My wife is rude, unromantic, unapologetic and lazy. I finance the house 100% and bn faithful to her. Am abt taking a drastic decision. Pls help

Cool down. Talk to her. Counsel her. Teach her a few things IN A SOFT VOICE. Don't take any drastic decision now' Explore all avenues of making the family one. All the best.

Austinmoor: My wife is rude, unromantic, unapologetic and lazy. I finance the house 100% and bn faithful to her. Am abt taking a drastic decision. Pls help

let's hear from her...probably she is reacting to something cos i don't think she was like this and you went ahead to marry her. In the meantime cool down you hear.

Austinmoor: My wife is rude, unromantic, unapologetic and lazy. I finance the house 100% and bn faithful to her. Am abt taking a drastic decision. Pls help

Financing the house is not all there is to marriage. I am sure guess you have been starving her of the man she married. She needs you personally than the money.
How about giving her your attention? Spending some time with her and talking things over will do the trick.
After all, she is your wife and not any girlfriend.

@idnoble, i am quick to initiate peace eachtime we quarel. i've tried all known wisdom to relate wit her. The issue of finance is for those who might think she is d breadwinner

Austinmoor: @idnoble, i am quick to initiate peace eachtime we quarel. i've tried all known wisdom to relate wit her. The issue of finance is for those who might think she is d breadwinner

Is she getting enough of your presence?

She is all of the above yet you married her?

bellong: She is all of the above yet you married her?

exactly my point! but if not, then she is reacting to something.

Austinmoor: [b][/b][b][/b]My wife is rude, unromantic, unapologetic and lazy. I finance the house 100% and bn faithful to her. Am abt taking a drastic decision. Pls help

@bolded why is she like that to u her HUSBAND, or has she always been like that even b4 u married.
Pls wait B4 u take a drastic step.

I have tried to see any area am lacking (though am not a millionaire) but she is not accusing me of anything

Austinmoor: I have tried to see any area am lacking (though am not a millionaire) but she is not accusing me of anything

so u are a saint and she is a devil? the matter strong!

Attention yes am available(a family loving man). When there are issue that require her seeking peace and apologetic she becomes ill, therby getting my attention.

Austinmoor: Attention yes am available(a family loving man). When there are issue that require her seeking peace and apologetic she becomes ill, therby getting my attention.

i have always known that we reap what we sow in life...but since in ur case u sow good but are reaping bad then i take it she is sent to judge you for what you did in ur previous world who knows?

Austinmoor: Attention yes am available(a family loving man). When there are issue that require her seeking peace and apologetic she becomes ill, therby getting my attention.

Since most pple think u are starving her of ur presence. , lers here it, how many hours do u spend wut her a week? I mean just 2 of u, no kids, u remember how u dey wen una dey friend. Sit down in a quiet place, hold her hands wen u r walking etc

This attitude of hers is eroding my self esteem as a man. Many things are on my mind now but my faith as a Xtian...... the stress affecting me

@bebe2, my thinking at times is that i am too available to her. For over a year now am away for d 1st time for 2wks at a stretch.

Was she like this when u were dating or early marriage ?
Two post of urs seems to emphasize about how good u r spending more to take care of the family . I would be very curious to hear her side of the story .
Like everyone is asking , do you spend QUALITY time with her ? Or you only talk with her when u r about to issue a command or correct a mistake

Bros,

Tell us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. How long have you been married and when did she start behaving this way? In your own mind, can you tell us why you think she is behaving this way? You really cannot say you have no clue why she has suddenly changed, except of cause you married her that way which means you should not be complaining.

Rude - why is she rude and what is your definition of rude? Does she insult you to your face or she just does not do everything you tell her to do? Or do you insult her and she insults you back?

Unromantic - why is she unromantic? Are you romantic yourself? Do you now have children and she is joggling many things? Does she have a help at home and do you help her? Do you tell her all those sweet words you used to?

Unapologetic - people apologise when they have done something wrong. How often does she apologise and how often do you demand an apology. Remember, its never nice if she is always apologising. You have to look for a mature way of resolving conflicts

Lazy - in what terms? Does she have a job or is she a stay at home mum? Is the house always untidy and do you help her out in any way?

Poster, tell us the truth, this is your wife, a woman you genuinely love and honestly speaking, you should not even use those words to describe your wife.

Well,dayuuummmm! I dont have anything to say

@Nashville, we didnt marry ourselves as perfect beings but we expect improvement of character over time. We have been married over 5yrs and 2kids.

Go on..
That's not all he asked. We all want to look for a way to help you. You said she's rude,unromantic or unapologetic. We can't advice you to divorce her based on that

We can't you advise to seek comfort outside.
So telling us exactly what's wrong and giving a few case scenarios of what she does that is rude, unromantic and unapologetic to you can help us advise you better.

Austinmoor: @Nashville, we didnt marry ourselves as perfect beings but we expect improvement of character over time. We have been married over 5yrs and 2kids.

@ OP. Your wife is wetin? Bros, go stockpile lots of dat defence shield called "PATIENCE" u need am bad bad if u want 2 remain in any marriage. I can almost tell u more is still 2 come frm ur wifey.
Brace up man. Welcome on board.

If she only started acting this way recently, she might just be trying to pass a message. It's ur job to find out what the message is..

She gets sick when you quarrel thereby inviting your attention.....I think you're the one who is unromantic here. It seems you quarrels often.......don't quote me.......telling each other off at every opportunity and since you're the overall breadwinner you can say whatever you like and later expect her to be romantic.......

Austinmoor: @bebe2, my thinking at times is that i am too available to her. For over a year now am away for d 1st time for 2wks at a stretch.

what!!!!!!!! Too available for your wife..... Who is feeding you this shiit? You think like a serial polygamist.....too available for the new wife that is why she is messing up now you need a change of scenery. If you have started the change in scenery and though the intention might be good..you'll find out you love it more and from there you start being unavailable to the detriment of your family life.

Thanks to everybody that have contributed. You ar sincere and ubiased. I'll make use of what i get here, Txs... no divorce, extra affair, separation, etc

Im sure thr is sumtin u are doing or failing to do dats making her behave in d way u described.
Do u constantly point out to her dat u pay her bills and feed her? Do u always put her down because she's the woman and u are "the man" who by d way is responsible for her upkeep? Do u make her feel wanted or u jst demand for intimacy because its ur right afterall u own her? U av to evaluate urself too. And do u help out with household chores despite d fact dat u pay her bills? I know u may feel like she's just sitting at home all day, bt bliv me, running a home is very tough and stressful.
Take her out and u guys should talk. Communication is the key.

my brother i understand u well. most people commenting in ur thread are not married men, their understanding. is based on how it should be not how it is. Many women behave like saint during courtship and change to loinless after. the worst is that they don't care how u feel when their is children involved in the union. i will not advice u to divorce her cos no one is perfect, just learn how to manage her mbok.

There's something your wife's trying to point your attention to and you should try to figure it out.
Try to talk with her when the mood is right.

Does your wife work?If she's a stay- at- home mum,she might be getting tired of that and transferring that frustration.

tellwisdom: So you didn't see all these before ?? . Uou must be busy looking at her Yansh while you forgot to take notice of her lifestyle

yimu. You that just notice physical something is giving such an advice.

OP,

Your only solution is communication if you still want to stay married to her. It is up to her to change if she agrees and sees reason, that all what you said are true. If they are. Also try to change what she may not like in you as well.