually knew she didnt wanna bring her husband here and she said , she didnt want her husband to look at her as an enemy of progress.

She said her huband is not well educated and he woould not wanna go to school if he comes hence he cant get a better Job. The guy is a pastry chef and he's doing good for himself in 9jia. she said if he comes here ,he cant work as a pastry chef immediately becos he cant get a pastry chef job here without having a canadian experince, they will hire canadians before considering hiring an african make even if you he's better than them.

She said she want to raise her kids home and he believes somebody has to be in 9jia with those kids,so she think it is safer if the husband is in 9jia with the kids for few years,while she is here working and the kids could always come for vacation. She said ,she's not too good with staying under the same room with a man for a long time ,so she prefers the distance .

What are the advantages of bring your husband abroad when you know he could be better off where he is ? I need to convince her to bring him but i need a good advice. For real, some men come here and they change, it is either they start pushing you to go do nursing or they decide to depend on you becos you are a nurse while they prefer factory Jobs or drive cab.

Reading your post, the only thing that seems iffy is where she intimated you that she prefers the distance and is no good staying under the same roof with a man for a long period of time and though this might seem a bit strange, it is an uncommon thing for commitment phobe people,  it is only her expressing her innermost thoughts to you, so it is no biggie


Moving on swiftly, what is jumping out at me from your post is, a pompous obnoxious Husband who would not want to improve himself by applying to further his education and she envisages this will be a mega problem as he would not be able to get a job with this attitude once he gets to Canada and might have to resort to working in dead end jobs to make ends meet. Looking at the bigger picture he could just be a dude with low self-esteem who does not have the confidence to embark on studying, or someone who thinks there is no big deal in education seeing as he already made it in life in Naija without one, but the hard truth is someone needs to put food on the dining table in Canada. And she does not want the instances you described whereby she would have to take on the role of the breadwinner and go and start studying nursing or have her Husband reduced to a mere Cab driver or Factory hand, SO WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS  


One question, is she the one that wants the man to come over? Though i guess it can't be her, since she wishes their children could be raised in Nigeria, which I guess she brought up to convince the man not to relocate and then turn up in Canada only to end up earning what he was earning in a month in Nigeria in 6 months in Canada with the low paying job he is deadcert to get due to his lack of that clog in the wheel known as "Canadian Experience"


Methinks your friend has a point here, there was a story on this same forum sometimes last year where a Canadian lady came to complain that her Doctor Husband was refusing to look for work because he had not done his professional training in Canada to enable him practise as a Doctor and this friend of yours can see her Hubby towing the same line

Asides this, someone else opened a thread in the travel section seeking advise if he should relocate with his family to Canada to take advantage of some PR status and THE GENERAL CONSENSUS WAS FOR HIM NOT TO LEAVE HIS DECENT PAYING JOB IN NIGERIA, BUT TO RELOCATE JUST THE WIFE AND CHILDREN ONLY TO CANADA WHILST HE STAYED BEHIND IN NIGERIA, AND THIS WAS THE ADVISE HE TOOK.  Will be back with those links.

Busybody and all i showed her all comments on this thread and she was sobbing badly and for the record she's not selfish but i guess she is scared of so many things. She is a very hard working person and for those that says who is shining the Kongo, she is one of those women that belivs you only have sex for baby makin purposes,so she's not cheating on her husband. she has no kids yet but pregnant.

She narrated how her sister brought her husband from 9jia and the man ended up not working when he got here . The wife is a personal support worker and the wife ought to take two Jobs to cater for the family. She said her sister's husband was a bank manager in naijia when the man got here,he was suppose to write some exams  he can have his managerial post back or whatever but the man refused saying, how can a whole him go and start writing exams all over, he siad he will never take any degrading Job either cos he cant tell his friends in 9jia that's he's now working in a factory. The man later decide to be a pastor,so he wasnt workin apart from the peanut he earns from is church. So the wife ends up doing all the runing of the family.

she said since her husband is comfortable in 9jia,there is no point for him coming here and end up complaining that he cant take up any job below what he does in 9jia or that he cant go for upgrading in his field since he already said he does not wanna go to school. He said the husband really wanna come here but he does not wanna do all the things that will make life better for them here.

i showed her all comments on this thread and she was sobbing badly

@ topic

quandary

@ tpiah
wetin do your eyes ? Make i no show am how people feel about am ? i belive say na wetin go make her send the document be all this yabs here.

wetin be quandary ?  na english ? abeg i no too sabi oyinbo , i just dey manage 

rita@NL:

@ tpiah
wetin do your eyes ? Make i no show am how people feel about am ? i belive say na wetin go make her send the document be all this yabs here.

i felt bad for her situation.

initially i thought she was selfish, but changed my mind.

They need to work something out sha.

I feel bad for her too but i no even know sef, some people life na die . Na God go help married people.

Rita- -i got u. . .Hubby is not ready 2 come over and do anything 2 put food on d table. .e get as e be!
it's all about making d right decisions. . . .
Always remember"All is well that ends well."

rita@NL:

Busybody and all i showed her all comments on this thread and she was sobbing badly and for the record she's not selfish but i guess she is scared of so many things. She is a very hard working person and for those that says who is shining the Kongo, she is one of those women that belivs you only have sex for baby makin purposes,so she's not cheating on her husband. she has no kids yet but pregnant.

[b]She narrated how her sister brought her husband from 9jia and the man ended up not working when he got here . The wife is a personal support worker and the wife ought to take two Jobs to cater for the family. She said her sister's husband was a bank manager in naijia when the man got here,he was suppose to write some exams  he can have his managerial post back or whatever but the man refused saying, how can a whole him go and start writing exams all over, he siad he will never take any degrading Job either cos he cant tell his friends in 9jia that's he's now working in a factory. The man later decide to be a pastor,so he wasnt workin apart from the peanut he earns from is church. So the wife ends up doing all the runing of the family.

she said since her husband is comfortable in 9jia,there is no point for him coming here and end up complaining that he cant take up any job below what he does in 9jia or that he cant go for upgrading in his field since he already said he does not wanna go to school. He said the husband really wanna come here but he does not wanna do all the things that will make life better for them here.[/b]

I think she should explain all this to her husband because many have the fantasy reasoning of how things are rosy abroad. If he's going to be ego tripping when he gets to Canada, he should remain in Nigeria.

rita@NL:

she is one of those women that belivs you only have sex for baby makin purposes,

I haven't commented on this thread but I will now. Your friend can sob from now till next year it still won't change the fact that she is a selfish woman

1. What kind of woman will wanna have kids and dump them in nigeria just because she has a career or has a few things to accomplish, who and what exactly is her priority? her kids ,husband or career or canada?

2.What kind of woman believes in sex for baby making purposes only? that is selfishness,That man is going to regret marrying that woman for the rest of his life if she doesn't change her mindset.

//

@ chaircover

You are a blessing to Nairaland !

@ Jenny

2.What kind of woman believes in sex for baby making purposes only? that is selfishness,That man is going to regret marrying that woman for the rest of his life if she doesn't change her mindset

Na everything you alwaz take gragra do,abeg life too dey easy to dey take everyday reply people post with anger and vexation . . . .Haba ! No be every woman like sex,so if one say the only reason for having sex na for procreation,so be it . To some women, dem no want pikin sef cos pikin go disturb their sex life,to some sex na food and to some sex na no go area but they will do it for one purpose,which is kid .


@ ALL

She decides to talk to the husband , if the hubby is not ready to upgrade himself when he gets here, she said she will take her kids and relocate back to 9jia to go train her kids and she will start business in 9jia and they can always come for vacation here,instead of staying here and having to take up two Jobs and at the end of the day,she will still not have take for the kids. She said after talking to her husband today, she will send the document tomorow and whatever her husbands decision is,she will know she tried her best to make him know,he needs education to be able to earn more abroad.

...

rita@NL:

she is one of those women that belivs you only have sex for baby makin purposes,so she's not cheating on her husband. she has no kids yet but pregnant..

rita@NL:


She decides to talk to the husband , if the hubby is not ready to upgrade himself when he gets here, she said she will take her kids and relocate back to 9jia to go train her kids and she will start business in 9jia and they can always come for vacation here,instead of staying here and having to take up two Jobs and at the end of the day,she will still  not have take for the kids. She said after talking to her husband today, she will send the document tomorow and whatever her husbands decision is,she will know she tried her best to make him know,he needs education to be able to earn more abroad.

naijafrend:

And wetin be ?
Talk i am listening !

ok, I'm talking, listen

Are you talking about your friend's unborn kids here

stillwater:

I think she should explain all this to her husband because many have the fantasy reasoning of how things are rosy abroad. If he's going to be ego tripping when he gets to Canada, he should remain in Nigeria.

Yup thats the damn word, EGO TRIPPING, thats the word I was looking for right there, chei, my student Stillwater has surpassed and overtaken me in the intelligentsia league It is well though *sharpening claws and stretching out legs so Stillwater can trip on it* it is well 

jennykadry:

I haven't commented on this thread but I will now. Your friend can sob from now till next year it still won't change the fact that she is a selfish woman

1. What kind of woman will wanna have kids and dump them in nigeria just because she has a career or has a few things to accomplish, who and what exactly is her priority? her kids ,husband or career or canada?

2.What kind of woman believes in sex for baby making purposes only? that is selfishness,That man is going to regret marrying that woman for the rest of his life if she doesn't change her mindset.

To answer your query;

1) Where was there any mention of a career driven bossyboots who would crush anyone in her path, eh Jenny, word of advice,  when they give us our nightly dosage in Yabaleft, start doing like me and start hiding your medication under your tongue INSTEAD OF BLOODY SWALLOWING IT, IT HAS NOT BEEN TESTED ON HUMANS YET

2) Naija women are raised to be frigid prudes hence reason girls from other tribes always rub it in that Naija men tell them we ain't gat no game and just like lying there like a piece of wood, counting sheep so free the OP's friend biko

Besides, not everyone can be very good in bedmantics like you, so no need to rub it in Infact, my ex-husband Sagamite confessed he left me and my slippers agbada blom blom for your perky ones because according to him "no matter how many times he flips and twirls you in the air, you always land on it and he also reminisced about the way you love sliding down that pole in the bedroom and swinging from the chandelier Oya carry go from my front before i vex you barawo Husband snatcher, thiefy thiefy jankoliko ole jankoliko