Nice stories. But oga flow should try and diversify his stories na. Too much udeme and too little in d way of creativity

Mrbrownjay gat me laffing so hard

Ezepromoe is a madt man

Dygeesy is cool and steady

Humble is very girly girly

Oga Xynerise na real antelope

Aunty ishilove just use me do example but she gat some mad skills

All in all, u guyz r doin gud. Kip it up

MoltenMagma: Nice stories. But oga flow should try and diversify his stories na. Too much udeme and too little in d way of creativity

Mrbrownjay gat me laffing so hard

Ezepromoe is a madt man

Dygeesy is cool and steady

Humble is very girly girly

Oga Xynerise na real antelope

Aunty ishilove just use me do example but she gat some mad skills

All in all, u guyz r doin gud. Kip it up

it was fun reading about someone you have never met on nl, I just like how your jamb score increased every year.

Your cool though...btw where are these people? No updates?

MoltenMagma: Nice stories. But oga flow should try and diversify his stories na. Too much udeme and too little in d way of creativity

LOL, that's his trade-mark. . .we all have our way of doing things *winks*

E<R>F:

LOL, that's his trade-mark. . .we all have our way of doing things *winks*

Yes, bt you a writter nids to b versatile. Let it not be udeme and drinking stories alone we know Flow for. It can get realy boring, realy fast. I still gat love 4 Mr flow though

Eze Promoe:
I would have updated but Seun's Aunty Spërm Boat has swallowed what I suffered to type for days

Simply make a complaint to the mod [Mynd]na. He will release the post

Eze Promoe:
I would have updated but Seun's Aunty Spërm Boat has swallowed what I suffered to type for days

how can you save stuuf in your diary? Don't you have a place to save files in your phone Or lappy?

MoltenMagma:
Thanks mami.
The funny tin is I wrote jamb twice be4 I passed.but b4 dat I was husslin, I was neva @home

what a revelation

Xynerise

HumbledbYGrace: Xynerise

Kilode?

xynerise:
Kilode?

sorry, I hv forgotten you updated.

HumbledbYGrace: sorry, I hv forgotten you updated.

Apology accepted.

xynerise:
Apology accepted.

*snoring loudly*

MoltenMagma: Nice stories. But oga flow should try and diversify his stories na. Too much udeme and too little in d way of creativity

Mrbrownjay gat me laffing so hard

Ezepromoe is a madt man

Dygeesy is cool and steady

Humble is very girly girly

Oga Xynerise na real antelope

Aunty ishilove just use me do example but she gat some mad skills

All in all, u guyz r doin gud. Kip it up

clap for urself!! You talk as if i write UDEME UDEME UDEME UDEME in all my stories, and i don't write what people learn from? And i don't write masterpeices? And i don't write what keeps people glued to my stories.

Why everybody dey beef Flow's writing style? If we check Nl literature fan base, i will definately be at the peak amongst equals. No be mouth oh.

Wetin be una wahala na? Shey "Tuface" and "Celine Dion" dey sing the same style of music? But two of them no be musician? And don't you dare say Tuface dey sing rubbish. He is a star, so is Celine Dion.

What am saying is, all these people u praised above, i love the way some of them write, and some don't write to my taste(i no mention names oh). That is life, not everyone will love you.


THATS ALL



STILL I FLOW....... even in beef.

@flow. My guy relax mehn, I gat so much luv 4u bt m not gonna mince words. I aint beefin u so chill...lyk a ice cool bottle of udeme

I cnt write jack shiit, so I can't imagine how easy it is to tink up stuf &put it down in writin, ok? Who ar dose beefin you? People dat read ur work and don't like ur style. Simple. As for wheda u write masterpieces...well... You too dey make mouth sha. U no dey humble at all. Let us d readers be da judge weda ur works r masterpieces or not. As 4me m yet 2 read any masterpiece here on NL except for a few who come close bt ur works aint one of dem.

Still I follow

MoltenMagma: @flow. My guy relax mehn, I gat so much luv 4u bt m not gonna mince words. I aint beefin u so chill...lyk a ice cool bottle of udeme

I cnt write jack shiit, so I can't imagine how easy it is to tink up stuf &put it down in writin, ok? Who ar dose beefin you? People dat read ur work and don't like ur style. Simple. As for wheda u write masterpieces...well... You too dey make mouth sha. U no dey humble at all. Let us d readers be da judge weda ur works r masterpieces or not. As 4me m yet 2 read any masterpiece here on NL except for a few who come close bt ur works aint one of dem.

Still I follow

Well what isn't masterpiece to you is a masterpiece to someone else.

Point of correction am not proud, and i will never be proud. Am just trying to fight against those that don't like my writing style.

Pls stop the Vendetta before we get ourselves banned.

My apologises Moderator.

flow1759:

Am just trying to fight against those that don't like my writing style.

My apologises

cool

MoltenMagma:
*apologies*

hahahahahaha Bad Guy!! I dash you the "s". Use am cook soup. Lol

flow1759:

clap for urself!! You talk as if i write UDEME UDEME UDEME UDEME in all my stories, and i don't write what people learn from? And i don't write masterpeices? And i don't write what keeps people glued to my stories.

Why everybody dey beef Flow's writing style? If we check Nl literature fan base, i will definately be at the peak amongst equals. No be mouth oh.

Wetin be una wahala na? Shey "Tuface" and "Celine Dion" dey sing the same style of music? But two of them no be musician? And don't you dare say Tuface dey sing rubbish. He is a star, so is Celine Dion.

What am saying is, all these people u praised above, i love the way some of them write, and some don't write to my taste(i no mention names oh). That is life, not everyone will love you.


THATS ALL



STILL I FLOW....... even in beef.

Who b dis kangaroo? Oya ni e! O man be! See as u dey shower ya sef with wiv praise, ur real name na Praise? Cool it down joor! btwn, if you don't write what will get d audience tuned in, den Bros...y are u here? Dey dia dey form shina Rambo u hia? A le titori omo to ni igberaga pe ijoko agba. No time! If u like post, if u like no post, replacement boku! Next!!!!

Eze Promoe: Good news! I've defeated Aunty Spërm Boat and retrieved my work. Can I post it?
Dygeasy, i'm I free to update?

Nna, upadate o, abeg my brother

Abeg Post. People Are Waiting And Infact On Vexing Mode. Quick Biko.


Sire Flow1759, You're Up Next. Start Jogging.

Ego trips again?

When will y'all learn sef?

CHAPTER 12
MAYHEM

It troubled the tender mind of Seun, the VC, as the level of sinfulness in the life kept on prevailing over law and order. Students were fond of using expletives, vulgar slangs in order to pass their message. In some of the hostels, nüde pics were sampled in front door of the hostel, and even pörn magazines. Seun had himself disbanded the distributors and marketers of these magazines and posters.
It was here that he also saw students marketing other products like GSM products, laptops and so on. Real business was going on in campus without his knowledge. There was a bold inscription written in a mini billboard which reads, "BEWARE OF CHIBUZOR EZE!" Who really was this guy called Chibuzor Eze? He'd heard so much about his scams, but he didn't know who he really was. He'd also checked through his school register and there was noone with such name. Could he have registered with a different name?

His phone began ringing with the message of Pastor E.A Adeboye, which was his favourite ringtone. He took a glance at his Tecno smartphone, and the name "TONTO DIKEH" was boldly displayed on the screen.

"Hello!" he gave a sheepish smile.

"Yea, after my failed trip to Linda Ikeji's place, I've decided to consider a visit to your school." that was good news but he didn't expected that so soon. He would have to postpone the meeting with the MODs, where he was to discuss about having by-laws and standing order to guide the whole students of the university.

"In that case, I'll have to send one of my student driver, Inspired M, to get one of his new cars to get you to this place, I hope that will be nice by you?"

"Yea, I can manage."

Seun hung up and went to where the intercom was to order for one Toyota Siena to get the new guest.

It wasn't more than 30 minutes when Inspired M drove in with the ever gorgeous Tonto Dike into the beautiful walls of NAIRALAND UNIVERSITY, where the colour of paint you would see on any wall was green and white, it truly depicts Nigeria which its flag was also green and white.

"Wow, this is beautiful," she said to herself, admiring the well designed complexes.

"I can see you like the place," Seun said while coming from behind her.

"Hey, Seun!"

"Good day, fair lady, lets go inside." he pointed towards his office.
They went inside his chambers, where it was well furnished and tactically designed to suit the mood of the day.

"Wow, you have a nice office here" she commended.

"Thank you!"

"Emmm, i have something to ask," she bit her finger in the mood of thinking.
"When I was coming into this compound, i saw four topics that concern me on the electronic bill board at the front gate, I hope everything is alright?"

"Yea, there's no big deal to that. We just get news from all angle."

"I hope noone is meddling into my private life here" she asked seriously not jovial.

"No, here in Nairaland, you have a very big fan base, and your fans always want to get every update about you but we pick only the best topics." he described with his sweet and luring tongue.
"and your fans are also yearning to see you" he quickly added.

"Wow, I missed them already! Can I go and say at least, hi to them."

"Just suit yourself." he redressed his tie to match his collar, and then stood to his feet.
"I'm going to take you to the Celebrity Department, where they study celebrities, and as I speak to you, the students that study you are the highest in number compared to those that studies other celebrities." Seun was garnishing words to suit her ego. Tonto was fidgeting hard in excitement and anticipation for that moment she would stand in front of crowd of fans to cheer them up.
She followed Seun as he took her on a gentle rid to the Faculty of Entertainment block, all classes were in session but the noise from one class seemed to outwit that from the rest of the classes.
What could be going on?
They traced the noise to the Celebrity Department, where there was a very heated arguement.

"Tonto Dike is a slût!"

"Toto Decay is a disgrace!"

"Tonto is a dumpsite!"

"Tonto, MJ is happily married with a child, and you're busy distributing STD!"

These and so on were the words the duo of Seun and Tonto overheard from the Celebrity Department. Seun was totally embarrassed, all he'd said to the lady was had been the opposite of what she'd just witnessed.

"How could you?" she said sternly to him.

"It's not what you think." he pleaded, "your fans are so many but the fate of today had not turned out to be their day of dominance in the class."

"Just spare me all that excuses." she said an ran ahead of him to the class were the noise was emerging.

"Shut up, you fools!" she booed the crowd, "you all, your families and Mercy Johnson are all FOOLS!" she cursed.
First, there was a moment of silence when she was speaking, which she mistook for respect, not knowing it was a ten seconds silence of surprise. While Tonto ran her mouth wide like overflowing tank, came a flying eba (garri that has been prepared for swallow) moulded with cold water in a high speed and acceleration of 70km/h, landing straight on the right side of her pale cheek. The speed at which the flying eba left its starting point, at the hand of the thrower, to its landing point, at the actress' cheek, was tantamount to Rooney's shot that injured a certain goal keeper at his arm, but that was a football, and this was an eba which was relatively a harder substance than the football itself landing on someone's face. It would really be a painful one.
While Tonto still nursed her eba injury, sachets of water, better off known as "pure water" in the Nigerian English, was landing on her body coming from students.
Here in Nigeria, we call even the water which has its source from the dirtiest tank in Diobu or Ajegunle, as "pure water", provided it were bagged in sachets.

It was now that Seun came to the scene. What was he thinking? That Tonto would be entertaining the students with her hit trash "ITZ OVA", and they would be cheering her? That was really what he thought, as he was bringing in bottles of champagne, to pop while live concert would be going on. Little did he know that an opposite of that was happening now. He came to see the gorgeous actress totally drenched, her face was red like she had applied excess blush on her face.

"I don't blame you, Seun." she spat biliously, "I blame myself for jumping at your invitation. You all are so disgusting. Excuse me." she exit. The way she acted and spoke was really like the way she did on screen.
Seun was highly embarrassed and angry beyond speech after seeing all that had happened. Were his students this barbaric to the extent of attacking a celebrity that had paid an unusual visit to the school.
He would take serious action on this issue, its not going to die like that.

Seun went into his office, dejected by the day's adventure. The idea of by-laws and standing order which he'd nursed earlier came up again ringing in his head.
He'd been running a university for over years without laws to guide the university students.
He picked up his pen and wrote on paper, as it struck his mind, until he had written 21 items on paper. He would call that the NAIRALAND RULES AND REGULATION a.k.a the 21 commandments. Seun glanced through his book where he wrote us his rules, it wasokay by him, e'en though he'd prepared it all in a jiffy. Next was to call Mukina and make her aware of his new inventives.
"Mukina!" he called aloud but silence answered him. He did everything for the rest of that day with anger, having lost ties with one of his well admired personalities. He called Mukina severally but everywhere was still silent as graveyard. He wasrelieved to see oneof his appointed highly ranked student co-ordinator, Semid4lyf, passing
his office and maybe hurrying to catch up with something.
"Semid!" he called.
"Here I am, sir!" with his navy blue coloured blazer suit, he was looking like one sort of a retired Lieutenant General.
"Have you seen Mukina?" Seun asked in a hoarse tone, it was very unlikely of him to get this angry no matter how provoke he was. Semid didn't bother to ask him any question instead he awaited more from his boss.
While Seun was about to speak to Semid, the next they heard was a voice from inside the control room, which looked like that of Mukina. Hervoice grew so loud that Seun himself was disturbed by her noise.
"Pursestrings! Pursestrings! Pursestrings!" the voice of the lady said sounded fromwithin.
"Isn't that Mukina's voice?" Seun recognised her voice fast.
"Oh my bad! I almost forgot today is a matchday encounter between Arsenal and Manchester United."
"And what the hellis Pursestrings?"
"Hahaha," Semid chuckled,"Pursestring is thepet name she gave to Van Persie, i think she'sobsessed with him." Semid was laughing at what he thought was joke.
"You must give Van or whatever he calls himself, anindefinite ban." Seun commanded sternly.
"Sir, don't walk up yourself, Van Persie is a player of Manchester United." he chuckled slightly, sensing some sortof jealousy in him, but he never wanted to think such so that he don't make the wrong guess.
"Anyways, I'm nothere to analyze any sport with anybody." the VC waved his suspicious stare aside, "all I want you to do is to make all students gather at the convocation arena for public address."he gathered his documents into files, and headed for the convocation ground.

Wave of suspense overwhelmed the nerves of the students while they'd assembled at the convocation ground. This was one of the rare emergency gathering, and this time around it seems the Vice Chancellor had moody throughout that day. Noone really know what he bore in mind, though some tried to guess but it was all pointless.
Seun mounted on the verdant vaulted platform. He raised his face to the crowd of over 500,000 persons before him, the student co-ordinators sauntered in random motion, doing their possible best to instill sanity into the students.

"I greet you all students of this great institution." Seun greeted.

"We greet you too." they replied.

"It has come to my awareness that students of this school are becoming fond of disorderliness and misconduct. The increase in crime rate is also quite appalling. Cases of scams, promiscuity, tribalism, derailment and so on, are becoming rampant." their was mumbling in the crowd but despite that he still continued his speech, "Many are now using expletives to address issues in the class, and some go extra mile by blatantly writing the aforementioned on their quiz test and appending some off-the-cuff character to their work, instead of using the censored words." immediately he spoke this last set of words, some group of students who were apparently those that offered only Igbo language in school, cheered him.

"Supu! Nwanne, bekee bu agbara." they cheered, like he'd spoken English that was indecipherable to the Queen of England.

"I, therefore, have set a standard, a bye-law, a standing order that would guide every student of this institution. You must adhere to these rules and regulations if you want to remain a student of this school. Here are the laws: " he took a deep breath and continued.

"Rule no.1. Please contribute on topic in class
always. Don't derail or
tribalize class lessons. Garri talks should be restricted to be restricted to the food section, likewise other related case."

"Rule no.2. Don't abuse, bully,
deliberately insult/
provoke, fight, or wish
harm to any Nairaland
student."

"Rule no.3. Don't advocate or
encourage violent
actions against any person, tribe, race, or group of people."

"Rule no.4. Discussions of the art of love-making, indecency publications and other sex inclined matter should be restricted to the
hidden sexuality section."

"Ha! For what na?" it was Mazi who exclaimed from the crowd, this law was really going to spoil business for him. His blockbuster pörn book titled, "NYSC (National Year of Sex and Comfort)" had enjoyed massive traffic of buyers. The high demand for the book had made him produce a sequel which he titled, "PPA (Place of Promiscuous Assignment), which also was enjoying a market boom. Now, an enemy of progress in disguise of his VC had come to relegate his blockbuster to the trash. He couldn't hide his feeling as far as this matter got to do with his money.

Seun, having been interrupted saw red in that comment.

"Who said that? Who interrupted me?" Seun asked angrily asked, but there was grave silence, even Mazi was silent like he'd said nothing throughout that day.

"For the last time, who said that?" Seun asked more emphatically. One of the student co-ordinators, who never wished his name to be mentioned, stood from the VIP table where he sat with other student co-ordinators.

"Sir, i know him PERSONALLY, and i'll deal with him likewise." he stood up, went to where Mazi sat and fished him out, pushing him aggressively out of his seat. The way he'd pushed Mazi wasn't surprising to many especially students who studied Literature courses. This tyrant had personal beef with the pörn writer for quite a long time, but he didn't show it up, but instead took it into all his actions towards him.

"Abacha, take am easy nao" other students jeered him, as he pushed the young writer roughly. Pyguru soon came and gave him a helping hand, when Mazi began showing defiance. They took him outside the convocation ground, while Seun continued reading out the rules.

"Rule no.5. Don't display pornographic or disgusting pictures or
videos in any department, or at any corner of this university."

"Rule no.6. Don't advertise or put any affiliate link or address outside
the areas where
adverts are explicitly
allowed."

"Rule no.7. Don't say or do
anything that's
detrimental to the
security or success of this institution."

"Rule no.8. Don't post false
information, and no circulation of false rumours, the initiator of such would be punished."

"Rule no.9. Don't use Nairaland University as an avenue
for illegal acts, e.g
fraud, piracy, drug trafficking and
so on."

"Rule no.10. Don't show off the identity, pictures or portrait
of any Nairaland
member without his/her consent."

"Rule no.11. Don't make distracting speech during lesson e.g. laying vain claims or talking too much when it isn't necessary."

12. Don't make promotional comment when contributing to a topic in your class. You always have your ID card with you. Use the signature feature in it and change it whenever you want to."
Some students were grumbling, mainly those who came to the school for business sake.

"This Seun is a greedy man," someone whispered to the other but they couldn't trace him because he was in the midst of crowd.

"Rule no.13. Please report any comment or topic that violates the rules of Nairaland."

"14. Please ask questions or better off, go to the search library before raising a new topic in class."

"Rule no.15. Don't attempt to misspell censored words in any of your write ups or quiz."
This words troubled many students in their mind, this was really a harsh law to go by. Soon, a bottle fell off the hand of one of the students. The crash and shatter of the bottle was loud that it was heard by everyone including Seun, people looked round to know where it came from.

"Flow, so na my Udeme you scatter for ground abi?" Foxy, one of the students got blown up in anger as he hooked his friend on his shirt. "You know where I trek reach before I see this Udeme buy? You don drink tortor abi, you don forget say I never chop since morning." he blasted, ignoring the fact that he'd interrupted a very crucial gathering. The choking smell of weeds was perceived as he spoke. Flow must have seen the embarrassment he (Foxy) caused himself, that was why he (Flow) kept quiet. His girlfriend, Josephine4god, was seated with him and that was never a good time to embarrass himself. He'd been unwrapping and licking sweets and candies to neutralize the oozing odour, but he wasn't sure if the odour in his mouth had actually been neutralized. He didn't want to make mistakes now. Foxy didn't understand his ordeal. He, like Mazi who'd been banned for rebellion, was also a writer of comedy with a little pörn attached, and he'd not yet finished publishing his latest book which he titled, "Man wey dey reason." Why then was Seun coming up with all these now he'd almost done with publishing it? He mistakenly dropped the bottle, out of shock.
Seun, having heard all that transpired between the two, banned the duo, in order to maintain law and order.

"Rule no.16. Don't promote MLM schemes, HYIPS, or other questionable schemes in Nairaland." he continued.

"Rule no. 17" he cleared his throat, so that there would be clarity in his voice.
"Your speech, the way you dress, whatever you eat shall not be offensive to Islam."

"Aaaaaahhh!" a loud exclaimation was heard from the Yoruba course students.
"Owambe nko? Kini o ni lo nse?" they were eager to know what would be the fate of their partying.

"Partying is prohibited on Fridays, when Jumat prayers is in section. No popping of champagne, no taking of alcohol, (ogogoro), shawarma, pork meat or any thing that is repugnant to Islam."

"Abbey, wis kain azenda be dis eh?" a band of Ijaw students complained. Seun not minding their complaints continued his reading,

"And all business activities for that day shall be halted, all shop shall be locked."

"Maka gini? Taaaah! Omamme!" men who were mostly in red caps stood in defiance of his speech. They'd been silent while Seun read the rules, but this was the part that really stroke their nerve. Seun still closed ears to the chaos and still continued his reading. So he hadn't finish reading this same rule, what more did he have to say?

"Failure to do all this, will result into you been handed to the Nairaland Sharia custodians to be penalised."
The chaos soon blew up to be a full scale mayhem, ranging from protest to those who threw objects at Seun and his moderators (student co-ordinators).
Pyguru, the school marshall brought in tear gas to disband the crowd, who were uprisen against Seun and the moderators. Before he could press a button, one of the students who were rumoured by other students to be among the thugs of the RSHA crisis, who was popularly known as "ikwerre_militant", came in with a mace. People wondered where he'd brought the mace from. It must be from the Rivers state house of assembly, the fighting house members had not known when someone had taken the mace.

"Ogbeni! Pygururu, dodge ya head o." Idowuogbo alerted, "See gbosaa for ya head o." a student called by the name, gbosaa, looked towards her direction, in response to his name."

"Who calls thou? Oya vamoose." she said angrily. Before she could mention more words, the mace landed on Pyguru's head, he was badly injured. Ikwerre militant soon sighted Ikenna351, who'd been his greatest tormentor in class. He didn't waste time using the mace on him. Despite that, Ikenna still managed to take off from his presence.
Everyone was now running away from the loose lion lest he makes mistake in using the mace on them.
Seun wasn't left out in the race for dear life, he ran with pace and could overtake a cheetah in his speed. He came and collided with some group of nurses who were carrying the injured Pyguru and Ikenna to the A & E unit.

"Seun, i nor do again o! I wan resign." Ikenna cried out.

"No, don't say that. You'll soon get better. I understand that your words are as a result of the effect that the injury had on you." he pleaded solemnly.

"See my head na, you think I don't know what I'm saying? Abeg sack me jor." he said biliously.
Seun could see how badly injured he was, hence he was helpless.
He sauntered back to his office, but to his surprise, all his mode gathered there. They were afraid that the angry students were after them, so they decided to take refuge in his office.

"Good day sir." they all greeted.

"Yea, thank God you all are here." he gasped.
"Sexkillz, you're one of my well reliable and strong hearted moderators." Sexkillz opened his eyes wide in anticipation of his next word.

"I would want you to assist Afam and OAM4J in moderating the Politics department in place of Ikenna." Seun noticed some kind of frown on Sexkillz face, it seemed like he wasn't too happy with the job.

"You look like you aren't happy with this job," he asked worried.

"No, not at all." Sexkillz refuted, "its just that there's another bad news." he said with a sad look.

"And what's that?" Seun asked curiously, looking from one person to the other, "did anyone died?"

"Mukina, please break the news to him," Sexkillz beckoned but she was reluctant to let a word out of her mouth.

"Can someone tell me what's going on?" Seun blasted impatiently.

"I'm sorry to break the news, sir but......." Mukina lost her words at the moment and stuttered on it. Seun was growing more impatient.

"But what?"

"RULE NO. 17 IS MISSING!"




to be continued............

Eze see as i laugh start dey cry.come and continue please.