Funny stuvs....
for more vhunni stuvss check out
www.viewingcity.com

Ofego was relieving
himself in a public toilet
when a man who has no
arms approached him, ''Erm Bros, can you please
help me with my zipper
please, as you can see I have no arms." Ofego hesitates but thinks that there is no
way this man could
possibly undo his zipper by himself. Ofego somehow
reluctantly agrees but as soon as he undid the zipper for the armless
man, the man called on Ofego to
help him bring out his
prick. Ofego was
outraged but he had to
help this disabled man, so he did but he noticed that
the man's prick is rotten with
spots and pores, so he
thought its not his
business anyway, so he
continued with his business but on a second
thought he decided to
alert the man to the
condition of his prick,
''Bros, this your thing doesn't
look alright to me o." And the armless man replied,
''Oh yes, I know, that's
why I can't touch it myself." And with that the man brought
out his two arms from
underneat his clothes.

njuwo:
Hahahahaha!! I just can't stop laughing. This
is the awkward Truth About some husbands.
A group of men gathered at a church
conference on how to live in a loving
relationship with their wives. The men were
asked, "How many of you love your wife ?" All
the men raised their hands. Then they were
asked, "When was the last time you told your
wife you love her ?" Some men answered
today, some yesterday, majority didn’t
remember. The men were then told to take
their cell phones and send the following text
to their respective wives: I love you,
sweetheart...
Then the men were told to exchange their
phones so one can read the other wife's reply
to the love message.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Have you impregnated someone again
2. That was then, not now
3. You wan borrow money abi?
4. What did you do again? I won’t forgive you
this time.
5. Meaning?
6. Is that a new song?
7. Am I dreaming?
8. If you don’t tell me who this message is
actually for, you will die today!
9. U dis man!! I asked you to stop drinking.
10. Abeg na who be this?

Great

njuwo:
Ofego was relieving
himself in a public toilet
when a man who has no
arms approached him, ''Erm Bros, can you please
help me with my zipper
please, as you can see I have no arms." Ofego hesitates but thinks that there is no
way this man could
possibly undo his zipper by himself. Ofego somehow
reluctantly agrees but as soon as he undid the zipper for the armless
man, the man called on Ofego to
help him bring out his
prick. Ofego was
outraged but he had to
help this disabled man, so he did but he noticed that
the man's prick is rotten with
spots and pores, so he
thought its not his
business anyway, so he
continued with his business but on a second
thought he decided to
alert the man to the
condition of his prick,
''Bros, this your thing doesn't
look alright to me o." And the armless man replied,
''Oh yes, I know, that's
why I can't touch it myself." And with that the man brought
out his two arms from
underneat his clothes.

Your Facebook page has turned to something else, are you aware of that?

bunmioguns:




Your Facebook page has turned to something else, are you aware of that?

Yes honourable, I'm working on getting it back.

After just a few years of
marriage filled with
constant arguments, Ofego and his wife
decided the only way to save their marriage was
to try counseling. They
had been at each other's
throats for some time and
felt that this was their last
straw. When they arrived at the
counselor's office, the
counselor jumped right in
and opened the floor for
discussion. "What seems
to be the problem?". Immediately, Ofego held his long face down
without anything to say.
In contrast, his wife
began talking 90 miles an
hour, describing all the wrongs within their
marriage.
After 15 minutes of
listening to the wife, the
counselor went over to
her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her
passionately and sat her
back down. Afterwards,
the wife sat speechless.
The marriage counselor
looked over at Ofego, who stared in
disbelief. The counselor
said to him,
"Your wife needs that at
least twice a week!"
Ofego scratched his head and replied, "I can
bring her here every tuesdays and thursdays."

Ofego was driving up a
steep, narrow mountain
road. A girl was driving
down the same road.
As they passed each other,
the girl leaned out the window and shouted,
"Goat"! Ofego
immediately
leaned out of his window and
replied, "Fool!"
They each continue on their way, and as Ofego rounds the next corner he
slammed into a goat in
the middle of the road.

please call for more enquiries...

Warning! Don't go into the bathroom today by 11:59pm. If you do, you will come out next year. Don't say I didn't warn you o. I have warned you. A word they say is enough for the wise.

Happy New Year My People!!!....

After heart surgery, Ofego told his doctor that
his wife was afraid to
have sex with him. The
doctor assured him that it
would do him no harm. Ofego asked him to
give it to him in writing,
and the doctor wrote
furiously and gave it to
him. It said, "Dear Mrs Ofego, your husband is in such remarkable good
physical condition, I
wouldn't be surprised if
he could not make love
two or three times every
night". Ofego was delighted, but requested a
small amendment. "Could
you take out
Mrs Ofego, and make it, "To
whom it may concern?".

For The Ladies, Ways To Turn Men Down This New Year By Ofego;

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
YOU: Actually I would rather
have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer.
I've been looking for a
face like yours.
YOU: I'm a plastic surgeon.
I've been looking for a
face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a
date once? Or was it
twice?
YOU: Must've been once. I
never make the same
mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be
so beautiful?
YOU: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with
me this saturday?
YOU: Sorry. I will be having a
headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
YOU: And your face must
turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on, don't be shy.
Ask me out.
YOU: Okay, get out!.

HE: What would you say if
I asked you to marry me?
YOU: Nothing. I can't talk
and laugh at the same
time.

HE: Can I have your name?
YOU: Why? Don't you
already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a
movie?
YOU: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been
all my life?
YOU: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you
some place before?
YOU: Yes. That's why I
don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
YOU: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for
a living?
YOU: I'm a female
impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
YOU: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a
temple.
YOU: Sorry, there are no
services today.

HE: If I could see you
naked, I would die happy.
YOU: If I see you naked,
I would probably die laughing

HE: Where have you been
all my life?
YOU: Where I'll be the rest
of your life, in your
wildest dreams.

Three friends died in a car
crash, they went to heaven to an
orientation. They were
all asked, "When you
are in your casket and friends and family are
mourning upon you,
what would you like to
hear them say about
you?
The first guy Abraham said, "I would like to hear them
say that I was a great
doctor of my time, and
a great family man."
The second guy Ufuoma said, "I
would like to hear that I was a wonderful
husband and school
teacher which made a
huge difference in our
children of tomorrow."
The last guy Ofego replied, "I would like to hear them
say, LOOK, HE'S
MOVING!!!".

Ofego's Grandfather got on a
crowded bus with his walking stick and no
one gave him a seat. As
the bus shook and
rattled, his
walking stick slipped on the floor and he fell.
As he got up, a seven
years old child, sitting
nearby, turned to him
and said, "If you put a
little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it
wouldn't slip."
Ofego's Grandfather snapped
back, "Well, if your
daddy did the same
thing seven years ago, I would have a seat
today."

Hi, kindly listen to authentic naija rap - KINGJAHZA + APOLLO BROWN (LION MC) https://soundcloud.com/hisimperialmajestyrecords/king-jahza-apollo-brown-lion-mc-resurrection-ep THANK YOU. #kingjahza

A married man Ofego was
talking to his friend, and
he said, "I don't know
what to get my wife for
her birthday, she has
everything, and besides, she can afford to buy
anything she wants, so
I'm stumped."
His friend said, "I have an
idea, why don't you make
up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of
great sex, any way she
wants it . . . she'll
probably be thrilled."
So Ofego did. The next
day his friend said, "Well? Did you take my
suggestion?"
"Yes, I did," said Ofego.
"Did she like it?" His
friend asked. "Oh yes! She jumped up,
thanked me, kissed me on
the forehead and ran out
the door, yelling 'I'll be
back in an hour!".

Oh, thou Woman.
She married and had 13
children.
Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children.
Again, her husband died.
But, she married again,
and this time had 5 more
children.
Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her
coffin, the Pastor
prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for
this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally
together."
Ofego's Sister leaned over
and quietly asked him,
"Do you think the Pastor means her first, second or third
husband?"
Ofego replied, "I think
he means her legs."

A few years ago, Ofego decided
to visit his Uncle who
was based in
Germany. Ofego assumed that
most Germans would speak English, but he found
that many people spoke
only their native tongue,
including the ticket
inspector on the train.
The ticket inspector punched Ofego's ticket, then chatted cordially for
a bit, making gestures like
a
windmill. Ofego simply nodded
from time to time to show
him that he was interested. When the ticket inspector had gone, an
American woman in the
compartment leaned
forward and asked
if Ofego spoke German.
"No," Ofego confessed. "Then that explains," She
said, "Why you didn't bat
an eyelid when he told
you that you were on the
wrong train."

Pls Read my signature... Thanks

DANGOTE: (picks phone)
Who is this?

Ofego: I'm a
nobody sir, sorry, I meant, I
meant, my name is Ofego
Akpe, I live in Warri
Delta State, my friends call
me Ofegoson.

DANGOTE: (cuts in) Young man save me the long
crap and go straight to
the point.

Ofego: Sir, I wanted to
know whether there is any 1 million Naira that
you are not using?

A man flying for the first
time was heard praying
aloud, "Lord, take me safe
on this journey and I'll
give you half of what I
have". A Pastor seated behind
him heard him so when
the plane landed, the
Pastor said to him, "Your
prayer is answered. I am
a man of God, so give me half of your riches so that
I can build a church".
The rich man said, "I have
just made a better offer to
God. I told him that if he
ever catches me on a plane again, he can have
all my wealth".

A new thing for the new year. To reach and engage more fans with Nigeria Jokes, Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego is now out with its official facebook group. Join here >> https://www./1048918445189548?refid=18&__tn__=C And add your facebook friends too, don't be stingy with laughter cause laughter makes us humans younger each and everyday.

That wife of mine is a
liar," said the angry
Ofego to a sympathetic
pal seated next to him in
the bar.
"How did you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home
last night and when I
asked her where she had
been, she said she had
spent the night with her sister, Racheal."
"So?"
the friend retorted.
"So she's a liar." Ofego said. "I spent the
night with her sister,
Racheal."

Little Ofego could
see
into the future.
One night, he was
praying and he said, "God bless Mummy, Daddy,
Eliminator, and goodbye
Pus Pus."
Pus Pus was the family's little pet
cat.
Well, during that night, the dog, Eliminator, opened
up Pus Pus cage and eliminated him.
The next night, Ofego kneeled and prayed and
said, "God bless Mummy,
Daddy, and goodbye
Eliminator."
The next morning, Eliminator was walking across the
street when a car ran him over.
That night, Ofego was
praying and he said, "God
bless Mummy, and
goodbye Daddy."
Well the Daddy was very upset and, the next day,
he got his police officer
friend to arrange an
armoured car to pick him
up and a police escort.
He came home the same way too. When he was
walking
up the walk way, his wife
came running out.
"Oh dear! You'll never
guess what happened!" "What is it?" He cried.
"The gateman dropped
dead
this morning at the
front of the gate!".

1. It's important to have a
woman who helps at
home, who cooks from
time to time, cleans up
and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make
you laugh.

3. It's important to have a
woman who you can trust
and who doesn't lie to
you.

4. It's important to have a
woman who is good in
bed and who likes to be
with you.

5. It's most important that
these four women do not know each other.

One day when the teacher
walked to the
black board, she noticed
someone had
written the word
'penis' in tiny letters. She turned around,
scanned the class
looking for the guilty face.
Finding
none, she quickly erased
it, and began her class. The next day
she went into
the room, and she saw, in
larger letters,
the word 'penis' again
on the black board. Again, she looked
around in vain
for the culprit, but found
none, so she
proceeded with the day's
lesson. Every morning, for about a
week, she went into
the classroom and found
the same
disgusting word written
on the board each day's word, larger
than the previous
day's word. Finally, one
day, she walked
in, expecting to be
greeted by the same word on the board, but
instead, found the
words, "The more you rub
it, the bigger
it gets!".

A young couple got
married and left for their
honeymoon. When they
got
back, the bride
immediately called her mother. Her mother
asked,
"How was the
honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied,
"the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, "
Suddenly she burst out
crying. "But, mama, as
soon as we returned Ofego
started using the most
horrible language, things I had never heard
before! I mean, all these
awful 4-letter words!
You've got to come get
me and take me home,
Please mama!" "Josephine, Josephine," her
mother said, "Calm down!
Tell me, what could be so
awful? What 4-letter
words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the
daughter,
"I'm so embarrassed
they are just too awful!
Come get me, please!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has gotten you so
upset, Tell your
mother these horrible 4-
letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride
said, "Oh, mama, words like DUST, WASH, IRON...

Hahahahaha!!! This my facebook friend is back again
with her English;

1. My God is upsome!

2. Thank God for a brown
new day!

3. What is strong with you?

4. Not all that glitters are
goats!

5. Majority carries the volt
(Not only volt, transformer too, abi?)

6. May your name be highly exhausted!

7. My waste is paining me!

8. Thank God for spearing
my life (With arrow, abi with dagger?)

9. Why are people so weekend?

10. Lord! you are the killer
that holds my life!

11. Please, how much is your
age?

12. Look to the window, the principal just passed
away (You were the one that killed him abi?)

13. Lord let your wheel be
done.

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Ofego and his Wife had only one
child, Otega. They so
pampered this boy that
he demands
unnecessarily.
On a certain day he called Ofego and said, "Dad, I
need an iPOD and a new
phone.

After all means to
persuade him to let go of
those things he demanded to no avail, Ofego decided to fool the
boy.
He arranged with the
boy's mum and called the
boy to a dinner. At the dinner the following
conversation ensued;

Boy: Daddy and Mummy, I need
the iPOD and phone, else I
won't go to school again.

Ofego (talking to the Wife): Give an I

Wife (shouted): I

Ofego: Give me a P

Wife: P

Ofego: Give me an O

Wife: O

Ofego: Give me a D

Wife: D

Ofego: What is that?

Wife: iPOD

Ofego: Give me a P

Wife: P

Ofego: Give me an H

Wife: H

Ofego: Give me an O

Wife: O

Ofego: Give me an N

Wife: N

Ofego: Give me an E

Wife: E

Ofego: What is that?

Wife: PHONE

Sensing that they are
fooling him, Otega decided to leave but they called
him back and said;
"Don't go boy, we can even
give you a DVD."

Hahahahahahaha......still laughing....