When I read stuff like this, I get shocked speachless. I cannot act this way, and I don't understand people that do. I can't iffer any advice because I don't know the full story. Even if I did, I have come to realise that most times, a third person's advice, devoid of all facts, only makes things worse.

However there's a saying that goes "if you can't treat a man (or woman) with a broken back, you can try to make him comfortable. If you can't do that, you can at least sympathise with him.

So Yettey, you have my sympathy and my prayers.

I wish I could turn back the hands of the clock, but its impossible.
I remember when I complained to his aunt, she told me not to worry that he would get tired of staying out and start returning home on time- I should just give him time ( that was last year) but nothing has changed.

Some people tell me my life is so perfect- having the best results from school, good job,good looks (don't look like I just had a baby- cause I'm back to my pre pregnancy body), a beautiful family. But only if they knew.
My husband polices me, he doesn't give me freedom, he cages me, he thinks my male colleagues are asking me out-I keep swearing. I told him I ate asun at work one day and till today he still thinks that its a man who took me out after telling him where I got it from. I have never cheated on him and he is my first and only sexual partner.
He confuses me cause he tells me he trusts me but suspects me wrongly. he always tells me I'm a good girl maybe because his friend's wife drinks alcohol and spends the night outside her home, and hangs out with male neighbours etc.

So you see, I'm so used to him- but he isn't always around, I have no friends- I used to be unhappy when he doesn't come home on time but now I'm just used to it.
God bless you all, most of the advices were/ are really helpful.

Story of my life, lol- I just poured out, how I really feel.

^Please stay calm. Your husband is being a "spoilt brat" (excuse my language) but deep down he appreciates you. I would suggest you act more and talk less.

There are things you can do that he will notice without speaking- I am even now convinced that my initial advice to you was good.

One thing about people like him is that they keep suffering mishaps. Take the chance when such happens to admonish him. You could say something like- "you got your car bashed, you have a young family- don't you care about us? Please, think about us too." It is not too confrontational but drives home your message.

About your health- I agree, you are at risk. You should consider female protection and start demanding he uses condoms too- you can gently rebuke him with something like: "your staying out late makes me doubt your fidelity and I don't want any diseases. Until you change, I am not going to be as free as you like." It is fair in my opinion to reduce initiating sex with him to like 0 until he changes.

Just be stronger and more strategic with him- you can win this battle.

yettey24: I wish I could turn back the hands of the clock, but its impossible.
I remember when I complained to his aunt, she told me not to worry that he would get tired of staying out and start returning home on time- I should just give him time ( that was last year) but nothing has changed.

Some people tell me my life is so perfect- having the best results from school, good job,good looks (don't look like I just had a baby- cause I'm back to my pre pregnancy body), a beautiful family. But only if they knew.
My husband polices me, he doesn't give me freedom, he cages me, he thinks my male colleagues are asking me out-I keep swearing. I told him I ate asun at work one day and till today he still thinks that its a man who took me out after telling him where I got it from. I have never cheated on him and he is my first and only sexual partner.
He confuses me cause he tells me he trusts me but suspects me wrongly. he always tells me I'm a good girl maybe because his friend's wife drinks alcohol and spends the night outside her home, and hangs out with male neighbours etc.

So you see, I'm so used to him- but he isn't always around, I have no friends- I used to be unhappy when he doesn't come home on time but now I'm just used to it.
God bless you all, most of the advices were/ are really helpful.

Story of my life, lol- I just poured out, how I really feel.

Well isn't this some annoying shyte! That's quite an irritating twist to the story isn't it?! Initially, on reading your story, I just thought, well, his disease is alcoholism + immaturity and you pretty much can do nothing until he decides to take care of his disease. But the bolded?! Unacceptable. So an alcoholic womanizer that comes home at 3 am has the gall to cage you and accuse you falsely of all manners of crap? Did you say you keep swearing you are innocent? Lawd help me!

As to your confusion, don't be. He is demonstrating traits of abuser. An emotional abuser. That's why he speaks one way today and another way tomorrow. The goal is to control you. It is very typical for abusers to leave their victims confused because they seem like angels one day and devils the next. Just beware, the next stop might soon be physical abuse.

SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP


Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings
Do you:
feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
feel emotionally numb or helpless?


Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
Does your partner:
humiliate or yell at you?
criticize you and put you down?
treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
blame you for their own abusive behavior?
see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?


Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats
Does your partner:
have a bad and unpredictable temper?
hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
threaten to take your children away or harm them?
threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
force you to Be Intimate?
destroy your belongings?


Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does your partner:
act excessively jealous and possessive?
control where you go or what you do?
keep you from seeing your friends or family?
limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
constantly check up on you?

It Is Still Abuse If . . .
The incidents of physical abuse seem minor when compared to those you have read about, seen on television or heard other women talk about. There isn’t a “better” or “worse” form of physical abuse; you can be severely injured as a result of being pushed, for example.

The incidents of physical abuse have only occurred one or two times in the relationship. Studies indicate that if your spouse/partner has injured you once, it is likely he will continue to physically assault you.

The physical assaults stopped when you became passive and gave up your right to express yourself as you desire, to move about freely and see others, and to make decisions. It is not a victory if you have to give up your rights as a person and a partner in exchange for not being assaulted!

There has not been any physical violence. Many women are emotionally and verbally assaulted. This can be as equally frightening and is often more confusing to try to understand.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Wish you all the best though.

maclatunji:
About your health- I agree, you are at risk. You should consider female protection and start demanding he uses condoms too- you can gently rebuke him with something like: "your staying out late makes me doubt your fidelity and I don't want any diseases. Until you change, I am not going to be as free as you like."

100% agree.

Thank you so much mac.
I don't want to even think that he might be cheating on me. Even if I have seen some funny signs like finding some girl's sunglasses in the car. He said it would have been the driver who got it there- and he was going to warn him. Anyway thank you mac.

@mods I want this topic closed, thank you.