Permit me to use a pseudonym for my friend of over 15 years - Kennedy. First, let me present the background of Alice (another pseudonym). Alice dated a guy sometimes in 2001. She was then in her late teens. Apparently she was literally swept off her feet, for one thing led to another faster than imagined, and she took in. Her parents, by the way, died some 3 years before this, and she was living with her elder sister.
In annoyance, her sister drove her out to go and meet the man who impregnated her. The guy had by then left Lagos for Abuja. Alice had to find her way to his place (despite never having been to Abuja before), only to discover the guy had countless irresponsible traits - womanizing, drugs etc, attributes she was blinded to before. The guy acknowledged he was responsible for the pregnancy, but made it clear he wasnt ready to be tied down by the baby or Alice.
After several abusive treatments, she was forced to return to Lagos. The sister drove her out, and she was forced to seek refuge in a church. Out of pity, the church attempted appealing to the man, and even went to the extent of sending a representative all the way to Abuja. the guy responded with disdain, and Alice had to accept her fate.
She gave birth to a baby boy in 2002. Her sister eventually, but grudgingly, accepted her back.
Enter Kennedy.
Kennedy met Alice by chance, and it was actually the boy Roland, who was then 4 months old, that caught all his attention. He actually adores children. Initially, Alice, who had developed DEEP-SEATED hatred for all men refused to allow Kennedy around, and often got wild and violent. Somehow, he was able to manage the situation. With time, he used to visit the home just to be with Roland. After much persuasion, Alice opened up on Roland's paternity, and kenneth encouraged her to put the incident behind her. He would buy pampers, baby food, etc, and it got to the extent that Roland could not do without Kenneth, and saw him as his real father.
I must emphasize here that Kenneth genuinely had no soft spot for Alice. His affection was totally for Roland. With time, however, they were both drawn together by the mutual love they had for Roland. They got married in 2004.
Now, the family has 2 additional kids, with Roland as the 1st born, and in primary school. It's a sweet family, like heaven on earth. Now the anticlimax is that early this year, the former guy suddenly began calling Alice's sister, that he wants his son. His family is also backing him, and they are attempting bringing gifts to seek the sister's face. This is like a big dent on the peace of the home, and with the memories of yesteryears, Alice is already having a nervous breakdown. So far, the guy has not been able to trace the location of the family, but he has the address of the sister. If subtle attempts fail, the guy may likely take a legal action. Kennedy, on the other hand, while ready to defend his family to the last drop of blood if necessary, wants to avoid much publicity to safe-guard the future of Roland & his siblings. This is the albatross they are in now. Please what advice will you give to help them? They can't imagine giving Roland up.

The guy must be out of his senses.for the fact that he did not marry your sister, claiming the child does not make any meaning. except your family want to give him the child willingly. and that will be the highest mistake you can ever make.
Follow him wisely.

Even though what that guy did is very bad, so callous of him, U cannot deny a child his true paternity. Let him know who his true father is and allow the father have some access to his son. But if he's so irrresponsible, then I don't think it's wise to hand d son over to him. As far as I'm concerned, no one can take care of a child like the mother would. If the boy is handed over to him, who'll take care of him? his family members, his new wife or his irresponsible self? None qualify.
But then, for the sake of family ties and the future, Kennedy should not claim paternity of a boy that is not his. He's done exceptionally well by bringing up Rolland like his own and God'll reward him for this but blood relations should not be severed.
A meeting should be held where all parties concerned should gather and sort things out amicably. Let Rolland live with his mum and stepdad but know that he has a father somewhere. An arrangement should be made for their (Roland and his dad)meeting and familiarisation. Give both of them a chance and let's allow nature take it's course.

Thanks, Ud4u & Zayhal. But I think things are slightly worse than you perceive. It's not that the 1st guy has now become responsible. No! (remember I mentioned he's into drugs). From what I gathered from Kennedy, it's like Alice's elder sister (for reasons only God knows) had actually over time kept in contact with the 1st guy. The sister herself told Alice that during the 2004 Traditional wedding, she put a call through to the guy and told him to speak with his son. Innocent Roland (then 2yrs) thought it was Kennedy, and excitedly blurted out "Daddy, Daddy!" The sister then finished the call by telling the guy to come and claim the child so her sister Alice can start family life afresh without elements of the past.

This incident caused a serious quarrel btw Alice and her elder sister ( who, by the way, is not yet married). Alice insisted her husband was content with adopting Roland, and the sister should therefore not bring any confusion to her home. She however promised not to establish the link again. Now 2008, the issues has reared its ugly head again.

Kennedy actually spoke to another lawyer friend of ours, who categorically said the biological father ( I hate to use that word!) will win the case should it reach the courts. But if you know this family, you will know it will be sheer heartlessness to prise out Roland. The bond btw him and his immediate younger sister ( who is 3 yrs old) is so strong that separating them will be suicidal. In fact, Alice said with the ordeal she went through during Roland's pregnancy, she may not survive if Roland is taken away from her.