Hi everyone, I'm posting this (against my better judgement) on behalf of my cousin. If I knew what to say to her when she came to me with her problem, I wouldn't be bugging you all with this. Here it goes.

She lives in Austria and is married to a Nigerian of a different tribe than hers. She recently came back to Nigeria because her husband said he did not want to relocate overseas so she did what she thought was best and that was to be where her husband was.

Before they got married and even before they truly started dating, he had informed her that he was single but had 4 children from the same woman but he was done with that relationship because the woman was getting worse and worse in character as the years went by. Each time he was prepared to settle down and make an honest woman out of her, she exhibited some pretty scary nature like coming to his place of work, stripping naked and yelling for him to come out and beat her because he did not drop money for one thing or the other. Sometimes she would also grab knives and petrol and threaten to kill herself because they had an argument. she also had the habit of taking his cell phones when he was sleeping and calling all the numbers on it and if a man answers she hangs up, if a girl answers she starts insulting that girl. This is how she insulted his boss. According to him, he got fed up. He was with this woman for 17 years and their oldest child is 16. Everybody told him to leave but he stayed for the sake of his children and because he believed that she would change but that change never came.

3 years ago, my cousin was in Abuja for a funeral and that was how they met. It was platonic, they were just friends and he told her then that he was having serious problems with the mother of his kids. My cousin being the fixer upper kindda girl told him that maybe the woman was acting up because he had not gone knocking on her father's door yet and hadn't paid a penny on her head. He told my cuz that he really wanted to but it just never happened and some of his family members warned him not to do it because if she's this bad before marriage, after marriage might be worse and he might get killed. To cut the long story short, My cuz and him became friends. She went back to Austria, continued her life but kept in touch with him. in 2011 she came to Nigeria for vacation and they met and spent time together and that was when he told her he was finally done with the woman and asked my cuz to date him. She agreed because she was already in love with him and him with her. 6 months after they started dating, he visited Austria and proposed she accepted. in 2012 they got married in court. in 2013 she moved back to Nigeria and since then it's been crazy.

The other woman got to find out about the marriage and my cuz and somehow got my cuz's number (the 16 year old is living with my cuz and her hubby so I think she got the number from him) This woman has been calling saying some pretty hurtful things in the typical Nigerian fashion which women use in abusing each other. She has suffered two miscarriages. Her husband is trying so hard to make her comfortable and shield her but my cuz is scared all the time now.

Last night she asked me what she should do. She is seriously contemplating going back to Austria but I told her not to do that yet. She needs to stay and not let any crazy woman run her out of her home. Her greatest fear now is the son who is living with them. Funny thing though is that she was the one pushing for him to come and live with them but now she thinks and believes he is a spy for his mother. He disrespects her at every given opportunity and sucks his teeth at her and raises his voice at her. Sometimes she just wants to knock him out.

What would you all advice. Please I implore you all, do not insult any of the parties involved, it is just advice she needs. She will log in with my password to read all your comments and might even respond to any questions you ask. By the way, she's igbo and he's Edo and they really really truly love each other. He tells people he finally has the peace he has been looking for for many years

Nice to have you back Pslam 23:
Hmmm, tough one, he needs to handle his own baby mama drama and shield her from danger.
I can understand a bit where the man is because I also have an ex, thankfully things are good now but there were times when I had to deal with drama.
Unfortunately women are not as calm as men, I guess I would not have been as calm as hubby if I was the one dealing with all that wahala.
Anyway, I will advise that she be very careful and the husband too, they have kids between them and they have to find a way to make peace because they have to always interact because of the kids.
I suggest the husband calls a meeting with the exes family and his, also involve a lawyer, agree on terms and conditions, if possible write a police undertaken not to harm each other.
Also no calls and insults, all matters should be through the lawyer since tempers are most likely to escalate when they meet.
Your cousin is bold for caring on plenty baggage, I wish them all the best.
And you my love

Well, I don't think its up to her to change anything, if her hubby loves her as she loves him, he will handle the budding mess that is surfacing, he should man-up and call his babies mama to order, if that doesn't work, at least she brought up the idea of them relocating abroad, if he can do that but still insist on staying back, the he should have brighter ideas as things are getting out of order. The 16 year old acting out to her is a common thing, teenagers are rebellious to their parents at such age and it might have little or no connection to being spy to his mom, even if he was, he is not to blame as he will see her as the reason why his parents relationship is sundered. She should be nice to the boy but at the same time be a parent to him, the rest issue I think should be sorted out by her hubby. I pray you get good advice here because mine might be insufficient being that I'm 23. All the best though...

Wow, love?. Four children? The first that is 16years is tormenting for now what about the remaining three in the nearest future. Some people dy love ooooo. Chei. I pray this woman survives the future tormenting because it will not be funny from four children, if at all she will live to tell the story. Damn! Is this for real?quote author=pslm23]Hi everyone, I'm posting this (against my better judgement) on behalf of my cousin. If I knew what to say to her when she came to me with her problem, I wouldn't be bugging you all with this. Here it goes.

She lives in Austria and is married to a Nigerian of a different tribe than hers. She recently came back to Nigeria because her husband said he did not want to relocate overseas so she did what she thought was best and that was to be where her husband was.

Before they got married and even before they truly started dating, he had informed her that he was single but had 4 children from the same woman but he was done with that relationship because the woman was getting worse and worse in character as the years went by. Each time he was prepared to settle down and make an honest woman out of her, she exhibited some pretty scary nature like coming to his place of work, stripping naked and yelling for him to come out and beat her because he did not drop money for one thing or the other. Sometimes she would also grab knives and petrol and threaten to kill herself because they had an argument. she also had the habit of taking his cell phones when he was sleeping and calling all the numbers on it and if a man answers she hangs up, if a girl answers she starts insulting that girl. This is how she insulted his boss. According to him, he got fed up. He was with this woman for 17 years and their oldest child is 16. Everybody told him to leave but he stayed for the sake of his children and because he believed that she would change but that change never came.

3 years ago, my cousin was in Abuja for a funeral and that was how they met. It was platonic, they were just friends and he told her then that he was having serious problems with the mother of his kids. My cousin being the fixer upper kindda girl told him that maybe the woman was acting up because he had not gone knocking on her father's door yet and hadn't paid a penny on her head. He told my cuz that he really wanted to but it just never happened and some of his family members warned him not to do it because if she's this bad before marriage, after marriage might be worse and he might get killed. To cut the long story short, My cuz and him became friends. She went back to Austria, continued her life but kept in touch with him. in 2011 she came to Nigeria for vacation and they met and spent time together and that was when he told her he was finally done with the woman and asked my cuz to date him. She agreed because she was already in love with him and him with her. 6 months after they started dating, he visited Austria and proposed she accepted. in 2012 they got married in court. in 2013 she moved back to Nigeria and since then it's been crazy.

The other woman got to find out about the marriage and my cuz and somehow got my cuz's number (the 16 year old is living with my cuz and her hubby so I think she got the number from him) This woman has been calling saying some pretty hurtful things in the typical Nigerian fashion which women use in abusing each other. She has suffered two miscarriages. Her husband is trying so hard to make her comfortable and shield her but my cuz is scared all the time now.

Last night she asked me what she should do. She is seriously contemplating going back to Austria but I told her not to do that yet. She needs to stay and not let any crazy woman run her out of her home. Her greatest fear now is the son who is living with them. Funny thing though is that she was the one pushing for him to come and live with them but now she thinks and believes he is a spy for his mother. He disrespects her at every given opportunity and sucks his teeth at her and raises his voice at her. Sometimes she just wants to knock him out.

What would you all advice. Please I implore you all, do not insult any of the parties involved, it is just advice she needs. She will log in with my password to read all your comments and might even respond to any questions you ask. By the way, she's igbo and he's Edo and they really really truly love each other. He tells people he finally has the peace he has been looking for for many years[/quote]

debrief08: Nice to have you back Pslam 23:
Hmmm, tough one, he needs to handle his own baby mama drama and shield her from danger.
I can understand a bit where the man is because I also have an ex, thankfully things are good now but there were times when I had to deal with drama.
Unfortunately women are not as calm as men, I guess I would not have been as calm as hubby if I was the one dealing with all that wahala.
Anyway, I will advise that she be very careful and the husband too, they have kids between them and they have to find a way to make peace because they have to always interact because of the kids.
I suggest the husband calls a meeting with the exes family and his, also involve a lawyer, agree on terms and conditions, if possible write a police undertaken not to harm each other.
Also no calls and insults, all matters should be through the lawyer since tempers are most likely to escalate when they meet.
Your cousin is bold for caring on plenty baggage, I wish them all the best.
And you my love

Thank you debrief. Feels good to be back. Missed you all a lot. I'm going to ask him to come and also read some of the suggestions and maybe it will help guide him in making the right decision on how best to protect his wife. My fear is that from what we've heard so far, this ex is the kind that might go to extremes

sakaguchi: Well, I don't think its up to her to change anything, if her hubby loves her as she loves him, he will handle the budding mess that is surfacing, he should man-up and call his babies mama to order, if that doesn't work, at least she brought up the idea of them relocating abroad, if he can do that but still insist on staying back, the he should have brighter ideas as things are getting out of order. The 16 year old acting out to her is a common thing, teenagers are rebellious to their parents at such age and it might have little or no connection to being spy to his mom, even if he was, he is not to blame as he will see her as the reason why his parents relationship is sundered. She should be nice to the boy but at the same time be a parent to him, the rest issue I think should be sorted out by her hubby. I pray you get good advice here because mine might be insufficient being that I'm 23. All the best though...

Thank you Sakaguchi! Your advice is well noted and she/they will see it. I must compliment you though, for a 23 year old, you sure do have a nice perspective on relationship problems. Think about being a counselor!

pslm23:

Thank you debrief. Feels good to be back. Missed you all a lot. I'm going to ask him to come and also read some of the suggestions and maybe it will help guide him in making the right decision on how best to protect his wife. My fear is that from what we've heard so far, this ex is the kind that might go to extremes

Yeah this was my question. From you description, so far, they have not had any physical contact only telephone conversations. Why does your cousin continue to entertain her calls?


As far as having the husband talk to her or her family, it's obvious that won't work. He wasn't able to control her for 17 yrs they were together, how will he be able to do it now that she's pissed as hell?


I would recomend involving the police and a good lawyer, get a restraining order (do these exist in nigeria?) and do not hesitate to get her arse arrested if she keeps calling.

As for the teenage son, of course he will be on his mother's side. I don't know the answer to the question of what to do with him because I don't really know the extent of his mother's influence on his psyche and how far he would be willing to go for her.

Lol, reminds me of some of the drama we had to deal with when we married.
Sometimes a girl would call and claim to be sleeping with my husband, funny because my husband doesn't go anywhere, I can give you his movement daily.
At times when the girls call and claims to be with my husband, my hubby and I would be in bed.
Then when am out of town, there would be calls to my husband that am in my hotel room with a man, meanwhile I was at his brothers house instead of the hotel.
Then the outright calls and insults, threatening people who do business with hubby.
E no easy.
Nigerians don't like doing things legally, it can be expensive but saves energy and time.
Better to deal fully legally with Baby Mama, provision should go through lawyer.

This is what i'll tell my sister:
Relocate to Austria with your husband.
The kids from the other woman can live with their mom,husband sends money for their upkeep and visit them occasionally.
The ex is crazy,security here is a joke.If the ex block your cousin for road and rough handle her,believe you me,your cousin won't get help from no one,most ppl would join the ex to deal with her for stealing another woman's husband.

This is the reality.

@ileobatojo, yes so far there has been no physical contact, just lots and when i say lots i mean like A LOT of calls. Sometimes she talks and other times she doesn't say a word just hangs up and then proceeds to keep calling and calling. One time we counted 200 calls in less than 1 hour. She will call and hang up call and hang up. Sadly, i do not think MTN has call blocking features.
My cuz and her hubby are in top preparations for their traditional wedding and word just came to us that she is planning some kind of disruption and has started laying bad seeds by telling the family of the man (those that still give her ears) that my cuz took pictures of the 4 children and buried in a grave and that she has rendered her hubby a deaf mute. She claims God revealed all this to her. She has called my cuz a barren demon who sold all the babies in her womb for a visa to Austria. She tells people that my cuz is HIV positive. The things she has said is endless and very very hurtful. My cuz does not want to involve the police yet because she doesn't know if they will listen to her or take her case. I told her what is being done to her is harassment and i'm sure there is a law in Nigeria against such. I pray I am left alone with that ex. I have nothing to loose so I would love for her to repeat everything she's said about my cuz to my face

pslm23: @ileobatojo, yes so far there has been no physical contact, just lots and when i say lots i mean like A LOT of calls. Sometimes she talks and other times she doesn't say a word just hangs up and then proceeds to keep calling and calling. One time we counted 200 calls in less than 1 hour. She will call and hang up call and hang up. Sadly, i do not think MTN has call blocking features.
My cuz and her hubby are in top preparations for their traditional wedding and word just came to us that she is planning some kind of disruption and has started laying bad seeds by telling the family of the man (those that still give her ears) that my cuz took pictures of the 4 children and buried in a grave and that she has rendered her hubby a deaf mute. She claims God revealed all this to her. She has called my cuz a barren demon who sold all the babies in her womb for a visa to Austria. She tells people that my cuz is HIV positive. The things she has said is endless and very very hurtful. My cuz does not want to involve the police yet because she doesn't know if they will listen to her or take her case. I told her what is being done to her is harassment and i'm sure there is a law in Nigeria against such. I pray I am left alone with that ex. I have nothing to loose so I would love for her to repeat everything she's said about my cuz to my face

Wow!! She's completely batshit insane. As in, she truly exists in a world completely different from reality.

The best answer to this problem seems to be truly to just relocate. Otherwise, there will forever be problems with her. I'm not sure this one will even listen to orders from a lawyer, she appears that crazy. But I would still pursue that route if relocation is not possible as well as police involvement and see how it goes.

For their engagement ceremony, I hope they plan to have heavy security presence (police or military) to foil her evil plans.

Omo, these are the kinds of people you start praying dangerous prayers for. As in, all my enemies fall down and die types of prayers o. I'm not joking.

so so sad, debrief has given a good suggestion, something similar happened to someone i knew and that's what they did. But I would say they should relocate to Austria, drop the boy back with his mother. Your cousin and her husband deserve to be happy and alone for their first year in marriage

@op,let's be realistic here.if ur cous think it will be all rosy,then I laugh in swahili!by d way,how can a man live with a woman 17yrs w'out seein her parent? She is bad I agree but he was still bleeping,bc d 17 yrs prdced 4 kids! What an insensitive man.
He didn't settle his previous r/ship well and jumped into another.ur cous readily agree all bc of lv abi sympathy? Why is d man not ready to travel with her?who is takin care of d children financially?
D truth is,more is coming. If u ask d so calld bad baby mama,what she will say will surprise everybody.very bad foundation I must say.lv no dey blind these days.it asks ?s and make investigations.it also weigh all d pros and cons b4 it can put head.
Wish them d best.

yellowpawpaw: @op,let's be realistic here.if ur cous think it will be all rosy,then I laugh in swahili!by d way,how can a man live with a woman 17yrs w'out seein her parent? She is bad I agree but he was still bleeping,bc d 17 yrs prdced 4 kids! What an insensitive man.
He didn't settle his previous r/ship well and jumped into another.ur cous readily agree all bc of lv abi sympathy? Why is d man not ready to travel with her?who is takin care of d children financially?
D truth is,more is coming. If u ask d so calld bad baby mama,what she will say will surprise everybody.very bad foundation I must say.lv no dey blind these days.it asks ?s and make investigations.it also weigh all d pros and cons b4 it can put head.
Wish them d best.

So true @ bolded. A very difficult situation to insert oneself into. Goodluck to OP's cousin.

Confusing or am I high already ?
You said "married" in first post and now "they are about to do trad ?"
If your cousin is NOT yet bound to this man by marriage its better for her to look else where oh. The man's baggage na serious over load, why would she want to inherit that?

yellowpawpaw: @op,let's be realistic here.if ur cous think it will be all rosy,then I laugh in swahili!by d way,how can a man live with a woman 17yrs w'out seein her parent? She is bad I agree but he was still bleeping,bc d 17 yrs prdced 4 kids! What an insensitive man.
He didn't settle his previous r/ship well and jumped into another.ur cous readily agree all bc of lv abi sympathy? Why is d man not ready to travel with her?who is takin care of d children financially?
D truth is,more is coming. If u ask d so calld bad baby mama,what she will say will surprise everybody.very bad foundation I must say.lv no dey blind these days.it asks ?s and make investigations.it also weigh all d pros and cons b4 it can put head.
Wish them d best.

Same question me and other family members asked her and him. If he was so unhappy with this woman why remain with her for 17 years and keep fathering kids. He said everytime he got ready to leave, pastors from their church and her family would come begging him saying things will get better and she will change. She told him she was on BC after the 2nd child was born but he said she deceived him with the last 2 pregnancies. From what my family has gathered thus far from members of his family he wanted to marry this woman after the first and second was born but she was getting more and more out of hand.
My cuz is a 38 year old woman who made the conscious decision to enter this marriage knowing full well that there were baggages i.e the children. What nobody expected was an angry ex. his entire family from grand parents to sisters and brothers and uncles and aunts all say one thing, that the ex is a pathological liar with a touch of mental illness. someone that lied that their second child had been crushed by a trailer just so he can come back and when that failed, she now called crying saying that her mother and sister had drowned in a river. the most recent lie was that she is now married to Oshomole (governor of Edo) and he was sending his body guards to beat my cuz and hubby up.
The kids are all in boarding school except for the first who just finished his WAEC. He pays the fees and health insurance and feeding for all of them. Ex has never worked a day in her life and she is a graduate of political science

Please help me ask your cousin if she will be happy if such happens to her. I mean, a woman spent 17 solid years of her life with a man, bore him 4 beautiful kids, cooked for him, washed his clothes, took care of his home for 17 freaking years without a ring, only for him to go marry someone else. jeez! what is this world turning to! is your cousin that old, awgly and desperate that she couldn't get a single guy? whatever she sees, she asked for it, so should brace up cos more will come. 17 years, 4 kids nor be beans!

pslm23:

Same question me and other family members asked her and him. If he was so unhappy with this woman why remain with her for 17 years and keep fathering kids. He said everytime he got ready to leave, pastors from their church and her family would come begging him saying things will get better and she will change. She told him she was on BC after the 2nd child was born but he said she deceived him with the last 2 pregnancies. From what my family has gathered thus far from members of his family he wanted to marry this woman after the first and second was born but she was getting more and more out of hand.
My cuz is a 38 year old woman who made the conscious decision to enter this marriage knowing full well that there were baggages i.e the children. What nobody expected was an angry ex. his entire family from grand parents to sisters and brothers and uncles and aunts all say one thing, that the ex is a pathological liar with a touch of mental illness. someone that lied that their second child had been crushed by a trailer just so he can come back and when that failed, she now called crying saying that her mother and sister had drowned in a river. the most recent lie was that she is now married to Oshomole (governor of Edo) and he was sending his body guards to beat my cuz and hubby up.

It's more than just a touch o! I could see she was completely psychotic from your last post and the bolded just cemented it. This is someone that likely believes some of her own lies. Wahala dey!

He who gathers ant infested firewood invites the lizards to a picnic.
I do not mean to be rude but i am wondering the attraction your cousin have for a man with a trailer load of baggage.
My advice to this cousin is to take some time off maybe go to Austria and re-evaluate things while giving the man time to sort himself out with his wife (whether they were married or not, 4 kids no be childs play).
Time they say have a way of taking care of things.

pslm23:

Same question me and other family members asked her and him. If he was so unhappy with this woman why remain with her for 17 years and keep fathering kids. He said everytime he got ready to leave, pastors from their church and her family would come begging him saying things will get better and she will change. She told him she was on BC after the 2nd child was born but he said she deceived him with the last 2 pregnancies. From what my family has gathered thus far from members of his family he wanted to marry this woman after the first and second was born but she was getting more and more out of hand.
My cuz is a 38 year old woman who made the conscious decision to enter this marriage knowing full well that there were baggages i.e the children. What nobody expected was an angry ex. his entire family from grand parents to sisters and brothers and uncles and aunts all say one thing, that the ex is a pathological liar with a touch of mental illness. someone that lied that their second child had been crushed by a trailer just so he can come back and when that failed, she now called crying saying that her mother and sister had drowned in a river. the most recent lie was that she is now married to Oshomole (governor of Edo) and he was sending his body guards to beat my cuz and hubby up.
The kids are all in boarding school except for the first who just finished his WAEC. He pays the fees and health insurance and feeding for all of them. Ex has never worked a day in her life and she is a graduate of political science

My cuz is a 38 year old woman

No wonder!

What nobody expected was an angry ex.

no woman will be happy.

Your cousin needs to get out of this mess and use contraceptives to avoid getting preggers for this man. He has a lot of unfinished business to handle. For her life sake, let her relocate back to Austria. It's not about another woman running her out of her husbands house. There are times you have to play the fool to come out with your head intact and still stuck to your neck.


Let her put the trad marriage on hold. More story is waiting to spill out of the nest. She needs to investigate by herself without the help of her husband, what exactly happened in the 17 years he spent with the other woman.

How old is your cousin? cos no young one will go and carry this kain over load

Please Tell Ur Cuz to settle into the role of a second wife cos thats what she is. 4 kidz , 17yrs with the woman.i think one of the reasons he married her was cos he tot she will continue living abroad n she go be his foreign wife. she should return abroad nothing good can come out of this marriage but hurt n pain.Life n peace of mind r better than "Mrs".

TiiTee: Please help me ask your cousin if she will be happy if such happens to her. I mean, a woman spent 17 solid years of her life with a man, bore him 4 beautiful kids, cooked for him, washed his clothes, took care of his home for 17 freaking years without a ring, only for him to go marry someone else. jeez! what is this world turning to! is your cousin that old, awgly and desperate that she couldn't get a single guy? whatever she sees, she asked for it, so should brace up cos more will come. 17 years, 4 kids nor be beans!

You are entitled to your own opinion my dear. So the man does not deserve to have peace and happiness even if it means finding it with someone else? He should have remained in a relationship where one day one person will end up killing the other abi? Kudos to your way of thinking. Look at the thousands of cases of one partner killing the other and ask your question again.
I am proud of the choice my cousin made in a husband. She had many suitors but this was the person God chose for her and only Him knows the reason for that. Your question should also be what would make a man not marry a woman after 17 years. What is wrong with the woman? IF she was blameless and peaceful and not a firecracker troublesome person, why didn't he marry her? Also, what makes you think she took care of the home, cooked for him and washed his clothes etc etc etc? You don't know the full picture so don't stereotype here love. Yes he f'd up big time stringing her along without marriage but like he said she was the one who kept ruining any chances of him getting hitched to her. Lets see how you would like it when the mother of your children and future wife comes to your work place to scream and hollar butt neked, at the clinic same thing, at the staff gues house same thing and at the church (redeemed) because of an argument she starts stripping and screaming and threatening to kill herself.

TiiTee:


No wonder!


no woman will be happy.

No wonder what? Because she is 38 that makes her what? or means what? FYI, she might be 38 but she looks like she's in her late 20s. Again, stop with the stereotype.

pslm23:

No wonder what? Because she is 38 that makes her what? or means what? FYI, she might be 38 but she looks like she's in her late 20s. Again, stop with the stereotype.

She is 38 and it means she is desperate to be somebody s wife , no matter how young she looks. if not for the plea in your first post, peeps here would have unleashed their venom on both of you.

@op,if its my place,my kingsmen will not accept him. Even at 38,she can still get a good single guy! C desperation in action!unless she was not doin a legitimate work in austria,she should be a hot cake!
Single guys r lookin for gals like her.
Time will come when she will be beggin to be alive.
My cos is in such mess and she is not findin it funny.nobody in my family is aware except me.she knew after wedin.d man told her one useless story.and he has 4 kids!
A real nightmare!already she has developd hbp,
I asked her,why didn't u investigate?.no answer.so Its her cross so she should carry it.not even ready to tell any of our family members.
I pray she handles it well.

Connoisseur:

She is 38 and it means she is desperate to be somebody s wife , no matter how young she looks. if not for the plea in your first post, peeps here would have unleashed their venom on both of you.

She wasn't desperate to be anybody's wife my friend. He came after her not the opposite. She was assured by HIS family members that indeed he was never married and never has been married to anybody. They accepted her and welcomed her and thanked her for making him happy again. He asked her to return back to Nigeria because he has a fantastic job and wanted to remain close to his children especially the boys and she complied. Your assessment is totally myopic and wrong!

Feel free to unleash anything. it will not change the situation. Like i said earlier, everybody is entitled to their opinion. It is up to those who are affected by this to sort out the chaff from the good advises and move on with their lives.I don't know what you hope to gain by telling me that it was my earlier plea that has made people not unleash their venom on me and my cuz, should i say thank you? The whole point of coming to an online forum to seek help and advice is because there will be both negative and positive feedback and you the poster will have plenty of "food for thought". Outside of this post, you will never get to know the parties involved so please feel free to unleash!

Sister, don't let some words get to you.
The reality of our society is that people prefer till death do us party by fire by force even if death comes in the hands of the other spouse.
If my in laws and husband were like most Nigerians I wouldn't have had a second chance.
So believe me this is a daily battle, no matter how much you achieve, what you do, some people will reject it all and judge you for not staying in a toxic relationship.
For those saying he married her because he wants a fforeign wife, hope we read where she came back at the mans insistance.
People can be crazy male or female, people are forced to stay together in our society for all sorts of reasons.
At the end of the day we can't force anyone to love us or want to be with us.
There is no do or die in love and life.
Calm down Plsam, don't get upset, that's what people have lived with for years, asking a lot of us to change our views is not automatic, it takes time and re-orientation.
We believe a marriage fails because:
1. Wife did something wrong or didn't fight enough
2. Some woman snatched the husband
In your cousins case she will always be seen in light with number 2 by some people, nothing she can do about it.
But she can choose to with her husbands support build a life and home that even nay sayers will refer too.
Calm down

Please keep us updated as the saga unfolds
As sure as night and day there is more
Hope your Cuz is ready forr war coz that is what this is

War-physical, spiritual and even diabolical sef

2 miscarriage already - Hope it does not become a pyhrric victory

@pslm23
She needs to take care of numero uno. Phone calls are easy to stop - she should change sim, when some1 is stalking you like that then you reduce your stress and CHANGE YOUR NUMBER and keep it on a need to know basis.
The trad its self should be on a need to know basis - no need for any feferity cos they are already legally married so you dont need to prove anything. The son is young and probably doesnt understand but its his dads responsibility to cut this drama once and for all. I'm sorry but I think he's failing here - he needs to put his house in order she shouldnt have to deal with this. He's coming across as being spineless here allowing women to handle what he is afraid to handle Hba

She has already made the decision to be married to him inspite of all this drama her husband better ensure that she's safe cos the baby mama is sounds a little pyschotic

@ Psalm there is no point getting upset at some points raised by NL. U honestly post this seeking people's opinion. All d points raised so far are for ur cousin's well being.

There are so many issues like this on this forum. The most recent was whyme(am sorry to mention him here) issue until the wife showed up to air her own point. If possible ask that woman that has spent 17yrs and 4kids with that ur cousin to come here and air her point, u will be shocked to ur marrow.

So calm down and listen to different views and go by the one that answers ur question. Afterall, at the end, it is ur cousin that still has a final say(NLrs don't have anything to lose). But I must tell u, its a very difficult situation. A lot has to be considered, because it involves human life and happiness.

Remain blessed