I'm quite outspoken anyways.

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Yvete: If he's slow to propose then he is either not ready to commit or she's not the one. Ladies are often shy to define a relationship for fear that it would scare a guy off. I've heard a guy say he's marrying his girlfriend "out of pity" because they dated for 8 years. How rude?

My proposal came 4 months into the relationship. Although, I asked "are we dating exclusively or is our relationship just casual? Because some other good have me on their radar ... what are your plans?" I'm quite outspoken anyways. Talk to him in a sweet tone and don't demand an immediate answer.

I'm yet to meet a woman who can ask me that question but seriously that sound like a woman of purpose and thats the best way to approach a relationship.You remind me of my elder sister, fair and beautiful and she told me that's the question she usually asked guys while she was single and that single question can send the wrong man out of your life and no wonder she got married at 24 to a lovely husband till date.

From my experience, most women think that they are ready and the man should pop the question, but in actuality, they just want to have a WEDDING based on societal pressure and expectations. I see women saying I'm ready for marriage, but they are not financially and mentally ready for family. Their biggest goal in life is to become Mrs somebody. So a guy taking his time to pop the question might be that you are not really ready.

safeLove: We dated for 6 years. He called me one day and said,'my people are coming to see your people on sunday'.. That was all the proposal I needed. We knew we would like to get married pretty early in the relationship,hence we strived to make it work.

We had talked about it all,planned and looked forward to our lives together as a married couple. I didn't get an engagement ring,till date I don't wear "double barrel" rings.

Its not always all about the "hollywood style" proposal.

Babe i like your style jor.

Quite an educative post.

greatgod2012: he knew the guy i was hanging out with before, i use to confide in him of what happened between us, but the major problem i had with the guy is that , he tell lies too much, and when hes caught, he uses another lie to cover it up(and he claims to be a pastor o),

nice4life:
I'm yet to meet a woman who can ask me that question but seriously that sound like a woman of purpose and thats the best way to approach a relationship.You remind me of my elder sister, fair and beautiful and she told me that's the question she usually asked guys while she was single and that single question can send the wrong man out of your life and no wonder she got married at 24 to a lovely husband till date.

The question I usually ask folks like her is can you take care and sustain a family if something bad happens to me? If you can truly say yes, then you are ready!

My own question is,is it safe to be with a lady doing the proposals from the day one of the relationship?because I am a sensitive guy,and I got afraid when a lady asked me out or desperate to have me.

candygosh: Is he d only man on earth

If he doesn't propose move on to d more serious dude
Or better still can change d game like gabrielle union did to jeremy In d movie think like a man

If all else fails trust GOD

Your end note sounds pretty hilarious. I gues you are just pecking at 20. Because if you are 27 and above, you wouldnt be playing games with relationships. Have you forgotten all those things you said Gabrielle Union did are just make belief?... they dont ultimately apply in practical lives.

Nice thread CC. For me , I would say there is no amount of time that is either too long or too short for the proposal to come. It depends totally on the individuals for no two relationships are the same.I will categorically say a lady knows where the relationship is headed from the first day of their being together. Also a guy knows if he can spend the rest of his life with a lady he is in a relationship with except they are both in self-denial.
I knew the intentions of my friend (hubby now) but I felt I was still too young(early 20s) and still have a good single life ahead of me and wanted a longer dating period but he was so ready.Though he didn't shove the marriage thing in my throat. He was all I wanted in a man but was just not ready. Six months into our relationship, he took me unaware.Meanwhile, i have been a friend and a daughter to his family and my family knew him too. We both visited his elder sister in Kano, a day after while having dinner , he knelt and brought out a ring and proposed in the presence of his 2 elder sisters,a younger sister and his nephew.
At that point , I had mixed feelings and reviewed my life in a flash. I replied with a yes sha but felt it was fraudulent.
2 months later we sealed it at the altar after the native law and customs rites. We have two great kids now, we will be four years in marriage next month and still going strong in our relationship. No regrets at all. He is all I ever desired. I hope u enjoyed my story.

How do you know the guy is ready?

The requirements for a woman to be ready is not the same as a man.

Several women would marry without a job or just got a little job, But no reasonable man would try that.

Men are more calculative about the marriage thing because they know almost everything falls on them

He would be the one to but diamond ring, The one to pay bride price, one to sponsor the wedding, One to find a house and fend for the family while the lady just go online to look for best colour, best ribbon, Cake design etc

Ko easy lati je omokunrin, afi koluwa ko wa yo

Nice comments, please ladies if u date hime for 12 months max, and he doesn't say anything (even though na lie/pretese) take a walk. U'll be surprised at the number of men that will "rush" u. Like someone put it ----> men full ground!!! No time for baggars wey no sabi wetin dem want!

chaircover: Im starting this thread after reading a about someone who waited a number of years for a proposal and it got me thinking and So I have a few questions.
How long is a reasonable time to wait for him to propose.

It depends on the age of the people involved, the economy, several circumstance too. E.g a girl of 22 might be scared when a guy propose sef, but a girl of 27 is probably ready

When do you start giving ultimatums.

You can give ultimatums as you want when you are ready to see things from the guys side. If he doesnt have a steady income your ultimatums mean nothing unless you wan suffer.

Should you give ultimatums at all?

Probably NOT cos why coerce another person into a life decision if you are close enough and you know he doesnt fit into your timeline hint at it and start pulling back.

Must it always be the man that proposes?

A Woman too can propose as long as she knows what it entails and has the basics covered

What if the lady doesn't want to accept his proposal?

What are her reasons for not accepting? E.g Its useless proposing to a girl travelling for her masters when you are not even certain of what would happen to her there

Would you feel resentment if it takes him so long to propose and you had to give him an ultimatum before he finally proposes

Most people would feel resentment if they felt they were armtwisted into a life decision.

What are good enough reasons for a man to wait a long time before he proposes

Several things, Love is not enough to make a marriage work and it depends on their life plans. Economy, Career, and life plans e.g A guy who wants to travel has no business proposing until he has concrete plans of how the bride would be with him. .

Do all men propose or do some just assume that the woman will marry him

It depends on what you mean by propose. To me proposal is sending my parents to meet your parents. And making wedding plans. I can give several rings to different girls but I value my parents so much that I wont make a fool of them meeting a family I only intend to play with their daughter.

How can a woman extract that proposal without the man knowing that he is being coerced?

Yes . A girl once told me if a lady is over 27 and a guy isnt proposing she can do the proposal and one way is the PREGNANCY way which works with Nigerians

Do women feel vulnerable in the marriage if they didn't get a proposal before getting married to the man

Thats putting unnecessary relevance on the proposal, A guy proposes and he doesn't meet your family, He doesn't make plans for both families to meet and fix a wedding date is a useless proposal. Once a guy decides to meet your family that should supersede any proposal.

Proposals are not binding by any law.

Do many proposals often follow the "hollywood" style with man on knee, ring in ice cream etc or have people been watching too much tv and the reality is different

If you intend to have a Hollywood wedding then so be it. One of my friends proposed to his girl some weeks ago. And after the paparazi event with the surprise. I ask the guy say when be the wedding he say Dayo you no pity me. I still never know when I go finish paying for the 9k ring my fiancee wanted. So wedding is suspended for now. We spoke some days later and he said he has been dating the girl for too long and he feels obliged to marry her. He has several reservations about the girl but he just wanted to do it to avoid "Isolenu"

.

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Nonsense Comments from alaininkanse ladies...proposalko..proposal ni.
IF I TOOK YOUR VIRGINITY(na naija we even dey ,most of dem don loose am at tender age self),AM FAITHFUL TO YOU FOR 7YEARS ,YOU KNOW MY PARENTS AND THEY ALWAYS ACCEPT YOU WITH A NICE WELCOMING HAND..AND I KNOW FEW OF YOUR FAMILIES BUT STILL STRUGGLING TO GET THE FUTURE RIGHT FOR BOTH OF US.

FROM YOUR OWN SIDE,YOU THINK PROPOSING WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER WAY.THEN GO Bleep YOURSELF.

HOW DOES IT REALLY AFFECT THE RELATIONSHIP

WHAT EFFECT DOES IT HAVE ON MARRIAGE IF NOT TRYING TO COPY OYINBO AND TOO MUCH MOVIES THAT YOU HAVE WATCHED.

WHY DO YOU TEND TO LIVE A BUTTY LIFE WHILE WE KNOW EVERYBODY IS PAKO AND NAMONEY DEY MAKE NIGERIANS BECOME BUTTY..

WHEN CASH IS AVAILABLE THEN U CAN DO ANYTHING.

GO DO NICE PROPOSAL ANDNOT BE ABLE TO FEED YOUR FAMILY,COME BACK HERE AND TELL ME YOU HAD A NICE PROPOSAL WITH 20K RING.WEDA NA THAT ONE SHE GO CHOP!!

I AM NOT POOR BUT I TEND TO THINK LIKE THAT..IT HELPS A LOT

IF SHE DEY WAIT FOR PROPOSAL AND YOU NEVER READY ,NO FORCE YOURSELF..WAIT TILL YOU GET THINGS RIGHT AND THE RIGHT WOMAN WILL COME..

(ILLUSTRATION UP THERE IS MY SUPER STORY)


TO ME ITS NOT A NECESSITY!!!


IF ALL MEN ARE LIKE ME THEN LADIES GO SUFFER..

OPERATION NO VIRGINITY,DONT TELL ME NONSENSE!!!

CIAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hadeyur: I've bin waiting 4 ages 4 dis topic, we've bin 2geda 4 10 yrs wiv a 3yr old daughter, buh he's still not proposing, fine! I knw his parents and he knws mine. He's still not making any plans Tired of d whole thing buh I'm so scared 2 walk away. he's 34 and I'm 27. Dnt knw wat 2 do

ARE YOU WAITING FOR HIM TO PROPOSE OR SIMPLY SAY U WANT TO GET MARRIED LEGALLY.

98% OF NIGERIAN MARRIAGES DONT START WITH WILL YOU MARRY ME.IT STARTS WITH AM PREGNANT BABE...

OMO NO BE SICKNESS BUT I WILL NEVER MARRY SOMEONE WHO HAS SOMEONE ELSE KID...STAY WITH YOUR MAN..ALL YOU NEED HERE IS UNDERSTAND HIM..

HAVE YOU EVER ASKED HIM WHAT YOUR FUTURE WILL LOOK LIKE TOGETHER? HAVE YOU FOR ONCE BEING TOGETHER ON INTIMATE ISSUES LIKE WHEN ARE WE GETTING MARRIED? WHATS DELAYING US?

wHAT ELSE DO WE NEED ONGROUND SO AS TO PROCEED WITH OUR LIFE ?

YOU HAVE A LOT OF QUESTION TO ANSWER ME FIRST..


REMEMBER,IF THE FIRST BUTTON TO A SHIRT LOOSES IT HOLE THEN THE REST WILL ALSO BE WRONG.YOUR STEPS MATTER..TAKE THE RIGHT STEP AND GET A GOOD COMBO!!

I DON YAHN!!

dayokanu:

It depends on the age of the people involved, the economy, several circumstance too. E.g a girl of 22 might be scared when a guy propose sef, but a girl of 27 is probably ready



You can give ultimatums as you want when you are ready to see things from the guys side. If he doesnt have a steady income your ultimatums mean nothing unless you wan suffer.



Probably NOT cos why coerce another person into a life decision if you are close enough and you know he doesnt fit into your timeline hint at it and start pulling back.




A Woman too can propose as long as she knows what it entails and has the basics covered



What are her reasons for not accepting? E.g Its useless proposing to a girl travelling for her masters when you are not even certain of what would happen to her there


Most people would feel resentment if they felt they were armtwisted into a life decision.



Several things, Love is not enough to make a marriage work and it depends on their life plans. Economy, Career, and life plans e.g A guy who wants to travel has no business proposing until he has concrete plans of how the bride would be with him. .



It depends on what you mean by propose. To me proposal is sending my parents to meet your parents. And making wedding plans. I can give several rings to different girls but I value my parents so much that I wont make a fool of them meeting a family I only intend to play with their daughter.



Yes . A girl once told me if a lady is over 27 and a guy isnt proposing she can do the proposal and one way is the PREGNANCY way which works with Nigerians




Thats putting unnecessary relevance on the proposal, A guy proposes and he doesn't meet your family, He doesn't make plans for both families to meet and fix a wedding date is a useless proposal. Once a guy decides to meet your family that should supersede any proposal.

Proposals are not binding by any law.



If you intend to have a Hollywood wedding then so be it. One of my friends proposed to his girl some weeks ago. And after the paparazi event with the surprise. I ask the guy say when be the wedding he say Dayo you no pity me. I still never know when I go finish paying for the 9k ring my fiancee wanted. So wedding is suspended for now. We spoke some days later and he said he has been dating the girl for too long and he feels obliged to marry her. He has several reservations about the girl but he just wanted to do it to avoid "Isolenu"

The lasT paragraph of your posT is so on poinT!
Why puT yourself in a posiTion where you would feel obligated To marry someone or someone would feel obligaTed To marry you even when eiTher party has reservaTions?

Not accepTable by me, I don't put myself in such situaTion neiTher do I allow such.

slimyem: I understand you jare.
In fact, I think most women in this part of the world are like that. Proposal is for the man. If he won't ask,she won't either and will wait for one who will.

I agree with you, if he wants her, all he has to do is ask. If he doesn't, all he has to do is not to ask. Simple!

Coercion would work only if you are dating a man that needs a nudge.
A woman may drop subtle hints, but shouldn't coerce or assume a man will marry her.

Yes, it's possible that I'll resent a man that has all it takes to settle down and still refuses to pop the question after a maximum dating period of 2 years. If a man proposes and I have doubts about the relationship, I'll turn him down politely stating my reasons. A smart man who knows what he wants will go to work immediately.

I believe ladies that are 25 and above shouldn't date any man for more than 2 years regardless of his "plans" as long as he has a job.If he isn't popping the question,you treat him as a bird in hand and keep your options open or you take a hike and keep dating. For ladies below 25, you at liberty to get to know him for as long as you can, 3 years, 5 years, it's your call.

However, within 6 months of dating, a lady should be able to predict the outcome of the relationship.

vivianc: The lasT paragraph of your posT is so on poinT!
Why puT yourself in a posiTion where you would feel obligated To marry someone or someone would feel obligaTed To marry you even when eiTher party has reservaTions?

Not accepTable by me, I don't put myself in such situaTion neiTher do I allow such.

This guys case they started dating from High School. They were also family friends

So it was like the two families were already together sef.

In that situation how do you pull out without looking like a bad person

wealthpos: My own question is,is it safe to be with a lady doing the proposals from the day one of the relationship?because I am a sensitive guy,and I got afraid when a lady asked me out or desperate to have me.

A lot of Nigerian men think like you.
Some might even throw it in your face later that "Shebi you were the one that asked for my hand in marriage"?

dayokanu:

This guys case they started dating from High School. They were also family friends

So it was like the two families were already together sef.

In that situation how do you pull out without looking like a bad person

dayokanu:

This guys case they started dating from High School. They were also family friends

So it was like the two families were already together sef.

In that situation how do you pull out without looking like a bad person

Let me noT sharp my mouth abeg, honesTly I don't know cos I have never been in thaT siTuation. I try as much as possible To avoid That.

I had a friend whom I have known for close to seven years now. I was a young adulT when I meT him, like 18yrs. He had already done his M.Sc and was working while I was still struggling to work and save up for my higher education.
He never knew my struggles, I didn't even Tell him I was no longer in The cusTody of my parents. He never knew what I was going Through, I felT iT was best noT To tell him cos if I did he would have flown in to help "The damsel in disTress" and thaT would have endeared him to me or make me feel obligaTed To marry him, Tho we weren'T acTually daTing.

When he proposed To me I'm already in my final year in The uni and for one day I didn't ask him for money neiTher did he give. I accepted the engagemenT and sTill sucked it up. I was sTill doing my Thing and enduring The Things I couldn't afford for myself. When the marriage plans didn'T work ouT, I told him point blank. I only felT bad cos he did love me and he was heartbroken, buT I never felT obligaTed to marry him, thank God. Maybe if he had helped me Through school, I would have been sTucked becos I wouldn't want to be seen as callous.

Honestly, when my mind is made up on someThing, it would only take God To come down and undo iT.

Nothing would make me happier Than a guy To wanT to be with me cos he has seen me, he has seen how messed up I am, has seen my strengThs and my weaknesses, has seen That I could be a handful and someTimes can't different my left from my right and he sTill loves me and wanTs To be with me, and vice versa. NoT because I got preggers for him or our families bla bla bla.

Nah, That's noT how I roll, biko.

chaircover:
How long is a reasonable time to wait for him to propose.
When do you start giving ultimatums
Should you give ultimatums at all?
Must it always be the man that proposes?
What if the lady doesn't want to accept his proposal?

Do many proposals often follow the "hollywood" style with man on knee, ring in ice cream etc or have people been watching too much tv and the reality is different

Reality is very different. 80% of the proposals I have received have been through text messages, emails and BBM chat...and yes, the men were dead serious

Hadeyur: I've bin waiting 4 ages 4 dis topic, we've bin 2geda 4 10 yrs wiv a 3yr old daughter, buh he's still not proposing, fine! I knw his parents and he knws mine. He's still not making any plans Tired of d whole thing buh I'm so scared 2 walk away.
. Dnt knw wat 2 do

Chances are, he is assuming you are married already minding you have a daughter together already. Its even worse if you are living together. Cohabiting is not marriage. However, its very common here.

slimyem: A lot of Nigerian men think like you.
Some might even throw it in your face later that "Shebi you were the one that asked for my hand in marriage"?

Even the ladies say such words to their husbands when they argue.

Gaggi: Good topic.
1.I actually never proposed but they was always d hints like, i want u to have beautiful daughters like urself for me.
2 She was never worried as she knew i was.fully commited and it was just a matter of time.
3. I think most guys here hardly propose and they let their fiancee know long before the marriage that they intend to marry her.
4. When a guy never discusses marriage with the woman he is dating, know that he ain't marrying her.
5. After 2yrs of dating and no ring, pls call it a day. That is if u guys are above 30, young people have the liberty to date for as long as possible.

I think it's great when you actually see yourself having kids with someone. If a man tells a lady he is interested in that, she already has his heart most of the time in my opinion. Unless something really drastic happens, marriage would be logical.

Ishilove:
Reality is very different. 80% of the proposals I have received have been through text messages, emails and BBM chat...and yes, the men were dead serious

The Nairaland/Social Media effect? #LOL

HMMMMMMM BEST TOPIC I HAVE EVER SEEN IN NL,AD MATURED PEOPLE RESPONDED TO IT.

otokx: Interesting but why can't the lady do the proposition and what is the big deal in proposing anyway?

No big deal. She should just be strong enough to handle a possible rejection. The prize is worth the risk if the man fits her bill if you ask me. Then again, there are different kinds of proposal.

A lady that says: "when are you going to propose marriage to me" has already 'proposed' to the man now.

dayokanu: How do you know the guy is ready?

The requirements for a woman to be ready is not the same as a man.

Several women would marry without a job or just got a little job, But no reasonable man would try that.

Men are more calculative about the marriage thing because they know almost everything falls on them

He would be the one to but diamond ring, The one to pay bride price, one to sponsor the wedding, One to find a house and fend for the family while the lady just go online to look for best colour, best ribbon, Cake design etc

Ko easy lati je omokunrin, afi koluwa ko wa yo

Word!

dayokanu:

This guys case they started dating from High School. They were also family friends

So it was like the two families were already together sef.

In that situation how do you pull out without looking like a bad person

It's been said that it's better to have a broken relationship than have a broken marriage. Perhaps, deep down the lady's heart, she also has her doubts but he can only discover it if he opens up to her in a one on one, soul to soul, matured discussion.

*Last call* Let not the fear of the present blind him to the reward of the future- for both of them.