I am 33year old real estate consultant. I hailed from ayetorogbedde in kogi state but based in lagos. I ve been dating a girl(28) for the past 2years now and has now decided to marry her. The decision came after it became clear that I'm pleased and okay with her ways.
My family are aware of the relationship ever since the beginning and now that I have decided, they are now treatening to disown me if I should go on with the marriage because she is from ijebu. We ve prayed about her and was ascertained that she's a good partner to go with.
I just took up a 2bedroom flat 5months ago so as to enable me to begin this. My girl and all my siblings has been communicating together since the beginning and had to do a little introduction with her family last april due to my mum's relocation to united state the same month. My dad is late not quiet long ago.
Really confused where do I start from again and we so much love each other. Pls what your take on this? Pls advise

That's funny and stereotyping thoughts coming from your peeps o!
Imagine how cool and open they were with her until they discovered she is an Ijebu girl.
You went as far as "praying" over her and yet they still doubt?
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Do they know what other Naija tribes also think of Kogi people too?
I believe your peeps are educated people...let them act like one!!!
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If you love her enough and there are no other factors against ur union, then forget the stereotyping and get married.
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If you want to believe everything u hear about Naija tribes, then maybe going to Mali to marry will be ideal for you.
Fear not......Ijebu chics rock!!!
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Small time now one boy go say my pretty daughter na Oyo girl....say she loves Amala too much so no marriage....hehehe....thunder fire Devil

This is one of the problems rocking marriages where the family of one party hinder the other from marrying as a result of tribe, thereby making the party to go for a choice he/she do not deeply want. Hence beginning of many troubles.

@Op, since the parents of the bride already accepted you to marry their daughter, stand your ground against your people. Afterall, they are not the ones to live with her. Worst they will threaten is that they wouldn't contribute to the wedding nor attend. If they threaten not to attend, its very easy, you can rent people to stand in for them. Case closed.

It is a myopic thinking and archaic way of life to judge people based on his/her ethnic and racial background. Individuals should be treated on the substance of his/her character.

In between, Ijebu people rock though am not an Ijebu but schooled there.

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kayrich9448: I am 33year old real estate consultant. I hailed from ayetorogbedde in kogi state but based in lagos. I ve been dating a girl(28) for the past 2years now and has now decided to marry her. The decision came after it became clear that I'm pleased and okay with her ways.
My family are aware of the relationship ever since the beginning and now that I have decided, they are now treatening to disown me if I should go on with the marriage because she is from ijebu. We ve prayed about her and was ascertained that she's a good partner to go with.
I just took up a 2bedroom flat 5months ago so as to enable me to begin this. My girl and all my siblings has been communicating together since the beginning and had to do a little introduction with her family last april due to my mum's relocation to united state the same month. My dad is late not quiet long ago.
Really confused where do I start from again and we so much love each other. Pls what your take on this? Pls advise

•your dad is late
•your mum has relocated to the states
•there's mutual love in the relationship
•you are 33!

i would have impregnated her in your shoes! stop wasting time, do the right thing. marry her and forget the kogi tradition.

Abeg what's wrong with ijebu peeps, I'm gonna call & ask Dad on this

jidegirl12: Abeg what's wrong with ijebu peeps, I'm gonna call & ask Dad on this

They said Ijebu people are stingy

steph7: They said Ijebu people are stingy

I doubt that, that's just mere banter , there has to be a core and tangible reason .

OP when you said family, who are you talking bout, mom is out of town and Dad's outta the picture so who are they?? IMO I only care bout why my parents say , every others should mechionu and take the back seat period.

You'd be surprised , I have heard reasons like people from Rivers state are lazy, the poor girl in this case had a great job , very hard working girl oh. I heard another one, that edo people are fetish! then delta men always marry more than one wife. Thank God in 2 out of the 3 cases the people still went ahead and got married.

jidegirl12: Abeg what's wrong with ijebu peeps, I'm gonna call & ask Dad on this

Sis apart from stingy there is the"they are fetish" stereotype.Also they are very enterprising so some insecure peeps think cos they are often financially secure,they tend not to be submissive or want to usurp their hubby's authority.


All generalisations if i may add(ok am biased am 3/4 ijebu married to an ijebu man).

Please go ahead and marry her. I'm tired of all these stereotyping. even within tribes.

@jidegirl. I know other yorubas have their reservations about Ijebu people. i wonder why. They also say they love parties more. The aso-ebi crap originated from there. (Ojude-oba). I'm abeokuta and i know they have their reservations too despite the fact that they share the same state. *smh*.

ondo/ekiti no to gbadun ijebus also and their dislike is high up there
igbo- "no marry mbaise o"
itsekiri- no marry ijaw o
etc.

Hahaha I am Ijebu....lol....you berra marry her or you miss out.

Best tribe in the world.

Disown for where?

Abeg make dem carry on with the disown. What difference would the disowning make in your life?

Some people never see dem parents for 20yrs so what effect does disown have on them

OP try this trick tell them the girl is a niece to Mike Adenuga, Subomi Balogun, bayo Kuku etc (Also from Ijebu)that the uncle gbadun you and hear what they would say

Young man marriage without parental consent is like laying a foundation without a pillar, marriage is not just about being in love but involves so many other factors. The first few weeks of marriage might be romantic bliss thereafter it would take more than love to keep it going and that's when the essence of family support comes in. We often confuse success in boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with success in Husband/Wife relationship,that legalizing certificate would change your fairytale to reality show. You cant afford to go into a lifetime commitment with the whole of your family against you, even if they later reconcile with you your wife would still suffer.

Solution, involve people that your mum respects e.g - her siblings, pastors or grandparents,if she still stands her ground then going ahead would be risking your life of happiness.

They said Ijebu people do juju too much and are very wicked.
Nigerians and stereotype

jidegirl12: Abeg what's wrong with ijebu peeps, I'm gonna call & ask Dad on this

samtoye: Young man marriage without parental consent is like laying a foundation without a pillar, marriage is not just about being in love but involves so many other factors. The first few weeks of marriage might be romantic bliss thereafter it would take more than love to keep it going and that's when the essence of family support comes in. We often confuse success in boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with success in Husband/Wife relationship,that legalizing certificate would change your fairytale to reality show. You cant afford to go into a lifetime commitment with the whole of your family against you, even if they later reconcile with you your wife would still suffer.

Solution, involve people that your mum respects e.g - her siblings, pastors or grandparents,if she still stands her ground then going ahead would be risking your life of happiness.

Please let him marry her, even if only the first few years are the so called real love that's better than living a life full of regrets. A lot of people have gone against their families wishes and later on the families have gotten over it. The family would not live with him oh! he is a grown ass man , let him make his choice instead of letting family choose for him

steph7: They said Ijebu people are stingy

No wonder. I hv this friend they call ijebu-igbo. I know d igbo meaning is that she lvs money too much but I don't know d ijebu meaning.but I think that thing is not tru.
These r d ones I have been hearin;
Anambra-will kill his mum for money ritual
Owerri men-still a boy at forty
Yoruba-polygamous in nature.can hv 4 wives in one city.diff locations
Benue-do u want me or my daughter?
Ebonyi-no matter how educated they r,they still reason like they r in d village.u can always single them out anywhere.
The north-behaves like cattle?
Can't remember some of them again. Do these things hv elements of truth in them? Personally I don't think they r true but I've been hearin them over and over


@op,try and convince some of ur pple.at least one person.its important pls.

yellowpawpaw:
No wonder. I hv this friend they call ijebu-igbo. I know d igbo meaning is that she lvs money too much but I don't know d ijebu meaning.but I think that thing is not tru.
These r d ones I have been hearin;
Anambra-will kill his mum for money ritual
Owerri men-still a boy at forty
Yoruba-polygamous in nature.can hv 4 wives in one city.diff locations
Benue-do u want me or my daughter?
Ebonyi-no matter how educated they r,they still reason like they r in d village.u can always single them out anywhere.
The north-behaves like cattle?
Can't remember some of them again. Do these things hv elements of truth in them? Personally I don't think they r true but I've been hearin them over and over


@op,try and convince some of ur pple.at least one person.its important pls.

They are not true, maybe out of 1 million people only 100 are like that and it becomes a generalisation for the tribe. I have an ijebu friend that is stingy to herself, but when it comes to splurging on others and her family she goes all out. I also believe the sterotype somehow affects the way the people from those areas behave, for instance, my igbo friend keeps on making noise about how he is igbo and how he should be a don in container biz by now

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Kayrich: .

Have u been banned recently by the MODs on Nairaland?
Something about people who use double usernames......they might not be sincere with their stories........just an observation.!!!
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Stick to one username Mr.Kayrich(9448)

Hmmn..
Ijebu women...they say most of them are witches and they tend to kill their husband early so they can take control of his properties.

Bro,what other family is threatening to disown you? Extended? Your dad is late and your mum supported the introduction. She couldn't have done that without knowing your girl's tribe. Could she?

IMO,her consent should be the primary one and I believe if she hasn't given it,you can convince her still.
Btw,you are too old to be disowned but anyone who wishes to carry out their threat at your age and shoe size should be very welcome.
You found a good woman. Don't lose her to some silly stereotype. Best wishes!

Eyah! Ijebu stereotypes still dey? I think the fetish thing comes from Ijebu's and their various traditional practices. If you have spent time in Ijebu Igbo, you understand. But which Yoruba subgroup of traditionalists don't have such? They just seem to be more traditional. But that is for the traditional ones. I have Ijebu Epe blood in me, so. . So many people are so mixed up now that what should matter is that you are happy. You are probably Okun or Yagba. As long as the bride's family is also in agreement, just go with it jare. Sit your mum down and really talk to her. Tell her how you feel, and how you will feel if you don't marry her. Don't go and rap love rhymes before she things they have already jazzed you.lmao. She's your mum, am sure you can talk to her. Most importantly, be very sure of whom you are fighting for. So there is no case of "mummy knows best" in the future or "had I known"

My mum is a quiet type who doesn't talk much. I'm the last born of the family of 6. Also the only one who based in lagos. My elder ones in colaboration with my mum are the ones against this. And instead for them to discuss it with me directly, they now liase with some of my uncles (that is my late dad brothers) to stop me from me from continuing.

^^then call them all together and discuss it with them. Let them know it is what you want and their not supporting you won't change your stance. They should give it a rest and wish you well.

Oh I see, well you need to tell your siblings to respect you and your wishes. They need to stop carrying your story around. If you need their advice in future you will be sure to ask. That the woman you want to marry does not fit their stereotype. If they have seen something in her or heard something about her you don't know about, then they shpuld tell you. Otherwise they should drop the matter and embrace her, as you have made up your mind. At 33, you should be able to know what kind of woman you want to marry. You are old enough to make decisions as a MAN. So they should respect that.

@ samtoye, how re u sure that the non-ijebu girl I could have go with is the true & perfect lady I should have partner? Even as my mum & my late dad marries from same town, my mum still didn't enjoy her marriage due to my dad's *********