My boyfriend lives with me and I pay all the bills (We are both in college). He is from another state and might have to go back soon, but he doesn't want me to go and he doesn't want me to meet his friends or family. His friends here he won't let me meet either. He rarely goes out with friends (like 4 maybe 5 times, that I know of, in the 9 months we have been living together), but when he does he goes out in the middle of the night and comes back some time the next morning, but he has at least gotten into the habit of leaving me a note.

When I ask or say I get upset by it he gets really angry and says he is different than most people and has to keep his life separate. He is very secretive and it hurts me. He has depression and some attachment disorder.

His online habits really hurt me too, but then he slams me about not trusting him.

We fight often about these matters and he says its been a problem with every girl he's dated. He even removed his entire family off his facebook. I think he did this so they wouldn't know about me. I love this man and want a future with him, but sometimes he really makes me question why he is here. God knows its not for the sex, because he says I want it too much (we have sex once a week or every couple weeks), but yet he masturbates several times a week.

He says he is incredibly in love with me and he takes care of me (in some other ways)

I just don't know what to think.

Na Dr Phil wey go fit solve this matter

pasqal09: Na Dr Phil wey go fit solve this matter

What makes you think he will go on national tv

Ammyng:

What makes you think he will go on national tv

I was kiddin
Anyway, have u had a heart to heart talk with him?

But wait o
He lives with u,
U pay the bills
And yet he doesn't want u to knw anytin abt him?
Fishy

How old are we talkin abt here?

Dyt: How old are we talkin abt here?

Old enough

Ammyng:

Old enough

See babes
I know u hurt and must hav tot of so many things
Ur tots may actually be right/wrong
Bt only u knows how to solve it all
No matter what anyone says here, u will still do wat u wanna do
Dats love, and there's nothin no one can do abt it
U hav evaluated it and u know wat to do
Don't b confused
Just b happy

Dyt:



See babes
I know u hurt and must hav tot of so many things
Ur tots may actually be right/wrong
Bt only u knows how to solve it all
No matter what anyone says here, u will still do wat u wanna do
Dats love, and there's nothin no one can do abt it
U hav evaluated it and u know wat to do
Don't b confused
Just b happy

You are absolutely right. I just don't wanna be selfish while making that decision.

What kind of man is that? I smell danger. Keep us posted as events unfold.

Why exactly do you love him?

ogugua88: Why exactly do you love him?

Honestly trying to explain why I love him is like trying to explain what water taste like. But i will try just to give you a hint about his good side.

Arbitrarily he is a gentleman, he treats me like a woman, with respect. He is a smart guy both academicall. I love him, because he can see all of my flaws, my imperfections, he knows who I am, and yet, he still loves me (so he said) . I love him because he makes my heart flutter, he cares about in so ways that really make sense to me.

I just wish those weird part of his lifestle isn't there.

timpaker:
Op.... Please think of me

Ok

Babe you guys have sex once a week and he says you want sex too much.As a matter of fact you think you satisfy him and yet he self services.That means your relationship is not built on trust and honesty.Obviously his libido is high and he's active.Bottomline you don't satisfy him but that's beside my point.You don't owe him sex or even harbouring him.He doesn't love you.

Am sad. Why? Because after all this he will dump you.Quit this affair.
Baby what if you get pregnant for him.You think he will marry you? You are with a stranger.You don't know him.He even fits the profile of a cultist from your description.Quit now before something bad happens.Hmm!

My thoughts:
He is quite comfy with your flaws but you aren't with his. If you can't cope with the flaws of a loved one (which you should do coz that's one of the sacrifices you pay for love), then you'll continue being miserable and this is not 'user-friendly'. Learn to accept him for who he is and if you can't, leave without looking back, no matter how hard that seems. Trust me, you will survive *in Gloria Gaynor's voice*..

You're welcome

Infomizer: My thoughts:
He is quite comfy with your flaws but you aren't with his. If you can't cope with the flaws of a loved one (which you should do coz that's one of the sacrifices you pay for love), then you'll continue being miserable and this is not 'user-friendly'. Learn to accept him for who he is and if you can't, leave without looking back, no matter how hard that seems. Trust me, you will survive *in Gloria Gaynor's voice*..

You're welcome

Oga, I don't agree with u. The way the guy acts is questionable abeg

Ammyng: My boyfriend lives with me and I pay all the bills (We are both in college). He is from another state and might have to go back soon, but he doesn't want me to go and he doesn't want me to meet his friends or family. His friends here he won't let me meet either. He rarely goes out with friends (like 4 maybe 5 times, that I know of, in the 9 months we have been living together), but when he does he goes out in the middle of the night and comes back some time the next morning, but he has at least gotten into the habit of leaving me a note.

When I ask or say I get upset by it he gets really angry and says he is different than most people and has to keep his life separate. He is very secretive and it hurts me. He has depression and some attachment disorder.
[
His online habits really hurt me too, but then he slams me about not trusting him.
We fight often about these matters and he says its been a problem with every girl he's dated. [b]He even removed his entire family off his facebook. I think he did this so they wouldn't know about me. I love this man and want a future with him, but sometimes he really makes me question why he is here. God knows its not for the sex, because he says I want it too much (we have sex once a week or every couple weeks), but yet he masturbates several times a week.

He says he is incredibly in love with me and he takes care of me (in some other ways)

I just don't know what to think.

From the bolded,i think The State Police CID need to visit your house."Wanted list" on my mind

The family of your guy must be some kinda dangerous, they have caused him psychological disorder and He is protecting U from them !!!


Ur man must be Highly Ambitious,Doesn't like disturbance and lose it @ slightest provocation ....................... He even Ma.st.urbat.es ...... do U think he enjoy sex .... No, once in a week says it all !!!


U are dealing with a Psychic Disorderly Personality here , He shoulda suffered some kinda abuse ...........

Be prepared for more wierdo/wierd behaviour in Future and in Order for you to fit in his life U must do as he says wether wrong/right !!


I don't think U know his History ? Hmm ? , Is he Religious or Free-Thinking ? Or Voodooing ?

pasqal09:

Oga, I don't agree with u. The way the guy acts is questionable abeg

I never said his acts were unquestionable. To some ladies, such eccentricities might be trivial and could even be thrilling to them but since this babe can't cope, it's berra to fante o!

Infomizer:
I never said his acts were unquestionable. To some ladies, such eccentricities might be trivial and could even be thrilling to them but since this babe can't cope, it's berra to fante o!

Bros no vex, which second school wey u attend? U sound familiar

I'm not a gossip so i didnt read it,u are gossiping abt ur boyfriend

.

U r livin wit a psycho! U r young, why u wan kill urself wit problems?

Ok. Sorry.

I am more confused than the OP in this one

One word!
Resign

People break up for half of the performance your BF is up to. You better send him out of ur house ASAP. You are seeing serious cracks in your relationship and you are still dreaming marriage. Little wonder why marriages are getting shorter and shorter. Why are you dreaming of marriage with someone with this kind of criminal behavior? Babe, wake up and smell the coffee.

@op!maybe u both should jst part ways 1st.
2 wrongs dnt make a writ.
What happen if anytin goes who wil u tel (facebuk)
u should re_evaluate ur definitn of luv & family
ok!tel ur mum this is type of guy wit me,see if wahala wnt burst
leave the boy!

pasqal09:

Bros no vex, which second school wey u attend? U sound familiar

Na one of the Lagos State Model Colleges o!

ITbomb: I am more confused than the OP in this one

Lol.....even you who is suppose to be our number one adviser? Come on,ITbomb. You can do better.

Ammyng: Honestly trying to explain why I love him is like trying to explain what water taste like. But i will try just to give you a hint about his good side.

Arbitrarily he is a gentleman, he treats me like a woman, with respect. He is a smart guy both academicall. I love him, because he can see all of my flaws, my imperfections, he knows who I am, and yet, he still loves me (so he said) . I love him because he makes my heart flutter, he cares about in so ways that really make sense to me.

I just wish those weird part of his lifestle isn't there.

Hmmm, well I'll give you my opinion.

Calling them "weird parts" is an understatement. These aren't silly habits like leaving toothpaste open or the toilet seat up that can be overlooked. Secrecy is a very big deal, and the burden that comes along with it is one I wouldn't want to carry. From the looks of it, you don't like carrying the burden either.

You cannot build a strong relationship on secrecy. It's like laying a foundation with a deck of cards. It's unstable and can and will be toppled at some point.

If you want to continue a relationship with him, then try communicating your concerns with him again. You live together and you pay the bills, yet he treats you as if he's ashamed of you and uses reverse psychology by telling you you don't trust him, despite him giving you reasons to distrust him. Respect and transparency are the least that he owes you.

If communicating with him doesn't yield any results, then it may be time to make a decision. I hope this helps.

Danhumprey: Lol.....even you who is suppose to be our number one adviser? Come on,ITbomb. You can do better.

To be candid , the female mind is a wonder .
Do u plan to spend ur entire life with somebody just because of some nice part or the whole being . Yes , no one is perfect but for something as serious as marriage , there should be some level of responsibility in thinking - is this man whole being or mix of good n bad qualities someone I can proudly defend his actions as my husband ? .
.
Tell me who wouldn't be nice to u or treat you as a woman when u r the one paying the bills ? .

For you to even think of marrying a man , u should be integrated into his entire life but according to you he has 3 separate lifes and he insist on keeping them separate . One life for family , one for you and the other for his nocturnal activities.
.
And you are in college , living together with someone who is not capable of supporting u talkless of a family and he is pounding u every other night . When u finish school n he is thru with u , what will remain of u to ur husband ?