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Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? - Family - Nairaland

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Help!!..did I Marry The Wrong Lady? / I Saw Her Through School; Now I'm No More Qualified To Marry Her / Marrying Someone You Are Not Crazy About.- Should I Marry Him? (2) (3) (4)

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Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by adebeecroft81: 9:35am On Nov 06, 2013
Hello married people, I was introduced to my current girlfriend in august 2013 by my adopted younger sister who relocated to UK 3 years ago. I jokingly call her an adopted younger sister because she is an SS patient and I have been very supportive in every area since university days. We were members of the same campus fellowship in school and that's how we got close. She knows me fairly well. This adopted younger sister was a best buddy to my current girlfriend and she knows her inside out, they were classmates. We spoke in august and she was like "big bro why don't you meet my friend". I manage my own IT firm in Lagos working with about 14 staff , my current girl doesn't know i own a business yet.

Back to my girlfriend, i met her in august .But i took it slow to observe things , i didn't commit to the relationship until after 2 months. She is a sanguine, genuine Christian, independently minded ( she manages 2 thriving business at the same time), she is a giver, flexible and pretty for her age etc. She told me early on that pre marital sex was off the table, although i wasn't a serious Christian after school ,i have been with several girls but i had to respect her wishes. I was engaged to a girl once and broke it off few months to the wedding because of constant conflicts so i think i know what i want right now.

After the initial 2 months of slowing down in the relationship, we have grown closer. We live close by so we see like twice a week. I have been to her house and area, i see how she relates with people. She is 33 and few months older than me, i never thought i could marry someone older . The day she told me i didn't see it as a big deal. Also she can be unorganized, not a good dresser amongst other weaknesses and i think i can work on those. I have accepted that i can't find a perfect person she will make mistakes in the future and i must be mature to forgive.

My problem is this, i can be very structured and do everything by the books. After the initial slow manner in which i started the relationship, my mind presently tells me "propose to her she is a good deal" but a part of me still want to follow the waiting rule like one year courtship etc. I am travelling by February next year and i wont have mind proposing now and wedding in like January or February which will make the whole courtship period like 5 or 6 months. With all the background info I have given, what do the married people here think, should I still follow the long courtship rule or follow my instincts? Thanks
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by Gboliwe: 9:48am On Nov 06, 2013
adebeecroft81: Hello married people, I was introduced to my current girlfriend in august 2013 by my adopted younger sister who relocated to UK 3 years ago. I jokingly call her an adopted younger sister because she is an SS patient and I have been very supportive in every area since university days. We were members of the same campus fellowship in school and that's how we got close. She knows me fairly well. This adopted younger sister was a best buddy to my current girlfriend and she knows her inside out, they were classmates. We spoke in august and she was like "big bro why don't you meet my friend". I manage my own IT firm in Lagos working with about 14 staff , my current girl doesn't know i own a business yet.

Back to my girlfriend, i met her in august .But i took it slow to observe things , i didn't commit to the relationship until after 2 months. She is a sanguine, genuine Christian, independently minded ( she manages 2 thriving business at the same time), she is a giver, flexible and pretty for her age etc. She told me early on that pre marital sex was off the table, although i wasn't a serious Christian after school ,i have been with several girls but i had to respect her wishes. I was engaged to a girl once and broke it off few months to the wedding because of constant conflicts so i think i know what i want right now.

After the initial 2 months of slowing down in the relationship, we have grown closer. We live close by so we see like twice a week. I have been to her house and area, i see how she relates with people. She is 33 and few months older than me, i never thought i could marry someone older . The day she told me i didn't see it as a big deal. Also she can be unorganized, not a good dresser amongst other weaknesses and i think i can work on those. I have accepted that i can't find a perfect person she will make mistakes in the future and i must be mature to forgive.

My problem is this, i can be very structured and do everything by the books. After the initial slow manner in which i started the relationship, my mind presently tells me "propose to her she is a good deal" but a part of me still want to follow the waiting rule like one year courtship etc. I am travelling by February next year and i wont have mind proposing now and wedding in like January or February which will make the whole courtship period like 5 or 6 months. With all the background info I have given, what do the married people here think, should I still follow the long courtship rule or follow my instincts? Thanks
you need to grow up first

2 Likes

Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by Nobody: 10:01am On Nov 06, 2013
adebeecroft81: Hello married people, I was introduced to my current girlfriend in august 2013 by my adopted younger sister who relocated to UK 3 years ago. I jokingly call her an adopted younger sister because she is an SS patient and I have been very supportive in every area since university days. We were members of the same campus fellowship in school and that's how we got close. She knows me fairly well. This adopted younger sister was a best buddy to my current girlfriend and she knows her inside out, they were classmates. We spoke in august and she was like "big bro why don't you meet my friend". I manage my own IT firm in Lagos working with about 14 staff , my current girl doesn't know i own a business yet.

Back to my girlfriend, i met her in august .But i took it slow to observe things , i didn't commit to the relationship until after 2 months. She is a sanguine, genuine Christian, independently minded ( she manages 2 thriving business at the same time), she is a giver, flexible and pretty for her age etc. She told me early on that pre marital sex was off the table, although i wasn't a serious Christian after school ,i have been with several girls but i had to respect her wishes. I was engaged to a girl once and broke it off few months to the wedding because of constant conflicts so i think i know what i want right now.

After the initial 2 months of slowing down in the relationship, we have grown closer. We live close by so we see like twice a week. I have been to her house and area, i see how she relates with people. She is 33 and few months older than me, i never thought i could marry someone older . The day she told me i didn't see it as a big deal. Also she can be unorganized, not a good dresser amongst other weaknesses and i think i can work on those. I have accepted that i can't find a perfect person she will make mistakes in the future and i must be mature to forgive.

My problem is this, i can be very structured and do everything by the books. After the initial slow manner in which i started the relationship, my mind presently tells me "propose to her she is a good deal" but a part of me still want to follow the waiting rule like one year courtship etc. I am travelling by February next year and i wont have mind proposing now and wedding in like January or February which will make the whole courtship period like 5 or 6 months. With all the background info I have given, what do the married people here think, should I still follow the long courtship rule or follow my instincts? Thanks

You met her in August? That's like 3 months ago?

I don't know . . . . maybe you should wait a lil longer!

Marriage is forever, what's d rush undecided
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by Nobody: 10:29am On Nov 06, 2013
a 33yr old lady in nigeria told you no sex until marriage?? grin

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Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by Waspy(m): 10:35am On Nov 06, 2013
You are up against luck bro...Seems you love taking risks. I feel at 33, she shld be d one hustling you. Bottomline...Follow ur guts or Follow ur God

1 Like

Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by angelhair(m): 10:53am On Nov 06, 2013
I know you want to propose but I think you shd just wait it out. She might think you are proposing cos of sex. Be patient, spend more time with her, let her get to know you better. You said she doesn't know u run ur own business. Things like dt shd be known. Honestly there is no rush cos you will be married for ever (I assume). Do the one yr thing, then you can even rush her to the chapel on the day you propose sef.
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by twogood: 11:56am On Nov 06, 2013
Please don't propose. Many have rushed in claiming they're following their hearts and it has never failed them only for them to rush out.
Find out more things about her and her family. Also open up to her about you and your family. Try making her angry and see how she reacts.
A good sign though is she has a friend who knows her.
Take your time, bro; she'll be yours if she's yours.
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by Nobody: 12:21pm On Nov 06, 2013
I'd say since you are the structured type then plan to propose in February cos the actual date of the wedding may not be up to you alone.

Use this time to know her more and viceversa , her family background, learn how to work as a team and ur communication skills. You could also try pre-engagement counselling which some churches do so couples can see if they can work together before they pop the question. U can search for naija husband blog he and his wife did that.

Most of all enjoy dating
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by Nobody: 12:21pm On Nov 06, 2013
Just enter, if e no work out, you jump out.

Shoir cheesy

Last time I checked, dem still dey issue divorce tongue..
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by meine: 12:28pm On Nov 06, 2013
Congrats Op, you seem to have a good girl on your hand and you have a lot working for you like she lives close to you and you know her best friend. That being said there is no timetable for marriage, you just know it and what works for A cant work for B. People can date for 3 months and they would have seen each other 30 times,while i know a couple who are getting married in December and have never seen each other at all though it sounds weird but don't be surprised if they succeed in their marriage.

Just be prayerful, detach your emotions, forget her positives and focus on her negatives,can you live with them?. Move ahead whenever you are sure, if your mind says one year then go for one year.

1 Like

Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by meine: 12:35pm On Nov 06, 2013
Gboliwe:
you need to grow up first

You don't need to insult the OP if he is messing up its better to educate him. grin Its cos of members like you that people don't bring their issues to nairaland.

2 Likes

Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by dad007(m): 12:55pm On Nov 06, 2013
meine:
Congrats Op, you seem to have a good girl on your hand and you have a lot working for you like she lives close to you and you know her best friend. That being said there is no timetable for marriage, you just know it and what works for A cant work for B. People can date for 3 months and they would have seen each other 30 times,while i know a couple who are getting married in December and have never seen each other at all though it sounds weird.

Just be prayerful, detach your emotions, forget her positives and focus on her negatives,can you live with them?. Move ahead whenever you are sure, if your mind says one year then go for one year.
Uhmmmm,you just remind me of myself...I found my lady on august,three months later we got married.My marriage is almost 4 yrs now,I am a happy man...Anyway,is not how long you stay in a relationship that really mata,I think is far,far more than that.Infact,in some cases,the longer the relationship,the less the apattit to tie the nod.Please,be prayerful,cus it takes the will of God to have a good wife,or a good husband.And less I forget,it takes a twinkle of a second for someone to feel the impact of a soulmate when he or she meet one.
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by meine: 1:10pm On Nov 06, 2013
dad007: Uhmmmm,you just remind me of myself...I found my lady on august,three months later we got married.My marriage is almost 4 yrs now,I am a happy man...Anyway,is not how long you stay in a relationship that really mata,I think is far,far more than that.Infact,in some cases,the longer the relationship,the less the apattit to tie the nod.Please,be prayerful,cus it takes the will of God to have a good wife,or a good husband.And less I forget,it takes a twinkle of a second for someone to feel the impact of a soulmate when he or she meet one.

Yes it is possible. I have concluded that the quality of the courtship is more important than the quantity or length of time. Also, A strong foundation built on mutual trust and respect is much more important.
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by eeewise(m): 1:14pm On Nov 06, 2013
They re 2 types of decisions,decisions by information or by revelation.IN MY OPINION I feel u hav reasonable info abt her.all u need is to spend time prayin to knw Gods will and propose.length of courtship isn't a determinant of wether a marriage wud work,u can't predict how pple wud act years frm now.life changes pple and everytin,so I say pray ,know Gods will and propose
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by eripecs(f): 2:08pm On Nov 06, 2013
It is not the number of years you spend in courtship that determines a successful marriage. Rather, it is your determination to make the marriage work. Some call it luck, chance or fate but i call it mercy. Life can be funny. The people you think cant have happy homes eventually do while those you think have everything to make happy homes disappoint expectations.

You didn't specify your age. From gathered experiences, women don't have problem with age difference but the man who always feels the woman is proud and in control in the long run. Will you be able to bear with her unknown weaknesses without attributing it to pride(her age)? Am not good at writing long posts. In sum, both of you should sit down and discuss your fears. Decide on how you can have a happy home and work towards achieving that goal.

Have the believe that you'll have a happy marriage irrespective of who you eventually get married to. You won't make mistake in Jesus name. Amen.

1 Like

Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by duni04(m): 2:28pm On Nov 06, 2013
OP better wait till at least, nxt December to avoid making any stupid mistakes. Everything is rosy now cos uv only known her for 3months! You know someone for 3months and you think you know it all? In Lagos for that matter! God help you bro! lipsrsealed
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by Winneygirl(f): 4:09pm On Nov 06, 2013
You do not know enough about her to marry her. Don't be in a rush. Take your time and know her better.
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by soulglo: 5:17pm On Nov 06, 2013
Please leave her alone. You will drive her crazy. You are already talking about things you would like to change in her. You are the one who needs to change. You don't go into a marriage thinking about the changes you want to make in the other person. You should be thinking of what you can do for her just not what you can change about her to make her meet your standards. You said she runs two businesses but did not say what you do. What do you do for a living?
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by baby124: 5:24pm On Nov 06, 2013
The question is how long can we really know anyone. Do we really know people? Plus put in mind that people also change. Some behaviors you never thought they will exhibit, they start displaying. And some will stop bad habits. I dont think there is any set time to date or really know anyone. There are some things though that should be deal breakers or deal makers. As long as you are being real with yourself and objective all the way. She seems to match you career wise and financially, which is a good thing. Talk to her about it, you are both a mature couple. And ask her about her expectations as well. Also ask yourself if you are the right person for her, and if you are ready to be committed to being a good father and husband. Some people marry in a few weeks and stay together forever, some do and break up in a week. Some people date for 10years and end up divorcing in a week. It is relative. For a mature couple though, i dont think it is necessary to really waste time if you know what you want. However, if one person is very young, i think the older should date for at least a year. Young people are still discovering themselves. You dont want to get hitched when they are in their numerous experimental phases. Goodluck OP
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by Gboliwe: 6:18pm On Nov 06, 2013
meine:

You don't need to insult the OP if he is messing up its better to educate him. grin Its cos of members like you that people don't bring their issues to nairaland.

We definitely use different dictionaries. I have not insulted the thread starter.
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by bebe2(f): 6:33pm On Nov 06, 2013
Gboliwe:

We definitely use different dictionaries. I have not insulted the thread starter.



ehhhhh,
asking a 33yr old man to grow up ITS AN INSULT!!
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by Chinwem(f): 7:01pm On Nov 06, 2013
Take it to God in prayer
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by Gboliwe: 7:22pm On Nov 06, 2013
bebe2:



ehhhhh,
asking a 33yr old man to grow up ITS AN INSULT!!
lol. Thought you guys say 'age is just a number'? My dear sister(s), let us stay on topic. Give your advice and move on.
That a man is 33years old doesnt make him mature. I and i'm sure you have seen or heard of 20year olds and less who are more mature emotionally, psychologically etc than 40year olds. When I said 'grow up' I didnt even know his age.
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by meine: 7:31pm On Nov 06, 2013
Gboliwe:
lol. Thought you guys say 'age is just a number'? My dear sister(s), let us stay on topic. Give your advice and move on.
That a man is 33years old doesnt make him mature. I and i'm sure you have seen or heard of 20year olds and less who are more mature emotionally, psychologically etc than 40year olds. When I said 'grow up' I didnt even know his age.

Admit you goofed,you didnt read OP's case before you opened your loud mouth. @Poster there are many 16 year old boys on nairaland and ASUU isnt helping their matter,dont bring this kinda serious issue here again o. Thank God you didnt hear End time T lipsrsealed grin
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by Gboliwe: 7:58pm On Nov 06, 2013
meine:

Admit you goofed,you didnt read OP's case before you opened your loud mouth. @Poster there are many 16 year old boys on nairaland and ASUU isnt helping their matter,dont bring this kinda serious issue here again o. Thank God you didnt hear End time T lipsrsealed grin
if you feel better after making the above quoted post, we are cool. tongue

@OP: grow up

*unfollows thread*
Re: Dilemma Of A Bachelor: Should I Marry Her Or Wait It Out? by dBard: 8:35am On Nov 07, 2013
Give it @ least 6 months. .
A word is enuff f d wise

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