truly crazy please tell us:

if apple made a car, would it have windows?

2) dam.n it took me 5 minutes to type that text and all you can say is a freaky monosyllabic kk?

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.


I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying ‘boy was that fun.


We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.


Three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: ‘Hold my purse.

Men have two emotions: hungry and Hot. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

Don’t let your mind wander, Its too little to be let out alone.

Life’s a b1tch, if it were easy it’d be a slut.


Death is life’s way of telling you that you’ve been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life, “you can’t fire me, I Quit!”

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.

X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!

wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.


Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.

Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighbouring table n wish you”d ordered that.

If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.

The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.

If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..

Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it

The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.

I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..

I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…

I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..

Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…


Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!

Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…


I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”

I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others!

Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?

I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.

Thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.

Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..

I am going to start cleaning my house. And by cleaning, i mean drinking beer and spraying everything with febreze.
That awkward moment when you keep talking & you don`t realize your friend walked away.

http://uberhumor.com/80-best-quotes-for-facebook-2013-list

http://www.statusstalker.com/

best places to visit when feeling so blue

"I dont drink water, fish f..uck in it" - red mosquito
"The people condeming this generation forgot who raised it"
"I just got a galaxy bold 5"

[quote author=cigar icon]"I dont drink water, fish f..uck in it" - red mosquito


Lmfaooo bahahaha.. .. Made My Day lol

Panshow: My Mom said alcohol is your enemy. Jesus said love your enemy.

Infact bros,only you one na couple of bad guys.

Panshow: My Mom said alcohol is your enemy. Jesus said love your enemy.

Infact bros,only you one na couple of bad guys.

Kingscee: Nonsensical and nonsensically. Who even make this trash enter front page? Nairaland, pls ask some guys about them brain status b4 accepting them as member.

nawa from you o

Funny enuf!!

I'd rather discuss my issues with drunks: they won't remember the conversation

God bless the man that invented highness

I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet, will get to you shortly

I'm a sheep in wolf's clothing, I swear to God

Nigeria is under water, drop ur buckets & grab a swimming trunk

Tha best time to give a shit is yesterday, the second best time is tomorrow

I swear when my future wife begins menopause, I'm going on vacation ALONE

Type amen to get your blessings.

I will rather kill myself than commit suicide.

Dear God, if na butter dey delay my daily bread, abeg give me like that, i get beans

during the yuletide period,

" for all dose i offended through out the year, could you send me 1500 recharge card so i can properly appologise?"

*I just read an article on d dangers of alcohol to our health....

Thats it....

After today,




No more reading*

even though ojukwu is dead, his manhood lives on!

bOOOOOOOM!

Ur joy stick is in the house and u are here.

"I just got a galaxy bold 5"
[/quote]lwtmb..lik wtf?

Yux..........!

you are 21,dating a 60 year old man and you say 'missing you baby" is he your baby or your ancestor?

lwtmb

These are the kinda thangs i read on a daily..i just taya!

...

Twitter peeps no go kill person

*I'm bored and av been tweet about that a million times.
*Hehe....never knew I was a talkertive
*The PS4 teaser is just annoying after anticipation the thing
*My teacher used a 1997 note to taught us modern trend in biotech
*Messi johnson bringed her daughter to film shooting place
*Am felling drowsing
*Am a handsome guy to the call
*Sup wif MTN just deduction my credit 4 no reason
*Am starving I feel like eatin jollof rise
*He is nt peaking my calls
*when ur sister put to bed
*you think you are to young to succeeded
*After 5 hours so dis fone was not evening charging
*#50 4 d wedding?!!! Whoop! Whoop!!......... I heavy annie o
*have u ever visit someone in prison?
*am having saul throat, wats the cause?
*love takes time to hill
*mikel be killing me wit true passes
*lmao..dis naija mexico march tho'
*there is a fire out brake in ijebu ode beside GTB
*majority carried the volt
*cant sleep I av saw throat
*please how much is bold4 brown new sold for?

Behind every successful man he must be a woman

I love my school & my mate's , may d Lord be wit u
allllllllll...............cuz uar grate in all set. L O V E
UUUU

Blessed are the righteous, for they shall stay high....

when you are life just to thanks.some are live in
sorrow pain. some are live in sugar life remenber
oooo u will still live other a death .thank father
becouse u always listen to my voice thanks
righteoness father .rid my life . make me see your
mercy in my life

Obituary,we announce d passing away of chief,Dr,prince,Phd,Msc,BSc,Hnd,Nysc,Ond,Ssce. Mark okafor who slept in d lord on the 24 may 2009, after a brief illness @the age of 84,may his soul rest in peace.

I doubt if anyone can beat this

This

Someone once asked me if my BB is a nokia product

@muaa:
Someone once asked me if my BB is a nokia product

Is that a ststus update?