[b] A sequel to my other thread .....
www.nairaland.com/1315925/son-just-got-girlfriend....happy-scared
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Now I got home ystday evening, my wife had told me my son (OYO......lolllll) got a call from his new girlfriend's mum, she wants him to come around this weekend if he is going to be free!!
Was I shocked? Not at all.
I have read with much surprise how some posters here believed I shouldn't encourage my son (my first son/child) to date a girl who has agreed-on her own free will to date my son!!
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She called him and introduced herself first, then asked to speak with my wife.
They exchanged greetings & she asked my wife if she was aware my son was dating her daughter? She answered she just got to know a few days back & she hadn't met Fola, the girl in question.
Fola's mum on the other hand told my wife her daughter told her elder sister in U.k about seeing a boy, bla bla bla.....and the sis in turn told the mum!
To cut the long story short, she said she would like to meet & know who her daughter was dating & if we don't mind he could come around next weekend!!!
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I dare say, in raising my kids, I have taken a parent-friend relationship style with them, such that my kids won't be scared of telling me the "yo-things" of life (as my son calls it
).
I believe in an open & freedom to express yourself attitude!!
The Fola girl happened to be staying about 4 streets away in the same neighbourhood!!
I realise most people around the hood are liberal parents who take time out to bond with their kids too,(birds of the same feathers?), hence my non surprise at the request from the woman to meet who her daughter wants to date!!
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Now if you think she is wrong for inviting her teenage daughter's boyfriend to her home, let me know & state ur reasons.
If you seem to agree on it, state the reason why u will do the same too!
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I will be back to tell you why I don't find this strange at all.
Good Morning!!
[/b]

Nothing strange about it at all. It's the ideal thing approach when one's child starts dating. Same way you want to get to know their friends, you also want to get to know their boyfriends/girlfriends. This is a great model for what to do in the 'sad' event of a 17yr old daughter that starts dating.

Wow. Fola's mum showed maturity and good judgment. After hearing of the daughter's BF, some mothers might freak out and leave the young couple no choice than to go underground with their romance. At that point, the parents wont know zilch about what's going on anymore. But with the way she played it, she's likely to stay in the loop and know what's going on.
Rather than sticking their heads in the sand and rejecting the inevitable, I think parents should gently guide their children and come to terms with the inevitable developments that might be awkward and uncomfortable.

I love the subtle approach.
These are 2 young ones going into a new phase....and rather than have parents freaking out and threatening fire and brimestone, we have parents who are ready to let them take a few steps while being close enough to guide them.
Subtle but firm enough in my opinion.

lagcity: Wow. Fola's mum showed maturity and good judgment. After hearing of the daughter's BF, some mothers might freak out and leave the young couple no choice than to go underground with their romance. At that point, the parents wont know zilch about what's going on anymore. But with the way she played it, she's likely to stay in the loop and know what's going on.
Rather than sticking their heads in the sand and rejecting the inevitable, I think parents should gently guide their children and come to terms with the inevitable developments that might be awkward and uncomfortable.

Very well said.

lagcity: Wow. Fola's mum showed maturity and good judgment. After hearing of the daughter's BF, some mothers might freak out and leave the young couple no choice than to go underground with their romance. At that point, the parents wont know zilch about what's going on anymore. But with the way she played it, she's likely to stay in the loop and know what's going on.
Rather than sticking their heads in the sand and rejecting the inevitable, I think parents should gently guide their children and come to terms with the inevitable developments that might be awkward and uncomfortable.

Winneygirl: I love the subtle approach.
These are 2 young ones going into a new phase....and rather than have parents freaking out and threatening fire and brimestone, we have parents who are ready to let them take a few steps while being close enough to guide them.
Subtle but firm enough in my opinion.

I agree with you both and want to reiterate the point (because it bears repeating a million times over) that this can only happen because Fola's mom (Parents) is more than likely not "The Hide yo daughter in the attic but send your son into the world with a Be Fruit and Multiply badge kinda parent. If she were, her daughter would be taking the under G route.

Good for her, I say!!!!

Now this is getting interesting!!!!

Can't wait for updates!!

Rotflmao @ Ile's in the "Sad" event"

Hahahahaha! You slay me!!!

Egbe eye leye n wo to.

I already envisaged that should be the next scenario I would expect to play from a 'well trained daughter'.

Therefore Fola's mom is doing the right thing hence what I would do ( just like the : unsolicited advice they turned the other thread into like modern parents don't already know how it works)

Shows the kind of orientation and environment you're breeding your kids.

Baba Oyo .... like the boys , Baby 123 and have said , be his friend and confidant, and I already presumed sex education is in place , it's a no brainer.

Only a naive parent would ignore fact that ( sex educaton/ safe sex) is crucial and there's nothing anybody can do about some parents that failed to to their job, I believe as you lay your bed you lie on it and that includes child rearing and the end product.

Good morning Naija.

How does this add more tew my GP?

Sisi_Kill:



I agree with you both and want to reiterate the point (because it bears repeating a million times over) that this can only happen because Fola's mom (Parents) is more than likely not "The Hide yo daughter in the attic but send your son into the world with a Be Fruit and Multiply badge kinda parent. If she were, her daughter would be taking the under G route.

Good for her, I say!!!!

Now this is getting interesting!!!!

Can't wait for updates!!

Yo sisikill !! Things have changed.., the fact that we behave like archaic sheep doesn't really mean we don't know right thing to do when our daughter starts dating at 17 .... we only say that ( NO) to keep her in line.

So it's not only mama Fola.... It's a concealed line of action to take.

Pound it!!

Sisi_Kill:

I agree with you both and want to reiterate the point (because it bears repeating a million times over) that this can only happen because Fola's mom (Parents) is more than likely not "The Hide yo daughter in the attic but send your son into the world with a Be Fruit and Multiply badge kinda parent. If she were, her daughter would be taking the under G route.

@ bolded, *dies* (antoine dodson reference? )

But seriously, this speaks to the excellent point you made in the other thread about how either of those scenarios can be counter productive. If the girl is forced to go underG because of perceived disapproval and disappointment, how can the parent get close enough to provide effective guidance?

Sisi_Kill: Rotflmao @ Ile's in the "Sad" event"

Hahahahaha! You slay me!!!

ileobatojo: Nothing strange about it at all. It's the ideal thing approach when one's child starts dating. Same way you want to get to know their friends, you also want to get to know their boyfriends. This is a great model for what to do in the 'sad' event of a 17yr old daughter that starts dating.

Still on the matter!!! Lollllll

Baba Oyo:
Still on the matter!!! Lollllll

What matter?

donadexco: How does this add more tew my GP?

If you are not well equipped to make debate with adults why not read & pass by?

ileobatojo:

What matter?

The "sad" matter Noni.....which doesn't treat 17yr old girls with the same "right" with the 17yr old boy!!!
Even though you see nothing strange in this woman's approach, let me ask u, will u honestly do the same with ur teenage daughter?

jidegirl12:

Yo sisikill !! Things have changed.., the fact that we behave like archaic sheep doesn't really mean we don't know right thing to do when our daughter starts dating at 17 .... we only say that ( NO) to keep her in line.

So it's not only mama Fola.... It's a concealed line of action to take.

Pound it!!

Lol....Haba, I don't there there was anything said about ya'all being archaic, in fact it was the other way around with some people implying in a roundabout way that we were the archaic ones.

ileobatojo:

@ bolded, *dies* (antoine dodson reference? )

But seriously, this speaks to the excellent point you made in the other thread about how either of those scenarios can be counter productive. If the girl is forced to go underG because of perceived disapproval and disappointment, how can the parent get close enough to provide effective guidance?

Bwahahaha! Don't you just love Antoine?!! Have you seen the songified version of Dead Giveaway? Please check it out if you haven't. Oh Oh....and Sweet Brown's Ain't nobody got time for that.


One of the points brought up on the other thread about the need to hide the daughters is that you don't know how the guy was brought up...yes, we can train our sons to be a gentleman but not everyone will do the same with their sons so why not keep the girls from dating all together.

Well except Baba Oyo is not telling us something, Fola's mom does not know Oyo from Adam...if we were to go by the proposed logic, she shouldn't let Fola date Oya but she doesn't. . .instead she decides to get to know him and no doubt she will be pleased with the young man. The point is how do you know if they are good for your daughter if don't let them outta the the basement?!!

On the off off off chance she is not impressed by Oyo, do you think she won't be in a better position to gently steer her daughter away from him? I'd like to think so, she's shown herself open minded enough for her daughter to trust her.

Sisi_Kill:


Well except Baba Oyo is not telling us something, Fola's mom does not know Oyo from Adam...if we were to go by the proposed logic, she shouldn't let Fola date Oyo but she doesn't. . .instead she decides to get to know him and no doubt she will be pleased with the young man. The point is how do you know if they are good for your daughter if don't let them outta the basement?!!

On the off off off chance she is not impressed by Oyo, do you think she won't be in a better position to gently steer her daughter away from him? I'd like to think so, she's shown herself open minded enough for her daughter to trust her.

Your point Sisi?
That while pushing my son & backing his "escapade" I decided to shield his sisters when they come of age right?
RIGHT
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Believe me, what I expect is a good job well done by their mum, in this case if she decides to handle them like this other woman, I will trust her judgement with them!!
But as a man, & a father, it is naturally instinctive to be a bit lax with the male child than the female.
My admitting I won't go trumpeting about if it were my daughters stems from the fact that teenage girls are "gullible" (no pun intended) at this age & even though u have raised them with utmost care & love, u still never feel they are ready to get out in the world.
Like ur dad did to you, its just a "man" thing, its natural!!
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Now, I don't know much about the father of the girl for now, maybe he is in this or not, that is another chapter entirely.......time will tell.

Baba Oyo:
The "sad" matter Noni.....which doesn't treat 17yr old girls with the same "right" with the 17yr old boy!!!
Even though you see nothing strange in this woman's approach, let me ask u, will u honestly do the same with ur teenage daughter?

I have no daughters. But I sure will love to do the same (or similar) with my sons when the time comes as long as I have the opportunity (if they are not far away in college or the girl lives in a different area)

Oh, and if I had a daughter, I would seek to do the same as what I would do with my sons.

Sisi_Kill:

Bwahahaha! Don't you just love Antoine?!! Have you seen the songified version of Dead Giveaway? Please check it out if you haven't. Oh Oh....and Sweet Brown's Ain't nobody got time for that.

Checking them out right now!

ETA: Now I know! My hubby went around singing the dead giveaway song for a while after it came out but I never watched it till now. Lol!!

ETA: "I said o lord Jesus eez a fire! Ain't nobody got time for that!" Lmao! First I'm hearing of sweet brown. Thanks for the lulz!

Baba Oyo:
Your point Sisi?
That while pushing my son & backing his "escapade" I decided to shield his sisters when they come of age right?
RIGHT
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Believe me, what I expect is a good job well done by their mum, in this case if she decides to handle them like this other woman, I will trust her judgement with them!!
But as a man, & a father, it is naturally instinctive to be a bit lax with the male child than the female.
My admitting I won't go trumpeting about if it were my daughters stems from the fact that teenage girls are "gullible" (no pun intended) at this age & even though u have raised them with utmost care & love, u still never feel they are ready to get out in the world.
Like ur dad did to you, its just a "man" thing, its natural!!
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Now, I don't know much about the father of the girl for now, maybe he is in this or not, that is another chapter entirely.......time will tell.

Baba Oyo, there are Three things at play here (at least from my own point of view)

1) Teenagers dating
2) The Trumpeting of Teenager dating (gender does not come into play here)
3) The Trumpeting of a Teenage boy dating while condeming a teenage girl doing the same because they are gullible.


Number 1 - If Truth be told, many parents would prefer their teenagers held off dating until they are of age (21 and up) but considering the times we live, this is not always possible. So in the "sad even that our teenagers decide to date, we find a way to live with it and one of that way shouldn't be Number 2, what is the big deal about a teenager dating that one must make a big todo about it? Yes, Yes, I know you men feel differently about it especially when it is your sons which brings me to number 3, how do you do 2 when you believe the latter part of number 3?

Is Fola Gullible? I don't want to believe that because you are a very intelligent man and very self aware....qualities which no doubt have been passed down to your son, we can safely judge his taste...judge that he wouldn't go for any gullible riffraff. If you agree with me that Oya is smart and you can trust his judgement, then Fola isn't a gullible young girl which in turn negates your entire premise that teenage girls are gullible.

I also don't think parenting should be a gender thing (daddy deals with the boy, mommy deals with the girl), who best to talk about men to young girls than a man? Who best can talk to a boy about women than a woman? And who better to young boys and girls about relationship than both mommy and daddy? Isn't the beauty of growing up in a two parent home....to be covered on both ends?

It is my opinion that Fola's mom/parents is/are dealing with this situation the best way she can and I applaud that.

Again this is NOT an indictment on your parenting skill, it is an open discussion on a very important issue.

ileobatojo:

Checking them out right now!

ETA: Now I know! My hubby went around singing the dead giveaway song for a while after it came out but I never watched it till now. Lol!!

ETA: "I said o lord Jesus eez a fire! Ain't nobody got time for that!" Lmao! First I'm hearing of sweet brown. Thanks for the lulz!

Hahahaha!!

I find myself dropping quotes from these silly songs in everyday discussion. It's crazy!!

Well played by Fola's mum.

I see nothing wrong in what Fola's mum did, infact, its the ideal thing to do by every reasonable parent and most especially, mothers.
Lets even forget dating here, if i can wait to see and know the mother of my 7 years old friends' parents of my son and also my almost 5 years old daughter friends parents, i thing its very appropriate for (i guess Fola should be around the same age with Baba Oyo's son)almost 17years old daughter. The idea here is based on the popular saying of "show me your friend and i will know who you are", and to me, its a welcome idea.
Now, back to dating, what is wrong with knowing who your child is hanging out with. Both of them(fola&oyo) need proper guidance and education from BOTH PARENTS, so, if i were Baba Oyo, i will also invite Fola, one, to evaluate her, and discover if shes the type of girl i will want my son to hang out with, two, to be able to educate them together, after she has been approved, three, to be able to monitor them, four, to give them this assurance that you are ours and you will continue to be if you are both well behaved and stand by the principles you are brought up with. These are what Fola's mum want to do with Baba Oyo's son, which to me, shes on a good track.
One thing i know is that, if these children know that their parents are aware and involved in their affair/relationship, there is likely to be more sanity, respect for each other and "normal fear" in the relationship than when it is secretly done/out of parents knowledge. The former will be full of "lets not dissapoint our parents" while the latter will be on lets do what we want to do jare, afterall, no one knows what is going on between us, which at the end of the day comes along with heartbreak with no one to hold responsible by the parents, if the unexpected happens.
Baba oyo, congratulations,once again, and dont forget to continue being "their" friends and confidants, guide them with love, correct them where necessary in love and accept them through love.
Good for you and Fola's mum for facing the reality and allowing these youngies, because, if you dont face the reality and accept them, they will do it behind you, which can be distastrious and full of regret.
May God help us all.

@sisikill, you cant say it better, i guess Baba oyo didnt know how to put it, if baba oyo thinks girls of the same age with hos son are gullible, and his son is dating a gullibe girl, then, it means his son is also gullible. Simple.
Likes attracts likes, so, baba oyo, modify your post accordingly.
God bless you.

As we wa sain , Mrs Greatgod do you by any chance have a son in law in stock for me? Lets start from the top , only one from you will be perfect... @cc league don pass my own, Debrief is too strict and my daughter na love me jeje love me tender.......

Emm emm * raises hand* @sisi I like your sense of humor too... Son in stock?

I prefer Delicate than gulib but it's okay words no dey stick.

jidegirl12: As we wa sain , Mrs Greatgod do you by any chance have a son in law in stock for me? Lets start from the top , only one from you will be perfect... @cc league don pass my own, Debrief is too strict and my daughter na love me jeje love me tender.......

Emm emm * raises hand* @sisi I like your sense of humor too... Son in stock?

I prefer Delicate than gulib but it's okay words no dey stick.

@jide, time will tell.
And yeah!, delicate is better, and that is why i guess babaoyo didnt know how to put it.
Depending on parenting skills of individual, no gullible boys or girls, the only imprtant thing is how are these children brought up
May God help us all.

greatgod2012:
Now, back to dating, what is wrong with knowing who your child is hanging out with. Both of them(fola&oyo) need proper guidance and education from BOTH PARENTS, so, if i were Baba Oyo, i will also invite Fola, one, to evaluate her, and discover if shes the type of girl i will want my son to hang out with, two, to be able to educate them together, after she has been approved, three, to be able to monitor them, four, to give them this assurance that you are ours and you will continue to be if you are both well behaved and stand by the principles you are brought up with. These are what Fola's mum want to do with Baba Oyo's son, which to me, shes on a good track.
One thing i know is that, if these children know that their parents are aware and involved in their affair/relationship, there is likely to be more sanity, respect for each other and "normal fear" in the relationship than when it is secretly done/out of parents knowledge. The former will be full of "lets not dissapoint our parents" while the latter will be on lets do what we want to do jare, afterall, no one knows what is going on between us, which at the end of the day comes along with heartbreak with no one to hold responsible by the parents, if the unexpected happens.

Excellent post !! Brava!!

Might I add that meeting the parents is a great idea too, for instance if the parents are dumb as a sack of rocks, then the gene pool is already at a disadvantage. You might want to quickly free your child..

@greatgod okay oh time will tell

I knew he didn't mean otherwise. None taken.

Interesting I like the mum, s approach

As an aside,is it only in my family that even the boy got the speech(ehn ti o ba fun eyan loyun odi dropout niyen because emi o lowo baby food mo meaning ehn if you impregnate someone you will become a dropout cos i no longer have money for baby formula ).I think my Dad was a very liberal,intellectual man but for some odd reason,the issue of s.ex with his kids was awkward.Above quote was from my mum so you can imagine what we the girls got. Now my brother is 26(the last child) and my mum keeps asking myself and my sister,Se L sofun yin pe oni girlfriend tori emi o ri obirin mo ri,ko kin mu won wale meaning Has L told you he has a girlfriend,i dont know if i have seen a girl with him,he never brings them home.He feels more comfortable talking to my sister,myself or my husband and feels mum needs to know only his future wife.Now that is just sad

To topic,good move from Fola's mum.I personally think(maybe am naive sha)that teenage dating works better with parental supervision as opposed to all those under G runs we were forced to do as teenagers.As i said in Baba Oyo earlier thread,i wad just sooooo terrified of my mum that one year i got loads of Vals presents(in my school vals was a day of show off,looking back now am thinking how could teenage boys afford so many gifts cos some were valing girls in QC and vivian fowler all at once ) i had to practically scoff and share two cakes,give out the teddies and hide the perfume in my bag.My mum was that in your space that she would smell and know you were wearing a perfume she did not buy you .

I turned out ok and did not engage in teenage s.ex BUT i wish they were a slight bit more open.I liked the strictness now looking back as an adult BUT i would want my daughter to be able to tell me and her dad of her puppy loves and infatuations so we could guide her.

greatgod2012: @sisikill, you cant say it better, i guess Baba oyo didnt know how to put it, if baba oyo thinks girls of the same age with hos son are gullible, and his son is dating a gullibe girl, then, it means his son is also gullible. Simple.
Likes attracts likes, so, baba oyo, modify your post accordingly.
God bless you.

Excellent as always!! Your hubby must be a lucky man!!
I want to believe baba Oyo put the word "gullible" in quotes for lack of better word to use. Yes you are right he should modify the word into something better!

@topic...I concur with what the girls mum is doing. Although to be sincere, a very few percentage of Naija parents will EVER tour this line of reasoning!
I hope someday I have kids who will be so free to tell me the "yo-things" of life as well.

Royal Roy:
Excellent as always!! Your hubby must be a lucky man!!
I want to believe baba Oyo put the word "gullible" in quotes for lack of better word to use. Yes you are right he should modify the word into something better!
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thanks sir, im flattered