In a court room the woman always gets paid. Even my 24 page prenup only help me keep what I owned before marriage. Half of everthing earned while married is what they get. If kids, support also. State law varies some but men lose. Thats just the way it is. Been down that road. Need to prove cheating or something to have a chance. Yes, It sucks!

You people have refused to take the recent trend among young adult in Nigeria into consideration
We now have guys called 'progressives' who go from church to church
looking for over aged executive sisters 'believing God for a life partner'
These sisters are bank secretaries, oil workers etc, who have spent years
developing their careers.

These guys know the only thing remaining in the lives of these sisters
is marriage and as Seun rightly said the 'bioligal clock' is clicking.

These sisters would have been fed with the sermon of not being materialistic, people would have repeatedly told them they are not married because their standard is too high, so when they eventually meet a 'progressive' they decide to go ahead.

Without a prenupt, could a lawyer in the house please let us know (according to Nigerian law)if this 'progressive' can have access to the sister's money after a divorce or death and use it to enjoy a younger woman while the parents who sent her to School and cared for her to become a success in life (any parent will know how difficult this is, it can take your spirit, soul and body) are left with nothing.

true love, true love where art thou!!!!

A good idea worth considering. In Nigeria, most women just get thrown out of the family house anyway, unless the ones with good lawyer. Prenups can favor both sides, just have to watch the clauses.

It is very good idea. It is called Insurance, cuz u don't really know a person's heart!
besides after a while people will get used to it and it wouldn't be an issue of trust

Indeferent

A prenump is wise. Especially if children from another marriage are involved. Would be tragic if blind love ended with a divorce where someone you were married to for only a year walked away with half of everything. Including the children's college fund.

@davidylan,IAH, wiseguy, you guys said it all.

prenup ko prenup ni. what is this world turning into, in America, 1 in every 2 married couples get a divorce(so i read), that is here in America, prenup is it for them. If there is a prenup then it is not a marriage its just a mutual agreement, where both parties really have nothing to lose, and the part of "for better for worse" should be erased in their wedding vows. And till death do us (them) apart, no, no, no, should be till inconveniences, whining, and all the bumpy marriage roads do us (them) apart.

for those who are for prenup, hey go ahead, its a free world, you will soon come back to the singles market, i bet you would have revised your prenup agreement by then.

signing a prenuptual simply means

- i don't truust you,
- we will get a divorce someday and i don't want to share my wealth with you

I will definitely get a prenup. Its one of the wisest thing to do in this selfish world where everyone is out to protect their intrest.

Without a prenupt, could a lawyer in the house please let us know (according to Nigerian law)if this 'progressive' can have access to the sister's money after a divorce or death and use it to enjoy a younger woman while the parents who sent her to School and cared for her to become a success in life (any parent will know how difficult this is, it can take your spirit, soul and body) are left with nothing.

Shinatu
The legal position in Nigeria with regards to your above inquiry is that if that sister dies without a Will then the so called "progressive" will get all her property and money. I am not sure if anyone else on this post has mentioned that prenuptial agreements do not exist in Nigeria and even if such is signed they are not legally binding but may go to assist a person to buttress an intention or instructions to guide protecting ones assets.

During a divorce-the interpretation of the law in Nigeria still presumes the man is head of a household and invariably the breadwinner ,so where the successful sister is divorced from her "progressive "husband ,the courts rarely give him any financial consideration.

On that note -protect your assets and the manner in which your property will be distributed by writing a Will.It has nothing to so with being young or old-the moment you own anything of value or have children, it is important that you leave instructions concerning how the assets are distributed and the welfare of your children ,family etc(BUT THIS SHOULD BE A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER THREAD)

If you must sign then it means you don't trust and love your spouse, as for me I won't do any such thing as signing "prenuptial whtever".

I am a believer and hand over everythin to Almighty God nd because i rely on him in everything, his desisions are best for me.

So i won't sign.

it implies that (1) does not trust me

If it is all about "trust" then why bother marrying your woman in the first place?
Why can't you just "trust" your girlfriend or boyfriend to stay by your side forever?

The fact is that when you make agreements official, the temptation [/b]to stray is reduced.
When you have a good prenup, your spouse will work harder to stay married.

and (2) is entering this marriage like a business venture (which I do not like to be classified as).

Many [b]business ventures last longer than marriages. We may have a lot to learn from them!

Any man (or woman) with substantial assets getting into marriage today without a prenup to protect his/her hard earned labour acquired prior to the marriage needs a wake up call.
The world has changed.

Especially in cases where there was a previous marriage and children from a previous marriage.
You want to protect your assets from opportunistic spouses that want to reap where they did not sow.
The rich individual ought to get a prenup,a living will,etc.
It is absolutely necessary!

I am a woman and no woman should feel saddened if a man asks for a prenup.(it's usu the men that have the dough)
Any wise man should do so,divorce rate is 50%.
If a woman refuses to sign,let her move on and find a struggling man and build with him (like most people do)
Prenup is a small price to pay for a woman that had her eyes set on a loaded man.
She should make her own money and level the playing field if she hates the idea.

I'm sure Sir Paul Mcartney wishes he signed one when Heather Mills came along.

[b]@Seun

Actually, I do not think people will try "harder" to stay married when they sign a prenup, but they will probably be more deceptive when having affairs for they know the cost of their discovery will be lost of financial comfort and freefom. I still say marriage is "not a business" but a union of two people who have decided to come together as one in love. Of course, married couples do a lot of business (investments, paying bills, etc.), but to sign a piece of paper prior to marriage stating that if we divorce, I will not be entitled to this or that, to me, is only in the interest of the person who "draws up the paperwork". It is as if they are anticipating that this marriage will NOT work out, so when the inevitable happens, I am prepared to take care of "ME ONLY!" To me that is SELFISH, and we ALL know that when one spouse is selfish (with their finances, time, or sex), marriages ususally do NOT work out. Does not the wife, or husband, who is being asked to sign the prenup deserve something--especially if their spouse has put them through "hell and high water"? What is the cost for starting over again? Starting over again is not free "you know".

Prenups take some of the love, hope for continuation, and spontaneous love out of the marriage. We ALL take a chance when we marry, for we cannot predict whether our spouse, or even we ourselves, will change. But a prenup is security ONLY for the person who insists on having one signed prior to marriage.

Just my opinion, Seun.[/b]

Prenups are fine as long as both parties involved are okay with the idea.

As for me, if I think I'll need a prenup with a lady I intend to marry, then I will not go ahead with the marriage. Simple.

Also, if she demands a prenup, I'm out of the relationship. I'm already financially secure, and do not need any woman who is already used to dating losers hanging around me, thinking I'm one of those creeps she's been dating in her past.

There are many successful marriages, mine will be one of them!

Pmdaboh, what's your take on some folks who insist on a prenup because they were taken to the cleaners in the course of the demise of their previous marriage/s?

Little wonder, God had to say: Our ways are further away from his ways.

Like a will is the lesser evil, right? Women insist on a will, to protect them from greedy inlaws, but are against a prenup, because it might limit their opportunity ( and I am referring to gold diggers) to cart the man's property in the aftermath of a divorce, particularly if they live in a state like california. So, see, there is really that not much of a difference between a will and a pre-nup. Look at Shaq, who has sued his estranged wife in court demanding accountability money spent during their marital life.

So, tell me, what's the difference between a will and a pre-nup? They are almost the same thing.

So we get a pre-nup to secure our assets.
So what do we get to secure our hearts? Oops, sorry, this is the 21st century; the heart is no longer involved in marriage.

@ndipe, in answer to ur question, there is a wide gap between will and pre -nup

1. prenup is an agreement before marrage, will is after marriage.

2. will is done in preparation for death NOT DIVORCE. we all know DEATH is INEVITABLE. do we all prepare to divorce while we are preparing to get married? why do we go all the way to the altar when we know deep down it would end in divorce? what is the main essence of marriage. "wat better for worse" is that not wat we profess? the so called civilised nations loses their as sanity as their country grows. pure selfishness, mistrust, egoist, barbaric act is wat i term prenup.

marriage is not by force if  you know you are going to ever sign a prenup, don't get married. copulate with your girlfriend/mistress, get her pregnant and raise the kids. from that you will that she is not legally married to you. you are free to eat your cake and have it.[color=#000099][/color] as that is wat everyone wants nowadays.

3.will does not involve both of you signing infact you are to decide how you want your properties to be shared amongst your family

Prenup is very essential, especially in our society today. The rate at which we copy western culture is faster than the speed of life. Divorce, Seperation, Infidelity were all exacerbated by this. So for a wealthy person, be it a man or a woman, a prenup is essential to protect your hard earned wealth from undeserving people.

Whether we like it or not the number of gold diggers in our society has been on an exponential rise. People are saying "I Do" just because they are seeing the money. Men marry older rich women, women more often than not marry due to material benefits. The ratio of marriages based on materialsm to the marriages based on love is 15:1.

Please if you are a man or woman and you are wealthy make sure that your spouse signs a prenup. If they so much claim that they love you they should sign it and continue to love you(afterall Love knows no bounds). In most cases if the Breadwinner happens to exit this world b4 their spouses, the bulk of the wealth is usually willed to the spouse. Prenup is there to prevent exploitation of the Marriage Law, unecessary divorce/seperation, gold diggers etc. It is a private effective unconstitutional law, that is essential for the wealthy.

If you disagree with me, then like somebody wrote here "go and find a struggling person and build your life with them"

One Love

[b]@Ndipe

Slitty so graciously broke down the definition of "will" and "prenup" for us, even though I knew the difference before I said it.  You asked ME for MY opinion, and I gave it to you.  Everyone has to be goverened by his/her own judgment concerning his/her own life!  I PERSONALLY would NEVER sign a prenup, and that is that way I feel.   If you read the bible, you will see that God himself made a wife for Adam, and he brought her (Eve) to the man.  Of course as the world became populated down through the years, "FREEDOM OF CHOICE" was birthed and mankind then had the ability to choose his/her own spouse.  But with freedom of choice is also the consequences of one's own decision.  Do we really know ANYONE through-and-through until we can predict what they will or will not do--"NO".  Only God knows what actions we ALL will take prior to doing them.

However, when God later gave instructions for marriage, he said a man should LEAVE mother and father and cleave unto his wife.  He also said, in the old testament, when thy vow a vow (willing say "you will  do something", then defer not to pay it (do what you vow/rephrased).  I do not think a prenup is sinful, for that is your RIGHT AS AN INDIVIDIAUL to request one be signed, and it is an INDIVIDUAL RIGHT for the person who is asked to sign--sign it or not.

YOU ASKED MY PERSONAL OPINION, and I gave it to you.  I, PATRICIA MACHELE DABOH, WILL NOT sign a prenup with any man under any circumstancs.  Why do we not draw up PRENUPS for cheating, prenups for  talking harshly toward one another?  Why wait until the final divorce takes place?  Just let us say, IF YOU DO THIS . . OR IF YOU DO THAT . THEN IT IS OVER, AND YOU WILL NOT GET A "DIME" OF MY MONEY!  That way, we can not only control our money, but the other person's actions (at least the actions you see when they are with you) totally.  Prenups also cause pressure on people to behave, or I say pretend, to a certain degree.  Who wants pretense love and  insincere devotion--just because of a piece of paper.  Who would rock the boat if a prenup is in place, the "games" just go on-and-on-and-on.  It is like saying, you act a certain way, and I will divorce you.  And when I divorce you, I AM THE ONE that will be secure financially--not you.  It is a way of controlling a person's behavior.

To me, a "will" is more in line with what a marriage that takes the place under the premise of staying together usually has--NOT ONE IN WHICH A PAPER IS SECURELY TUCKED AWAY IN THE BANK VAULT, so WHEN, (not if) but WHEN I divorce him/her, my funds will still be in the bank.  I won't marry under those circumstances.  But if you believe in a prenup, go ahead and do your thing, for it is your life--not mine! 

I just wonder if your nicely, tucked away prenup is able to make you happier than your previous marriage.  But then happiness is not even a criteria when drafting a prenup is it--IT'S ALL ABOUT YOUR MONEY!

Happy prenup if that is what you want, for it is your life!   [/b]

funloving (m)
Presently Nigeria
Posts: 354

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Re: Prenuptial Agreements
« #17 on: May 24, 2006, 01:25 PM »

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Ain't we missing something here.We are using celebrity and nouve riche marriages as a standard for the proper marriage but history has proved beyond any doubt that this category of peope have the most failed marriages and they can't be used as standard.They are too high and mighty to be humble enough to learn the nitty-gritty of marriage.

The standards for marriages should be those ordinary folks,mostly in the villages,who are well past seventy and have celebrated over thiry years of marriage to just the same first wife or husband.That category includes most of our parents and grandparents.Ordinary simple folks,not celebrities who are damm so materialist and egotistic.(I have a strong dislike for celebrities )

In the past there were no prenups and marriages survived longer.My parents have been married for 33 years now and are still very much together in love,no prenups.

Lets face it,we have turned relationships into business ventures because the modern society tells us there is an easy way out.
If we stick to the traditional methods,were the couple weather storms together,then there will be no need for the very useless,baseless,stupid prenonsense called prenuptial agreements.

If you don't trust a person enough to spend your life with them,then don't bother to marry them.Better to be single than marry with the knowledge that it ain't going to last.


You couldn't have said it better. The essence of marriage is long dead and myopic fellas think they just got round to a solution that is as stupid as they are! My parents with a record of 35years and still so romantically inclined will make you go green with envy, you would never want to stay single. Funnily, it's not like that they have always had it soooooo good but they chose to make it work without any pre- - - WHAT?! Please, let's go back to the roots and learn what is useable and discard all notions that are not right nor worthy of praise!

a lil devils advocate

How come its mainly Men in Nigeria and Women in the west that are against prenups
Ive seen men vow never to get married again because off having gotten married b/4 wholeheartedly either because of religious beliefs or otherwise, only to get thrown out of their own house and required to pay huge amounts of their ex who sleeps with their friends in his own house

Well the best Prenup is one that would state

1 A man is not required to pay a penny to any woman after divorce. They are both adults. If she does not have a job, she should get one

2 Since a man and a woman are 'equal', a woman should not have any special or first rights to custody. She gets to keep only the kids she can take care of on her own. No penny for any gold digger that wants to use kids as a mine. If she cant, then she should leave the childeren to the man. Equality at its best

3 No such thing as 50% division of wealth. If we did not contribute 50-50 we cannot divide 50-50. My house, car etc remain mine and you can go where you want


The rates of divorces in the west would automatically drop to a minimum if the above setting was invoked for all marriages


And pls the above is no campaign against women

You can substitute woman for man as both are interchangable as deemed fit

Marriage is a natural aberration, to conform with societal norm. Assuming such a risk with no safety net is plain insanity.

sage:

1 A man is not required to pay a penny to any woman after divorce. They are both adults. If she does not have a job, she should get one

2 Since a man and a woman are 'equal', a woman should not have any special or first rights to custody. She gets to keep only the kids she can take care of on her own. No penny for any gold digger that wants to use kids as a mine. If she can't, then she should leave the childeren to the man. Equality at its best

3 No such thing as 50% division of wealth. If we did not contribute 50-50 we cannot divide 50-50. My house, car etc remain mine and you can go where you want

I love ur prenup. All these women crying equality and feminism should be pleased with this.

@david


To an extent
Marriage the way it is in the west is a disservice to men and can be to rich women too, but in general its men that suffer the most.

But the greedy femnists only want to achieve their selfish desire. If feminists were given full equality, they would beg to end equality

But all the above is yall yarns though

Anyhow the west wants it is okay.

I dont think i would be needing a prenup basically because

1if i get married i expect my marriage to last and work towards that

2 if the unexpected/undesired happens, as a well brought up naija guyman, a woman who thinks she can take me to the cleaners would be in for the shock of a life time

No be today naw

Well, for Christians, prenup is completely unnecessary, particularly when you and your significant other are well grounded in the Christian faith. Completely unnecessary, because then, if a prenup is involved, you are more or less viewing your marriage as a contract.