“The patient emitted explosive inarticulate vocal sounds expressive of amusement.”


I pondered on this sentence for a moment trying to understand the subtext of its ambiguity. I mean. I understood the writer’s intentions but what I couldn’t decipher was why he had to take a simple statement and transform it into a complex one (for no just reason), one almost abstruse. If I were the writer in this case, I would have simply said “The patient laughed”. Sounds a lot better doesn’t it? After all taking away the first two words in that sentence; the rest of it can be interpreted as “a laugh”. It’s that simple.


I closed the book. There was no way I was generating my ideas from a complicated writer. I needed something more subtle. So this was how I painstakingly analyzed every thoughts and words in every psychology book I found in a bid to develop a lecture note for my presentation during an event; one which later turned out to be a fiasco! Well now you know how it ended, let me tell you how it all began.


My mum is a very proficient psychologist so therefore she was always invited to give one lecture or the other depending on the organization involved. I think it’s safe to say that this makes me an involuntary patient. I have stressed and complained about how much I wanted to be treated like an adult and not some insecure, attention seeking teenager. To every opportunity that came my way my mum always said the same thing. “Honey, believe me when I say you are not ready for the responsibilities that come with being a grown up. There is a certain age and time when you would be wise enough to make your own decisions and that time is not now.” She always ended it with a smile-one I found too often very annoying. It almost made it seem like she was happy ruining my life, or so to speak. She seemed to think she knew everything about me just because she is a psychologist.( I later found at though, that all mothers know their daughters ;psychologist or not).


After much debate and constant quarrels, she decided to give me a shot. P.s: Another rule to follow when training your teenage daughter; “Sometimes, when the going gets tough, you might just want to let her experience things herself cos until she does, she would never understand.” “The Emotional Economy”. I was in my room that beautiful afternoon contemplating on my next plan of action to make her life miserable enough for her to “free me”, when she entered. That smile again. Oh God! I grinded my teeth and maintained a straight face. She handed me the letter and waited while I digested the contents. My heart swelled within because I already knew where she was heading with that. She had to travel to attend a cousin’s wedding and she wanted me to deliver it on her behalf. I took one last long look at the letter and finally, there was a smile tugging at my lips. Instinctively, I jumped into her arms and gave her a warm hug. She laughed heartily and then went on to give me a detailed explanation of what I had to do.


Piece of cake I thought. Although. This wasn’t exactly the kind of adventure I had in mind but it was a step forward and I liked that. Making public appearances was already a part of me so I knew talking to a bunch of youths would be easy pie. On that fateful morning, after finally developing a good speech and trust me, I know it was a good one cos I emailed it to mother and she gave me a thumbs-up and two smiley faces. Anyway where was I? Yeah that fateful morning, I jumped up from the bed (n action caused by the ringing alarm clock) wondering why it was so loud but of course the more you ignore it, the louder it becomes. Yawning, I pushed the stop button. Oh no! I leaned closer to be sure I wasn’t misreading. 8:30? A wave of panicked gripped me as I raced to the bathroom to have my bath. How could this happen? How could I have overslept? Not today of all days! But seriously, you can’t have much control you’re your “rising” time when you decide to go to bed by 2am, the morning of a big event as this one. I punched myself. I had watched a movie late into the early hours of the morning without even taking into consideration, my presentation. What was it mum used to say “Prioritizing takes you places…” wow, I can’t even remember that. Well it’s not like that is going to change anything right now anyway. I managed to get dressed in 10 minutes and by 9:03 I was already on my way to the event centre. I went over my notes one more time just to be sure although I was already destabilized from all that rushing and all I wanted to do was get in, and get out. I stumbled backstage just in time as my name was being announced. My name? of course it had to be my name. There is no way I would try to pretend to be mother, for one thing I was way prettier besides we didn’t even look alike.


“Miss Abby, err…now would be a good time to start talking.” The anchor guy whispered to me. Oh! I blinked twice and realized I was standing on the podium facing about two hundred youths…wait! These are not youths, I thought mum said youths. Youths were almost like teenagers right? maybe with a few years older but these…no, youths could be young adults too. Oh boy… I struggled to maintain my composure even as different thoughts danced in my head. I swallowed to clear my windpipe cos it seemed the words had gotten stuck somewhere in my throat. Nevertheless, I proceeded to give my speech. At a point, I looked up at them only to notice the significant increase in number of audience. Where did all these people come from? Worse part was that they were all staring intently at me as if I had grown horns or something. Suddenly my hands started to quaver as I gazed at the unending eyes looking at me. Simultaneously, their heads started to bloat up one after the other and I could see some eerie movements amongst this same audience. I was confused. There seemed to be some kind of genetic mutation thing going on and I think I was the only one who could notice that. Was that truly happening? Nah, it had to be the lack of sleep. Yesterday’s movie was really scary so…I’m just going to shake it off and proceed. So I did that and it worked and the lecture started to really well until I got to an example of how “human emotions could be contagious”.


“So,” I said. “let us assume that a patient “x” laughs… or as one writer said emits explosive inarticulate vocal sounds expressive of amusement…” honestly, I don’t know what came over me or why I said that(grinning like an idiot by the way) and realized a little too late that I was the only one who thought that to be amusing. They all stared at me with blank faces and I just cursed my luck for coming out there that day. I mean it was bad enough already, this wasn’t funny anymore. But I had to finish this, I could still turn things around so I cleared my throat and did a quick untangling of the wire below-for the microphone; it was getting all tangled up. I think I must have “over untangled” it cos the next step I took landed me flat on my back. Yeah, that’s right. I slipped and rolled down the podium in the most embarrassing manner. That seemed to wake my audience up because they all suddenly exploded in fits of laughter as I managed to get myself up. The security guys rushed over to help me out of the hall but I didn’t mind really, there was actually nothing left to say. I just kept saying to myself you fell, you fell, you idiot you fell.


Actually now that I think about it, saying it was a fiasco is a complete understatement, it was a catastrophe! An adversity, a nightmare or in this case, a day mare. Why did this have to happen to me anyway, I was just a kid and all I wanted was to prove to my mum that I was ready for adulthood; turned out I was far from being ready. Food was not even on my list of worries when I got back home (and I was pretty hungry). All I wanted was for the earth to open up and swallow me. Mother called me later that evening, she was due to arrive the next day. I didn’t bother picking up the call, I just didn’t want to hear it. It sucks when you realize that your parents were right about something discussed earlier but it sucks more when you have a permanent horrible memory to keep reminding of how right they were. The next day, as soon as she came, she walked right into my room and I remember thinking oh well, so wcs: she kicks me out of the house, I end up on the streets and by 30, I’m a single baby mama with a fairly paying job. How bad could that be? She found me sitted on the bed, head hung down in shame. The minute I looked up at her, I broke down in tears telling her how sorry I was for messing things up and thinking I was all grown up and how I would do anything to make it up. Guess what? she just smiled at me. Oh! That smile. I take what I said back, I love that smile, it was just what I needed. At least then I was sure she wasn’t kicking me out. I remember clearly what she said to me. “I don’t think you messed up because you are not capable of delivering a lecture on my behalf because you are my dear. You can do anything once you just believe. I think you messed up because you were just too in a hurry to prove me wrong and that made you overlook some little things. Yeah, remind me next time to check the definition of “youths” I am your mother and I love you and when I say you are not ready, then you should know I mean it. You are not just another one of my patients uh-oh, did I say that loud? You are my daughter and you are the smartest, sweetest and sharpest daughter in the whole world. You are going to be just fine.”


It was all I could to nod and embrace her. I had definitely learned the hard way.


Author: Abby


“The patient emitted explosive inarticulate vocal sounds expressive of amusement.”


I pondered on this sentence for a moment trying to understand the subtext of its ambiguity. I mean. I understood the writer’s intentions but what I couldn’t decipher was why he had to take a simple statement and transform it into a complex one (for no just reason), one almost abstruse. If I were the writer in this case, I would have simply said “The patient laughed”. Sounds a lot better doesn’t it? After all taking away the first two words in that sentence; the rest of it can be interpreted as “a laugh”. It’s that simple.


I closed the book. There was no way I was generating my ideas from a complicated writer. I needed something more subtle. So this was how I painstakingly analyzed every thoughts and words in every psychology book I found in a bid to develop a lecture note for my presentation during an event; one which later turned out to be a fiasco! Well now you know how it ended, let me tell you how it all began.


My mum is a very proficient psychologist so therefore she was always invited to give one lecture or the other depending on the organization involved. I think it’s safe to say that this makes me an involuntary patient. I have stressed and complained about how much I wanted to be treated like an adult and not some insecure, attention seeking teenager. To every opportunity that came my way my mum always said the same thing. “Honey, believe me when I say you are not ready for the responsibilities that come with being a grown up. There is a certain age and time when you would be wise enough to make your own decisions and that time is not now.” She always ended it with a smile-one I found too often very annoying. It almost made it seem like she was happy ruining my life, or so to speak. She seemed to think she knew everything about me just because she is a psychologist.( I later found at though, that all mothers know their daughters ;psychologist or not).


After much debate and constant quarrels, she decided to give me a shot. P.s: Another rule to follow when training your teenage daughter; “Sometimes, when the going gets tough, you might just want to let her experience things herself cos until she does, she would never understand.” “The Emotional Economy”. I was in my room that beautiful afternoon contemplating on my next plan of action to make her life miserable enough for her to “free me”, when she entered. That smile again. Oh God! I grinded my teeth and maintained a straight face. She handed me the letter and waited while I digested the contents. My heart swelled within because I already knew where she was heading with that. She had to travel to attend a cousin’s wedding and she wanted me to deliver it on her behalf. I took one last long look at the letter and finally, there was a smile tugging at my lips. Instinctively, I jumped into her arms and gave her a warm hug. She laughed heartily and then went on to give me a detailed explanation of what I had to do.


Piece of cake I thought. Although. This wasn’t exactly the kind of adventure I had in mind but it was a step forward and I liked that. Making public appearances was already a part of me so I knew talking to a bunch of youths would be easy pie. On that fateful morning, after finally developing a good speech and trust me, I know it was a good one cos I emailed it to mother and she gave me a thumbs-up and two smiley faces. Anyway where was I? Yeah that fateful morning, I jumped up from the bed (n action caused by the ringing alarm clock) wondering why it was so loud but of course the more you ignore it, the louder it becomes. Yawning, I pushed the stop button. Oh no! I leaned closer to be sure I wasn’t misreading. 8:30? A wave of panicked gripped me as I raced to the bathroom to have my bath. How could this happen? How could I have overslept? Not today of all days! But seriously, you can’t have much control you’re your “rising” time when you decide to go to bed by 2am, the morning of a big event as this one. I punched myself. I had watched a movie late into the early hours of the morning without even taking into consideration, my presentation. What was it mum used to say “Prioritizing takes you places…” wow, I can’t even remember that. Well it’s not like that is going to change anything right now anyway. I managed to get dressed in 10 minutes and by 9:03 I was already on my way to the event centre. I went over my notes one more time just to be sure although I was already destabilized from all that rushing and all I wanted to do was get in, and get out. I stumbled backstage just in time as my name was being announced. My name? of course it had to be my name. There is no way I would try to pretend to be mother, for one thing I was way prettier besides we didn’t even look alike.


“Miss Abby, err…now would be a good time to start talking.” The anchor guy whispered to me. Oh! I blinked twice and realized I was standing on the podium facing about two hundred youths…wait! These are not youths, I thought mum said youths. Youths were almost like teenagers right? maybe with a few years older but these…no, youths could be young adults too. Oh boy… I struggled to maintain my composure even as different thoughts danced in my head. I swallowed to clear my windpipe cos it seemed the words had gotten stuck somewhere in my throat. Nevertheless, I proceeded to give my speech. At a point, I looked up at them only to notice the significant increase in number of audience. Where did all these people come from? Worse part was that they were all staring intently at me as if I had grown horns or something. Suddenly my hands started to quaver as I gazed at the unending eyes looking at me. Simultaneously, their heads started to bloat up one after the other and I could see some eerie movements amongst this same audience. I was confused. There seemed to be some kind of genetic mutation thing going on and I think I was the only one who could notice that. Was that truly happening? Nah, it had to be the lack of sleep. Yesterday’s movie was really scary so…I’m just going to shake it off and proceed. So I did that and it worked and the lecture started to really well until I got to an example of how “human emotions could be contagious”.


“So,” I said. “let us assume that a patient “x” laughs… or as one writer said emits explosive inarticulate vocal sounds expressive of amusement…” honestly, I don’t know what came over me or why I said that(grinning like an idiot by the way) and realized a little too late that I was the only one who thought that to be amusing. They all stared at me with blank faces and I just cursed my luck for coming out there that day. I mean it was bad enough already, this wasn’t funny anymore. But I had to finish this, I could still turn things around so I cleared my throat and did a quick untangling of the wire below-for the microphone; it was getting all tangled up. I think I must have “over untangled” it cos the next step I took landed me flat on my back. Yeah, that’s right. I slipped and rolled down the podium in the most embarrassing manner. That seemed to wake my audience up because they all suddenly exploded in fits of laughter as I managed to get myself up. The security guys rushed over to help me out of the hall but I didn’t mind really, there was actually nothing left to say. I just kept saying to myself you fell, you fell, you idiot you fell.


Actually now that I think about it, saying it was a fiasco is a complete understatement, it was a catastrophe! An adversity, a nightmare or in this case, a day mare. Why did this have to happen to me anyway, I was just a kid and all I wanted was to prove to my mum that I was ready for adulthood; turned out I was far from being ready. Food was not even on my list of worries when I got back home (and I was pretty hungry). All I wanted was for the earth to open up and swallow me. Mother called me later that evening, she was due to arrive the next day. I didn’t bother picking up the call, I just didn’t want to hear it. It sucks when you realize that your parents were right about something discussed earlier but it sucks more when you have a permanent horrible memory to keep reminding of how right they were. The next day, as soon as she came, she walked right into my room and I remember thinking oh well, so wcs: she kicks me out of the house, I end up on the streets and by 30, I’m a single baby mama with a fairly paying job. How bad could that be? She found me sitted on the bed, head hung down in shame. The minute I looked up at her, I broke down in tears telling her how sorry I was for messing things up and thinking I was all grown up and how I would do anything to make it up. Guess what? she just smiled at me. Oh! That smile. I take what I said back, I love that smile, it was just what I needed. At least then I was sure she wasn’t kicking me out. I remember clearly what she said to me. “I don’t think you messed up because you are not capable of delivering a lecture on my behalf because you are my dear. You can do anything once you just believe. I think you messed up because you were just too in a hurry to prove me wrong and that made you overlook some little things. Yeah, remind me next time to check the definition of “youths” I am your mother and I love you and when I say you are not ready, then you should know I mean it. You are not just another one of my patients uh-oh, did I say that loud? You are my daughter and you are the smartest, sweetest and sharpest daughter in the whole world. You are going to be just fine.”


It was all I could to nod and embrace her. I had definitely learned the hard way.
Your comments would be encouraging. Thank You.


Author: Abby

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