Hellos, I don't know how to deal with this, I have met very intelligent people on this section and I am hoping your ideas could help me.

Ayde: I am 22, female student, staying with my mother, elder brother and kid sister. We live in a four roomed house, three bedrooms and a kitchen/sitting room. I have never lived with a man in my 22years of life and out of the blue my mother brings her boyfriend to come and stay with us, mom doesn't have time for me or my kid sister, the man isn't helping in the house as everything is done by my mother. The house just feels too small for all of us now.

I have just been raped by an evil guy who had been following me around for some time now, he is in the badboys gang, been to prison and right now he is a buddy of the local police...I don't know what to do, I feel like wasted goods and home feels like a foreign country to me...how do I over come this?

I have known this girl for sometime, we were arguing when she wrote that to me, I tried talking to her but she just recoils and avoids me. I want to help her but how? She says I shouldn't lecture her about God or how things will be alright. I told her she needs help, a professional help but she doesn't want to talk about her problems to strangers, how do I get her to get help?

If she lives abroad getting help is easier, she doesn't have to go physically, there are call in counseling services she can use.
Continue to be her friend and be there for her, not preaching or judging just listening and telling her with the right help it will be fine.
She should also understand that her mom has a right to live her own life.
She hasn't said the man is abusive or molests them but I understand her concern.
Let her not bottle in too much else she will explode one day and make so many wrong decisions which won't end well.
Her mother is still her mother new boyfriend or not, she shouldn't hate her but talk to her, her mother will help her through, this is when she needs her mothers love most

wow.. this is tragic...

She needs rehabilitation first of all
Until that stain is wiped off, she cant move forward

Is there any NGO dealing with assaulted women who can guide...

Sorry i dont know much

See this link http://www.911rape.org/getting-help/what-to-do-if-you-are-raped

What To Do If You Are Raped

- Go to a safe place.
- If you want to report the crime, notify the police immediately. Reporting the crime can help you regain a sense of personal power and control.
- Call a friend, a family member, or someone else you trust who can be with you and give you support.
- Preserve all physical evidence of the assault. Do not shower, bathe, douche, eat, drink, wash your hands, or brush your teeth until after you have had a medical examination. Save all of the clothing you were wearing at the time of the assault. Place each item of clothing in a separate paper bag. Do not use plastic bags. Do not clean or disturb anything in the area where the assault occurred.
- Get medical care as soon as possible. Go to a hospital emergency department or a specialized forensic clinic that provides treatment for sexual assault victims. Even if you think that you do not have any physical injuries, you should still have a medical examination and discuss with a health care provider the risk of exposure to sexually transmitted infections and the possibility of pregnancy resulting from the sexual assault. Having a medical exam is also a way for you to preserve physical evidence of a sexual assault.
- If you suspect that you may have been given a "rape drug," ask the hospital or clinic where you receive medical care to take a urine sample. Drugs, such as Rohypnol and GHB, are more likely to be detected in urine than in blood.
- Write down as much as you can remember about the circumstances of the assault, including a description of the assailant.
- Get information whenever you have questions or concerns. After a sexual assault, you have a lot of choices and decisions to make - e.g., about getting medical care, making a police report, and telling other people. You may have concerns about the impact of the assault and the reactions of friends and family members. You can get information by calling a rape crisis center, a hotline, or other victim assistance agencies.
- Talk with a counselor who is trained to assist rape victims. Counseling can help you learn how to cope with the emotional and physical impacts of the assault. You can find a counselor by contacting a local rape crisis center, a hotline, a counseling service, other victim assistance agencies, or RAINN. RAINN is a national victim assistance organization, at 1-800-656-HOPE. RAINN will connect you to a rape crisis center in your area.

others are
http://www.turningpointservices.org/If%20She%20is%20Raped.htm

http://www.bandbacktogether.com/How-To-Help-Someone-Heal-From-Sexual-Assault/

Hope it helps

May God help our sisters and daughters

just re read,,, my bad

i assumed the gang guy was the boyfriend..

post modified,

debrief08: If she lives abroad getting help is easier, she doesn't have to go physically, there are call in counseling services she can use.
Continue to be her friend and be there for her, not preaching or judging just listening and telling her with the right help it will be fine.
She should also understand that her mom has a right to live her own life.
She hasn't said the man is abusive or molests them but I understand her concern.
Let her not bottle in too much else she will explode one day and make so many wrong decisions which won't end well.
Her mother is still her mother new boyfriend or not, she shouldn't hate her but talk to her, her mother will help her through, this is when she needs her mothers love most

She doesn't stay abroad.

Thanks

chaircover: If she refuses help, you cant physically force her, but what you can do is to be there for her, be a listener and encourage her.

In her own time she will open up to you when she feels that she can trust you enough. It will take time, so dont rush or force her, just be there for her.

thanks

biolabee:

just re read,,, my bad

i assumed the gang guy was the boyfriend..

post modified,

thanks for the links.

As for the gang guy he aint her boyfriend, just some guy who had made advances to her for some time. I don't know how she got to his place but it occured there.

You don't need to preach to her, she's passing through a turbulent period, all you need to do is listening and listening to he, always be there for her and continue to echo "it is well" to her ears always. With time she will find you "confidence and trust worthy". By then, she'll pour everything out.
It is well.

As for her mother, she should remember that her mother has right to live her life the way she want, that shouldn't be a problem to her, she need to respect her mum and even her mum's bf as expected.
May God help her.

greatgod2012: You don't need to preach to her, she's passing through a turbulent period, all you need to do is listening and listening to he, always be there for her and continue to echo "it is well" to her ears always. With time she will find you "confidence and trust worthy". By then, she'll pour everything out.
It is well.

As for her mother, she should remember that her mother has right to live her life the way she want, that shouldn't be a problem to her, she need to respect her mum and even her mum's bf as expected.
May God help her.

Thank you, I feel like I have screamed 'it is well,' for quite some time now. But I will, still tell her it is well, though now its hard.

IMO though, I think her mother should have talked to her children before taking such a huge step, considering the guy might have his own family, where he comes from and stuff. Situations like that don't always end well

Eh ya..

Really sad

I wish her all the best in this trying time

HumbledbYGrace: thanks for the links.

As for the gang guy he aint her boyfriend, just some guy who had made advances to her for some time. I don't know how she got to his place but it occured there.

WOW! I hate when people speak Christianese too.

She needs to seek professional help and also tell her mum about the rape. Does't she have any psychologist at school or a mentor she can speak to?? If you know any grown woman in your church that has handled or handles issues like this, you should totally link the two of them together. Right now, she needs to talk to grown folks about the r.ape and get help from professionals.

As for the mum's boyfriend, abeg ignore the irrelevant dude. He can only affect or irritate her if she allows him to. For now, all she has to worry about is her studies and her younger ones. She really has to step into the mum role asap.

*Shollypopz:
WOW! I hate when people speak Christianese too.

She needs to seek professional help and also tell her mum about the rape. Does't she have any psychologist at school or a mentor she can speak to?? If you know any grown woman in your church that has handled or handles issues like this, you should totally link the two of them together. Right now, she needs to talk to grown folks about the r.ape and get help from professionals.

As for the mum's boyfriend, abeg ignore the irrelevant dude. He can only affect or irritate her if she allows him to. For now, all she has to worry about is her studies and her younger ones. She really has to step into the mum role asap.

Ditto

*Shollypopz:
WOW! I hate when people speak Christianese too.

She needs to seek professional help and also tell her mum about the rape. Does't she have any psychologist at school or a mentor she can speak to?? If you know any grown woman in your church that has handled or handles issues like this, you should totally link the two of them together. Right now, she needs to talk to grown folks about the r.ape and get help from professionals.

As for the mum's boyfriend, abeg ignore the irrelevant dude. He can only affect or irritate her if she allows him to. For now, all she has to worry about is her studies and her younger ones. She really has to step into the mum role asap.

Oh Well! I'm Totally With Shollypopz On This.