armyofone: It is only in Africa that men like that go unpunished.

Currently in the news is an American doctor who killed his very beautiful wife to marry Gypsy his mistress. Shortly after the wife died Gypsy was interviewed by the guy to become the children's nanny (so they can continue their rompy business).
The children are testifying now that their dad killed their mom.

I love American Justice.

Shows violence is universal

RIP to d dead.


Let us analyse this w'out sentiments.
Let's use these scenerio.
A. A woman who denies hubby lv making.
B. A nagging wife
C. A lazy wife
D. An extravagant wife.

My analysis will be based on these afforementioned traits.
When u hv women like these and they push u to the wall, what do society want u to do? They will push and push u to the wall. Remember its still d same women that one of them want to use her slave gal's kidney for her daughter.

Hv u guys seen a wife who stripped down the husband in public with her mouth?
A prof(late now) in my school was sent packing by her wife(dr) bc of her wickedness. He converted his office to bedroom and kitchen.A prof. When he died, that was when d news circulated in school. Meanwhile the wife is this holier than thou kind of woman. A born again for that matter.

U c, women r not usually d victim most time. Most domestic violence against women r caused indirectly or directly by them and still yet, they r always the first to shout abuse meanwhile they ve pushed the man sooo teee he did the undoable.
This is d simple truth.

I was a bit in a rush else I would hv arranged that post well.

troy20: violence is intolerable but no man finds it anywhere easy or appealing to raise a hand on a woman even if they had an experience of abuse with their mothers.An abusive mother made that monster

My thoughts exactly

lorretta u: Is marriage a do or die affair? Why can't you just leave if your life is at stake? WTF
Ok now she's dead. Leaving behind those little kids she probably felt she was staying in the marriage for their sake.
I'm just too angry to type RIP. She can go to hell for all I care.

I know y'all are wondering what I'm ranting about. Phew. Our stupid neighbor down the street just let herself be killed by her husband this morning. I wonder what kind of Mrs I'd want to be if my life is at stake.
Until this morning I didn't even know she was his punching bag.and she was covering it so people will think they are happily married. Now she's going to be buried like a chicken all because she felt divorce is such a horrible thing. I bet death is better in her opinion.how desperate would a woman be to endure that kind of beating? He hit her so bad she was vomiting blood and was rushed to the hospital.she died enroute and trust the man he's nowhere to be found right now.

I'm sure before 6months he'll be happily married again to one his numerous mistresses(that was the cause of their marital problems.so I learned)

I'm just so sad and angry. So angry. I wanna hit something.

you can hit your laptop / phone screen.

baby_123:

You are very right. Women have failed in Nigeria when it comes to their boy children. For real. From choosing retards to be their husbands or baby fathers. And then teaching their men it is okay to be aggressive towards women. It starts from beating their siblings and onward. They equal respect with beating someone whom they feel is lower than them or a subordinate.

True.. Some women also complain about abusive husbands while they also guilty of verbally and physically abuse their own househelps, wards and apprentices. I watched a movie, mr and mrs a couple of months ago where the issue of abuse was addressed. Ironically, in this same movie, the so called victim(hers was emotional and verbal abuse) abused the househelp verbally and physically, but I guess the film makers thought it was okay for the woman to abuse the maid since she was a nobody.

They wanted to preach against abuse but only succeeded in preaching against marital abuse and not other forms of abuse, and this is what is happening in reality.

That's exactly what I had in mind. When I was making enquiries about the man today.cos I don't even know his surname or where he works for that matter(I'm a very indoorsy person in real life)I found out he used to abuse his own aged father.SMH. To the point of beating the poor old man. The poor dude was very heart-broken today.cos according to him this his daughter in-law was the light in his life. Now his silly son has killed the girl that was taking care of him. You can imagine a man who beats his old father.
I gave up.
Common. Why would a normal girl stay married to such a brute? I really blame her. I'd slap her corpse if I could.
Meanwhile the case if for the girl's relations to take to court if they so wish.

soul_glo:

They should go to the courts. It could be a long drawn out process especially in a place like Nigeria but people need to start exercising their rights in Nigeria. The laws are already there. There is nothing anyone can do if everyone folds their hands and does nothing about their situation. This is not a police issue. Regular citizens can do their part. You know the man's first and last name then put it up here. Circulate it on Facebook. Do you know where he works? Do you know what church he attends? Do you know what village he is from? Put it in a flyer with his name on it. Make flyers and staple it with his crime on every electric pole you see. Put his last known address. Put the name of the church he goes to. People will talk. Social media has helped solve crimes. Social media has forced people in government to act differently. Nothing is really a secret anymore. Please Nigerians should decide that they will be nobody's victim. You should not be made helpless. I hope there are people there who will get justice for her children.

lorretta u: That's exactly what I had in mind. When I was making enquiries about the man today.cos I don't even know his surname or where he works for that matter(I'm a very indoorsy person in real life)I found out he used to bause his own aged father.SMH. To the point of beating the poor old man. The poor dude was very heart-broken today.cos according to him this his daughter in-law was the light in his life. Now his silly son has killed the girl that was taking care of him. You can imagine a man who beats his old father.
I gave up.
Common. Why would a normal girl stay married to such a brute? I really blame her. I'd slap her corpse if I could.
Meanwhile the case if for the girl's relations to take to court if they so wish.

When it comes to murder, the case is out of the relatives hands. It now becomes a federal or state case. If doing the autopsy, the medical examiner can report the case to police and dia you are. Big wahala for the man. Except they cover it up and request no autopsy. It will really take a sick family to do such. Kids are better off not being raised with such a man. He should be in prison for murder.

Pls no body should try to give me reasons why a woman caused her own abuse. It's just inexcusable.
As for women maltreating their house helps, everybody condemns that.and there is serious fight in place to stop it.I wish that same fight will be in place to stop marital abuse.

As for mothers creating monsters. That really has me laughing. So men have no role to play in raising their kids? Really?
So they end up wife beaters and it's the mother's fault?
How about thinking they learned it from their brute fathers?
What exactly is the role of men in the family?
I'm really curious to know. (Cos I used to think great fathers raised greater sons) Or are they only sperm donors and money providers( which most of them aren't even doing anyway.)
They don't have parental and guidance roles to play? (I don't wanna think that)
Someone pls educate me

Since everything is now the fault of the woman.

lorretta u: Pls no body should try to give me reasons why a woman caused her own abuse. It's just inexcusable.
As for women maltreating their house helps, everybody condemns that.and there is serious fight in place to stop it.I wish that same fight will be in place to stop marital abuse.

As for mothers creating monsters. That really has me laughing. So men have no role to play in raising their kids? Really?
So they end up wife beaters and it's the mother's fault?
How about thinking they learned it from their brute fathers?
What exactly is the role of men in the family?
I'm really curious to know. (Cos I used to think great fathers raised greater sons) Or are they only sperm donors and money providers( which most of them aren't even doing anyway.)
They don't have parental and guidance roles to play? (I don't wanna think that)
Someone pls educate me

Since everything is now the fault of the woman.

Ur comments on Men is way out of line young lady "askin if men are just spearm donors"
To answer ur questions.....You have male family members,ask them ur nasty rude question.Am begining to think u are an Obnoxious Lady.


@topic......Men shldnt touch Women in anyway...
If a Womans insult gets to u...walk away

If you chose to misunderstand me,that's your cup of tea.
I've better things to worry about.
U can quote me again when you've re-read my post from a non-defensive POV.

luvable sam:

Ur comments on Men is way out of line young lady "askin if men are just spearm donors"
To answer ur questions.....You have male family members,ask them ur nasty rude question.Am begining to think u are an Obnoxious Lady.


@topic......Men shldnt touch Women in anyway...
If a Womans insult gets to u...walk away

Slowpois0n:

you can hit your laptop / phone screen.

not my sweet lappy neither my sexy phone. Lol

lorretta u: Pls no body should try to give me reasons why a woman caused her own abuse. It's just inexcusable.

Yes C, it's inexcusable but not entirely dismissive as well. There's is always the possibility of 'cause and effect' in marital abuse.

As for women maltreating their house helps, everybody condemns that.and there is serious fight in place to stop it.I wish that same fight will be in place to stop marital abuse.

Fighting marital abuse is a lot more difficult than that of helps. Because of the mentality of 'every woman shoud be able to bear any and everything in her marriage', not many abused women even have the guts to speak up on it, and at the same time, abused women don't come out of the house wearing signs or bruises because they want people to believe their marriage is God-made.
If this kind of abuse is still being covered up by the victims themselves, how do you expect there be a fight against it. It is only in extreem cases like that of your neighbour where we see the disastrous effects it.
Forget about that talk on how independent women can decide to come out of abusive relationships faster. It is not as easy as them single yet-to-be married ladies make it out to be.

As for mothers creating monsters. That really has me laughing. So men have no role to play in raising their kids? Really?
So they end up wife beaters and it's the mother's fault?
How about thinking they learned it from their brute fathers?
What exactly is the role of men in the family?
I'm really curious to know. (Cos I used to think great fathers raised greater sons) Or are they only sperm donors and money providers( which most of them aren't even doing anyway.)
They don't have parental and guidance roles to play? (I don't wanna think that)
Someone pls educate me

Since everything is now the fault of the woman.

Well you see C, this right here is one problem with the issue of marital abuse.
No one actually blames mothers for raising up their boys to become wife-beaters, I believe every adult is responsible for whatever it is they do. However, there is an atom of truth in the fact that most wife-beaters have some issues with self-esteem and insecurity. Others do have some form of animosity towards women, and this is probably birthed in their mother's style of discipline while they grew up.

As per your talk about the role of men in their child's upbringing, I know you know better, and not that I'm trying to side with the men-folk because of my gender, but using my upbringing as an explanation here, most men are always too busy to be around their kids all the time.
During my formative years, my mom was the disciplinarian because my dad was rarely around. He worked in another city and only came in every 2/3wks, and even when he worked in the same city, he still spent most of the time out of the house.
So its like you trying to fault a man for working to provide for his family. I mean its not like my mother didn't work too but when one has both parents as professionals in different fields, the woman still has to be the one to spend more time with her children.

Now back to the issue of wife-beaters, I believe it's always a cause and effect thing.
First of all, no woman should marry a man who has a strained relationship with his own mother.
No woman should marry a man who seems too controlling...trust me, an observant woman can tell this at the beginning phase of a relationship.
Women should try as much as possible to stay away from guys who seem too good to be true. YES I SAID SO! I can tell you that any man that shows no bad side of himself to you is not being real with you, and you may just find out when its too late.

Abusive marriages have too many derivatives to be blamed on just upbringing, insecurities and low self-esteem. If I were to list different examples of people I know in such relationships and their causes, I would type non-stop.
I think know your neighbour did wrong by hitting his now dead wife and I also know that he would pay for it either by facing the law or facing karmic justice.

StateOfMind: [/b]

True.. Some women also complain about abusive husbands while they also guilty of verbally and physically abuse their own househelps, wards and apprentices. I watched a movie, mr and mrs a couple of months ago where the issue of abuse was addressed. Ironically, in this same movie, the so called victim(hers was emotional and verbal abuse) abused the househelp verbally and physically, but I guess the film makers thought it was okay for the woman to abuse the maid since she was a nobody.

They wanted to preach against abuse but only succeeded in preaching against marital abuse and not other forms of abuse, and this is what is happening in reality.

Watched that movie too. That part spoilt it all. Nice movie though.

lorretta u: Pls no body should try to give me reasons why a woman caused her own abuse. It's just inexcusable.
As for women maltreating their house helps, everybody condemns that.and there is serious fight in place to stop it.I wish that same fight will be in place to stop marital abuse.

As for mothers creating monsters. That really has me laughing. So men have no role to play in raising their kids? Really?
So they end up wife beaters and it's the mother's fault?
How about thinking they learned it from their brute fathers?
What exactly is the role of men in the family?
I'm really curious to know. (Cos I used to think great fathers raised greater sons) Or are they only sperm donors and money providers( which most of them aren't even doing anyway.)
They don't have parental and guidance roles to play? (I don't wanna think that)
Someone pls educate me

Since everything is now the fault of the woman.

you call women battering of child helpers maltreatment? even when there are reported cases of murder thats hard not to be percieved as cold blooded?a man doesnt become a monster 4rm watching daddy abuse mumy.because that man will grow deep resentment for the dad instead and in most cases stop him go figure.that man could only develop resentment if he was abused and breeds that hate towards the source of his pain.that man...that monster today was physicaly,emotionaly,psycologically abused by a woman...a mother.women are capable of unimaginable evil.and you look like you have deep seethed hatred for men.

troy20:
you call women battering of child helpers maltreatment? even when there are reported cases of murder thats hard not to be percieved as cold blooded?a man doesnt become a monster 4rm watching daddy abuse mumy.because that man will grow deep resentment for the dad instead and in most cases stop him go figure.that man could only develop resentment if he was abused and breeds that hate towards the source of his pain.that man...that monster today was physicaly,emotionaly,psycologically abused by a woman...a mother.women are capable of unimaginable evil.and you look like you have deep seethed hatred for men.

The most powerful role model in a child's life is the parent of the same sex. The most well known example is Chris Brown whose mother let her boyfriend abuse her in presence of her son. Chris Brown later said that he hated the man so much he wished he had a gun as a kid. He wanted to kill him. Fast forward a couple of years in the future and he brutally assaults Rihanna even though the thought of a man putting his hands on his mother sent such a rage through him he wanted to murder the man. Does his mother have some responsibility? Sure. She taught her son that it is okay to stay with a man that did things like that thereby passing on the message that spousal abuse is not such a bad thing. At the end of the day the person we should focus on is the adult who chose to put his hands on someone else. I have never seen a man that came from a family were women were respected and treated no less than men that just get up and start hitting females. They usually learn it from their fathers or male figures of authority in their lives.

soul_glo:


The most powerful role model in a child's life is the parent of the same sex. The most well known example is Chris Brown whose mother let her boyfriend abuse her in presence of her son. Chris Brown later said that he hated the man so much he wished he had a gun as a kid. He wanted to kill him. Fast forward a couple of years in the future and he brutally assaults Rihanna even though the thought of a man putting his hands on his mother sent such a rage through him he wanted to murder the man. Does his mother have some responsibility? Sure. She taught her son that it is okay to stay with a man that did things like that thereby passing on the message that spousal abuse is not such a bad thing. At the end of the day the person we should focus on is the adult who chose to put his hands on someone else. I have never seen a man that came from a family were women were respected and treated no less than men that just get up and start hitting females. They usually learn it from their fathers or male figures of authority in their lives.

wel the human brain and mind dnt process things that way.as we grow we become more thoughtfull,logical, experienced...an adult wouldnt simply abuse a woman just because daddy did it to mum 20yrs ago.if i could still process things that way then i never left childhood.

troy20:
you call women battering of child helpers maltreatment? even when there are reported cases of murder thats hard not to be percieved as cold blooded?a man doesnt become a monster 4rm watching daddy abuse mumy.because that man will grow deep resentment for the dad instead and in most cases stop him go figure.that man could only develop resentment if he was abused and breeds that hate towards the source of his pain.that man...that monster today was physicaly,emotionaly,psycologically abused by a woman...a mother.women are capable of unimaginable evil.and you look like you have deep seethed hatred for men.

Actually its been proven that most boys who had abusive dads grew up saying they would never become that but they are actually more likely to end up as abusers because they were never taught proper conflict resolution so they end up venting by beating their wives just like their fathers. Same way most girls raised in abusive homes end up marrying abusive men like their fathers, they are used to controling men and after awhile they begin to think the way a man show's his love is by beating them. We are affected in life a lot more by what we see growing up than we realise and that is why it is important for such women to leave or else the cycle continues.

lorretta u: Is marriage a do or die affair? Why can't you just leave if your life is at stake? WTF
Ok now she's dead. Leaving behind those little kids she probably felt she was staying in the marriage for their sake.
I'm just too angry to type RIP. She can go to hell for all I care.

I know y'all are wondering what I'm ranting about. Phew. Our stupid neighbor down the street just let herself be killed by her husband this morning. I wonder what kind of Mrs I'd want to be if my life is at stake.
Until this morning I didn't even know she was his punching bag.and she was covering it so people will think they are happily married. Now she's going to be buried like a chicken all because she felt divorce is such a horrible thing. I bet death is better in her opinion.how desperate would a woman be to endure that kind of beating? He hit her so bad she was vomiting blood and was rushed to the hospital.she died enroute and trust the man he's nowhere to be found right now.

I'm sure before 6months he'll be happily married again to one his numerous mistresses(that was the cause of their marital problems.so I learned)

I'm just so sad and angry. So angry. I wanna hit something.

I feel your pain. All these Mrs 'till death do us part' can frustrate the crap out of me. I hope her spirit is at peace now that she has left her young children motherless.

As for all these rubbish spewing people spewing crap about what she must have done to deserve it, are you for real? Even in a case of murder, you can still come up with this crap? Someone even called a man that abuses his partner rational and sane? That's a laugh. If you are beating your partner because she is mouthing off to you and you continue doing it over and over, you are not 'rational and sane'. If you are comfortable with responding to arguments with a grown a*ss human being that you claim to love with physical violence, it is now the norm for you, you see no problem with it, you believe it is the appropriate response for the situation; you are neither rational nor sane.

If there is no other way but violence for the relationship, the reaction of the rational and sane person is to find their way out of the relationship. If you stay there and continue to happily batter the person under the guise that they said something annoying to you, you are a psycho, a lower animal, a deranged lunatic, a complete imbe*cile and a loser.

That is all.

Na today? the ones wey dem dey punch even before marriage still dey hia dey form adviser nowamagbe!!!!!!!!!!!!
@op, abuse is a serious problem. as young women, we dont know whats in front of us. we have to be alert spiritually & mentally

StateOfMind: [/b]

True.. Some women also complain about abusive husbands while they also guilty of verbally and physically abuse their own househelps, wards and apprentices. I watched a movie, mr and mrs a couple of months ago where the issue of abuse was addressed. Ironically, in this same movie, the so called victim(hers was emotional and verbal abuse) abused the househelp verbally and physically, but I guess the film makers thought it was okay for the woman to abuse the maid since she was a nobody.

They wanted to preach against abuse but only succeeded in preaching against marital abuse and not other forms of abuse, and this is what is happening in reality.

I watched that movie and I was embarrassed by that scene. Tells us we don't even come close to knowing what abuse is. These women would rather die in the marriages and transfer all aggression to house helps or their kids. Now I begin to wonder if they really stay for their kids or the status of being a Mrs. Somebody. Nigerian women are sick in the head. I would be scared if my brother comes home with a Nigerian woman from naija especially for real.

Most of them can see the signs but they will go ahead and marry such men.
The abuse in most cases started from dating.
>> www.nairaland.com/962884/single-ladies-stay-abusive-relationship

troy20:
wel the human brain and mind dnt process things that way.as we grow we become more thoughtfull,logical, experienced...an adult wouldnt simply abuse a woman just because daddy did it to mum 20yrs ago.if i could still process things that way then i never left childhood.

oh I see u, u turn every single post to try n make dis wat u thought it originally was 'a battle of d sexes' somehw all ur post must come down to it is finally d fault of women, When reasoning human beings finally point out to u dt it is usualyy abusive fathers that cr8t abusive sons(wch is d truth, u can read up abt d psychology of abusive men on d net) what u now say is 'human beings are meant to process things, anybody who is acting out of what his father did to his mother some yrs ago hs nt left childhood'.... Now tell me wen u were advocating that it is abusive mothers that raise abusive son did u ever think of it frm dis ur current POV that they are meant to hv outgrown it n process things better nw that they are grown up, in wch case d responsiblity for d action of d abuser falls solely on d abuser n not any parent? Oh No, u didnt but as soon as smone mentions dt it is d fault of abusive fathers u remember that human beings re meant to process things as they mature...

U know it is always good to call a spade a spade n not a long spoon or sth dt resembles a Spatula

crackhaus:
Yes C, it's inexcusable but not entirely dismissive as well. There's is always the possibility of 'cause and effect' in marital abuse.

Fighting marital abuse is a lot more difficult than that of helps. Because of the mentality of 'every woman shoud be able to bear any and everything in her marriage', not many abused women even have the guts to speak up on it, and at the same time, abused women don't come out of the house wearing signs or bruises because they want people to believe their marriage is God-made.
If this kind of abuse is still being covered up by the victims themselves, how do you expect there be a fight against it. this is why my thread is titled to awaken the sleeping females.I'm angry with women who tolerate such It is only in extreem cases like that of your neighbour where we see the disastrous effects it.
Forget about that talk on how independent women can decide to come out of abusive relationships faster. It is not as easy as them single yet-to-be married ladies make it out to be.when life is involved.honey it has to be done.our igbo people say "oso ndu adighi agwu ike" meaning the race for life is a non-tiring one.

Well you see C, this right here is one problem with the issue of marital abuse.
No one actually blames mothers for raising up their boys to become wife-beaters, I believe every adult is responsible for whatever it is they do. However, there is an atom of truth in the fact that most wife-beaters have some issues with self-esteem and insecurity. Others do have some form of animosity towards women, and this is probably birthed in their mother's style of discipline while they grew up.

As per your talk about the role of men in their child's upbringing, I know you know better,of course I know better hence my surprise at those trying to find a way to blame the mothers in this case and not that I'm trying to side with the men-folk because of my gender, but using my upbringing as an explanation here, most men are always too busy to be around their kids all the time.
During my formative years, my mom was the disciplinarian because my dad was rarely around. He worked in another city and only came in every 2/3wks, and even when he worked in the same city, he still spent most of the time out of the house.
So its like you trying to fault a man for working to provide for his family. I mean its not like my mother didn't work too but when one has both parents as professionals in different fields, the woman still has to be the one to spend more time with her children.

Now back to the issue of wife-beaters, I believe it's always a cause and effect thing.
First of all, no woman should marry a man who has a strained relationship with his own mother.
No woman should marry a man who seems too controlling...trust me, an observant woman can tell this at the beginning phase of a relationship.that's what this is about.to advise them to stay away from such men and in the case of already married women,to run for their lives
Women should try as much as possible to stay away from guys who seem too good to be true. YES I SAID SO! I can tell you that any man that shows no bad side of himself to you is not being real with you, and you may just find out when its too late.

Abusive marriages have too many derivatives to be blamed on just upbringing, insecurities and low self-esteem. tell them If I were to list different examples of people I know in such relationships and their causes, I would type non-stop.
I think know your neighbour did wrong by hitting his now dead wife and I also know that he would pay for it either by facing the law or facing karmic justice.

karma's too slow. Our justice system is too slow and often uneffective.

Pls explain your post. Thanks.

BarryX: Rantings! Rantings!! Rantings !!!
I don't fancy a situation where some obnoxious ladies view a scenerio along gender lines -- trumpeting a feminine style that is biased and unappealing.

Until we start thinking on what the other "rational" party feels before taking some harsh decisions, we might not be able to answer the battering dilemma that confront us daily in our society.

NOTE: Ain't holding brief for murder or battering as it were, but hoping we give fair" appraisals in situations between two rational/sane beings living together under marraige conditions before jumping into some hurried conclusions/judgement.

If I had a deep seated hatred for men like you so wisely know,my thread would probably be titled "why are nigerian men this wicked" I rather find it very upsetting that some women feel this is an OK part of marriage.hence my thread.
But you have to make it look like I created this thread to bash men
Begone with your pathetic attempts at making this a battle of the sexes thread.take it somewhere else.

troy20:
you call women battering of child helpers maltreatment? even when there are reported cases of murder thats hard not to be percieved as cold blooded?a man doesnt become a monster 4rm watching daddy abuse mumy.because that man will grow deep resentment for the dad instead and in most cases stop him go figure.that man could only develop resentment if he was abused and breeds that hate towards the source of his pain.that man...that monster today was physicaly,emotionaly,psycologically abused by a woman...a mother.women are capable of unimaginable evil.and you look like you have deep seethed hatred for men.

Chomzy19: oh I see u, u turn every single post to try n make dis wat u thought it originally was 'a battle of d sexes' somehw all ur post must come down to it is finally d fault of women, When reasoning human beings finally point out to u dt it is usualyy abusive fathers that cr8t abusive sons(wch is d truth, u can read up abt d psychology of abusive men on d net) what u now say is 'human beings are meant to process things, anybody who is acting out of what his father did to his mother some yrs ago hs nt left childhood'.... Now tell me wen u were advocating that it is abusive mothers that raise abusive son did u ever think of it frm dis ur current POV that they are meant to hv outgrown it n process things better nw that they are grown up, in wch case d responsiblity for d action of d abuser falls solely on d abuser n not any parent? Oh No, u didnt but as soon as smone mentions dt it is d fault of abusive fathers u remember that human beings re meant to process things as they mature...

U know it is always good to call a spade a spade n not a long spoon or sth dt resembles a Spatula

i arnt battling any sex now cause this is for real.seeing someone abuse another and being abused, hurt by someone most dear to you... a MOTHER for that matter has unequal effects.watching my mum being abused by my dad wont certainly guarantee i would end up wanting to copy.cause thats wat its is...COPY.But to be directly abused emotionally,psycologically leaves instead a deep painful scar.you react subconsciously towards the sex responsible for that pain.that is why we have alot of vindictive people who are possibly not aware of the degree of hurt they carry withing them.infact some psycological abuse can impair you for life.you reduce a man to nothing with your most foul tongue, you arouse his deep pain he reacts subconsciously angrily, defensively and even part fear and you just would not see all these reactions also as the products of your abuse? A mother made that monster.and while still in your shackles if you poke frankenstien with your electric rod now and again he will grawl.

jmoore: Most of them can see the signs but they will go ahead and marry such men.
The abuse in most cases started from dating.
>> www.nairaland.com/962884/single-ladies-stay-abusive-relationship

that's true.

I just read in another website where someone's husband raped a girl living with them, the girl has been taking sleeping pills due to her job.

The girl moved out immediately before telling the woman what happened.
Now the woman never doubts the girl because her husband rapes her at times she is not in the mood of having s ex.

My dear, if my own husband forces me to have s ex, it is a deed for legal action not to even talk of beating me up.

To each on there own jare.

Make Dem dey dia dey answer Endurance and Patience. My own name na Hapiness and Lovina.
This short life I come , I go come dey suffer again.

Aluu

soul_glo:


The most powerful role model in a child's life is the parent of the same sex. The most well known example is Chris Brown whose mother let her boyfriend abuse her in presence of her son. Chris Brown later said that he hated the man so much he wished he had a gun as a kid. He wanted to kill him. Fast forward a couple of years in the future and he brutally assaults Rihanna even though the thought of a man putting his hands on his mother sent such a rage through him he wanted to murder the man. Does his mother have some responsibility? Sure. She taught her son that it is okay to stay with a man that did things like that thereby passing on the message that spousal abuse is not such a bad thing. At the end of the day the person we should focus on is the adult who chose to put his hands on someone else. I have never seen a man that came from a family were women were respected and treated no less than men that just get up and start hitting females. They usually learn it from their fathers or male figures of authority in their lives.

I kinda like this, except that I still believe we can't quantify or qualify the reasons that would make a man become an abuser.
Okay here's another perspective to the issue of abuse;
Do you know that apart from physical abuse which is meant to inflict physical pain, there is such a thing as emotional abuse?
Like I said before, men who raise their hands on their women have more of an emotional undertone than just being brought up by a father who abused their mom or mother figure. This emotional undertone is seated along the lines of insecurity, self-esteem and a bruised ego.
In my opinion, no adult (male or female) should excuse a negative behaviour based on what they witnessed as kids.

Do you think a court of law would convict or acquit this man based on his story of how his papa beat his mama? Absolutely not!
What they would try to deliberate on would be his present state of mind as at when he beat his wife to death (Cause and Effect).
What fired him up? What got on his nerves?
Answers to these questions would almost always hedge on the man's insecurity, ego and self-esteem, which he would still serve jail time for because grown men/women should be able to show restraint on their reactions to percieved threats.

Don't get me wrong because I'm not trying to fault any gender here, but like I said before now, a woman should be able to tell when a man may become abusive and never marry him, at least not in Nigeria where family/civil laws have little or no clout in the constitution.

baby_123:

You are very right. Women have failed in Nigeria when it comes to their boy children. For real. From choosing retards to be their husbands or baby fathers. And then teaching their men it is okay to be aggressive towards women. It starts from beating their siblings and onward. They equal respect with beating someone whom they feel is lower than them or a subordinate.

Preach it