By Okechukwu Nwokafor

There are many gorgeous strong successful career women who say they find themselves quite lonely and would love to meet the right man but when they go on dates they rarely are asked for a second, and the relationships they get into do not last because men find them “intimidating”.

It’s true that SOME men — especially those who consider such women out of their league– find gorgeous strong successful career women “threatening” to their manhood but there is more to this than just “insecure” men.

Some gorgeous strong successful career women are wonderful well balanced and emotionally secure human beings who like most have the same difficulties common to all singles but made more difficult by their career and material success. I’ve worked with some of these women and as soon as they learn how to ease men into seeing the “strong” them – the “career” them, they find themselves in relationships that are going somewhere – and VERY fast because they already have the “if-you-want-it-go-get-it-yourself” mindset and the skills for getting what they want.

But there are some women who use “men are intimidated by my success” to cover up male-alienating-behaviours that are so deep rooted that they don’t even know they have them. First contact with them makes even me (a people-person) step back and wonder if I really want to get to know this person, which in turn makes me wonder if this is the way men they come in contact with feel. Some of them in the beginning come across as really nice fun loving women but soon or later the sarcastic, put-down, bitter, insecure, clingy, controlling, manipulative, selfish and self-interested, negative and desperate person hiding behind “men are intimidated by my success” comes out. And it is this –not the “success” — that so many men have such a difficult time dealing with, even men who are successful in their own right.

Many women may not want to hear this but there is a HUGE difference between being a truly independent woman who can think for herself and is strong enough to stand on her own, won’t take the abuse that an insecure man usually dishes out and is confident enough to allow a man to get close to her and a woman whose behaviour causes any man in his right senses to think twice about entering, pursuing or remaining in the relationship.

When it comes to meeting the right man and having the relationship of your dreams, true independence has little to do with looks, academic degrees, what you’ve been able to achieve career wise or materially and everything to do with how you truly feel on the inside. On the outside, you may appear to be warm, friendly, vibrant, intelligent and have a great sense of humour but the real you inside (the little girl afraid of rejection or abandonment crying out “I’ll make you love me” or the hurt and angry b**** inside screaming “chew ‘em up and spit ‘em out”) turns guys off before the chase even begins. Some really great guy might try to come close and try to stick around but after a while he too can’t take it anymore.

 
Often times the very skills that make us very successful in a male-dominated work environment are the ones that don’t work for us when it comes to love. It’s finding that GREAT balance of masculine and feminine energies that is your key to the relationship of your dreams. And PLEASE for the nth time, femininity is not just about looking/dressing and “acting” feminine – it’s about embodying the whole essence of mother earth in all her magnificence and ageless beauty.

If you are looking to meet a man who is attracted to and is “turned on” mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually by a woman who challenges him on all those levels, the first place to start is within – and this time really BE open and honest with yourself as you work though your own insecurities, pain or skewed sexual programming.

Trust me, there are a lot of men who are so confident in who they are and so secure with themselves and would do ANYTHING (and without any bit of bitterness and resentment) to have “the whole package”. I personally know many of these men.

The ones with serious insecurity issues will of course continue to be intimidated by you, but that is theirs to work on. Trying to adjust your life to them would be too much of unnecessary sacrifice – and frankly, IT’S NOT WORTH IT!
http://coolpenny./2013/07/08/do-you-intimidate-men-and-put-them-off-before-the-chase-even-begins/