No woman would love to raise her child or children without the help of the other person.but what if something happened along the way. here is my story, plz I need ur suggestions becos I don't know what I am becoming.my husband and I got married traditionally. we traveled abroad together, we lived as husband and wife for 8months, he bought a ring for me and for himself. our pastor then bless us as husband and wife, so we still live together for another 2Months before I became pregnant. all this while I never knew my husband has a problem of abuse. I was six months pregnant when we had our first quarrel. I gave birth to a baby boy. my baby was 2Months, when he beat me for no good reason he abused me verbally. due to the place we r staying I don't speak the language and their is nobody to run to I stayed with him and the abuse continued, when I call my parents they will only talk what he tell them is what I don't know sometimes they will even blame me. so that make me to stay for years been abuse by the man I love. after five-years we came back to Nigeria. we stay together for months and he left me and the children and went back although he sent money for our feeding. he came back after one year to rent a house for me and the kids. he stayed two months wit us. he will be aside the whole day coming back home sometimes 11pm. his phone never rest, women call him when ever.he still beat me up becos I answer his phone a lady was calling him around 10.45pm, and he is sleeping, she called 3times the fourth one I answered it.so the following day he without and came in and started beating me again this time in public.becos we live wit other people in our compound, some married. now he has traveled again for months now living me and the kids again. together with the shame of embracing me in the public, he even broke my phone. the told my little brother that he is go to marry another woman. my problem now is the way one woman use to talk to me. we r not quarreling but she will be talking to me indirect calling me a single mother. asking my son where is the father it really gets me angry. so plz for those of u out there who understand what am going through, plz do make ur contributions.I even saw a condom in his box.

Madam, u really make this man look so bad. there are so many things in ur write up. i think marriage is beyoung buying and wearing ring. why do he relocate u back to nigeria? have u cheeck urselve very well to know some ways u change from what he knows u to be? u pick his calls why he was with u, now that he has traveled back, do u know the number of women he calls? am not in suport of an abusive home, but u need to consider all those points i gave. sorry if i wrote what u'r not expecting.

Refer back to this thread:
https://www.nairaland.com/615264/please-men-need

as per the woman who is indirectly calling your children bastards, lure her to a bush path alone and beat the living day light out of her.
You are covered.

What kind of "abroad "is he stayin at that he can't get a comfortable flat for u?
Madam,r u idle? Have u no means of livelihood? Find something doin. Less dependant.less insult.more self esteem,less idle and highly empowered!
I hope u get my drift

Gboliwe,what of if d other lady is stronger?

missmishel: Madam, u really make this man look so bad. there are so many things in ur write up. i think marriage is beyoung buying and wearing ring. why do he relocate u back to nigeria? have u cheeck urselve very well to know some ways u change from what he knows u to be? u pick his calls why he was with u, now that he has traveled back, do u know the number of women he calls? am not in suport of an abusive home, but u need to consider all those points i gave. sorry if i wrote what u'r not expecting.

always the womans fault?

LOL ....what are mine?

berylLOL: LOL ....what are mine?

Why not look beyond trivial issues & make ur contribution?
====
I believe ur husband is a little bit of this before you married him.
Have you talked to his family?
You need to stay out of his way even if you still live together.
Do your responsibilities but stay out of his business.
An abusive man can be deadly, don't confront him especially when he is drunk.
And to those who assume you are a single mom, u only have to ignore, believe me u have bigger things to worry about than that.

berylLOL: LOL ....what are mine?

Vestige of the grammar police that proliferates daily over the cyberland

She meant What am I

@geoger... Na wa for this one

Firstly you've not told us of your means of sustenance

Which country is this and is your husband a lawful citizen of that country

What have your own parents said on this matter

What are your options
School? Work? Business?

cotton101:

always the womans fault?

i just tire.its obvious from the way the op typed there that she is going through a lot of trauma and some insensitive and unreasonable thing will type that crap.its just a pity the kinds of men out there and their irritating ways of reasoning.

No wonder kids out there disregarded fathers day.so many sperm donors and little or no fathers.mshewwww

biolabee:

Vestige of the grammar police that proliferates daily over the cyberland

She meant What am I

@geoger... Na wa for this one

Firstly you've not told us of your means of sustenance

Which country is this and is your husband a lawful citizen of that country

What have your own parents said on this matter

What are your options
School? Work? Business?

from what i infered there,she is apparently a house wife who depends on her husband for everything financial.e.g dady tope groundnut oil has finished,salt has finished,money for baby diapers,money for bra,money for recharge card etc

cotton101:

always the womans fault?

does it mean women are faultless? from her write up, the man relocated her from abroad, got her an apartment and now come for visit. why? am not suporting the man, but am sure the op, also have her flaws.

yellowpawpaw: What kind of "abroad "is he stayin at that he can't get a comfortable flat for u?
Madam,r u idle? Have u no means of livelihood? Find something doin. Less dependant.less insult.more self esteem,less idle and highly empowered!
I hope u get my drift

Gboliwe,what of if d other lady is stronger?

until they slug it out, nobody knows who is stronger.

to avoid such, she can go with a back up who will help in beating her up incase it isnt in her favour.

Too bad you have to go through all of this, but the least of your concerns should be what other people think. Let that woman talk. Just tell your kid not to elaborate on his dad's absence. Cuz apparently that woman is just a gossip loving to get info from your kid and spread rumours around. Do you have means of sustaining yourself and the kids? Cuz this situation u described between your hubby and you is definately not a marriage. Try not to focus on wether or not he is with another woman or not,it will only hurt you,stick to yourself,see how you can make ends meet and make your own life for you and the kids. Hopefully your parents have come around to assist you or maybe you have brothers and sisters you can turn to for some support.

Gboliwe:
until they slug it out, nobody knows who is stronger.

to avoid such, she can go with a back up who will help in beating her up incase it isnt in her favour.

lol,orisirisi.because of penis matter.smh.its not over land,millions or children but because of penis.mshewwww

Hmmm.. I get that but we need to hear from her mouth and also know what are her options so we can give a more customised advice

kulyie: from what i infered there,she is apparently a house wife who depends on her husband for everything financial.e.g dady tope groundnut oil has finished,salt has finished,money for baby diapers,money for bra,money for recharge card etc

kulyie: lol,orisirisi.because of penis matter.smh.its not over land,millions or children but because of penis.mshewwww

penis matter? The beating na to make her to learn to keep quiet and face her business and then give her another chapter to gossip about.

You don't seem to have a lot of supportive people around you so I'm lost on what to tell you.

You had better start living your life like you have no husband. This man is too far gone and you are the least of his cares. You are going to have to stand up for yourself somehow
.
Get a job,get your own life and focus on your children.

The physical abuse is something else too. You need to find someone who can listen and call your husband to order/warn him off ,an aunt somewhere
? his parents? People he respects?

Ignore the ones calling you a single mother. They don't matter. Besides,a single mother tag is no criminal tag.
You are in a difficult place and I only hope it won't last forever.

Gboliwe:
penis matter? The beating na to make her to learn to keep quiet and face her business and then give her another chapter to gossip about.

U be agbero! U've not seen very strong women b4.we call them single bone! They will beat u,beat ur back up and those wey no join too!

Bottom line is this,she should better start doing something.

yellowpawpaw:
U be agbero! U've not seen very strong women b4.we call them single bone! They will beat u,beat ur back up and those wey no join too!

Bottom line is this,she should better start doing something.

Gboliwe:
penis matter? The beating na to make her to learn to keep quiet and face her business and then give her another chapter to gossip about.

lol.smh

@ OP
On an earlier thread, you mentioned your husband beats you because that's what he saw his father do to his mom, so he believes it's right. Your husband's mother most likely stayed because it is better than being a single mom. Now you are staying because you think it is better than being a single mom. You also mentioned you have a son, yes?

Sometimes we don't need an oracle to tell us what the future holds or why things are the way they are.

You have bigger problems than a neighbour calling you a single mom.

How do you feed yourself and the family when the man is away?

Have you involved his parents? Can you try and con him somehow to open a business for you

I believe its her dependence on him thats making her to endure the numerous beating. Even a goat cant endure that much

Which country did you have the kids? That should mean your children have a foreign passport

dayokanu:
Which country did you have the kids? That should mean your children have a foreign passport

Northern Afghanistan

Thank u all for ur help and suggestions. we came back from abroad because of war. I think like it better here in Nigeria. am close to my parents now. even my mum said I should ignore him. I have ask him to open a business for me, but he keeps belonging it. I am trying to start up something for my self and for my 3 kids. thanks be to God.

Fantastic advice above.

U def need an exit plan n pls no more kids.

geoger: Thank u all for ur help and suggestions. we came back from abroad because of war. I think like it better here in Nigeria. am close to my parents now. even my mum said I should ignore him. I have ask him to open a business for me, but he keeps belonging it. I am trying to start up something for my self and for my 3 kids. thanks be to God.

Good to know! Go gal!u need it and the sky is not even ur limit!
I applaud ur decision. God's favor and goodluck.