Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life - Family

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Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life - Family - Nairaland

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Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by Jinora: 9:45am On Apr 20, 2016

Hello everyone
please i need your advice.
I'm a 25 years old lady i've recently started dating this guy and i'm having some fears about him.
First of all, he is 38 years old. When he told me his age i was very surprised. I was wondering why he was still single at that age. He is the youngest in his family, he does'nt have a job at first, said he was helping his big bro with his car business later he said the business has folded up because they were no longer having buyers. I asked him what next since he can't just keep staying at home, he said he wants to get a car for himself to do cab with, later he told me he accepted a 20k job as a driver in a cab services company.
He does'nt have his own apartment, he stays in the bq in his brothers house(his brother stays abroad with his family).
I'm finding it difficult to introduce him home as my boyfriend because at his age he doesnt have anything going well for himself.
He didnt further his education after secondary school, his desire then was to go abroad. He did spend more than 10 years in europe, he did drugs, got arrested went to jail twice in two different european countries,denied american visa several times, and at the end he couldnt make any thing tangible out of all his struggles
He always feels down when he thinks about it i'm always cheering him up.
Now he said he wants to get married that his nephews that were born in his presence are already getting married. I wonder how he wants to pull this up and i dont think i'm ready for this.
i really need advise from mature folks here

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by alatbaba1(m): 9:49am On Apr 20, 2016

Wait. I'm coming.

1 Like

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by osesology(m): 9:54am On Apr 20, 2016

And you...What do you do?Are you a student or a working class lady, if you dont mind me asking?

6 Likes

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by Jinora: 9:59am On Apr 20, 2016

osesology:
And you...What do you do?Are you a student or a working class lady, if you dont mind me asking?

I'm done with school for some years now. Though securing a good job in Nigeria is a problem. I'm currently unemployed though i'm optimistic

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by TheArchangel(f): 10:00am On Apr 20, 2016

The confusion of women by Robert Mugabe.

25 Likes 5 Shares

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by marbee(f): 10:00am On Apr 20, 2016

He doesn't look like a responsible person to me,his life is full of stories. Listen to your fears about him,don't ignore them and do what you will regret later in future.

7 Likes

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by Nobody: 10:07am On Apr 20, 2016

Why its bad to have this ideology of ' the grass is greener in the other side'/ make fast money abroad.
The thing is he has laid a bad reputation for himself and getting visa to any country now would be very difficult.
he has two options now- to start from where he had no patience at first to start from- get a degree Or ask from his well off siblings to loan him money to start up a business.
I wish him all the best. Lesson learnt from his story Anyway.

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by Nobody: 10:09am On Apr 20, 2016

marbee:
He doesn't look like a responsible person to me,his life is full of stories. Listen to your fears about him,don't ignore them and do what you will regret later in future.

I don't think it's about being irresponsible.
He made some mistakes in the past and now he's more mature- he simply needs support with getting his life into order.

3 Likes

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by marbee(f): 10:15am On Apr 20, 2016

enieme:

I don't think it's about being irresponsible.
He made some mistakes in the past and now he's more mature- he simply needs support with getting his life into order.

If you think at his age he cannot support himself and you are willing to be that support,
I wish you luck.

7 Likes

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by GodnGold: 10:19am On Apr 20, 2016

A leopard never changes it's spots.

The "mene mene ..." is on the wall,choose wisely.

7 Likes

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by babythug(f): 10:23am On Apr 20, 2016

Jinora:

I'm done with school for some years now. Though securing a good job in Nigeria is a problem. I'm currently unemployed though i'm optimistic

I'd say you should focus on getting a source of income for yourself and leave this fellow alone. He has many issues and you cannot offer him direction seeing as at the moment you also need to start up your own life somewhat. Do you get my drift?

Love and marriage go beyond sex and words. If per chance you get pregnant and are faced with the reality of bills for the baby and yourself then you'll see what I mean. You go and forge ahead with your life first before its too late to leave this fellow.

Asides paid employment isn't there anything else you can try your hands on? Have you tried basic jobs like receptionists, teaching etc

16 Likes

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by Nobody: 10:25am On Apr 20, 2016

marbee:

If you think at his age he cannot support himself and you are willing to be that support,
I wish you luck.

God gives us second chances my dear...

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by Onegai(f): 10:33am On Apr 20, 2016

Give it about 6 more months, then decide what you want. No talk of marriage till then. He has made so many poor choices and my fear is that he may make more poor choices out of desperation and get-rich quick mentality. Is he remorseful over his past, does he acknowledge that he started out wrong? Because if he feels that the only mistake he made was that he did not hammer over his illegal deals, well then you have to live with that and ask yourself if your conscience is good with that (several womem marry drugdealers and all our polithiefcians are married).
He has to get his own place, you have to stabilise yourself. For pete's sake, keep your ovaries away from him to avoid stories that touch (you're an adult so if you wanna open your legs, your choice. But open your legs and keep your ovaries far away, okay? Gerrit?) wink

#BirthControl

4 Likes

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by omoiseselagba: 10:34am On Apr 20, 2016

Jinora:

I'm done with school for some years now. Though securing a good job in Nigeria is a problem. I'm currently unemployed though i'm optimistic

.GO GET A JOB.LEAVE THE GUY.YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.HE NOTHING TANGIBLE DOING AND HE HAS LITTLE EDUCATION.MARRIAGE NO BE MOIMOI.AFTER TWO WEEKS OF MARRIAGE,YOUR EYES GO OPEN LIKE HALOGEN LIGHT AND REALITY WILL SET IN.
OPEN UP AND LET GUYS WITH FOCUS COME INTO YOUR LIFE.THERE IS MORE TO RELATIONSHIP THAN LOVE.AND YOU BE WOMAN.LOLSSSS.WOMAN NO DEY TAKE TIME RUBBISH MAN.I HAVE GONE THROUGH IT.SO DO SOMETHING NICE WITH YOUR LIFE AND MARRY A RESOURCEFUL MAN.

10 Likes

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by omoiseselagba: 10:47am On Apr 20, 2016

enieme:
Why its bad to have this ideology of ' the grass is greener in the other side'/ make fast money abroad.
The thing is he has laid a bad reputation for himself and getting visa to any country now would be very difficult.
he has two options now- to start from where he had no patience at first to start from- get a degree
Or ask from his well off siblings to loan him money to start up a business.
I wish him all the best. Lesson learnt from his story Anyway.

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by babythug(f): 12:08pm On Apr 20, 2016

enieme:

God gives us second chances my dear...

I agree but the fellow has to take the necessary steps himself and seize the second chance he has been given!!! He's almost middle aged, he's experienced life here and abroad. He had downtimes by now he should be more aggressive towards sources of income and settling down if you get me.

1 Like

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by Nobody: 12:31pm On Apr 20, 2016

I was once in a similar situation some years back.He was 38yrs and i was 25yrs and he didn't have any meaningful thing going on in his life.I tried severally to motivate him,but he was so comfortable the way he was. Even the age gap was too much for me. He was scouting with a family as at that time.We dated for 3 months and i just let him go abeg.

Advice: Just let him go,marriage isn't going to be rosy with such a fellow.

4 Likes

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by lilmax(m): 12:32pm On Apr 20, 2016

Break up if you dont need problems in the future but if you need problems then stay with him its as simple as abc

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by dahmie2013: 1:07pm On Apr 20, 2016

TheArchangel:
The confusion of women by Robert Mugabe.

Pls how can I get dat pics? It's loaded with wisdom!
@Op, u're strictly On Your Own.

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by realtalk19: 1:47pm On Apr 20, 2016

the guy na one chance. am sure ur instincts are giving you warning signs already.he is not ready to man up yet and work hard rather hes giving u excuses .

plz move on nd dont stop searching nd applying for jobs. develop yourself nd be independent not a liability.when u av done that then u can plan on a relationship.
you wil end up carrying his responsibilities nd suffer if u end up wit this guy now xcept he sorts himself out by aving a steady means of income nd becoming responsible for himself.if not hes a leech feasting on peoples effort nd sweat witout wanting to go tru hardwork to survive. na them dey get mouth pass but they ar empty inside wit very annoying ego nd pride.

3 Likes

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by elektra(f): 1:58pm On Apr 20, 2016

enieme:

I don't think it's about being irresponsible.
He made some mistakes in the past and now he's more mature- he simply needs support with getting his life into order.

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by Nobody: 2:02pm On Apr 20, 2016

elektra:

Then why are you here looking for advice? You seem absolutely confident in who he is and what he needs.

Note: If you do not consider your boyfriend irresponsible at 38, then you clearly do not know what irresponsibility is or you are blinded by love.

I'm not the op.

1 Like

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by Nobody: 2:05pm On Apr 20, 2016

babythug:

I agree but the fellow has to take the necessary steps himself and seize the second chance he has been given!!! He's almost middle aged, he's experienced life here and abroad. He had downtimes by now he should be more aggressive towards sources of income and settling down if you get me.

yeah he should be. I dont see it anywhere in her write up where it says he isnt.
and i agree with ur first point. The second though- settling down shouldn't even be in his agenda at all. Not for now.

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by elektra(f): 2:11pm On Apr 20, 2016

enieme:

I'm not the op.

Okay, I apologize.

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by Nobody: 2:15pm On Apr 20, 2016

elektra:

Okay, I apologize.

no, it's alright. I'm not offended at all.

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by crackhaus: 2:16pm On Apr 20, 2016

Jinora:

I'm a 25 years old lady i've recently started dating this guy and i'm having some fears about him.
First of all, he is 38 years old.

A 38year old man na you dey call your BOYfriend, you don't have respect for your uncles?

17 Likes 2 Shares

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by pwettiejay(f): 2:28pm On Apr 20, 2016

Its better not to marry because yhu pity his condition, get married because yhu love him

2 Likes

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by Nobody: 2:34pm On Apr 20, 2016

crackhaus:

A 38year old man na you dey call your BOYfriend, you don't have respect for your uncles?

ROFL

2 Likes

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by babythug(f): 2:34pm On Apr 20, 2016

enieme:

yeah he should be. I dont see it anywhere in her write up where it says he isnt.
and i agree with ur first point. The second though- settling down shouldn't even be in his agenda at all. Not for now.

I suspect that his efforts towards securing a stable source of income don't seem concerted enough hence the OP's fears/apprehension. She didn't state it out rightly but why else would she be confused as to the relationship's future if you get me!

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by Nobody: 2:35pm On Apr 20, 2016

Sister,please,and please,let him go..

He has nothing to offer for now,don't make your age let you make bad decision you will later regret in life.

Let him take charge of his life first,you aren't the architect of his misfortune in life.

1 Like

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by crackhaus: 2:56pm On Apr 20, 2016

Mindfulness:

ROFL

Mindfulness

1 Like

Re: Help!! I Don't Know What To Make Out Of My 38yrs Old Boyfriend Life by sisisioge: 3:15pm On Apr 20, 2016

Hmmmm,listen to your intuition. It is right most of the time...

1 Like

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