plainmirror: @omolola I liked †нэ way you criticised my work word for word. It is obvious you are not a fan of adventures hence ur unfavourable appraisal.
You said dat my story title doesn't relate to its contents. Now lemme ask you dis -
Is traveling without paying for †нэ fare not a risky venture to undertake?

Is it not an unusual experience?

Apart from †нэ way i summarised it, could Ʊ hv predicted †нэ outcome?

Yet Ʊ say my experience is not worth an adventure. Maybe Ʊ hv to search U̶̲̥̅̊я dictionary properly and find †нэ underlying meaning of 'adventure'.
Obviously, dis is a competition and Ʊ happen to be a judge and i respect Ʊ for dat. But let it not get into U̶̲̥̅̊я head.
Thanks

sambroose: Judges you guys are breaking ma heart..........if I knew that I would be lashed like dz, I would av pulled out earlier..........All izz not welllllll

HumbledbYGrace: What lurks in the dark

WHAT LURKS IN THE DARK!
(2,500 words)
By kslib...
........
1.. In Africa we have types of scary stories but I am yet to read a vampire story, even if its just in a dream. Pardon my ignorance but your work

All iz not well my brother.

2..Spacing, I was like this before. I submitted my script without spacing and it was among the ones that ended in a trash bin. I was told plainly if I want to make it in writing I should go and read first.

3..I guess the climax is when Mike was bitten on the neck right? Your pesuasion didn't really do it for me. Somethings need to be believeable, how can a guy, go to another guy's house because he couldn't sleep

4..Description; Madam Ishi's lessons have really paid off, I doff my head when it comes to her descriptive prowess. Good job there.

5..Dialogue, please google how to do right by it, you are still lacking.

Repetion of words, its a no, no in one paragraph. I believe you can do better if you put effort and READ.

Omolola1: MOMENT OF TRUTH
Damex33

I have a few questions
- when was the moment of truth?
- Is Tonia a mistress or a wife? (Because you referred to her as a mistress somewhere in the story)
- what's the wife's name?
- is there a wife and also a mistress?
If there is, you mixed them up.

I would advise you re-write this story because it wasn't arranged properly. Honestly, I got lost in the story because I could not identify the characters.
Poor dialogue, bad punctuation and no paragraph. I've observed these are most of the problems in this competition.
Anyway, it would make a nice plot if properly developed and planned out.

Omolola1: WHAT LURKS IN THE DARK
Kslib

Quote me if I'm wrong. From what I read and understood in the first paragraph, Mike was on his way to Andy (his best friend's) house in the middle of the night...

Mike stepped out and swung the gate back to its position with reckless abandon,causing the gate to make a loud bang.
"Geez', he poked his bottom with his fingers, serving as penance for what he just did as the 'bang' echoed its-way up the sky and the street beyond.
"Hope i didnt wake you guys", he smiled looking left-right..
"Not my fault, folks, blame it on this loud mouthed gate", he said in a sarcastic tone as he raised up both hands in surrender to the air.


Where was he when the above conversation took place? In Andy's house already?
Who was he talking to?

It took me a while to understand that Mike was still within his compound, which made me wonder who he was talking to when he said "Hope I didn't wake you guys." Was he talking to himself? Because if he was, you didn't tell.

You constantly made the mistake of writing "Mike" as "mike". Try to proof-read your work before submitting next time.

He shook his head and made a 'yimu' mock with his mouth.


I laughed when I read the above. What is yimu? I might not know the meaning of yimu, some other person might not know the meaning either. Understand that you are writing to a larger audience, you should never leave them confused at any point in time. Instead of 'yimu', you could have used something like 'funny.'

The storyline is okay though. I would have really loved if it didn't end up been a dream. I already knew that was where you were heading to since Mike never got to Andy's house, so I wasn't disappointed when I got to the end of the story

This is your punishment for distracting my night's read, Martha teased as she(who was 3years older) gave her younger brother mike(who just turned 21, two days ago),"a tongue out"...
She winked at mike(who was now sobbing like a baby and looking like a scared rat).
Martha shook her head in victory-- she finally defeated the almighty mike who never admitted to being scared of the dark.


The above wasn't necessary. Fine, you wanted to give us details about your characters, you wanted us to know their age, but what significance was Martha and Mike's age at that point in the story?
I want to know...because I didn't get that part.

You could have just said:
Martha teased as she made jest of her younger brother, Mike who was now sobbing like a baby. . .

With a little push, you would do better. It was nice.

Kslib:
1.. So cos you've never read any vampire stories in Africa, now means any story that involves vampires should be shoved aside? Besides,i never included any vampire in my story. I only described the old woman in a way i thought was scary,i wonder where you got your vampire theory from?
You said even if it's just in dreams:: Like seriously? I have dreamt about UFO's and i'm sure many people must have dreamt about many strange things also.. THIS FIRST POINT OF YOURS HOLD NO WATER AT ALL.. ##No offense##

2.. You just said spacing and you didn't specify where in the story lacked space when there should have been one..

3.. I never wrote at any point in the story that mike was bitten. I didnt say he went to his friends house cos he couldn't sleep. He wanted to visit his friend who just flew in and for some strange unknown reason,he felt that was the right time..
It was a dream and strange things happen in dreams that's why i said his reason for deciding to go out that time was strange..
Well,i guess you were in a hurry to just finish with my boring story,that's the reason why you rushed through the whole thing.. Its fine though..

4.. What does Ishi has to do with my work? No wahala.

Lastly,you placed my work at 9th position.. Well,its not easy to come 9th out of 15 sha BUT honestly,i would have preferred it if you had placed me at 15th but critiqued my work accordingly..
Pls learn from @omolala..

Erm,look at the bolded and learn from your mistakes. That's not how to spell. .. Thanks for the critique though.
...
...
All izz well!

Omolola1: MOMENT OF TRUTH
Damex33

I have a few questions
- when was the moment of truth?
- Is Tonia a mistress or a wife? (Because you referred to her as a mistress somewhere in the story)
- what's the wife's name?
- is there a wife and also a mistress?
If there is, you mixed them up.

I would advise you re-write this story because it wasn't arranged properly. Honestly, I got lost in the story because I could not identify the characters.
Poor dialogue, bad punctuation and no paragraph. I've observed these are most of the problems in this competition.
Anyway, it would make a nice plot if properly developed and planned out.

OMA4U:

My guy don provoke... Tak am easy o

HumbledbYGrace: Search for Mona lisa

Sammyhoe

Can I call you BigEnglish? Like the one in Iyawo Nylon bag?

Your work potrays what this competition is about, your a great craft-man because you crafted your story well, took your time to give me something that helped to increase the level of my vacab.

Good job but bear in mind that most times if a reader is reading for pleasure, when s/he gets too many big words clustered in a paragraph s/he looses interest in reading the whole thing.

Kslib:
1.. So cos you've never read any vampire stories in Africa, now means any story that involves vampires should be shoved aside? Besides,i never included any vampire in my story. I only described the old woman in a way i thought was scary,i wonder where you got your vampire theory from?
You said even if it's just in dreams:: Like seriously? I have dreamt about UFO's and i'm sure many people must have dreamt about many strange things also.. THIS FIRST POINT OF YOURS HOLD NO WATER AT ALL.. ##No offense##

2.. You just said spacing and you didn't specify where in the story lacked space when there should have been one..

3.. I never wrote at any point in the story that mike was bitten. I didnt say he went to his friends house cos he couldn't sleep. He wanted to visit his friend who just flew in and for some strange unknown reason,he felt that was the right time..
It was a dream and strange things happen in dreams that's why i said his reason for deciding to go out that time was strange..
Well,i guess you were in a hurry to just finish with my boring story,that's the reason why you rushed through the whole thing.. Its fine though..

4.. What does Ishi has to do with my work? No wahala.

Lastly,you placed my work at 9th position.. Well,its not easy to come 9th out of 15 sha BUT honestly,i would have preferred it if you had placed me at 15th but critiqued my work accordingly..
Pls learn from @omolala..

Erm,look at the bolded and learn from your mistakes. That's not how to spell. .. Thanks for the critique though.
...
...
All izz well!

Omolola1: THE SEARCH FOR MONALISA
SammyHoe

I didn't understand your story, maybe because the 'English' was too big for my small brain, and visiting wikipedia to search for words you used became tiring so I lost interest.

I learnt some new terms though.

Next time, add a glossary or come down to our level.
I'm glad you didn't understand it. That's exactly what I want to hear: meaning that it's too COMPLEX. In some continents other than ours, complex stories receive much more accolades than simple ones(I guess Efemena understands this cos she wanted it very complex). I've been trying hard to come up with something of such, and...here's it at last...the kind we find in American novels that make them boring and yet appreciated. The piece of advice I have for my judges is 'step up your vocabulary.'

Omolola1: THE SEARCH FOR MONALISA
SammyHoe

I didn't understand your story, maybe because the 'English' was too big for my small brain, and visiting wikipedia to search for words you used became tiring so I lost interest.

I learnt some new terms though.

Next time, add a glossary or come down to our level.

I'm glad you didn't understand it. That's exactly what I want to hear: meaning that it's too COMPLEX. In some continents other than ours, complex stories receive much more accolades than simple ones(I guess Efemena understands this cos she wanted it very complex). I've been trying hard to come up with something of such, and...here's it at last...the kind we find in American novels that make them boring and yet appreciated. The piece of advice I have for my judges is 'step up your vocabulary.'

plainmirror: @omolola I liked †нэ way you criticised my work word for word. It is obvious you are not a fan of adventures hence ur unfavourable appraisal.
You said dat my story title doesn't relate to its contents. Now lemme ask you dis -
Is traveling without paying for †нэ fare not a risky venture to undertake?

Is it not an unusual experience?

Apart from †нэ way i summarised it, could Ʊ hv predicted †нэ outcome?

Yet Ʊ say my experience is not worth an adventure. Maybe Ʊ hv to search U̶̲̥̅̊я dictionary properly and find †нэ underlying meaning of 'adventure'.
Obviously, dis is a competition and Ʊ happen to be a judge and i respect Ʊ for dat. But let it not get into U̶̲̥̅̊я head.
Thanks

Kslib:
Lmao!! Abeg oo..
Why i go provoke na? I didnt know i sounded harsh ooo..

Abi you wan set me up? You wan make me look like sore loser shey? ..
Your pan no go work..lol

I was just pointing out things . Its no that serious nah.
HBG,no mind this guy oo

..
..
All izz well!

Sammy Hoe:
The harsher it is, the move you are to improve.

I can't comprehend this grammar o. Could you please reframe it?

Glossary
Comprehend- understand

plainmirror: @omolola I liked †нэ way you criticised my work word for word. It is obvious you are not a fan of adventures hence ur unfavourable appraisal.
You said dat my story title doesn't relate to its contents. Now lemme ask you dis -
Is traveling without paying for †нэ fare not a risky venture to undertake?

Is it not an unusual experience?

Apart from †нэ way i summarised it, could Ʊ hv predicted †нэ outcome?

Yet Ʊ say my experience is not worth an adventure. Maybe Ʊ hv to search U̶̲̥̅̊я dictionary properly and find †нэ underlying meaning of 'adventure'.
Obviously, dis is a competition and Ʊ happen to be a judge and i respect Ʊ for dat. But let it not get into U̶̲̥̅̊я head.
Thanks

Sammy Hoe: Don't blame our judges o. U know they're green in this business of censoring.

Glossary
green- inexperienced
censoring- criticising(doing the work of a critic)

Hope I'm safe cos glossary is included now ; D
To be frank, our judges need to get themselves prepared for some other times.
Judges, go step up your vocabulary...read your dictionary like story book.