In 2008, I felt attracted to a colleague in
her late 40s, but she was married and
had two sons in their late teens. Later,
her husband got cancer, and Anne took
nine months off to help care for him.
When he died in 2011, she became very depressed and I was supportive. I
realised I was falling in love, so in
October 2012 decided to move to a
different firm. A few days before I left,
she invited me for a drink after work, to
thank me. We got on so well I confessed I was
hopelessly in love with her, after four years of
friendship. When I dropped her off she
leaned over to kiss me. Later, she texted to
say she had strong feelings for me too. We started going out, and in June 2013 Anne
asked me to move in. We even talked of
marriage. She confided that her husband made her
suffer through affairs, alcohol and drug
abuse - and that 'her boys' had become her
world. And that's where the problems began. Her sons are allowed to do whatever they
like. Anne and I slept downstairs on a sofa-
bed in the sitting-room while they moved
their girlfriends into the two upstairs
bedrooms. The house is in an absolutely disgusting
state. She's amassed a huge debt through
rent arrears, unpaid credit card repayments,
utility bills and the expense of trying to keep
this 'family' fed. The boys have part-time jobs (when they can
be bothered going), and their girlfriends are
in temporary employment, but none of them
helps clean the house or even brings down
dirty plates from their rooms. All the cleaning
is left to Anne and myself, and we both work full time. But Anne says it isn't so long since their
father died, and to leave them alone. We
have tried family meetings to agree rules, but
they only stick to them for a few days. The elder boy seems to bully her. I have tried
to get her to seek debt counselling and start
moving forward, but nothing happens. She's
either scared or simply not bothered. Recently, the eldest invited a friend (with
drug problems) who'd split up from his
girlfriend to stay until he found somewhere
else. With Anne's debt, she can't afford to
support another person in the house. I
pointed out that he has relatives and friends living nearby, so why not go and stay with
them? Anne said that he was her sons, friend
and she could not see him on the streets. Two weeks later, I told her that the situation
was now intolerable; she had put her sons'
wishes before me. I left that night, and haven't heard from her.
I now bitterly regret my decision. I am so
much in love with her I want everything to
work out. But I don't want her being taken
for granted all the time. What must I do?

you must behave like a human being and use ur head.I am in dsame position as u,though mine is ways younger than urs and i am actually in control of the household,but u will always notice that u will b the number 2 if not 3rd in the house.That is not gud for an African man.It doesnt need to bring quarels btwn u 2,but u really need to find ur way,if u r so deep in luv,u r allowed to cheat and find a rebound,else,wen that luv fades,u will b disregarded and kicked out,that sucks.Av u got ur own kids?how old r u?

no takers?

is it because the thread isnt about housewife or no housewife, can a married man cheat, breast and butt display, easy peasy cash, i am a millionaire, etc etc,

Heyaa op, i sorry for ur pain o, but dat kind of relatnshp isnt healthy.its quite common for new partners to feel secondplace when dier other half already has kids, ur partner wouldnt be good woman if she doznt put her children first, but according 2 u, dey r grown. And d kids show no signs of being upstanding ppl. Which says a lot about ur annie's parenting skills. R u sure u want to be tied to someone like dat. In anoda facet ,u cant move in2 dier father's house and start laying down d law, if u want autonomy, get annie to move in wit u. I wish u all d best cos dis issue is really complicated wit d central piece being ur annie, if she doznt want to make changes, u r in for long term problems