Good morning everybody i have been reading posts here and have seen how helpful you all have been to one another and I wish I will be helped here too.

I have a kid for a man who does not appreciate,respect and trust me,he always finds fault in all I do but his family loves me and wants me to marry him they keep begging me to be patient which I was now have found one nice guy who loves me infact the opposite of my child's dad now this is where I am confused: I took this new guy's name to my pastor and he says NO to this guy that he will change in the future that my child's dad is the one for me thought he was being sentimental I did d same elsewhere samething was said and I love this guy so much Meanwhile my child's is now calling back after all the things he did and d insults plus he is not even based in nigeria. Pls mom and dad here help me should I go on with my child's dad believing he will change or should I go on with the new guy shoving off what the pastors are saying.

This is all I can write for now I hope you all will understand and give me your best any question you want to ask please do

How old are you?
Do you work?

What your childs father is doing is called "Emotional Abuse" I am sorry to say people hardly change and prayer and fasting doesn't change people.
Its your decision, look at people, study their character because that is what you will live with forever sometimes that small fault gets worse.

I don't support asking Pastors to make decisions for us, it is not Bibilical.

I asked for your age and your status because I need you to be sure you are marrying for love not because you just want to marry or you need a provider, these 2 reasons have left many people in permanent misery.

I think your child's dad and you will never work.People do rarely change.The family may love you but you are the one who will live with him if you marry him.

About the new guy,you can go to God in prayers and He will reveal things to you himself.There's nothing wrong with seeking direction with a pastor but you can get a confirmation in your heart from God too directly.

I think you shouldn't just rush things.Take your time and just get to know this new guy well.I hope you're not under age pressure.

A man who doesn't treat you right is not worth sticking with. But that's my opinion; I don't have the patience for second chances.

All I will tell you is to go to God in prayer and then go ahead and make your choice . . . . Choose the one your heart tells you to choose. Forger what those Pastors are saying. They don't have a monopolistic access to God. You can also hear from God yourself. Trust that God will guide you in making the right decision.

Those Pastors won't be there when starts abusing you physically. Those Pastor will be in the conform of their homes while you take abuse from a man you never wanted to marry in the first place.

Please don't let anybody influence your choice. Make your decision and go with it. At least then yo be rady to live with the consequence!

debrief08: How old are you?
Do you work?

What your childs father is doing is called "Emotional Abuse" I am sorry to say people hardly change and prayer and fasting doesn't change people.
Its your decision, look at people, study their character because that is what you will live with forever sometimes that small fault gets worse.

I don't support asking Pastors to make decisions for us, it is not Bibilical.

I asked for your age and your status because I need you to be sure you are marrying for love not because you just want to marry or you need a provider, these 2 reasons have left many people in permanent misery.

Am 25 am self employed at the moment finance is not my problem just want to love and be loved which I found in this new guy he is my friend I don't scared to talk to him about anything and he handles issues with maturity but child's suspects and gives meaning to everything and argue all the time I ate my own tears all d time I was with him was never happy he even blamed me for our child that it was my plan but he wants d child oh

Ujujoan: A man who doesn't treat you right is not worth sticking with. But that's my opinion; I don't have the patience for second chances.

All I will tell you is to go to God in prayer and then go ahead and make your choice . . . . Choose the one your heart tells you to choose. Forger what those Pastors are saying. They don't have a monopolistic access to God. You can also hear from God yourself. Trust that God will guide you in making the right decision.

Those Pastors won't be there when starts abusing you physically. Those Pastor will be in the conform of their homes while you take abuse from a man you never wanted to marry in the first place.

Please don't let anybody influence your choice. Make your decision and go with it. At least then yo be rady to live with the consequence!

Thank u so much 4 your advice

In your heart you know what's right, only you can decide for your self.
Take a paper make a list of pros and cons based on your expectations and not what people will say.

Best wishes.

thorpido: I think your child's dad and you will never work.People do rarely change.The family may love you but you are the one who will live with him if you marry him.

About the new guy,you can go to God in prayers and He will reveal things to you himself.There's nothing wrong with seeking direction with a pastor but you can get a confirmation in your heart from God too directly.

I think you shouldn't just rush things.Take your time and just get to know this new guy well.I hope you're not under age pressure.

Yes I will not rush things am even tired of the whole marriage thing thinking of just staying with my kiD. But everyone keep saying Nigeria frowns at single motherhood

At 25 years you shouldn't be under age-pressure to marry.
Take your time with this new guy,be friends with him and over time you'll know what he's about.
If i may ask how old is he?

When will Nigerian pastors,alfas, babalawo stop acting God?
Most of our problems in this country, sorry to say are caused by them.
And people, why relying on mere mortals for divine direction?

The bible said, the word of God which is Jesus is in ur heart. R we afraid to go to him ourselves?
Then what's the purpose of the cross?
Pastors, alfas, and babalawos have built so much fear in us that to even think or say bad things about them in ur heart is considered as eternal damnation.

God pls deliver ur people.

Please don't allow people to push you into marrying someone that won't treat you well. How can you even think of marrying a guy that doesn't trust you?. How can a marriage work without trust and communication?. How can you even think of marrying someone that abuses you emotionally just because you believe he will change someday, what happens if he doesn't change? So you will spend the rest of your life being sad, lonely and pathetic. My dear, I think it will be best for you to marry someone that treats you right.

daviva1:



Am 25 am self employed at the moment finance is not my problem just want to love and be loved which I found in this new guy he is my friend I don't scared to talk to him about anything and he handles issues with maturity but child's suspects and gives meaning to everything and argue all the time I ate my own tears all d time I was with him was never happy he even blamed me for our child that it was my plan but he wants d child oh

Seconded!

debrief08: How old are you?
Do you work?

What your childs father is doing is called "Emotional Abuse" I am sorry to say people hardly change and prayer and fasting doesn't change people.
Its your decision, look at people, study their character because that is what you will live with forever sometimes that small fault gets worse.

I don't support asking Pastors to make decisions for us, it is not Bibilical.

I asked for your age and your status because I need you to be sure you are marrying for love not because you just want to marry or you need a provider, these 2 reasons have left many people in permanent misery.

Daviva1,

My post may or will be long, please take time to digest and apply to your situation.

I am an ardent believer in the revelation of hidden and secret things, I also believe in praying and getting revelation about the person you want to marry. A direction and leading from God cannot be over-emphasized in marital journey. However, I believe strictly in doing it yourself. If you have faith enough to believe in Jesus, then you have access to the throne of grace and mercy to find help in the time of need. When it comes to relationship, whatever a pastor or any other brother will tell you, should be a confirmation of what you already know. I do not even support running to pastors for prayers about who to marry.

A lot of stuff can influence what your pastor and the other person saw. Your pastor knew you already have a child for the approved guy, that alone is enough to attach sentiments while praying. The fact that the family of the guy wants you will draw all inspirations to them. This doesn't mean that the pastor lied or thwarted revelation, its just the way it is for the spiritual. No time for public lecture on that.

If truly you want to be married and you are ready in all areas viz-a-viz, emotional, financial and maturity of heart, the best bet for you is to apply your five senses and spiritual sense. You can pray on your own for God to reveal hidden things to you. He will surely do because He has the interest of His people at heart. The last time I checked, God didn't have licensed prayer agents.

You have observed that one of the guys is emotionally abusive to you and deficient in his basic responsibilities as a father, how will such a man change tomorrow except he encounters a divine transformation. In most cases, people only improve on their present version of character and attitude. The other guy is what you believe is right for you considering your assessment. You know what you want from life and you know your dreams and visions for life. You alone know who fits into it.

Let me give you few tips of what to look out for in a godly man; What is his conviction about the faith? Does he esteem and uphold the truth at all times even if he is standing alone? Does he exhibit the fruit of the spirit? How does he treat people, is it with respect or with disdain especially those below him? Is he man of integrity? Is his yes a yes or his yes means something else? Does he live and practise what he profess? Does he treat you right and just? These and many more are what you consider in a man. Place emphasis more on strength of character and vision in a man rather on emotions that may be filled with lust and inconsequential reasons.

If you still want to pray about them, you can do it on your own now. Take time out to pray and if possible add fasting, ask God to teach you what to do in this situation. Be open and sincere with God in your prayers and you will receive the right direction. Please, do not pray with a pre-conceived intention about a particular person. It will only do more harm than goood.

Note, it is the man you will live with and not the family. If the family is the best on earth and the man is terrible, do not be entangled with such a man.

It is well with you

chaircover: A pastor said our marriage will never work. I wont lie we were shaken and it did prey on our minds, but we both found the strength and prayed over it ourselves and with faith continued with our plans. Oh and by the way, another pastor from the same church said it will work. . . see confusion

@poster people rarely change. . . some do . .but its very rare.



Follow your gut feeling & do all the necessary checks and be sure of sure that you are picking the right man for the right reasons.

Thank u so much I will do as you have said am just scared of the future but I will pray and my friend tries to confuse me too saying two diff pple have said it what am I still doing? I told her prayer changes things and she said God will not change everything in him they got me confused but after reading posts here I think now am brave to stand fit

bellong: Daviva1,

My post may or will be long, please take time to digest and apply to your situation.

I am an ardent believer in the revelation of hidden and secret things, I also believe in praying and getting revelation about the person you want to marry. A direction and leading from God cannot be over-emphasized in marital journey. However, I believe strictly in doing it yourself. If you have faith enough to believe in Jesus, then you have access to the throne of grace and mercy to find help in the time of need. When it comes to relationship, whatever a pastor or any other brother will tell you, should be a confirmation of what you already know. I do not even support running to pastors for prayers about who to marry.

A lot of stuff can influence what your pastor and the other person saw. Your pastor knew you already have a child for the approved guy, that alone is enough to attach sentiments while praying. The fact that the family of the guy wants you will draw all inspirations to them. This doesn't mean that the pastor lied or thwarted revelation, its just the way it is for the spiritual. No time for public lecture on that.

If truly you want to be married and you are ready in all areas viz-a-viz, emotional, financial and maturity of heart, the best bet for you is to apply your five senses and spiritual sense. You can pray on your own for God to reveal hidden things to you. He will surely do because He has the interest of His people at heart. The last time I checked, God didn't have licensed prayer agents.

You have observed that one of the guys is emotionally abusive to you and deficient in his basic responsibilities as a father, how will such a man change tomorrow except he encounters a divine transformation. In most cases, people only improve on their present version of character and attitude. The other guy is what you believe is right for you considering your assessment. You know what you want from life and you know your dreams and visions for life. You alone know who fits into it.

Let me give you few tips of what to look out for in a godly man; What is his conviction about the faith? Does he esteem and uphold the truth at all times even if he is standing alone? Does he exhibit the fruit of the spirit? How does he treat people, is it with respect or with disdain especially those below him? Is he man of integrity? Is his yes a yes or his yes means something else? Does he live and practise what he profess? Does he treat you right and just? These and many more are what you consider in a man. Place emphasis more on strength of character and vision in a man rather on emotions that may be filled with lust and inconsequential reasons.

If you still want to pray about them, you can do it on your own now. Take time out to pray and if possible add fasting, ask God to teach you what to do in this situation. Be open and sincere with God in your prayers and you will receive the right direction. Please, do not pray with a pre-conceived intention about a particular person. It will only do more harm than goood.

Note, it is the man you will live with and not the family. If the family is the best on earth and the man is terrible, do not be entangled with such a man.

It is well with you

Everything you have said is true and everything you have asked about this guy are all yes he is too simple and treats me with respect he never use swear words on me or even look down on me.he is a very strong christian

Interesting thread.
@OP,
While your new guy may be nice,understanding and a Christian. The question is -have you opened up and told him you already have a child for another man?