Happy sunday to you all. I have a problem. There is this young man i just met 2yrs ago. I'm yoruba, he's delta by tribe. We've been just platonic friends but now he wants my hand in marriage. I am a graduate of OAU but he only stopped sch at sec sch. He attended a technical school later, learnt a skill in electricity. Workin now wit an ok salary. I feel no qualms abt marrying this guy becos he's so humble, very hardworkin and selfless, ALWAYS ready to put people's interest ahead of his own. He has a positively dangerous sense of humor, cracks me up so badly lol. Plus, he's so so cute. Lol. We flow well. Problem is, people are talkin abt our educational differences and its gettin to me. I'm ok wit him but people, even my family feel we dont match. I luv him badly. MUST HE BE A GRADUATE TO BE MARRIAGEABLE? Please i need reasonable nature responses. Tnx.

I dnt think you need advice, if you ask me, I think you knw what you want already. If the guy can take care of you, then you are good to go, but if you want the one that would over-take care of you, then keep searching.

If he makes u happy then i think u can marry him coz been a graduate does not make him perfect.U can encourage him to further maybe part time after marriage.

My dear,if he can tke care of u,go ahead no mata wat pple tink.ur happiness counts

Though i'm as confused as you. But i'll rather say that you follow your heart.

Is he going to give you problems after marriage because you are better off educationally and financially? That should be your primary worry, not what people are saying. He may act just fine now but once you become wife the number one thing he may be after is your 'submission', and you know what that means in the Nigerian context, don't you? Every little disagreement will become about you disrespecting him because you earn more. When dating, the discrepancy is not prominent since you are not a materialistic and demanding woman, after marriage is when the inferiority complex might surface.

In short, marry him only if you are sure it will not turn into all that. Find out about his parents marriage too and his dad's role, that may give you some insight into his beliefs. Find out from him too, approach it in a way that won't let him be dismissive. You need to really talk about it IMO.

ileobatojo: Is he going to give you problems after marriage because you are better off educationally and financially? That should be your primary worry, not what people are saying. He may act just fine now but once you become wife the number one thing he may be after is your 'submission', and you know what that means in the Nigerian context, don't you? Every little disagreement will become about you disrespecting him because you earn more. When dating, the discrepancy is not prominent since you are not a materialistic and demanding woman, after marriage is when the inferiority complex might surface. @

In short, marry him only if you are sure it will not turn into all that. Find out about his parents marriage too and his dad's role, that may give you some insight into his beliefs. Find out from him too, approach it in a way that won't let him be dismissive. You need to really talk about it IMO.

Exactly!!!?

@ OP
It goes beyond him being able to take of you OP or loving you for that matter, it is about how accepting of him of who and what you are. As long as you are certain he's not the sort who won't see every little thing you do as an affront to his male ego because you have a degree and he doesn't or try to "Bring you" down to prove his "manness". . .I say go for it.

Of course this is all based on the assumption that you are accepting of who and what he is....Not 5 years down the line you start thumbing down your degreed nose at him. If you think at some point this is gonna be an issue...abeg let him go. Now I'm not saying you shouldn't want him to better himself education wise....just don't make it a deal breaker in your marriage because you met him like this and he didn't lie to you about his background.

MsJackson: Happy sunday to you all. I have a problem. There is this young man i just met 2yrs ago. I'm yoruba, he's delta by tribe. We've been just platonic friends but now he wants my hand in marriage. I am a graduate of OAU but he only stopped sch at sec sch. He attended a technical school later, learnt a skill in electricity. Workin now wit an ok salary. I feel no qualms abt marrying this guy becos he's so humble, very hardworkin and selfless, ALWAYS ready to put people's interest ahead of his own. He has a positively dangerous sense of humor, cracks me up so badly lol. Plus, he's so so cute. Lol. We flow well. Problem is, people are talkin abt our educational differences and its gettin to me. I'm ok wit him but people, even my family feel we dont match. I luv him badly. MUST HE BE A GRADUATE TO BE MARRIAGEABLE? Please i need reasonable nature responses. Tnx.

The question is baseless. If you claim you love someone,it should be unconditional. You being a graduate doesn't mean you are better than him or will be more successful.

Sisi_Kill:

Of course this is all based on the assumption that you are accepting of who and what he is....Not 5 years down the line you start thumbing down your degreed nose at him. If you think at some point this is gonna be an issue...abeg let him go. Now I'm not saying you shouldn't want him to better himself education wise....just don't make it a deal breaker in your marriage because you met him like this and he didn't lie to you about his background.

Good balance!

When the challenges of marriage come, will you be able to resist blaming him for his lack of a degree leading to resentment?

Another assumption is that you are fine being the main provider and you will remain so through the years of marriage. Hope that is true?

ifeness:

The question is baseless. If you claim you love someone,it should be unconditional. You being a graduate doesn't mean you are better than him or will be more successful.

And if he has ever said anything like this to you, run now.

Op....you are the major actor here.if you are a feminist,the marriage may not move well.your guy may feel insecured when you start ranting about equal rights and all that...
but if you are submissive as the holy book demands,then his degree or lack of it matters not...
my mom is much more educated than my dad.you need to see when they start to insult themselves (jokingly).since I got to the age of accountability till now,I have never seen or heard any complaints from both parties on their educational differences.mumsi still use sir when answering him.they have their differences but she knows her place.now that is humility.can you humble yourself before your husband with all your degrees especially when angry?

Thank y.all for ur replies. I'm not a feminist. I believe in submission and he knows it. I'm not saying we wont be at loggerheads sometimes, and i am ready to do all i can to give him the respect he deserves as my head. Just hope he doesn't take advantage of this by misbehaving and not expectin me to talk becos i go talk. Its all abt sacrifice sha. Dt, i'm willing to adapt to. I dated graduates, relationships dt were full of grief. So its not abt d degree but d personality of d individual. This guy is not perfect, but he treats me right. I think dt's enof foundation to start sometin meaningful on. My happiness is wat counts.

MsJackson: Thank y.all for ur replies. I'm not a feminist. I believe in submission and he knows it. I'm not saying we wont be at loggerheads sometimes, and i am ready to do all i can to give him the respect he deserves as my head. Just hope he doesn't take advantage of this by misbehaving and not expectin me to talk becos i go talk. Its all abt sacrifice sha. Dt, i'm willing to adapt to. I dated graduates, relationships dt were full of grief. So its not abt d degree but d personality of d individual. This guy is not perfect, but he treats me right. I think dt's enof foundation to start sometin meaningful on. My happiness is wat counts.

Just be aware that the bolded is not part of the Nigerian definition of submission. Even when he misbehaves, you're supposed to watch and pray.... And dress sexy.

There is nothing wrong with you marrying this guy..What matters most is that you are both happy.Instead of listening to people why not encourage him to have a degree.No age is too old for a degree.So you can both plan and work things out.Before you know he will be a graduate.Or do you want to marry a guy with all the degree s and you are not happy.

If he makes you happy, treats you right and has the qualities you're looking for in a partner, then you've found yourself your man. Everyone has his or her own path. You went to OAU to get a degree, he went to technical school to learn a trade. It's when you start listening to other people that you'll get confused.

@OP, its not actually bad, but one thin I want u 2 check is his self esteem. Marriage is beyond all u mentioned above. Also are u proud of going out with him, I understd d fears of ur family. U need 2 check so many thins and also does he have d intentn of going 2 school? In as much as we down side "going 2 school" its still very important & u know better. Also think of ur kids, even if its part time, u never can tell wen he'll need it.

You Can go ahead inasmuch as he is not ibo.

Don't forget that:

"ibo summarily means Homo-Vandalism"