April 1st is named FOOL'S DAY, after Steve April. He was born on 1st April 1579. He did 105 businesses in his lifetime. He lost all his father's assets, and so everyone started calling him father of all fools.

At 19, he married a 61- year-old woman who divorced him after a year because of his foolishness. He used to read all kinds of fake stories like you are doing now. Happy All Fools Day!
http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/the-founder-of-april-fools-day.html

A girl had been trying to win a visa lottery for many years but it was all in vain. One faithful day, she went to a cyber-cafe, she was so surprised when she saw that she had won the lottery, she was very happy.


Immediately, she went to where she will take her passport for the lottery.


As she was going home to inform her parents about the goodnews. She did not notice when a car was coming and was hit by it.


Ha! What a pity. She did not even had the chance to share the good news with her parents before she died.


NOW I DECLARE, Nothing will cut your life short on the happiest day of your life in Jesus name.


Write "Amen" to claim this Prayer.

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/how-her-life-was-cut-short-as-she-was.html

An old widow was arraigned in court for killing a young man. "Why did you kill him?" The Judge asked. "He came into my house" The woman explained. "And started kissing me. He then started romancing me. Then he took off my clothes. As he was about to proceed, he said, "APRIL FOOL!" The Judge shouted, "What the hell! The bastard sure deserve it."

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/guys-beware-why-this-old-widow-killed.html

When a car skidded on a wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver.


A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside.


'Step aside, woman,' he barked. 'I've taken a course in first-aid!'


The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. 'Pardon me,' she said. 'But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here.'

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/nigeria-patients-and-doctors-episode-14.html

For Your Enjoyment Sake Download This Very Funny Video Prophecy Mistake Here http://xchanger.mobi/v2/download_warning.php?fid=522803&al=ofInItVsfs&XID=68789f0e6eae1ef21952b8ff2c8c6833

Two Boko Haram members were driving to the location where they intended to plant a bomb, which one of them had in his lap. "Drive a little faster, the bomb may go off any minute," said the man carrying the explosive.


"Don't worry, the driver assured him, we have a spare one in the boot."

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/the-boko-haram-driver.html

I found a monkey and showed him to a policeman. The policeman said, "Take that monkey to the zoo, now."


The next day the policeman saw me with the monkey again. He stopped me and said, "What on earth are you doing with that monkey?" I said, "What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I'm taking him to the movies."

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/the-monkey-and-i.html

........

FlawlessRebirth2:
.......STFUar.eyouGod

you good?

This week God will turn your disappointment into appointment
, your disgrace into grace, your tears into joy, your mourning into laughter, your sorrow into joy
, your failure into success
in Jesus name amen.
Let those who believe comment amen.
http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/my-prayer-for-you-this-week.html

When Onoriode was in SS3, his teacher always yelled at him, calling him "A waste of conception, time and space and a sure failure in life".
One day, poor Onoriode's grandmother came to school to check out how her grandson was doing. The teacher told her quite frankly that she had never seen such a dumb boy all her life; and advised her to withdraw and enrol him under an artisan, because formal schooling for Onoriode would be a total waste of time and money. The grandmother, shocked at the teacher's remarks, withdrew her grandson from the school and relocated to Lagos.

25 years later , the teacher was diagnosed with a brain tumour. All the doctors she met advised her to do a surgery. And only a certain doctor in the whole of Nigeria (practicing in Lagos) could perform the procedure. Left with no alternative, the poor teacher agreed to have the surgery performed. Fortunately, It was successful. When she awoke hours after the surgery, she saw a handsome young doctor smiling down at her. She was on artificial respiration from a machine that provided her oxygen. She wanted to thank him but could not speak. She looked sideways and suddenly began to express shock and anguish, her face started to turn pale; she frantically made attempts to raise her hand and tell him something but couldn't. She struggled, she fought hard. Then she gave up the ghost. The young doctor was shocked. He tried to find out what went wrong. Eventually he found out it was our dear Onoriode (now working as a cleaner in the hospital) who had disconnected the lady's oxygen machine to connect his nokia torch charger. Wait a minute. Don't tell me you were thinking Onoriode became the doctor? This is not Nollywood o! Onoriode is not ready to learn anything in his lifetime, period! http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/onoriode-and-teacher.html

[quote author=njuwo post=19054905]A Governor was in a church for
thanksgiving.

The topic of the sermon was "repentance".

After the sermon, Pastor Akpos asked the congregation 'if anybody wants to give his or her
life to God lift your hand let me pray for you......'

Nobody responded for about three times.

The Governor mounted d alter and made a statement.."If u want to give your life to God please
lift up your hands let Pastor pray for you cause we want to have good citizens in this state".

A guy lifted up his hands reluctantly.

The governor asked his PA to give the guy 10 million naira.

The governor repeated the same statement again, this time around everybody's hand was up...

The Governor turned to Pastor Akpos to pray for them, to his greatest surprise Pastor Akpos hand was also up.....[very funny]

The police car, its siren blaring, raced in front of a speeding car and forced it to stop. A heavily built policeman got out and walked over. "Your name, please? asked the policeman, taking out his notebook and pen. Certainly, officer, replied the driver. It's Horatio Xerxes Laertes Idomeneus Aeneas Asclepius Iphicles Menoeceus Memnon Philoctetes Tyndareus Hylas. The policeman thought for a moment, then looked at his notebook, shook his head and said, " I'll just give you a warning this time don't break the speed limit again.
http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/see-strange-thing-driver-told-policeman.html

Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.

We are living in a generation where people "in love" are free to touch each others' private parts but cannot touch each others' phones because they are private.


Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mother and you realise witchcraft is real.

If you are a married man, and you find yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your wife a school uniform.

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/words-of-wiseness.html

I walked into the pet shop and asked if I could buy 387 beetles, 18 rats and five mice. " I'm sorry, sir, but we can only supply the mice." "But what did you want all the other creatures for?" asked the pet shop manager. "I was thrown out of my flat this morning, I replied. And my landlord says I must leave the place exactly as I found it."
http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/obeying-my-landlord.html

The sign on the door of a lawyer's chamber reads: Where there is a will, there is a way; where there is a way, there is law; where there is law, there is a rule; where there is a rule, there is a loophole; where there is a loophole; there is a lawyer; and so here I am.

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/what-lawyer-placed-on-his-door.html

pls i need ur advice...................... .....
I told my dad 2day dat i won a scholarship 2 read medicine in UK, he was very happy dat he order my mum 2 slaughter 2 chicken 4 celebration and we popped champagne, before i knw he sold his car and collect loan without even telling me , he gave #200,000 as thanksgiving in church and he even divorced his second wife, now i' ve been thinking of how 2 tell him that it was April fool. Dont laugh alone, share it 2 others and make dem happy, happy new month.

Teacher: Ofego, can you tell me which month is the shortest?
Me: It's May, ma.
Teacher: No, it isn't. The shortest month is February.
Me: But, ma, February has eight letters in it while May only has three!
http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/how-i-found-out-my-teacher-doesnt-know.html

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Tunde, came in to pee. The husband slyly looked over and was shocked at how immensely endowed Tunde is. He can't help himself, and asked Tunde what his secret is. "Well," said Tunde, "Every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my dick on the bed post three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girl!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night.

So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his dick and whacked it three times on the bed post. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Tunde? Is that you?"

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/insult-upon-injury.html

One day, three couples were out for dinner. They were all sitting around the table and when their food came, the smartest guy thought, I should tell my wife something sweet. He thought, "I'll have coffee so I will say pass me the sugar, Sugar," and so he did. One of the other men sitting around the table thought that was pretty nifty, so he said, "Can you pass me the honey, Honey?" His wife was very happy at his remark. The third guy sitting there was thinking and thinking of something to say to his wife. He thought, "I need some more tea," and so he said to his wife, "Can you pass me the tea, Bag?"

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/husband-falls-wife-hand-in-public.html

House Girl: What do you want, sir?
Visitor: I want to see your master.
House Girl: What's your business, please?
Visitor: There is a bill.
House Girl: Ah! He left yesterday for his village.
Visitor: Which I have to pay him.
House Girl: And he returned this morning.
http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/house-girl-misleads-and-leads-visitor.html

Thelma Nkwocha wrote: Boyfriend that cannot give you. Read the full story here
http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/boyfriend-that-cannot-give-you-50000.html

Little Timaya was having a problem with his homework. Dad, he asked, What is the difference between anger and exasperation? Well, son, said his father, I'll give you a practical demonstration. His father picked up the phone and dialled a number. Hello, said a voice at the other end. Hello, said Timaya's father. Is Osas there? There is no one called Osas here! the voice replied. Why don't you look up numbers before you dial them? You see? said Timaya's father. That man was not at all happy with our call. But watch this! He then dialled the number again, and said, Hello, is Osas there? Now look here! the voice said angrily. I told you there is no Osas here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again! Did you hear that? Timaya's father asked. That was anger. Now, I will show you what exasperation is! He dialled once again. And on hearing the voice at the other end, Timaya's father said, Hello! This is Osas. Have there been any calls for me?

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/what-timayas-father-showed-him.html

Put ''Dated Nigerian girls'' on your CV so that they can know you can handle anything life throws at you.

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/put-this-on-your-cv-to-get-employed.html

If someone asks about your educational background, proclaim boldly that:
Church is my college. Heaven is my university. Father God is my counselor. Jesus is my principal. Holy Spirit is my teacher. Angels are my classmates. Bible is my textbook. Temptations are my exams. Overcoming Satan is my hobby. Winning souls for God is my assignment. Receiving eternity is my degree. Praise and Worship are my slogan. It's my month of lifting.

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/if-someone-ask-about-your-educational.html

Q:" can I get closer 2 u a:" yes u can follow me on twitter Q:" can I tak U out a:" yes, hop it's ok if i cum wit ma friends(9frds)

Forcados was saying his bedtime prayers: Please God, make Lagos the.
http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/god-please-make-lagos-capital-of-nigeria.html

U av 2 read dis
When Onoriode was in SS3, his teacher always yelled at him, calling him "A waste of conception, time and space and a sure failure in life".
One day, poor Onoriode's grandmother came to school to check out how her grandson was doing. The teacher told her quite frankly that she had never seen such a dumb boy all her life; and advised her to withdraw and enrol him under an artisan, because formal schooling for Onoriode would be a total waste of time and money. The grandmother, shocked at the teacher's remarks, withdrew her grandson from the school and relocated to Lagos.

25 years later , the teacher was diagnosed with a brain tumour. All the doctors she met advised her to do a surgery. And only a certain doctor in the whole of Nigeria (practicing in Lagos) could perform the procedure. Left with no alternative, the poor teacher agreed to have the surgery performed. Fortunately, It was successful. When she awoke hours after the surgery, she saw a handsome young doctor smiling down at her. She was on artificial respiration from a machine that provided her oxygen. She wanted to thank him but could not speak. She looked sideways and suddenly began to express shock and anguish, her face started to turn pale; she frantically made attempts to raise her hand and tell him something but couldn't. She struggled, she fought hard. Then she gave up the ghost. The young doctor was shocked. He tried to find out what went wrong. Eventually he found out it was our dear Onoriode (now working as a cleaner in the hospital) who had disconnected the lady's oxygen machine to connect his nokia torch charger. Wait a minute. Don't tell me you were thinking Onoriode became the doctor? This is not Nollywood o! Onoriode is not ready to learn anything in his lifetime, period!

Doctor: Nurse! Did you take this
http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/the-warri-nurse.html

Bulgaria was the only soccer team in the 1994 World Cup in which all 11 players' last names ended with the letters "OV." The phrase "sleep tight" originated when

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/know-this-for-your-notice-oh.html

Girl: You are the.
http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/first-man.html

I'm very sorry to learn that your wife ran away with your driver, said the friend to the old man. Oh, don't worry, I can drive, replied the old man.

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/runaway-soldier.html