So I met this guy a year and a half ago. It wasn't meant to be much of anything. But, to his admission, he respected my drive and independence. I, as a single Mom, put myself through school and work. We hit off almost instantly and are very close. He's a big brother who can suit me down and advise me, truly an inspirational person. Our physical attraction is crazy.
He's much older and been through much more than I, some not so good, but those things make him who is as a whole.
I know he thinks that he's got bad habits and part of his issues are yet to be revealed to me. He told my close friend that he's afraid of hurting me. I mean is he really that bad that his hurtful habits will cause me harm? I've no interest in changing the man, I just want him to reach his potential. Even if I'm not the one to help him in achieving that goal. The ultimate goal for me is that we find our true source of happiness and a true partner to enjoy that happiness with.
Now he's becoming distant and playing stupid games with me. I don't see the point of his games though because they really show up his insecurities. The whole situation saddens me because he knows what he's doing is wrong and that he is really impeding his own progress. That's what hurts me to the core, because I only wanna see him shine. I'm not willing to give up on him, but at the same time as a mother of both a boy and a girl, I won't be trampled on. I don't know how to communicate with this man at this juncture. I stopped calling, whtext only and barely at a regular basis, because I'm not trying to be a bug. I'm just concentrating on my kids and work making my family successful. What do you guys think should I wait for this man to come to his senses, or count it as a lost?

What is d bad habit actually

Based On What I Just Read Above, I Can Deduce You Both Haven't Begun Something Official. What You Have Is An Attraction You both Are Aware Of. There Is Something Here I want You To Take Note Of, He Thinks He's Got Bad Habits And Probably Because Of That, Doesn't Want To Hurt You. This Shows Someone Who Cares About You. He Knows He's Imperfect, Thinks His Imperfections Might Hurt You In Future If He Gets Involved With You. He Decides To Hold Back A Little, Probably Work On Him self, Make Himself A Better Man. Way Much Better Than Breaking Up Cos You Don't Like Some Things About Him. You never Can Guess How Bad Some Things Are About Some People. And I Know You'd Want To Argue About Him Not Talking To You About Stuffs Like That, Trust Me, its Not Everything About Us We're Proud Of. Don't Even Tell Me He Can Still Tell You Nothwithstanding, You'll Understand. Just Leave It. If He's Gonna Get Out Of His Shell, He Will. I'll Say You Let Him be. Act Normally. If Something Real Is Meant To Happen Between You Two, It Will. No Point Making Him Do Something He Feels He's Not Supposed To Do For Some Reasons. He Knows Why He's Holding Back And Its Not Your Job To Pry Into That. Focus On Your Kids. An Ideal Man Will Come. Cheers

Wow....Dygeasy just finished

Dygeasy: Based On What I Just Read Above, I Can Deduce You Both Haven't Begun Something Official. What You Have Is An Attraction You both Are Aware Of. There Is Something Here I want You To Take Note Of, He Thinks He's Got Bad Habits And Probably Because Of That, Doesn't Want To Hurt You. This Shows Someone Who Cares About You. He Knows He's Imperfect, Thinks His Imperfections Might Hurt You In Future If He Gets Involved With You. He Decides To Hold Back A Little, Probably Work On Him self, Make Himself A Better Man. Way Much Better Than Breaking Up Cos You Don't Like Some Things About Him. You never Can Guess How Bad Some Things Are About Some People. And I Know You'd Want To Argue About Him Not Talking To You About Stuffs Like That, Trust Me, its Not Everything About Us We're Proud Of. Don't Even Tell Me He Can Still Tell You Nothwithstanding, You'll Understand. Just Leave It. If He's Gonna Get Out Of His Shell, He Will. I'll Say You Let Him be. Act Normally. If Something Real Is Meant To Happen Between You Two, It Will. No Point Making Him Do Something He Feels He's Not Supposed To Do For Some Reasons. He Knows Why He's Holding Back And Its Not Your Job To Pry Into That. Focus On Your Kids. An Ideal Man Will Come. Cheers

Dang! You deduced all this from her coded write up
Are you the guy in question?? Lol just kidding

But good advice

Babe you are strong and independent with 2 children...be with a man who will take care (emotionally) of you not the other way around.

Dygeasy as spoken and I agree with him

As the first child I used to have this I can carry it all stance.....not good o.
If a man tells you he needs fixing : then let him get help from his CREATOR o...you will not even get thank you if you fix him sef becos real men want to fix their woman not the other way round.

maybe he wanted to use and dump you and after being close to you, he felt guity....he believes you are a good person and you don't deserve that from him, he should leave you for a better man that will treat you and your kids well...to some guys,stopping communication is their own way of saying goodbye...

He wants to be intimate friend with you but noticed you are taking it to another level and he thinks you don't deserve to be hurt, so he left. If you also want to be intimate friend with him, just let him know that you guys can be just friends

Being a single mother is a discouraging factor when going into a relationship, however, u must understand dat if he is real, he needs to "rebrand" to be a good husband n father to ur children. On d otherhand be positive.

My Lady, whenever a man uses the phrase "...I don't want to hurt you", he knows damn well what he is talking about. You didn't let us in to some of the habits. Needlessly to say, some habits are not accommodating and can be unhealthy having your kids around such person. He might be great with the kids, you may have some feelings for him, but my candid advice for you is to let go of this one. There is no one perfect person out there. But you can settle for someone whose imperfections can be accommodated by you and your kids.

Ok thanks for the advices so far. I think you guys are saying that I should go on with my life and leave him alone to sort his issues out. Makes sense. He's not being honest with me, I've never made it an issue to pry into his issues or to imply that I should be the one to help.

Funny that @horny4u is the first child because I'm the oldest of ten, so maybe I'm trying to be big sister.

His bad habits are just that bad habits, don't know if this guy goes on NL, but he shouldn't have his dirty laundry spread over the internet.

vivalableue: So I met this guy a year and a half ago. It wasn't meant to be much of anything. But, to his admission, he respected my drive and independence. I, as a single Mom, put myself through school and work. We hit off almost instantly and are very close. He's a big brother who can suit me down and advise me, truly an inspirational person. Our physical attraction is crazy.
He's much older and been through much more than I, some not so good, but those things make him who is as a whole.
I know he thinks that he's got bad habits and part of his issues are yet to be revealed to me. He told my close friend that he's afraid of hurting me. I mean is he really that bad that his hurtful habits will cause me harm? I've no interest in changing the man, I just want him to reach his potential. Even if I'm not the one to help him in achieving that goal. The ultimate goal for me is that we find our true source of happiness and a true partner to enjoy that happiness with.
Now he's becoming distant and playing stupid games with me. I don't see the point of his games though because they really show up his insecurities. The whole situation saddens me because he knows what he's doing is wrong and that he is really impeding his own progress. That's what hurts me to the core, because I only wanna see him shine. I'm not willing to give up on him, but at the same time as a mother of both a boy and a girl, I won't be trampled on. I don't know how to communicate with this man at this juncture. I stopped calling, whtext only and barely at a regular basis, because I'm not trying to be a bug. I'm just concentrating on my kids and work making my family successful. What do you guys think should I wait for this man to come to his senses, or count it as a lost?

It has been my observation that men who say such things usually hurt the women. He knows what you want and he can't give it to you. Sowwie

Dygeasy did summed up the whole thing, nice one.

But to add to what he has already said, pls don't blame that man so much, u know y

It takes a very very bold, courageous and experienced man to marry a single mother with two kids, hmmm, difficult in Nigeria unless u guys stay abroad shaa. That's y, if u are a single mother, u need a special grace of God to get a nice hubby, keep praying but pls focus on ur kids.

Now to his attitude, its common amongst good guys who don't like to hurt women, they rather end communication and disappear gradually than hit and run!

I will like to use myself as an example, I know I aint ready for any relationship/commitment with the opposite sex, so I try my best never to be close and whenever I mistakenly or by chance meet a very nice lady, I usually stay distant, and inconsistent with communication if at all any exist to avoid the person developing something passionate/intimate which I know I won't meetup with.

I remember some time last 3 years, I met a lady at a church seminar for youths, I was amongst the speakers, and becos she was amongst the hosts, and so we had interactions for d 3 days the event took place, she developed likeness for me and I also did to be honest.

When leaving we exchanged contacts, she tried calling constantly, I hardly returned her calls cos I noticed she is a wonderful lady: very pretty, single, educated and well mannered, but I knew deep down my heart that I wasn't ready to be in any relationship/affair or even to lead her on becos I know within me that I have plenty issues (a perfectionist, hardly trust cos of things I hear/read/see, financially not ready like I desired, etc).

so I struggled to avoid calling her, and gradually she kept calling n complaining until she finally noticed that I wasn't serious, she reduced calling n then stopped. Painful but that's d journey of a man if u want to keep ur integrity in tact than starting something u won't/cant finish.

If you are a lady reading this, have this in mind:

When u meet a guy, he likes u n u do, n u guys starts sth serious (dating/whatever), he do calls, sms, frequently etc and u also do
same, and at a point he stops calling. Any of these must have happened:

1. He has either lost interest as a result of sth: ur attitude, he discovered ur a gud lady n don't want to hurt u, so he wants to flee early, he has found love elsewhere or he is afraid of commitment (u can only win him backby helping to convince him not to fear of committing with u if he's afraid commitment for a reason).

2. He got angry that u don't call him as much as he do and maybe something opened his eyes.

I hope my long explanation helps.

In order words, I would suggest u let him be for now unless u know his bad habits and u are ready to bear with it, then request for a meetup on a neutral/friendly environment and talk to him boldly.

Ask him if he's afraid that he would hurt u cos of his bad habit, and then if u have considered coping with his bad habits, go ahead and assure him that u are ready to cope with it while he tries to change for good if possible.

Don't just be calling him to say: hi, I just wanted to say hi and know how u are faring...that won't change a thing. Confront him like I narrated above or let him go- stop calling.

Goodluck and do take care of those kids

#Ilovekidsalotdontknowy

U fvck man born one, fvck anoda man born, again, u cume here cum dey think say man wey holl side go love u up? This girl are u sleepin on a bike? He's runnin away cos he knws he'l fvck u n giv u a 3rd child and scram like d others. he doesn't wanna do.

2kids and u r a single mother so u shd be around 30-35? Let's take a median age for you, u r 33. U say he is way older. So let's put him in his early or mid 40's. So ofcourse he is married. Wat is he doin wit u? Think he'l take a second wife? Even if he isn't married, u think he'sl want to be shackled wit a single mother of two who wants to mother him also? Wats wit all these gibberish about seeing him reach his potential, wen u clearly didn't even get ur own priorities right? He is most likely more successsful than u and upwardly mobile so wats all dis one about steering him tru life?

Seems uv read too many of diz self help books about men likin women who help dem actualize their dreams. U be psychotherapist? Ur mothering attitude has prolly driven him off. I hav dated a girl who had two kids before- a boy n a girl..I was friends wit d kids, bought them stuff.but d girl neva stood a chance..cos of dos two kids. Yet I made her believe d kids didn't matter and I was cool wit her status as a single mother. And she was young- just 25. she was verygood at sxxx, so I couldn't keep my hands off her. As a life partner? She was a no-no,so d minute she started tryin to go deeper wit me, I slinked off.if u think being a single mother don't amtter to a man? Think again. Except he has kids of his own, is a divorcee or a widower. .my 2cents

apache77:
U fvck man born one, fvck anoda man born, again, u cume here cum dey think say man wey holl side go love u up? This girl are u sleepin on a bike? He's runnin away cos he knws he'l fvck u n giv u a 3rd child and scram like d others. he doesn't wanna do.

2kids and u r a single mother so u shd be around 30-35? Let's take a median age for you, u r 33. U say he is way older. So let's put him in his early or mid 40's. So ofcourse he is married. Wat is he doin wit u? Think he'l take a second wife? Even if he isn't married, u think he'sl want to be shackled wit a single mother of two who wants to mother him also? Wats wit all these gibberish about seeing him reach his potential, wen u clearly didn't even get ur own priorities right? He is most likely more successsful than u and upwardly mobile so wats all dis one about steering him tru life?

Seems uv read too many of diz self help books about men likin women who help dem actualize their dreams. U be psychotherapist? Ur mothering attitude has prolly driven him off. I hav dated a girl who had two kids before- a boy n a girl..I was friends wit d kids, bought them stuff.but d girl neva stood a chance..cos of dos two kids. Yet I made her believe d kids didn't matter and I was cool wit her status as a single mother. And she was young- just 25. she was verygood at sxxx, so I couldn't keep my hands off her. As a life partner? She was a no-no,so d minute she started tryin to go deeper wit me, I slinked off.if u think being a single mother don't amtter to a man? Think again. Except he has kids of his own, is a divorcee or a widower. .my 2cents

are u the guy OP is talking about?just asking.

kreami diva: are u the guy OP is talking about?just asking.

Hahhahahahhah...hw can it be me? dem carry single mothers swear for me?

Let me clear a couple of points up for you. Single Mom of 2 kids from same man. Never married the man because he was a cheater and abandoned his daughter when she was on her sick bed. I'd rather be happy with the kids alone than think of depending on a man who didn't want me to work or pursue education while he never provided for the family. I'm 26 in October. Been alone since I was 24 and in that year managed to get a degree in computer science and now pursuing one in electrical engineering whilst working full time.

I don't ascribe to gain anything from thus man because as it stands he is a self made man (non-graduate), we earn the same amount of money. The only self help book I ascribe to is the Bible. Now, I'm not trying to change the guy, no need to be his Messiah he's a Christan he's got one. I am aware of some of his issues, sometimes it's like he minimizes them to maximize mine. A silly game in my opinion.

I think what I'm trying to get at is that we are both not saints. I'm going somewhere very far in my life, he can too. If he as a divorce with kids of his own thinks that he's better or worse than me then he's wrong. I don't mother the man, I don't point out opportunities for him to dabble in. Simply put if he sees something that can be involved in that can add to his success I encourage him to follow his instincts. I play my role, spend time with him. I'm in school so there's no rush for me to settle down and run to the altar. I like my home as it is and I run it as I see fit. There's a season for everything and right now I'm enjoying my little family. So, I'd say that if his motivation is that I'm being a crazy lady that wants to rule him or go deeper and get married then he never really knew me and I wouldn't think twice about walking away. There's something in seeing someone come out the winner, being a good friend, enjoying the real moments spent together. That's what my life is about for the moment. I know this guy, he's not ready our in my opinion capable of settling down. That's a non issue to me because I'm in the same boat.

apache77:
U fvck man born one, fvck anoda man born, again, u cume here cum dey think say man wey holl side go love u up? This girl are u sleepin on a bike? He's runnin away cos he knws he'l fvck u n giv u a 3rd child and scram like d others. he doesn't wanna do.

2kids and u r a single mother so u shd be around 30-35? Let's take a median age for you, u r 33. U say he is way older. So let's put him in his early or mid 40's. So ofcourse he is married. Wat is he doin wit u? Think he'l take a second wife? Even if he isn't married, u think he'sl want to be shackled wit a single mother of two who wants to mother him also? Wats wit all these gibberish about seeing him reach his potential, wen u clearly didn't even get ur own priorities right? He is most likely more successsful than u and upwardly mobile so wats all dis one about steering him tru life?

Seems uv read too many of diz self help books about men likin women who help dem actualize their dreams. U be psychotherapist? Ur mothering attitude has prolly driven him off. I hav dated a girl who had two kids before- a boy n a girl..I was friends wit d kids, bought them stuff.but d girl neva stood a chance..cos of dos two kids. Yet I made her believe d kids didn't matter and I was cool wit her status as a single mother. And she was young- just 25. she was verygood at sxxx, so I couldn't keep my hands off her. As a life partner? She was a no-no,so d minute she started tryin to go deeper wit me, I slinked off.if u think being a single mother don't amtter to a man? Think again. Except he has kids of his own, is a divorcee or a widower. .my 2cents

ehen....now u r talking small small...you hav a first degree and studying for a second..he is self made, atleast near comfortable-and dont think he earns same as u, he surely earns more (abi u don buy land? you dey expect container frm high sea? hw many of ur sibblings r u sponsoring through university). None of these I suppose but ofcourse you wont knw these commitments of his and measure him based on the material things you see with him.

but he is 'uneducated', meaning he is omata, if you both live in naija. so he seems tushd, and polished, but scratch deep enough and you notice the trader in him, the veneer of lack of 'education'. so he is feeling inadequate (which derives from where you talked about his insecurities). well his lack of 'graduate' education (always notice the parenthesis when i talk of his education) may be an issue, but there may also be deeper lying cleavages.

First off, you come across like a fiercely opinionated woman- one whose strong sense of independence may hamper the progress of a relationship except with a really open minded man. you are sooo serious to the point of being boring. So I can imagine your moments with him, prolly very formal, very uptight, very rigid, maybe.. You seem too serious- this on its own is not bad, and cannot drive a serious man away, but it kind of stymies him,subtracts from the leisure moments he spends with you- the therapeutic factor is absent, maybe.

more importantly, your little family...to them you owe your first allegiance, that will always be ur first love, him second..so am sure he also sees this and this ofcourse is a red flag dipping into the deep end with you. and point of correction- he is a divorcee with kids is different from a single mother with kids. you are not the same. he had his kids in wedlock, you had yours outside wedlock. But thats neither here nor there.

Give him some space,you seem like a proud woman so this wont be hard for you to do. When even he does come around, throw away this very serious and rigid you, you guys shd just be like children, like playmates with out a care in the world- even if bills must be paid the next day. this your obsession with where you are going, he must succeed, you both must be at the top(except he is a loafer, he has a clear cut path to his success)...please all these motivational talk, if he needs a motivator, he will go to myles munroe or sam adeyemi. While you must have ur goals firmly in sight and in your mind, dont let dat, or your own concerns about his own actualization of be ur pre occupation as it so apparently is.you may think you are egging him onto his path of self fulfilment, but believe me, that can be a big put off. a man who will be President will be President- woman or no woman, patience or no patience.

Girl, I love your strength, gosh I wish many women could be as strong as you are, only 26 and you're holding it down with your two kids, girl, you totally rock!

As for this guy, just forget about him, you've done your own part, if he's acting up like this, just leave him to whatever he's up to.

Yuo can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

Focus on your kids and be the best you that you can be, you come first and any guy who loves you and wants you will know that.

Just keep on keeping on jawe, no time for slackers, sky is your limit.

LOL, I'm Canadian, I don't have to sponsor my sibling through any university studies, that's what our parents and scholarships are for. That's what they're own prerogative, if they want it they gotta work for it. I'll encourage them, give them a room to sleep in my place if they want to go to Concordia University which is in my neighborhood. I don't any property yet, that's my goal for the next 4-5 years. But, I know my life is a different than in Nigeria, him being the first son of Yoruba people I know that for him to even consider me as wife material, I must not even be thought as a lazy iyawo. I'm not even going to give any in-law a chance of saying that I'm sucking any resource from them. I've got my own stuffs down to the penny. He lent me some money once or twice, and me too for that matter, and I'm talking small change (20-100$) because no ATM was available. Other than that, I take care of my expenses and savings on my own thank you very much!

I know I come off as serious, but hello I am 26! I'm the one who goes out with friends, propose random things to do! My name is Viva, and rightly so, I'm full of life. I love the outdoors, and doing "bad" things in public (if you catch my drift.. ) We joke around like brother and sister, play fight the whole thing. He calls me his little nerd because I have this uncanny sense of being silly and nerdy. I'll fix my hard drives in six inch heels and nails, while telling him a dirty joke!


As a libra woman, I am all about balance, like I said before there's a season for everything. I want to have fun, I know that life is about more than fun though. So I make sure that all that's to be settled in my life as a mother is sorted out before I go play with my chocolate lover!

Now his status about a non-graduate, was only made to show that he is a self made guy despite being here and no credentials. So when he's telling me about a new venture, I tell him to follow those killer instincts, he's a sharp guy very intelligent. His education was on the streets of Lagos (much tougher than the streets of Montreal for sure!), and that's more than enough for me! I don't even mention the schooling aspect to him per se, only that he's thinking of it now, and because I know he's a big boy, he'll kill it!

apache77: ehen....now u r talking small small...you hav a first degree and studying for a second..he is self made, atleast near comfortable-and dont think he earns same as u, he surely earns more (abi u don buy land? you dey expect container frm high sea? hw many of ur sibblings r u sponsoring through university). None of these I suppose but ofcourse you wont knw these commitments of his and measure him based on the material things you see with him.

but he is 'uneducated', meaning he is omata, if you both live in naija. so he seems tushd, and polished, but scratch deep enough and you notice the trader in him, the veneer of lack of 'education'. so he is feeling inadequate (which derives from where you talked about his insecurities). well his lack of 'graduate' education (always notice the parenthesis when i talk of his education) may be an issue, but there may also be deeper lying cleavages.

First off, you come across like a fiercely opinionated woman- one whose strong sense of independence may hamper the progress of a relationship except with a really open minded man. you are sooo serious to the point of being boring. So I can imagine your moments with him, prolly very formal, very uptight, very rigid, maybe.. You seem too serious- this on its own is not bad, and cannot drive a serious man away, but it kind of stymies him,subtracts from the leisure moments he spends with you- the therapeutic factor is absent, maybe.

more importantly, your little family...to them you owe your first allegiance, that will always be ur first love, him second..so am sure he also sees this and this ofcourse is a red flag dipping into the deep end with you. and point of correction- he is a divorcee with kids is different from a single mother with kids. you are not the same. he had his kids in wedlock, you had yours outside wedlock. But thats neither here nor there.

Give him some space,you seem like a proud woman so this wont be hard for you to do. When even he does come around, throw away this very serious and rigid you, you guys shd just be like children, like playmates with out a care in the world- even if bills must be paid the next day. this your obsession with where you are going, he must succeed, you both must be at the top(except he is a loafer, he has a clear cut path to his success)...please all these motivational talk, if he needs a motivator, he will go to myles munroe or sam adeyemi. While you must have ur goals firmly in sight and in your mind, dont let dat, or your own concerns about his own actualization of be ur pre occupation as it so apparently is.you may think you are egging him onto his path of self fulfilment, but believe me, that can be a big put off. a man who will be President will be President- woman or no woman, patience or no patience.

vivalableue: LOL, I'm Canadian, I don't have to sponsor my sibling through any university studies, that's what our parents and scholarships are for. That's what they're own prerogative, if they want it they gotta work for it. I'll encourage them, give them a room to sleep in my place if they want to go to Concordia University which is in my neighborhood. I don't any property yet, that's my goal for the next 4-5 years. But, I know my life is a different than in Nigeria, him being the first son of Yoruba people I know that for him to even consider me as wife material, I must not even be thought as a lazy iyawo. I'm not even going to give any in-law a chance of saying that I'm sucking any resource from them. I've got my own stuffs down to the penny. He lent me some money once or twice, and me too for that matter, and I'm talking small change (20-100$) because no ATM was available. Other than that, I take care of my expenses and savings on my own thank you very much!

I know I come off as serious, but hello I am 26! I'm the one who goes out with friends, propose random things to do! My name is Viva, and rightly so, I'm full of life. I love the outdoors, and doing "bad" things in public (if you catch my drift.. ) We joke around like brother and sister, play fight the whole thing. He calls me his little nerd because I have this uncanny sense of being silly and nerdy. I'll fix my hard drives in six inch heels and nails, while telling him a dirty joke!


As a libra woman, I am all about balance, like I said before there's a season for everything. I want to have fun, I know that life is about more than fun though. So I make sure that all that's to be settled in my life as a mother is sorted out before I go play with my chocolate lover!

Now his status about a non-graduate, was only made to show that he is a self made guy despite being here and no credentials. So when he's telling me about a new venture, I tell him to follow those killer instincts, he's a sharp guy very intelligent. His education was on the streets of Lagos (much tougher than the streets of Montreal for sure!), and that's more than enough for me! I don't even mention the schooling aspect to him per se, only that he's thinking of it now, and because I know he's a big boy, he'll kill it!

Case closed

Pls woman, wen next u are seeking for a good/solid advice in a foreign/international forum, pls specify ur origin, its important cos we assume all those seeking for advice here are our fellow Nigerians.

Take note.

Don't tell me this is the same guy who pregnated you last year which later turned out to you seeking advice either to terminate the preggy or give up the baby for adoption to an AA family in the state?

Yup one and the same, I lost the baby due to infection and complications, seriously I had internal bleeding. Thank God he was in control! Because I'd be hampered down with 3 kids and I wouldn't be as far ahead in my life as I am now. Not to mention I can give the ones here all the love and attention they need without having to deal with another one on my own. Although he would've accepted the child, I wouldn't accept him in my life (as my significant other in my house) unless we were married. And since, I have no desire at this juncture to be married, well things wouldn't have worked out.

Does it confuse you as a man when the lady you're dating says she wants to be married, but not anytime soon? Why does it automatically mean that she just wants to be a playmate? Shouldn't you respect her even more because she knows she's not ready to embark on that pretty serious route in life? I mean, it's not like she doesn't love you, actually I think she loves you even more when she says she's not ready to be your wife. She respects your needs, and sees that she can't provide that for you at the moment. Also, maybe she's enjoying the current stage of the relationship and wants to linger in the discovery stage without additional pressures of family and friends on the relationships. Ok this sounds like it might be another thread in the making, mods advise? :-/

Dehley: Don't tell me this is the same guy who pregnated you last year which later turned out to you seeking advice either to terminate the preggy or give up the baby for adoption to an AA family in the state?

I do smell an element of ego in d course of yhu xplanatns Viva,I think u knw it all n u needed nt 2 hv sought 4 an advice here....Well,I wanna chip in sth,since he has basically told u dt he wouldn't like 2 hurt u,u shud kip calm n move on,believe u me he thinks he's not a gud match 4 u nd if he must play d game sincerely, he has 2 fix up his short comings 2 a reasonable proportion....Focus on yhu kids n career n nva show an attitude of desperation.

Ya thanks for the advise, I deleted him from my life. Yeah I may have pride issues, never occurred to me, but better I know now than whenit causes me harm. I'll work on that.

In any case, I'm not prepared to be with a grown man who feels like he's not good enough or worse than me. I'm not going for world's most perfect lady award.

@poster all I can say is that may the almight give you more wisdom to be able to face more challenge in this life..please follow ur mind as regards to ur progress

cordss:
What is d bad habit actually

hurting people