I know this is long, but worth it. I've read this book. I think every bride should read it before marriage.

I'm curious to know what other women think of Dr Laura's ideas here.

I'm especially curious to know what men think about the 'The Three A's.' Is she on to something, or not?

Give me your feedback please.


'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'
Posted: January 6, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern

© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com

Why did you write this book aiming at the women – aren't both responsible for the quality of the marriage?

Of course! However, women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."

Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. This book teaches women to use this power benevolently – which will definitely result in them being happier with life and love.

What are the most common complaints men have about their wives?

Their women don't seem to have much regard for their feelings and needs.
Their women constantly criticize and dismiss them.
Their women don't seem to want to go out of their way to please them.
Their women nag, demand, and complain – and seem to behave as though they were entitled to do so.
Their women don't make them feel truly needed and valued as men.

What are husbands' most important needs?

He wants to feel like a "man" to his woman; he wants to feel he is providing and protecting.
He wants to feel she needs and admires him.
He wants to know she desires him.
Basically, "The Three A's": appreciation, approval and affection.

What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?

They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.

Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return.

All through the book you say "men are simple" ... isn't that an insult?

Not at all! In fact, most all of the many hundreds of responses I received from men in preparing this book confirmed just that: "Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not Hot, make me a sandwich," and "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."

What about sex? Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?

As a woman who happens to believe that orgasmz are a fabulous gift and blessing from God, I am amazed at how many women callers are willing to give them up to the gods of "I'm tired," or "I'm annoyed." Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the denigration of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.

I ask my women callers who complain that their husbands are not happy with virtually no sexual intimacy (and, by the way, that's what the men truly feel about sex with their wives – it's the ultimate in "acceptance and approval" for them) if they would be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal. They always say, "No, I guess not." Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities.

Are there any marital situations for which your book does not apply?

Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.

However, these ideas and techniques have salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating and even seemingly dead marriages. When I nag a woman caller to try just one simple behavior for one day, I inevitably get the call back that they are amazed at the difference a day made.

Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?

Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.

The ideas and techniques in this book are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! My job is to get their prejudices and bad attitudes out of their own way. Transforming your guy into a loving man is its own reward.

Im a Dr Laura fan. I think she has a lot of great advice.

My opinion on these three A's concerning what was written here..

Appreciation: Women do like to talk... but they shouldnt talk about their husbands behind their back.. Even just venting can be bad. Its ok to be annoyed with your partner, but keep it between yourself and your partner. Talking badly about your husband to other women, friends, or whoever is just bad. What kind of loving wife does that? Women should acknowledge the good and natural appreciation will come. Be thankful for the simple things and you will love your husband more, but dwell on the bad things and you are likely to brew annoyance in yourself. Learn patience!

Approval: Im going to add acceptance to this. Just as a woman is made to rely on a man, so is a man made to rely on a woman. Without going into religion, we require the other for life ... A man needs acceptance and approval in order to feel like he is doing a good job. He needs to know that he is doing the right thing for his wife, his life, and his family. A woman doesnt always have to agree with what is happening with her husband, but she should accept it and support him (unless its stupid as hell, in that case just slap the man into reality a few times ). Having that acceptance means the woman will succumb naturally to submission to approve of the mans choices. It will make everybody happier. A home can't be run by two leaders.

Affection: You can blame it on hormones or whatever, but its true most guys want sex more than most girls.. Its natural.. Women need to learn to "give in" to their men. When the man is happy then the rest of the house is happy. Affection doesnt always have to be about sex though. Treat him with kindness, pamper him, and make his time at home stress free. Find out his "love language" and go from there.

^^^thanks for your input.

One 'Like'

This training and re-training of women only for men have proven over the years to be highy ineffective

In most churches/mosques, we only see teachings and seminars for women. Even on NL, we get more of 'how to be a good wife thread' than vice versa. If it was working, we would have seen improvements around us.

The Bible has stated both parts of the hubby and wifey; any other thing is a counterfeit.

I agree with her 3 As though

^^^thanks

Shocked to see so few replies to this great post. Hope it means gals are reading and assimilating it?

bukatyne: This training and re-training of women only for men have proven over the years to be highy ineffective

In most churches/mosques, we only see teachings and seminars for women. Even on NL, we get more of 'how to be a good wife thread' than vice versa. If it was working, we would have seen improvements around us.

The Bible has stated both parts of the hubby and wifey; any other thing is a counterfeit.

I agree with her 3 As though

I think the point is, men are very simple and if women could get this then both men and women would be happy . Wish I could truthfully say women are simple too Not many have been able to figure out the formula for us women, and when they do, you'd see more books about it hopefully.

@Topic, I'm just hearing of Dr. Laura for the first time and I'd google her now but from the above article, I'd say she's good. I do not have a husband but I do have an almost-husband and I swear the 3 A's are a very good idea. Just that most times women already know these things but implementing them isn't always that easy.

smartmom: Shocked to see so few replies to this great post. Hope it means gals are reading and assimilating it?

Thanks. I hope so too.

I did not read the write up but i think nl has too many anti-marriage or anti-relationship threads.


The negativity is simply too much, one would think nigerians are terribly anti-everything.

Its even more amazing that nowadays so many young girls think showing their butts and breasts is all there is to life, and nothing else is important.

Is this an effect of nollywood?


And no, seun has not helped matters by obstinately sticking to his bachelorhood all this while.

Rhythm:

@Topic, I'm just hearing of Dr. Laura for the first time and I'd google her now but from the above article, I'd say she's good. I do not have a husband but I do have an almost-husband and I swear the 3 A's are a very good idea. Just that most times women already know these things but implementing them isn't always that easy.

Implementing the three A's can be difficult, but it promises to be worth it.

Rhythm:

I think the point is, men are very simple and if women could get this then both men and women would be happy . Wish I could truthfully say women are simple too Not many have been able to figure out the formula for us women, and when they do, you'd see more books about it hopefully.

@Topic, I'm just hearing of Dr. Laura for the first time and I'd google her now but from the above article, I'd say she's good. I do not have a husband but I do have an almost-husband and I swear the 3 A's are a very good idea. Just that most times women already know these things but implementing them isn't always that easy.

You and I know that is not true.

Right from our youth, most girl children are trained to be wives. Our mothers might not have outlined it as 3 As or whatever but they taught what they knew. If it was working, our generation should have blissful marriages by now

My point is that men and women need to be taught on making marriage union work. Take a cue from the Bible: Everywhere that talked about marriage, the husband and wife was addressed. If God that created men 'simple' still felt the need to teach them, how much more a 'woman' who suddenly thinks she can read the minds of men.

P.S: What turns every man on is different. Find what turns yours on

tpia@:
I did not read the write up but i think nl has too many anti-marriage or anti-relationship threads.


The negativity is simply too much, one would think nigerians are terribly anti-everything.

Its even more amazing that nowadays so many young girls think showing their butts and breasts is all there is to life, and nothing else is important.

Is this an effect of nollywood?


And no, seun has not helped matters by obstinately sticking to his bachelorhood all this while.

Seriously?

bukatyne:

You and I know that is not true.

Right from our youth, most girl children are trained to be wives. Our mothers might not have outlined it as 3 As or whatever but they taught what they knew. If it was working, our generation should have blissful marriages by now

My point is that men and women need to be taught on making marriage union work. Take a cue from the Bible: Everywhere that talked about marriage, the husband and wife was addressed. If God that created men 'simple' still felt the need to teach them, how much more a 'woman' who suddenly thinks she can read the minds of men.

P.S: What turns every man on is different. Find what turns yours on

Well to me, writing a book entitled 'the proper care and feeding of men' is insulting and kinda derogatory for the menfolk. It almost sounds like you are talking about a child or a household pet and not a full grown adult. Though the contents of the book seem nice, if I were a man, I'd find that title offensive. So I can only be glad people are not writing such things about women.

Rhythm:

Well to me, writing a book entitled 'the proper care and feeding of men' is insulting and kinda derogatory for the menfolk. It almost sounds like you are talking about a child or a household pet and not a full grown adult. Though the contents of the book seem nice, if I were a man, I'd find that title offensive. So I can only be glad people are not writing such things about women.

You seem to have lost me somewhere

bukatyne:




You seem to have lost me somewhere

Oh, wait there then, I'd come find you some day...when I have time.

texanomaly:

Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?

Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do.

She may have some good points but I would personally find it extremely hard to take the words of someone who made the above statement seriously. The hell is this bogusness?!

ileobatojo:

She may have some good points but I would personally find it extremely hard to take the words of someone who made the above statement seriously. The hell is this bogusness?!

Stylishly, the author have pushed all the work back to the women again

Laura Schlessinger is a fraud

soul_glo: Laura Schlessinger is a fraud

Have you come across her books before?

While it is good to teach these principles as it helps alot, sometimes, marriage is not that complicated. A guy and girl are dating, they are in love, they cant wait to see each other everyday, they spend hours of fun together and all of a sudden, they get married and things change. Within months, some people can barely stand the same partner they were madly in love with some months back. I think sometimes what changes is that they have unnecessary expectations that may have come from some rule book about marriage. And each person thinks the other isnt performing his/her roles.

Alot of times, we read books, manuals and manuscripts about marriage. Lots of the people who are genuinely happily married never read these books and some of them are not even religious at all. If you genuinely love your partner, no one needs to tell you what to do as that love will show. You might have some bad behaviour (which everyone does), but the simple truth is that the love will always show. Even the Bible says love covers a multitude of sin. With love comes understanding, love is not selfish nor self seeking.

Not all men are the same, a women need only to understand her man and no other man! Your write up is lovely, but frankly, more geared towards couples who are not madly in love but trying to understand and tolerate each other. I am not saying love is everything, but it is very important!

bukatyne:

Stylishly, the author have pushed all the work back to the women again

Exactly! Except she didn't even bother to be stylish about it. Just did it straight up!

Nashville: While it is good to teach these principles as it helps alot, sometimes, marriage is not that complicated. A guy and girl are dating, they are in love, they cant wait to see each other everyday, they spend hours of fun together and all of a sudden, they get married and things change. Within months, some people can barely stand the same partner they were madly in love with some months back. I think sometimes what changes is that they have unnecessary expectations that may have come from some rule book about marriage. And each person thinks the other isnt performing his/her roles.

Alot of times, we read books, manuals and manuscripts about marriage. Lots of the people who are genuinely happily married never read these books and some of them are not even religious at all. If you genuinely love your partner, no one needs to tell you what to do as that love will show. You might have some bad behaviour (which everyone does), but the simple truth is that the love will always show. Even the Bible says love covers a multitude of sin. With love comes understanding, love is not selfish nor self seeking.

Not all men are the same, a women need only to understand her man and no other man! Your write up is lovely, but frankly, more geared towards couples who are not madly in love but trying to understand and tolerate each other. I am not saying love is everything, but it is very important!

Help me find someone for my sis na?

Ok, here is a deal: Is do you have a son/daughter yet?

ileobatojo:

Exactly! Except she didn't even bother to be stylish about it. Just did it straight up!

Lol! I was trying to be kind

Nashville: While it is good to teach these principles as it helps alot, sometimes, marriage is not that complicated. A guy and girl are dating, they are in love, they cant wait to see each other everyday, they spend hours of fun together and all of a sudden, they get married and things change. Within months, some people can barely stand the same partner they were madly in love with some months back. I think sometimes what changes is that they have unnecessary expectations that may have come from some rule book about marriage. And each person thinks the other isnt performing his/her roles.

Alot of times, we read books, manuals and manuscripts about marriage. Lots of the people who are genuinely happily married never read these books and some of them are not even religious at all. If you genuinely love your partner, no one needs to tell you what to do as that love will show. You might have some bad behaviour (which everyone does), but the simple truth is that the love will always show. Even the Bible says love covers a multitude of sin. With love comes understanding, love is not selfish nor self seeking.

Not all men are the same, a women need only to understand her man and no other man! Your write up is lovely, but frankly, more geared towards couples who are not madly in love but trying to understand and tolerate each other. I am not saying love is everything, but it is very important!

This is the problem with Nigeria. People would rather write a long post, than read a long post.

bukatyne:

Help me find someone for my sis na?

Ok, here is a deal: Is do you have a son/daughter yet?

My kids are toddlers. What has that got to do with the topic? And ur sis is too young, unless she can be second wife

bukatyne:

Lol! I was trying to be kind

Lol

bukatyne:

You and I know that is not true.

Right from our youth, most girl children are trained to be wives. Our mothers might not have outlined it as [b]3 As or whatever but they taught what they knew. If it was working, our generation should have blissful marriages by now [/b]

My point is that men and women need to be taught on making marriage union work. Take a cue from the Bible: Everywhere that talked about marriage, the husband and wife was addressed. If God that created men 'simple' still felt the need to teach them, how much more a 'woman' who suddenly thinks she can read the minds of men.

P.S: What turns every man on is different. Find what turns yours on

Could the bolded be part of the problem? So many mothers do not discuss sex with there daughters. It is a tabu subject. If they are teaching what they know, isn't that part of the problem?

Nashville:

My kids are toddlers. What has that got to do with the topic? And ur sis is too young, unless she can be second wife

@bolded, could hook up with mine

@striked, opportunities spring up everywhere

Second wifey ke? Tufiakwa!

Yours' and Bellong's e-values and views are not so common. It makes moi realize there is still hope for the Nigerian man. Another is Salt 1. I might not have noticed some other male posters.

E-values because in real world, you all might be pounding your wives

I don't agree with all your views though

Sorry for derailing the thread.

texanomaly:
Could the bolded be part of the problem? So many mothers do not discuss sex with there daughters. It is a tabu subject. If they teaching what they know, isn't that part of the problem?

I don't understand you

bukatyne: This training and re-training of women only for men have proven over the years to be highy ineffective

In most churches/mosques, we only see teachings and seminars for women. Even on NL, we get more of 'how to be a good wife thread' than vice versa. If it was working, we would have seen improvements around us.

The Bible has stated both parts of the hubby and wifey; any other thing is a counterfeit.

I agree with her 3 As though

I think there are so many teachings about it because it works. Its only ineffective for those who dont put it to practice. Just because they hear it doesn't mean they will actually use it

bukatyne:

@bolded, could hook up with mine

@striked, opportunities spring up everywhere

Second wifey ke? Tufiakwa!

Yours' and Bellong's e-values and views are not so common. It makes moi realize there is still hope for the Nigerian man. Another is Salt 1. I might not have noticed some other male posters.

E-values because in real world, you all might be pounding your wives

I don't agree with all your views though

Sorry for derailing the thread.

Ur kids? the last time I checked, you were not married and I have daughters, so they cant wait for ur sons. On e-values, I can only laugh as the real world is different from the e-world. But we are all learning!

imagine that 3 As, that got me stinged!!
Maybe she is talking about our Caucasian brothers
Original afri guys = let me see money before the As

ileobatojo:

She may have some good points but I would personally find it extremely hard to take the words of someone who made the above statement seriously. The hell is this bogusness?!