shokayz: What Is Sexy? – Sexy is defined differently depending on who you
are, what your cultural background is, and even
which country you live in. But often we’re
bombarded by images and messages of what we
should find sexy and how we should be to be
sexy. This week, we’re chatting about what sexy is and how to stop defining yourself by how the world sees youIf you’ve watched TV or picked up a magazine
recently, you know there are pictures of what sexy
is ‘supposed’ to be all around you. However, we’re
all different and find different things more and less
sexy than anyone else, which is good, other wise
we’d all be attracted to exactly the same things – and that would be both problematic and dull! Sexy,
more than anything else, is an attitude. Its not how
we look, what we wear or how fat, thin, short or tall
we are. If you are feeling good about yourself and
can strut your stuff, others will find that attractive.
Even if you are the most ‘gorgeous’ person, if you haven’t got the confidence to be yourself, its just
not going to be all that sexy. Believe it or not, all
models and celebrities have insecurities about their
looks from time to time. The pressure is on these
public figures even more because the world judges
and defines them only by the way they look. It’s true that sometimes we need to wear that drop-
dead gorgeous dress to feel good about ourselves,
or we need to wear a certain kind of make up or
brand of clothing to feel good. This isn’t necessarily
a bad thing as its good to look after yourself
physically and mentally and wearing nice clothes or making an effort for a special person or occasion
can makes us feel that we are looking ourselves.
But be careful not to just rely on fashion and your
outward appearance. There is a huge global multi-
million rand industry built around selling the notion
of what is sexy and making people feel they have to look a certain way or have particular accessories
in order to be taken seriously by their peers. This
leads to a lot of unhappiness all over the world. So,
don’t worry if you haven’t got the money to buy all
the latest gear. Develop confidence in yourself and
be brave enough to do your own thing. What defines ‘sexy’ is not the same from continent
to continent and culture to culture. Women from the
Kayan tribe in Thailand start wearing brass rings
around their necks from the age of five, adding
more and more as they get older and elongating
their necks, because a super long neck is considered elegant and sexy! tretched ear lobes.
lips and body scarring are other practices denoting
beauty in different communities, while Mauritanian
women are seen as more sexy the more
overweight they are, to the point that young girls
are sent by their parents to camps where they may be forced to eat up to 15,000 calories a day, in an
effort to “fatten them up”. Research show that both
men and women form ideas of what they find
“sexy”, according to media and fashion
stereotypes about sexiness. They notice people
around them who fit these stereotypes because that is what they have been told or shown means
“sexy”. This also differs very much from person to
person. Keep in mind that the media you consume
(the magazines you read, for instance, or the TV
shows you watch) will influence what you think is
sexy and attractive. Crossing many different cultures and peoples, the
following qualities appear to be rated as elements
of “sexiness” by many: a look of “mischief”-
laughter/naughtiness in the eyes, sophisticated
mysteriousness – elegant but edgy, relaxed
vulnerability – a childlike carefree attitude, being at ease in their own skin, wit and humour, lavish
sensuousness, signs of good health, heartfelt
sincerity, vitality and human warmth/empathy. Sex
appeal is all about attitude, the aura you give off
and making the most of what you’ve got. It’s the
way you walk or move or smile that tends to draw people’s attention to you in the first place and then
your ability to get into a conversation, seem friendly
and interested but not too intense, is what they see
next. Being fairly relaxed about your body is
generally much sexier than being uptight about it.
Constant self -monitoring and self commentary on whether you are too fat, thin, clever, stupid, etc. is
very off-putting to partners. Most people, male and female, when asked what
they find sexy in a partner, tend to focus more on
personality than physicality. It’s true that we tend to
have favourite bits of bodies, particular physical
attributes that we go for, but it is often much more
important that someone is intelligent, funny or sympathetic than that they look a certain way. We
are aware anyway that looks change over time and
with fashion. Most of the time, the pictures you see on billboards
and on magazines are not how people actually
look, in real life. Magazines and advertisements use
photoshop and other image enhancing tools to
instantly make models look slimmer, have a smaller
nose, look taller, or have perfect cheekbones. So chances are, the model you’re comparing yourself
to looks very different in real life! Don’t be so distracted by everything that’s sold to
you as sexy. Work it out for yourself and make up
your own mind. It’s much more interesting that
way and you are likely to focus on things that last
better for you and help you make relationships that
give you more. Try not to judge yourself by media images or other people’s comments, it can really
knock your sexual confidence which can then lead
to further difficulties. If a partner you like and trust
tells you they find you sexy, believe it and enjoy it!
Don’t spend your time discounting what they say
(“You’re only saying that to be kind to me….”). Tell others you find them sexy when you do, life is too
short not to and most people love a compliment. Of
course you can make changes to things like your
weight or your look if you want to, but concentrate
for the main part on thinking “This is what I’ve got,
I might as well make the most of it”. Remember, apology is a seriously unsexy thing and avoid
apologising for yourself and how you look at all
times!

Enegod:

NK@30:
n u hd to quote d whole damn thing for this