kntrovasial mi: 50k to above 200k? u sef checkia nuya!

do you still expect him to carry most of the financial burden wen you earn far more dan he does?

he's a good man, so I'll suggest you have a heart to heart talk with him on the way forward
and also continue to support him financially until he's able to stand on his feet again.

mekado83: Y not allow him to still act as the bread winner of the house by having joint account?

2buff: You have to understand, he is in pain.
He feels like an imb3cile (or worse as the bible would say) because he currently cannot be the main supplier for his family due to factors he cannot control. We men have our egos, and we derive it from certain things, like being providers to our families.

Please look at it with an understanding heart.
Hug him tight and express to him that he is still your hero.
Comfort and encourage him that there are greater things lined up for him in life and that you intend to be with him. Encourage him to not lose faith.

Also, as to yourself, I know how Nigerian women act when they find themselves in this position. They may not even be aware when they begin their fuckup. BE VERY CAREFUL of any idle/thoughtless statements you make about the situation. Don't ever even come close to verbally kicking the man while he is down. If he is the same Godly man you married, he will come to with love.

...But on the real, are you both not supposed to be planning everything together from the same pot? Which one is this His thing/My thing? How do marriages like this even work in this day and age?

berem: Really? Say wetin happen

This your talk funny die!! Abeg no kill me with laff.

samy ssuan12: I doubt if the solution to this problem is for her to tender her salary to her husband every month, no respectable man would agree to that. Why would a man let a woman work all month, and then he'll happily collect her earnings from her, haba!! Make una fear God. The man is just suffering from ego crisis, and its normal, I even respect him for that. He's not comfortable with the fact that he isn't the breadwinner of the family anymore.
The wife should just continue comforting, make sure he doesn't spend time dwelling on his loss. Pray together, do whatever she can to help lift his mood at all times.

Iyandasdiary: Dear readers,

I am married with three kids. I have a good and God fearing husband. In fact, you wouldn’t be more proud of a husband. He is just one of a kind and I wish we could last forever until recently that it dawned on me that my marriage is at stake.

My husband used to be the manager of a popular bank in Nigeria. During this period, I was still in my 100level in the university. He gave me a lot of support back then and because of him, I was able to live large among my friends.
Some of them often try so hard to get his attention but, he was so into me that he didn’t give in to any of them. He made me happy and I was so proud of him.

Despite the storms and squalls that tripped in along the way, we were determined to be together so, we overcame it.
Time flew and I graduated with a second class upper. I felt so fulfilled that I swore not to start any work that offers me less than 150,000 naira for a start as a fresh graduate with a second class upper credit.

I stood by my slogan and I was eventually employed with a monthly pay of 200,000 naira. I felt on top of the world and my husband was happy for me.

We felt that we were ripe for marriage and we settled for it. We had a son soon after our wedding and we all lived happily. Our son went to one of, if not the best school in the neighbourhood. Soon after, I got pregnant again. It was then that I experienced the first moment of sadness in our home.

My husband came back home on that fateful day and broke the news to me that he has been sacked from work. He further explained that there was a huge amount of money missing in the bank which he could not account for. According to him, the withdrawal of that cash was signed by him. but, he swore with God that he didn’t know anything about it. I believed him though but, nothing could have been done so we left everything to God.

Pending the time that my husband was jobless, I made sure the house was balanced. When I gave birth to our second daughter, it was I who took responsibility for the naming ceremony but, nobody knew about it. And whenever I received my salary, I share it into two and give him one part.

I helped a great deal in finding the new job he got shortly after the naming of our daughter. They were paying him 50,000 naira monthly. It was the highest offer so far so he had to take it anyway. And with that, I stopped sharing my own salary with him. After all, he had his own was what I thought. But, I didn’t stop all the support I render at home for any reason. I thought I was a good woman.

Recently, I started noticing my husband’s change in attitude. I tried to understand that he may be frustrated but, it wasn’t helping. He started missing some nights out and all of a sudden stopped making love to me. Whenever our kids ask him for something, he’ll frankly tell them to go to their mum. “After all, she’s the breadwinner of the family.” My husband would say.

Now, I feel very uncomfortable in the house. I even tried to ask him where I have gone wrong but, he doesn’t even pay attention to me anymore. I feel terrible right now and I don’t know what to do.

Dear Iyanda readers, please help me out. Should I quit my job or just maintain it and watch my marriage cramp?

SOURCE :www.iyandasdiary.com

2buff:

So wait, I don't understand people. How will your marriage work WITHOUT a joint account?
Is that all meant to come from one person?

So what is the point of you working then if your are not putting something into the pot where bills are paid from. You make your money to eat your money ni?

"What's mine is mine whats yours is ours" in marriage does not make sense. Now I can understand why some of you naija women look at marriage in such a hungry way. This is why you allow your assorted family members and even that distant uncle who had nothing to do with your upbringing to be requesting house from your husband in the name of "list" because y'all don't really give a shit about the poor guy. It's your husband's problem.

May God deliver us from your kind.

Before marriage, certain things will be clear between the lucky chick and myself. Even if we have individual accounts, there must always be a joint account where the bulk of each of our earnings go whereby everything is decided upon. There will be a severe understanding that any debts incurred during extravagant weddings will be suffered by THE FAMILY aka herself included, so she better act right and keep costs low on her end.

Mrs.Chima:


Good thing about marriage is that EACH couple can live their life how THEY see fit.

If a joint account is what needed in YOUR marriage so be it. All marriages arent created EQUAL.

It's their life.