tired of laffing, please continue t'moro

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To be continued

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Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"


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Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"


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Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"


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Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
Witness: "Four times."

pls let me send dese last one it eill take a while to compile.

This is it:

Lawyer: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"


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Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"


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Lawyer: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"


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Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"


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Lawyer: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
Witness: "Not yet."


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Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."


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Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?"
Witness: "It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30pm."
Lawyer: "And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?"


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Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Witness: "Borofkin."
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"


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Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness: "No."


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Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"
Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."


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Lawyer: "What is your marital status?"
Witness: "Fair."


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Lawyer: "Are you married?"
Witness: "No, I'm divorced."
Lawyer: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
Witness: "A lot of things I didn't know about."


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Lawyer: "And who is this person you are speaking of?"
Witness: "My ex-widow said it.


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Lawyer: "How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?"
Witness: "Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good."


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Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."


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Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"


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Lawyer: "Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
Witness: "No. This is how I dress when I go to work."


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The Court: "Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any."


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Lawyer: "Did he pick the dog up by the ears?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "What was he doing with the dog's ears?"
Witness: "Picking them up in the air."
Lawyer: "Where was the dog at this time?"
Witness: "Attached to the ears."


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Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."


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Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?"
Witness: "Oral."
Lawyer: "How old are you?"
Witness: "Oral."


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Lawyer: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
Witness: "She is my daughter."
Lawyer: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"


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Lawyer: "Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?"


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Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"


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Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"


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Lawyer: "Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?"
Witness: "He didn't offer me nothing. He just said I could have the furniture."


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Lawyer: "So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?"
Witness: "I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital."
Lawyer: "It was covered?"
Witness: "Yes, bandaged."
Lawyer: "Then, later on, what did you see?"
Witness: "I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head."


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Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."


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Lawyer: "Do you drink when you're on duty?"
Witness: "I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk."


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Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."


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Lawyer: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas."
Witness: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."


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Lawyer: "Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?"
Witness: "Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words."

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Stubborn boy

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who said dat I am a boy

Wen last did you chk inbtw ur legs

a funny reply

right

BEFORE MARRIAGE

Man - Ah, At last. I can hardly wait!
Woman - Do you want me to leave?
Man- NO! Don't even think of it.
Woman - Do you love me?
Man - Of course! Always have and always will!
Woman - Have you ever cheated on me?
Man - NO! Why are you even asking?
Woman - Will you kiss me?
Man- Every chance I get!
Woman - Will you hit me?
Man - Heck no! Are you crazy?
Woman - Can I trust you?
Man - Yes
Woman - Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE - Read from the bottom back to the top !!!
_________________

Sad irony of the institution called marriage

thank god am still a bachelor

bachelor ko, sad institution called marriage ni, I'm getting married in the next few years

Bonding With Dad

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential.
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!"

. . .

Whats with the wowo smile?

Ur boyfriend fine reach am

Chai! so Gab get boyfriend, me think say she only get mechanics wey just dey arrange, service and maintain am

Women Can Be So Insensitive

John returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, John asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please, just one more time before I die?" She says, "Of course, dear." And they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep. John, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses."Honey, I have only 4 more hours.

Do you think we could, ?" At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen John, I have to get up in the morning, You don't."

He he he he he he

glad you like

A teacher asked her class to make a sentence using the word "fascinate".
Molly put up her hand up and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him. Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten-eight."


The teacher sat down and cried.

Oh my! Little Johnny has struck again

I really like this one

Hey Dr Dre that was a really nice one. u guys ve made my day

ENGLISH PRONOUNCIATION

When I got back from Nigeria last week I had a bunch of American dollars I needed to exchange. I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line. Just one guy in front of me, an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little irritated!

The Asian guy asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yestoday, I get two huna dollars fo yen. Today I get huna eighty?? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged her shoulders and said, "Fluctuations".
The Asian guy says, "Bleep you white people too!"

********************************************************

In case you didn't get it. Fluctuations sounded like "Bleep-u-asians"

There are these three guys in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in the horizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. The first guy goes up to the door to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old, wart-covered, puss covered, scaly, toothless old woman.

"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" he asks.

She replied, "I will, if you have sex with me."

The guy pukes all over the woman and runs back to his friends.

"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" he tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."

"Why didn't you then?" asks he second guy.

"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"

"Oh, you are such a wuss. I'll go up to the door," the second guy says.

He goes up to the door and rings the bell. The old hag answers.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-waaaaaa, " He uses all of his will power to not hurl.

"Water? Yes, I have water," she says knowingly. "But you have to have sex with me."

"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"

He runs back to his friends and before he could say a word, the third guy goes to the door and rings the bell.

"What do you want for some water?"

"You have to have sex with me."

Knowing that if he doesn't do something, he and his friends will all die. So he follows the lady into her kitchen.

"Do me here," she told him.

He sees 3 ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea.

"Lay back and close your eyes. And keep them closed!"

The witch lays back and spreads her legs. The guy nearly pukes after seeing this. He picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. Finally she is finished. He throws the corn out the window.

"Oh, God. That was the best orgasm of my life. If you do that again I will give you a million dollars."

"Then lay back and close your eyes again."

This she does and he does her with the second ear of corn until she is satisfied. Then he throws it out the window. This time she doesn't even open her eyes.

"If you do that again, I will give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."

"Eyes closed," he says.

Then he does her with the last piece of corn. He brings her to multiple orgasms.

"Ohhhhhhhhh, The water, money and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.

So he runs like hell outside and grabs the water and money and jumps into the Jeep. He wonders where his friends are and drives around to find them. He finds them by the window.

One of the guys says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman,
"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says,
"What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies,
"I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.".

Oh my!

lol

Funneee Azo especially the second one

Keep them coming

Ok, i am out of here