Nashville:

hopefully much better. People are advising break up today so that the couple will not need to divorce tomorrow. Divorce is 200 times more difficult and traumatic than break ups. Better to break up now than divorce after three kids. To wear a ring is easy; to take it off can be very hard! To live in misery and pain is the worst!

you are right but if everyone keeps breaking up because of one problem or the other then no relationship will survive because no relationship is devoid of problems. ..

People should break up only when they have tried settling the problem and it proved abortive and not whenever a problem comes up..

candy: @Op, I will not advise you to give up on your plans of marrying this man just like that, especially if there are a few things that are good about him. What I will suggest is to subtly reconcile with him without out rightly begging!

For a start, you can reply his birthday message and see if it will trigger another message. That way, you re-open communication channel between you two. If you go all out begging now, a lesser man will see it as a sign that he can do whatever he likes to you and you'll still come begging.

If you let him go without trying to make-up, believe me you may equally regret it! If really you were marrying him for the right reasons(not just because you felt your biological clock is ticking), then this is worth salvaging! Ball really is in your court

I second you jare..

Lerrie John: @ OP after the details you just gave I can sweetly tell you to think seriously before tying the knot with your fiancé. You both have a lot of work to do on your relationship. Seems he has little/no respect for you. In future keep your past to yourself that way it can't be used against you.

@ everyone quoting me seems y'all didn't read the part of my message that says clear things between yourselves before calling off the wedding. Whether OP decides to break up or not she has to close the chapter by talking to the guy about it, that way she can move on with certainty that her decision ( whatever it will be ) is the right choice.

I am also in a similar situation. You could check my post. My question here is what if the fiance does not give the opportunity for a reconciliation, closure, discussion, open doors to air things even if you both don't end up together? What if he just tells you good bye on the phone through a text message, how do you get the closure to move on?

@ OP It seems this guy has a thing against your age blc even in the birthday text he mentioned it. Pls how old is he? I hope he is not younger than you.

Amhappy: @ OP It seems this guy has a thing against your age blc even in the birthday text he mentioned it. Pls how old is he? I hope he is not younger than you.

guy is older!

Cosmass:

I am also in a similar situation. You could check my post. My question here is what if the fiance does not give the opportunity for a reconciliation, closure, discussion, open doors to air things even if you both don't end up together? What if he just tells you good bye on the phone through a text message, how do you get the closure to move on?

You give yourself closure inspite of the pain of not knowing what went wrong,you just keep moving on. You face the reality that a man who didn't value you enough has left you creating space for a better man. Closure is over rated. You have made this man too important to your life and next time you don't let any man treat you as less just because you want to marry. You too are important.

My dear somethings happen and you really wished you could turn back the hands of time. Now, it has happened, maybe you should see it as a blessing in disguise. Parents always want their kids to marry especially when they are of marriageable ages,you can't blame them, it is a 'thing of joy'. They wear the best clothes dance to the alter, entertain guest and are done. The kids are left to suffer in their marriages and for some who do not want to share what they are going through with family members, die in silence.

Look at it this way, a relationship that is supposed to still be driving you both crazy in a good way, has degenerated to insulting each others family, i don't know what could happen in the future, but as at the present moment, learn your lessons and move on. Access your relationship from the beginning to this present moment, is it worth keeping? If it is, forgive him, apologize to him and move on with the wedding. If there are red flags here and there, then it is not worth it. It is better the relationship ends now, than it, ending after you have tied the knot.

Whatever decision you make now, if it involves letting him go completely, call your parents immediately and tell them. Do not let it linger, they will be hurt and disappointed. But trust that they will get over it in time.

@ lorretta a 1000 likes jare! If he feels the op is old for him why did he not marry his younger swthrt but no cos Op is working so it wil benefit him more to marry a banker and not a student who wil be a liability to him yet u call ur wife to be a wh*re and insult d mum as well. If he cannot control his anger now maybe he wil use a pestle on her in future. This is verbal abuse next wil be physical abuse (God forbid sha).
@ faakay so because op is 31 she should practically beg a man to marry her even if it means she wil be humiliated and insulted everyday of her life,what shakara is the guy doing at this stage? The op knelt down in presence of the pastor and apologise yet he brought the unifrorms back and the insults continued. Why make it look as if the guy is actually doing the op a favour,cos I thought love is reciprocal and a mutual thing(Just my thought though).