2go to Nigeria is what
facebook is to the U.S.
Every young man or
woman fortunate
enough to purchase a
relatively sophisticated
mobile phone has an
account on it. The good
things this social
networking site has
brought to the country
are quite numerous but
then, so are the bad ones.
After keeping them hidden in
my chest for months, I’ve
finally decided to lend them a
voice via this article.
Too Many Liars for
one Social Site!!!
Okay, have you ever really
wanted to meet the world’s
best liars? Have you ever felt
like, I don’t care whats true
anymore, I just want a tale that
would make me happy or sad?
If you have, then 2go is the
right place to go! In there,
lying is not the norm, it’s the
must!
For example, I met a new
friend in one of the 2go rooms
not too long ago, and while
doing the boring “Intoduce
yourself” part, he told me he
was a doctor in Abuja. I was
quite thrilled, you know. Its not
everyday one gets to hobnob
with a medical doctor.
The very next morning, I
logged in and met our guy
online. I asked him what his
day was going to be like and he
told me he would have to
defend a client of his in court
that same day and was
therefore preparing his case.
Okay… I deleted him right
away. Even my kid brother
knows that lawyers can’t be
doctors!


Apart from instances like the
one above, we have cases of
girls who ask guys for airtime,
in exchange for their nude
pictures. Only to receive the
airtime, search for sex pictures
online, and share them with
2go johnnies, who actually
believe they are seeing the
clits of real Nigerian girls. How
stupid! One question I keep
asking myself is; haven’t those
guys ever heard of
www.89.com?
As a matter of fact, 2go is the
home of liars, or to be more
lenient, extremely creative
people. Once you log in, accept
the “Hi” as a probable truth,
and then every other thing that
follows, is a lie! Don’t say I
didn’t warn you!
I feel so dumb, I'm gonna
sleep


Dumb Fellows!
I hate these ones more than
the liars. Just follow the chat
log below and you might grasp
what am driving at.

Johnnie: Larry, how far
Me: Am cool, whats up with
you?
Johnnie: God dey. How your
family?
Me: Fine
Johnnie: How your mumsy?
Me: Fine
Johnnie: How your popsy?
Me: Fine (Now, am trying to
chat with a really hot girl
online, and wouldn’t need any
distractions, you know what I
mean)
Johnnie: How’s your laptop?
Me: Fine
Johnnie: How’s your day gonna
be?
Me: EVERYTHING IS FINE!!!!
Johnnie: How your way na?
Me: No reply
Johnnie: Answer na!
Me; No reply
Johnnie: You dey crase! NA
because you see me for 2go you
dey ignore me abi? God go
punish that your head for you.
Idiot. Mtcheewww!

Do you feel my pains? For
Goodness sake; if I want
someone to ask after my
“everything”, I’ll simply dial
my girlfriend’s number, or
better still, my mum’s. She’s
ever ready to enquire after my
life. But when I log into 2go, I
expect to chat! Of course, the
chat session above usually
ends with someone pressing
the “DELETE BUTTON”


message me for a laugh!
2go Jokes
Until 5 months ago, my list of
friends was always neat. But
then, 2go brought in a nuisance
who literarily keeps nagging
me to click on it, so I can have
a joke. Initially, I thought it
was probably cool, so I hit on it
for the first time and got
“An Igbo man’s troubles starts
when he marries a wife”.
Okay, I was waiting to see the
joke but a minute slipped by…
and then 2 minutes followed
suite and my joke was nowhere
to be found. Feeling pissed off
at giving away the 300 go
credits with which I could have
gotten myself a couple of
friends from 2go chat rooms, I
rushed to a friend’s house to
show him my ordeal and after
studying it for seconds, he told
me I had what I paid for.
I humbly asked for the joke,
and he showed me what I had
been missing since… “An Igbo
man’s troubles starts when he
marries a wife”. Full stop!
Nothing more! Seriously, that’s
the joke? For goodness sakes,
what do those 2go guys take
me for?
I put my delete button to work
again, but this time, the stupid
joker wouldn’t let me delete it.
Well am putting up with it
these days, but I hate it… more
than saddam Hussein hated
George Bush.
Am a Veteran 2goer!


Ranks
When I first signed up for 2go,
I was given the beginners rank,
and then 2weeks later, got to
professional. 5 months after,
am now a master. But what are
my benefits? HELP ME ASK
2GO OFFICIALS!!!
I used to pay through my nose
to chat when I started, and I
still pay through my nose, if
not through my anus, to chat
today. I was always given 140
character spaces to update my
status, and today, that hasn’t
increased one bit. Okay, even
the girls, who everyone knows,
like men of high ranks; they
always never bothered to say hi
to me then, and till today, they
still skip past larry’s account,
as if… its not there.
So what is the benefit of being
a master on 2go? Do 2go
officials really think am a
nursery school boy who goes
around fantasizing about
becoming a soldier? Strip me of
my rank brothers and give me
some free 2go credits! Since I
got it; my life on 2go has been
more still than a lake!!!
am the best!


Updates by friends
Seriously, most of the time,
what friends update are usually
something like this
“ I thank God for waking me up
oooh”
Okay, we all agree you are the
only Child of God on 2go, but is
God on your list of 2go friends?
Does he have an account
there? Why post such dumb
updates which turn one’s belly,
instead of praying in your little
room for as long as you wish?
Besides, you woke up, the
Lizards in my house woke up,
the coackroaches in your house
woke up, over 7 billion people
all over the world woke up, and
they can all die any moment,
including your grateful self, so
where is the news in that?
Updates like this really bore
me to death!
Another type of update that
makes me spit is the braggart’s
brawl”: something like,
“ I am the King”
In the name of the queen, you
are no King! If you were, you’d
be too busy with state matters
to have time for 2go! And
whats more, we don’t give a
Bleep if you are a king or a
slave, so why not go brag to
your dog? My response to this
type of update of course, has to
be the delete button.
I still love 2go though
Honestly, 2go is one hell of a
fine idea, but with all the shit
one sees in there these days,
one cant help but keep one’s
finger on the characters’
button, and the other, on the
delete button. I think I will
probably log into 2go now…and
delete a johnnie

2go na for small children

So hilarious,Can't help laffin. I agree wif u 2 sum xtnd buh seriosly am nt com4table wif ur 'hatin 2 death' wen som1 shows gratitude 2 God onlyn. I'l advise u ask God 4 4givnes i.e if u bliv in God cos U jst blasphemd.

Nice post...bt wat i think is d cause of d problem is dat 2go is too cheap!..so many ppl can afford to 2go,because d 2go app can work on so many useless phones(chinko phone sef) unlike whatsapp n co..so because its so cheap,u find so many fake ppl there(including 12yrs old gals claiming 17yrs old on their profile)!..bt i once loved 2go sha oo

@op,why u cum dey tell us all dis boring gist? Na u sabi

De last tym i log in to 2go.......mehn i was scared bout wat i saw. imagine a 43year old man begging a 13yrs old girl for hot se.x chat:/

.

I love 2go becos it makes chatting on fb easier when i am not on my pc but i stopped using it when the fb stuff started having issue. What i hate most is meeting new people on 2go, I always ingnore them.

Last time I logged in to 2go was 6 months ago. Facebook chat's been turned off for 8 months. I hate wasting time on stupid meaningless chat(most are).

Dhurmynick: 2go to Nigeria is what
facebook is to the U.S.
Every young man or
woman fortunate
enough to purchase a
relatively sophisticated
mobile phone has an
account on it. The good
things this social
networking site has
brought to the country
are quite numerous

I wouldn't use that horrid, crappy looking app on my phone even if you paid me. I installed it, saw how fugly and unintuitive it looked, joined one chatroom for the kicks and quickly uninstalled that POS.

Comparing 2go to FaceBook in terms of penetration is just hilarious.

pls nairalanders hw can i stop anonimous request on ma 2go, pls it is nt funny @ll.... i get a request of @least 50 in aday nd it makin me look lik a fool am fired of dis...pls i need ur help..

DonCrust:

LMAO no be small thing o. That old man's wife must have started him for so long that he decide to beg with his last breath.
That's the main reason I check my kid sister's phone everyday to ensure there's no 2go app on her phone.

Lol

Very funny striping ur rank for some go credits? If it were possible, I'd have them strip my "ultimate" rank for just 2000gc..I wonder what the ranks are there for in the first place

Someone gave thanks to God and you are.......?anyway may God help us

Funny... Lol... I hate those morning praisses on 2go

Dhurmynick: Funny... Lol... I hate those morning praisses on 2go

u hate praises to GOD?


*unfollows thread*

Nope.... It shuld be done politely, not like that

Oga op,who told u doctors can't be lawyers huh?...Prof. john obafunwa the VC of Lagos state university is a doctor, in fact the head of all pathologists in Lagos state and yet he has a degree in law...

Dhurmynick: 2go to Nigeria is what
facebook is to the U.S.
Every young man or
woman fortunate
enough to purchase a
relatively sophisticated
mobile phone has an
account on it. The good
things this social
networking site has
brought to the country
are quite numerous but
then, so are the bad ones.
After keeping them hidden in
my chest for months, I’ve
finally decided to lend them a
voice via this article.
Too Many Liars for
one Social Site!!!
Okay, have you ever really
wanted to meet the world’s
best liars? Have you ever felt
like, I don’t care whats true
anymore, I just want a tale that
would make me happy or sad?
If you have, then 2go is the
right place to go! In there,
lying is not the norm, it’s the
must!
For example, I met a new
friend in one of the 2go rooms
not too long ago, and while
doing the boring “Intoduce
yourself” part, he told me he
was a doctor in Abuja. I was
quite thrilled, you know. Its not
everyday one gets to hobnob
with a medical doctor.
The very next morning, I
logged in and met our guy
online. I asked him what his
day was going to be like and he
told me he would have to
defend a client of his in court
that same day and was
therefore preparing his case.
Okay… I deleted him right
away. Even my kid brother
knows that lawyers can’t be
doctors!


Apart from instances like the
one above, we have cases of
girls who ask guys for airtime,
in exchange for their nude
pictures. Only to receive the
airtime, search for sex pictures
online, and share them with
2go johnnies, who actually
believe they are seeing the
clits of real Nigerian girls. How
stupid! One question I keep
asking myself is; haven’t those
guys ever heard of
www.89.com?
As a matter of fact, 2go is the
home of liars, or to be more
lenient, extremely creative
people. Once you log in, accept
the “Hi” as a probable truth,
and then every other thing that
follows, is a lie! Don’t say I
didn’t warn you!
I feel so dumb, I'm gonna
sleep


Dumb Fellows!
I hate these ones more than
the liars. Just follow the chat
log below and you might grasp
what am driving at.

Johnnie: Larry, how far
Me: Am cool, whats up with
you?
Johnnie: God dey. How your
family?
Me: Fine
Johnnie: How your mumsy?
Me: Fine
Johnnie: How your popsy?
Me: Fine (Now, am trying to
chat with a really hot girl
online, and wouldn’t need any
distractions, you know what I
mean)
Johnnie: How’s your laptop?
Me: Fine
Johnnie: How’s your day gonna
be?
Me: EVERYTHING IS FINE!!!!
Johnnie: How your way na?
Me: No reply
Johnnie: Answer na!
Me; No reply
Johnnie: You dey crase! NA
because you see me for 2go you
dey ignore me abi? God go
punish that your head for you.
Idiot. Mtcheewww!

Do you feel my pains? For
Goodness sake; if I want
someone to ask after my
“everything”, I’ll simply dial
my girlfriend’s number, or
better still, my mum’s. She’s
ever ready to enquire after my
life. But when I log into 2go, I
expect to chat! Of course, the
chat session above usually
ends with someone pressing
the “DELETE BUTTON”


message me for a laugh!
2go Jokes
Until 5 months ago, my list of
friends was always neat. But
then, 2go brought in a nuisance
who literarily keeps nagging
me to click on it, so I can have
a joke. Initially, I thought it
was probably cool, so I hit on it
for the first time and got
“An Igbo man’s troubles starts
when he marries a wife”.
Okay, I was waiting to see the
joke but a minute slipped by…
and then 2 minutes followed
suite and my joke was nowhere
to be found. Feeling pissed off
at giving away the 300 go
credits with which I could have
gotten myself a couple of
friends from 2go chat rooms, I
rushed to a friend’s house to
show him my ordeal and after
studying it for seconds, he told
me I had what I paid for.
I humbly asked for the joke,
and he showed me what I had
been missing since… “An Igbo
man’s troubles starts when he
marries a wife”. Full stop!
Nothing more! Seriously, that’s
the joke? For goodness sakes,
what do those 2go guys take
me for?
I put my delete button to work
again, but this time, the stupid
joker wouldn’t let me delete it.
Well am putting up with it
these days, but I hate it… more
than saddam Hussein hated
George Bush.
Am a Veteran 2goer!


Ranks
When I first signed up for 2go,
I was given the beginners rank,
and then 2weeks later, got to
professional. 5 months after,
am now a master. But what are
my benefits? HELP ME ASK
2GO OFFICIALS!!!
I used to pay through my nose
to chat when I started, and I
still pay through my nose, if
not through my anus, to chat
today. I was always given 140
character spaces to update my
status, and today, that hasn’t
increased one bit. Okay, even
the girls, who everyone knows,
like men of high ranks; they
always never bothered to say hi
to me then, and till today, they
still skip past larry’s account,
as if… its not there.
So what is the benefit of being
a master on 2go? Do 2go
officials really think am a
nursery school boy who goes
around fantasizing about
becoming a soldier? Strip me of
my rank brothers and give me
some free 2go credits! Since I
got it; my life on 2go has been
more still than a lake!!!
am the best!


Updates by friends
Seriously, most of the time,
what friends update are usually
something like this
“ I thank God for waking me up
oooh”
Okay, we all agree you are the
only Child of God on 2go, but is
God on your list of 2go friends?
Does he have an account
there? Why post such dumb
updates which turn one’s belly,
instead of praying in your little
room for as long as you wish?
Besides, you woke up, the
Lizards in my house woke up,
the coackroaches in your house
woke up, over 7 billion people
all over the world woke up, and
they can all die any moment,
including your grateful self, so
where is the news in that?
Updates like this really bore
me to death!
Another type of update that
makes me spit is the braggart’s
brawl”: something like,
“ I am the King”
In the name of the queen, you
are no King! If you were, you’d
be too busy with state matters
to have time for 2go! And
whats more, we don’t give a
Bleep if you are a king or a
slave, so why not go brag to
your dog? My response to this
type of update of course, has to
be the delete button.
I still love 2go though
Honestly, 2go is one hell of a
fine idea, but with all the shit
one sees in there these days,
one cant help but keep one’s
finger on the characters’
button, and the other, on the
delete button. I think I will
probably log into 2go now…and
delete a johnnie

bro you cracked me up real time.

OP are you still using 2g0 up till now??. u dey suspect u ohh

krugar07: OP are you still using 2g0 up till now??. u dey suspect u ohh

Yh. I use 2go sometimes

Eh... 3yrs

na 2go has change now u have to buy gocredit before u chat on room:south africa they are eaten our money; check other app they never ask of money

2go still dey exist?

bullshit app...the last time i logged in was 2011
why should we pay to chat,nonsense
but i waste plenty money for gc sha

Like Seriously, Do You Still Use 2go? Who Does That Anymore?
.
****************
.
Me: 2go, how fa
.
2go: Panda, i dey

.
me: how market nah

.
2go: bros, nah God win o.

.
me: you sure? cos your people don carry you matter enter nairaland and fb oh

.
2go: wetin dem talk ?
.
me: them say you f*ck up, them nor like your style

.
2go: am trying my best, my team is working extra hour and having sleepless night inorder to upgrade the platform. we want users to be able to CONNECT with NEW people
.
me: Wonderful, i tought that was Mark Zuckerberg's motto? so you re now doing borrow borrow abi?
(In mama P's voice ** kontinu )
.
2go: no oo, it is not like that, we will soon add moderators who will check users behaviour, ensuring that rights of human being, pets are protected. Ethnic Groups And Tribes are respected, and yeah NO CRYPTO-CURRENCY is promoted.
.
me: Moderators Keh? abeg shift lemme Kukuma faint. Infact, Seun must hear this
.
me: you know that's just the problem (infact the problems are too much).
.
*** An Open letter to 2go. ***

.
My dear2go.
.
Calvary greetings in the name of our Lord and saviour! I am surprise to see you're still in market, same way am surprise to still see Yahoo (after all that happened)
.
The world has changed, and we've changed since you last saw us on your platform.

.
I'm more concerned about people i care for, people close to me, my family, friends, relatives and my woman.

.
All i need is to be connected to them, i dont want to chat with random people. Respect that from your ** former * customer (me).

.
Gladly, WhatsApp is doing that for us. If you want to survive, want Nairalanders back, if you want all your customers back, if you want ME back , rise above #competition.
.
#SAAC
#SpeakingAsAConsumer
.
yours truely: TechPanda