Nosu: And also take note that I don't intend having wives becos from where I come from( which is above) we don't do polygamy.

Like i said, i pity your wives!

bettymafy:

Really? U had to quote the Bible to portray your irritating chauvinistic attitude? And what does that verse even have to do with the topic on ground? Oh, u just had to tell us how unfortunate women are cos 7 of them will have to beg a man to marry them. Therefore your fiancée should count herself lucky as she even managed to find someone who is ready to marry her.

Now, I really don't blame your fiancée for wanting to keep her father's name as she doesn't even know where she stands with you.

And please, leave the Bible out of This!

I really don't no why u can't comprehend a post. Like I said b4 , a lot of person read with a closed mind so u really can't understand.

I bolden wat I was trying to call ur attention to but u really don't want to see dat.

The issue u wrote about is another issue. It is a prophecy that will be fulfil. That wasn't wat I was calling ur attention to.

tpia@:


Like i said, i pity your wives!

He dat blesses me is blessed and he that curses me is cursed.

That isn't my words, it is only a promise to and for me.

Thanks all dsame

When you curse yourself, you remain cursed.

And stop bringing the bible into your personal problems!

Did you not see a bible before coming here to rant?

Hmmmm....hardly ever comment here but this one caught my attention. It's kinda bad that people for no apparent reason decide to take things personal. I believe we are all adults here, hence should conduct ourselves as one.

There's no point trying so hard to be heard by resorting to degrading comments, simply because two adults from different background and with different orientation do not agree on a particular matter. It wouldn't kill to make a point and let it go...as they say we can always agree to disagree. Op...all I can say is, do whatever you deem fit like some people here have advised (dialogue etc). It is little things like this which we tend to overlook that trickle down and become bigger things in future. Truth is, you never can know how far this kinda attitude goes and how its going affect important decisions in the near future, so be wise and do not think that "what is it to a name". A woman taking her husband's name did not start with and will not end with you...so if it is a big deal for you, nobody should make you feel bad about that.

Nosu:



I am a man that don't take rubbish and I stand my ground wen I need to and it didn't take an hour b4 I trash out the issue . It only bothers me that some ladies hold dat idealogy

other ladies besides your unfortunate wives, are not your concern!

I really dont care who the lady is or were she is coming from, if she isn't ready to drop her surname, she should remain on her own, she isnt ready for a marriage.

tell that to the desperadoes hooking up with you, i think this should be clear by now.

i think one of the reason ladies keep their first name is in anticipation of a divorce.2.the way some ladies talk also show that they hv not taken time to develop the skills necessary for marriage .a lady should take time to understand the way the mind of a guy works,just like a guy should do the same ,taking a the nigerian socio-cultural millieu into cognizance.in marriage the ultimate sin is negligence.so for anyone to wave aside the issue of name as a nothing smacks of sheer recklessness.watever ur spouse attatches importance to should automatically become important to u.e,g a lady sulking for not getting enuff compliments or indicating those little tokens of affection that a lady needs may seem childish to a guy,but the demands of a successful relationship is that nothing should be overlooked.now one of the most important functions of the female is that they r like a powerful magnifying glass reflecting the image of the male at twice its size.this function is wat many a man will never compromise...the power dynamics in a role based society like ours makes the female a reflector of the image of a man ...hw a man disciplines his expectation depends on both his maturity and the lady's malleability...contrary to wat people hv been saying on this thread name is very important especially in nigeria.in the end hw u resolve the issue is sometimes much more important to the marriage than the final decision...

I use a compound surname. I never officially changed my name though so my documents still bear my maiden. When I officially do, it's be the compounded version I currently use. If Oga like make e back Im head for wall, hos surname is damn too common.

She can join d 2 names together. Like Mrs. Okonjo-Iweala did, esp if her maiden name is popular

chaircover: There are way way way toooooooo many broken marriages all over the place and a lot of it is down to very faulty foundations.

I still dont know why we are blaming the poster. He is being honest enough to himself to know deep down that he cannot deal with a situation where his wife will bear another name apart from his. We are all different and have different desires. I wouldnt marry a man who smokes, but some women dont mind. We all have a right to choose what we feel comfortable with

Would we rather that he kept this to himself, told the woman that she was allowed to keep her name, married her and from the day he put the ring on her finger, he insisted that she changed it and proceeded to make her life miserable until she changes it?

What he is insisting on may seem odd, but he is the one who is going to live with it & so its his choice at the end of the day. Each to their own I'd say.

nobody cares if the poster's wives bear his name, or whether he wants his wives to bear his name.

He is the one who needs to stop attacking and criticizing others over what doesnt concern him.

same applies to any amebo who wants to take up the matter.

nobody owes anybody any explanation for their personal decisions.

people should go and drop their opinions on this thread if they need something to do:

https://www.nairaland.com/1385328/married-men-still-visit-roadside

tpia u r being unnecessarily hostile and overly dissmissive of the thread.in matters of the heart there are neva any absolutes.our conditioning makes our problems very different just like our faces r different.except u r arguing just to show that u can demolish any opponent,u should indulge ur capacity for empathy a bit.calling people amebo for proffering their views is a bit overarching...monikers in nigeria has neva been a simple issue...the question is not a simple one and if people should take the approach that u represent in this thread,they'll see that the problem which they now hv is the problem which their attitude has created,not that which the issue of change in name has created...name in nigeria aside from an indicative role also plays a social role.thats y professional courses in nigerian universities which offer a title to ur name on graduation r very competitive...thats y a man will answer sir chief dr so so and so.thats y some people take 'elder 'as a title,and even 'brother so and so'.i think that wen u understand the social implication of name for the both parties then u can give a more analytical answer to their issue...and perhaps only then u will appreciate the implication of the thread and the rich and enlightening discuss it might open all of us to...reducing the issue to 'a problem btw the poster and his wives and the amebos that choose to interfere' is both unfair and inhibitory to the fundamental purpose which a forum like this represents...

How did name changing become a part of our culture??


A lady who wants to keep her maiden name should keep it and the man should not find that as a problem if he isnt suffering from some form of complexity.

chaircover:

I hadn't realized that there was a religious side to it.

Yea yea. Muslims keep their maiden name after marriage. Actually, this issue of name change is a personal thing. To each his own.

chaircover:

I hadn't realized that there was a religious side to it.

I'm hearing this for the first time too.

Orisirisi

originbm: tpia u r being unnecessarily hostile and overly dissmissive of the thread.reducing the issue to 'a problem btw the poster and his wives and the amebos that choose to interfere' is both unfair and inhibitory to the fundamental purpose which a forum like this represents...

You are quite an intelligent person!!!
You do make lots of sense in your contributions........ until you get to the politics section & turn to a tribal warlord..
All in all, u make nice analysis on this forum!! Thumbs up.

if your name is your sole property in life, better give it to a non-nigerian, because all these illiterates on the thread are better suited for someone who doesnt understand their illiteracy.

tpia@:
if your name is your sole property in life, better give it to a non-nigerian, because all these illiterates on the thread are better suited for someone who doesnt understand their illiteracy.

Hey bro/sis...........what do u smoke/sniff?
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺

Royal Roy:

You are quite an intelligent person!!!
You do make lots of sense in your contributions........ until you get to the politics section & turn to a tribal warlord..
All in all, u make nice analysis on this forum!! Thumbs up.

Tribal warlord

Royal Roy: Thanks very much for the observation though

You are quite an intelligent person!!!
You do make lots of sense in your contributions........ until you get to the politics section & turn to a tribal warlord..
All in all, u make nice analysis on this forum!! Thumbs up.

Tribal warlord

What is in a name??

Seriously, I don't ever understand how a lady is all too ready to lose her identity for marriage.

I thought it was about complimenting or being complimented and not about becoming somebody else.

With men seeing it as their God given right to take that identity from her is even more mind boggling. I would like to hear Why and see it from their perspective and try understanding the rationale behind it.

Isaiah 4:1 NIV
New International Version
In that day seven women will take hold of one
man and say, "We will eat our own food and
provide our own clothes; only let us be called
by your name. Take away our disgrace!"

Seriously, this is what you are quoting as the d reason why your wife should take you last name? hahaha seems like you're d one who is not ready to marry.
your fiance probably is just trying to give u signal that she ain't interested anyway.



last time I checked, the idea of surnnames and women taking their husband's last name came from British culture during colonial era. there was no such thing as "mr" or "mrs" before the british came.

chaircover: deols, I dont understand what you mean by identity

I am still a very special sister, mother, daughter, friend, aunt, niece, cousin etc

if I changed my name to Chong ku Lee, I am still all these things to the people I listed above.

If your name was Chong ku. That is your identity from birth. Your family is the ku family and everyone who knew you, knew you as the daughter of Ku.

In the future if anyone needed to look for you, as Chong Ku, it would be easy.

But if you became Chong Lee for being married to Mr. Lee, you would have lost that identity.

Some children dont know their mother's maiden name. If they live abroad, they may not be able to trace their maternal heritage.

At this time when people get illegally married without their folks or when what should be marital affairs are now free for all, people of the same descent might have gone far in these relationships before realising that they are a family.

But naturally, what makes an identity goes beyond the looks. It includes the name you bear, your culture of dressing, eating, etc.

If a ching Ku starts to bear Chong Lee, a lot is lost. If Mr. Lee is chinese and the woman korean, anyone seeing her name would already think she is chinese. Her korean identity is lost.

People who never knew her as Lee may have formed an impression that she is Chinese.

All they have to do is to look up my maiden name which they already know, and work their way backwards.

This will happen only if you use it as a compound name.

But tell me, what is there to lose by keeping one's maiden name? Or to gain by changing to a husband's?

It boils down to perception then.

I dont think what I bear would affect my relationship with the man I marry. I dont think it would make me less submissive more than I can.

I know people doing well in marriage and husbands who are ok with their wives not changing their names and they are happy.


Me o, I love my family name and not even a Dangote would make me change it. In fact, many of my friends call my name with the surname when in our joking sessions. i dont wanna lose that!

I believe a man should not feel threatened by the wife's need to keep her maiden name if he is not having an authoritarian attitude.That attitude should be a keep off to many, I guess.

All i know is that i would have kept my surname but the thing too long and its not se xy at all.

So i quickly grabbed his se xy surname. I swear if he had my lond surname, and i had his... He should consider me not changing my name at all. Our kids sef will bear the se xy name.


Dont want any ugly names

So, after keeping your surname and your husband keeping his, if you start having children whose name should the children use?

Are you using your father's surname or your mother's surname?

How did you get your surname? Your family surname that you want to keep, did your mother keep her own when she was married and decided to become one with your father?

Keep my surname! Keep my surname! The genesis of every surname that women fight to keep is the name of the father and their children will still keep the name of their husbands. If all this women keeping surname don't want to take part in their husband's name then when the children turns out to be the obasanjos and obama of this world using their husband's surname, I hope they still continu to answer their father's surname oooo.

I don't see why a man should be answering a surname and the wife another surname as if the wife answered the mother and father's surnames differently.
Oh! I get! It is all about feminism, women are now fighting for the men and her children will answer her father's surname. Lol! This feminism crap of a thing will reach to the extent were women will be totally stripped of the equality right ish and be sent to the kitchen.

Feminism will soon reach were women will be demanding to be superiors and not equals anylonger. Continue to fight for superiority till you are totally relegated to the background like in the old. I hope this extreme feminism thing will not be women's undoing.

deols: It boils down to perception then.

I dont think what I bear would affect my relationship with the man I marry. I dont think it would make me less submissive more than I can.

I know people doing well in marriage and husbands who are ok with their wives not changing their names and they are happy.


Me o, I love my family name and not even a Dangote would make me change it. In fact, many of my friends call my name with the surname when in our joking sessions. i dont wanna lose that!

I believe a man should not feel threatened by the wife's need to keep her maiden name if he is not having an authoritarian attitude.That attitude should be a keep off to many, I guess.

^^you are talking as if what I do is your problem.

What is it about when my children become like Obama? No. my children will become individuals and wont be trained to be like any body and yes, they would bear their father's name while they have it in their consciousness at every moment that I am their mother.

If that makes me a feminist, deal with it.