can't live with them can't live without them

but we are allowed to study them

well guys we talk about women

in relationships and we look at better ways

to understand and well amuse ourselves with their gist

9 Words Women Use

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is on e of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, 'cos they know it's true.

Tragedy of Men - Enjoy the humour

Thought 1

When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.

When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.

When we die, our widows get the life insurance.

What do women want to be liberated from?



Thought 2

The average man's life consists of:

Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,

Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end,

the mourners wondering too.



Thought 3

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."



The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.

The man was astonished.



He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take

one more step a car will run you over, and you will die."



The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening

around the corner, barely missing him.



The man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.



"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I

got married?"



Thought 4

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride

as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to groom.

They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her

father and placed some thing in his hand.



Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by bride.



The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something.



So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life.



Then he raises his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."



The whole audience including priest started laughing but not the poor groom.

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says "If you continue to behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

=================================================

Small Boy wrote to Father Christmas," send me a brother"

Father Christmas wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

=================================================

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

=================================================

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information , Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means,

"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

=================================================

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant and

Panic is when both are pregnant.

=================================================

Teacher: Do you know the importance of period?

Kid: Yes, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got

heart attack & our driver ran away.

=================================================

Some women asked a man who was travelling with six children, are all these kids yours??

Man replies; No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.

=================================================

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: What does yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Let's find yours!!

=================================================

A Son asks the difference between confidence and confidential.

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's

confidential!

=================================================

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should

talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom! Tell me, what you want to know.

Mother Faints,

EXPLAIN IT TO THE GORILLA

A married couple at the Zoo walks past the gorilla enclosure.
Says the woman: "Mark, do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behaviour Look, seeing that no one is looking, l'll expose one of my breasts to it and see how Hot it gets just as men do".

Mary then exposes one of her breasts, and, sure enough the gorilla begins to get a hard-on and grabs the bars of the enclosure as if it wanted to break free. "See - says the woman - "Now I know why you react the way you do, men can't control their animal insticts just like gorillas can't".

Says Mark: "Now expose both breasts and let us see what happens". The woman exposes both breasts to the gorilla and it gets very excited and is now desperately trying to escape from the enclosure. Says Mark: "This is incredible, now pull your skirt up, turn around and expose your bum to it and let us see what will happen"!!!

The woman pull her skirt up turns around with her bum to the gorilla which by now, extremely aroused, breaks free from the enclosure, grabs the woman and starts yanking the clothes off her.

The woman yells: "Mark, what do I do now? Please, help me"!!!
Mark replies: "Now give it one of the excuses that you usually give me:
* That you don't feel like it
* That you have a headache
* That you're tired
* That your throat is aching
* That it is still too early
* That I must understand you as a woman
* That you are depressed
* That you are in one of those days
* That you are having a very busy week
* That all you need is just to cuddle up
* That you're tensed up
* That you have to wake up very early tomorrow
* That you woke up very early today
* That you walked for long and your feet are aching
* That caresses and hugs is all that you want today
* That you're so tensed up that all you want is a good massage to make you relax
* That you feel like watching TV - That you don't wanna miss the soap
* That you're from the Hair salon and therefore you can't move and spoil your hair
Go on, explain all that to the gorilla and if it understands, if you can persuade it, then I promise you that from today on I'll accept your excuses"!

can you spot them!

feel free to share your experience



11. "The Undercover Ho" - This type of ho often goes unnoticed in the community, and can only be detected by a trained eye. She holds down a decent job during the day, but is secretly hoeing around with at least 5 different trifling men. Two of these men are married, and at least one of these men is dating her best f riend. !


10. "The Church Ho" - Her hair and nails is always done. This ho is in church every Sunday and carries a Bible with her at all times, but spends Tuesday through Saturday night of every week in a different club. She is sometimes mistaken for the Undercover Ho.




9. "High Class Ho" - (also known as the "Glamour Ho") - This type of ho rocks Prada and Versace, and only dates players, ballers, and hot callers. She is most often the cause of some fight in a club (i.e. Source Awards). She tries to act like she's got class but confuses regular English with Ebonics. She also has trouble with simple arithmetic.




8. "Old Ho" - The OLE Ho used to be tight "in her day," and thinks she still looks good for her age." She tries to wear all of the Soul Train fashions, thinking that she will blend in with the rest of the hunnies. You can find her at any club on any given night, gringding on the dance floor during any song, with any man, of any age.




7. "Nasty Ho" - This ho has not exactly been blessed in the looks department, but is usually very popular with the men for her other talents. Most often, she has a "tight" body and be found working in a strip club.




6. "Sneaky Ho" - The sneaky ho cannot be trusted in anyone's home or with anyone's man. Money and other personal items "turn up missing" not long after she's gone. She is always "dipped" and can never remember where she's purchased the coveted item of clothing. The Sneaky Ho aspires to be Undercover Ho but has already made too many enemies by stealing.




5. "Bourgeios Ho" - This type of ho is educated and professional woman with many credits to her name, she dresses well and has a sophisticated circle of friends. To the outside, these women are perfect, however these Ho's have multiple partners and sleep with married men like "Undercover Ho," perpetrate on Sunday like "Church Ho," get played by men just like "Stupid Ho," obsessed with name brands and status like "High Class Ho," and best of all, Bourgeois Ho looks do! w n on all the other Ho's.




4. "Project Ho" - This Ho is living ghetto faboulous, squeezing money and trinkets out of her drug dealing "babies daddies." She likes to fight, and you will most often hear her before you see her.




3. "Stupid Ho" - She is usually very cute. The Stupid Ho keeps a string of men who constantly come over after midnight for booty calls. They often return to eat her food, watch her cable, and borrow her car and/or money. She complain s about them to her friends (i.e., Sneaky Ho and Project Ho) but never does anything about it.




2. "Crazy Ho" - This is a popular ho. Although she is very smart, the Crazy Ho is virtually an upgrade from the Stupid Ho. She has the same terrible luck with men, but unlike the Stupid Ho, she seeks revenge. Her areas of expertise include slashing tires, keying cars, making prank calls from unlisted numbers, visiting the trifling man (or other Ho's) jobs, and appearing on Judge Mathis for any of the aforementioned activities.
And Finally!!




1. "The Stank Ho" - This is perhaps the most popular Ho of them all. the Stank Ho has appeared on shows such as Ricky Lake, Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones. She has eluded herself into believing that she is beautiful, ad she sleeps with everyone to justify it.Her choice of wardrobe most often includes spandex (of every color), bra tops, and stripper shoes. She has a permanent "unwashed" look about her that cannot be removed with any amount of water or soap

whats d story,. . . morning glory?

if you miss the point

i cant help u

An Amazing Love Story

He met her at a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he so normal, nobody paid
Attention to him.
At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee
Shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please; let me go home, suddenly he asked the waiter.
"Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."
Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.

She asked him curiously; why you have this hobby? He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, and I could
Feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my
Hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there". While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.
That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has
Responsibility of home.
Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful
beginning of their story.

They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such
A good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, and then they were living the happy life, And, every
Time she made coffee for him; she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said
To you---the salty coffee.
Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change
So I just went ahead.I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I
Was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything,
Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste, But I have had the salty
Coffee for my whole life!

Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you.
Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my
Whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".
Her tears made the letter totally wet.Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee?
It's sweet. She replied.

ariblaze:

if you miss the point

i can't help u

oh dear,please don't bother!

Please always lend a helping hand.




As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Wearing what can only be describes as rags, carrying every worldly possesion in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person' s condition.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling some long ago Sunday School admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,"

I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty.  

A small voice inside my head called out,  

"Reach out, reach out!"    



So I did, 

*  

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*  

*

*

*

*

*  



My court case has been set for the end of the month.

  >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

arianne:

oh dear,please don't bother!

i wont, to cumbersome anyways

ariblaze:

Please always lend a helping hand.




As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Wearing what can only be describes as rags, carrying every worldly possesion in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person' s condition.

Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.

Recalling some long ago Sunday School admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,"

I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.

Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty.  

A small voice inside my head called out,  

"Reach out, reach out!"    



So I did, 

My court case has been set for the end of the month.

 

Learn to be led by the REAL spirit of GOD

intun mo

relevance to thread

ehrmm ok

Ruby_Pearl:

ehrmm ok

smarty pants huh

Yes na, I'll take the smart part . Don't you think so?

i do

oops i forgot

you are one of them , the enemies(women)

Anyone trying to understand women is wasting their time.

@ariblaze
One of this days, you'll end up with the enemy, a woman.

So get ready for your arrows or swrod. You'll need it

chika98:

Anyone trying to understand women is wasting their time.

understand them

why ever would you attempt that

rather climb the everest, barefooted with just loin clothes

covering my privies


imagine trying to understand gamine

or see reason with redhotchick

maybe match viva's sex drive

what!

Ruby_Pearl:

@ariblaze
One of this days, you'll end up with the enemy, a woman.

So get ready for your arrows or swrod. You'll need it

i have me a customised woman

specially designed for me

she just looks like the enemy, but she all ally

well she doesnt know it yet sha

oops(scratch that , she reads this threads too)

Don't worry, Sisikill won't get to his thread

I want to be an ally too na!

lol, Just like someone trying to understand men is wasting their time.

Ruby_Pearl:

Don't worry, Sisikill won't get to his thread

I want to be an ally too na!

lol

you lost me

chika98:

lol, Just like someone trying to understand men is wasting their time.

nah we easy

between the peanuts and the belly

you got men covered

@ariblaze
Don't wish yourself bad luck

ariblaze:


nah we easy

between the peanuts and the belly

you got men covered

Na wetin una tink! Men are very hard to deal with. You just have to learn how to "deal" with them.

badluck?

lost me again

Nah badluck for wia?
Men aren't easy to deal with. A woman holds the family down not a man.

feminism at its best again