A problem shared is half solved. Kindly advice my friend, what would he do? Here is his story.

When he was in the Polytechnic he met this fine girl which he said he truly loved but the girl in question said she wouldn't want to date any student at that particular moment because of her previous bitter experience.

6 years later they met again in Abuja after the guy had graduated and was serving, Meanwhile the lady was in her final yr at a distant learning institution. This time around the lady wanted relationship and the guy played along.

A year after the relationship the guy said he wants to back out from the relationship because the girl is now very fat and too heavy for his liking. He prefers a slimmer girl and right now the girl in question has really fell in love with him.

So he wants me to advice him how he could tell the girl to look for another man for marriage because every of his attempt to tell to reduce weight has always fall into her deaf ears. Besides, She has refused to take his advice like trying some exercises and to stop taking junk food like Bugger. meat pie, biscuits and so on.

Please Nairaland users my friend has a problem help him out. Thanks.

What can one say to this?

His words to her:

My dear _____ please understand that I am incapable of appreicaiting who you are as a person because I am stuck on the fact that you are overweight. I can only "love" someone who is skinny and you are far from it.

Please accept the fact that right now I am looking for a skinny woman to love, who may end up getting fat after we marry (because most women gain weight after marriage and children) and then I'll probably dump her as well and look for someone else.

I need someone who will arouse me and you are not it.

or maybe. . . .

I do not love you. I am sorry to have led you into this relationship under fals pretenses of marriage. Forgive me.

or. . .

After looking into myself, I now know what I want and unfortunately this relationship is not it. You deserve someone who will love you, the whole you, and nothing but you. I am not able to provide that. Please understand what I am saying to you.

Do not lead her on any more. Do not "flirt" with her, do not give her false hope of anything more than friendship. It would be cruel if he does.

I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for

There is no good way of ending a relationship. Someone will always get hurt. Better let the cat out of the bag before its too late. If not careful, that baby go soon carry belle o and that na the way nigerian girls they take tie guys down.

I had the same problem but not exactly. I realised that she was getting fat and I told her cos it was making me feel detarched (I like dem slim not skinny) but because she is so head strong, she did'nt listen and it went on until I could not take it anymore. Although I loved her then, I teased her about it and she got angry and said stuff she ought not have said and that was the begining of the end.

Bottom line..... If u cannot live with it, losse it fast and move ahead,Life is too short and fast 4 anyone to be sad about stuff you could change or avoid.

I still dey hail.

Thanks <snip>

Tell her that you are not into fat girls. Remind her that when you both met at first ,she wasn't fat. let her know that she is losing what attracted you to her in the first place and if shes really wants you she should do something about her weight unless ...............................

Simple, since he's tried to tell her that her getting too fat is not his taste and she refuses, that shows that if your friend continues in that relationship, he'll regret it.
Tell him to call her and sit her down probably for the last time and talk it over with her and if she is still recalcitrant, he should then tell her that it's over.
Frankly, they'll both get hurt coz of the love they share but with time, they'll both be grateful they let go.

The situation is not new to me but one thing i know is that before the commencement of the relationship, he should have examine the kind she was then. He would have know if she is someone that may grow fatter than he likes. He ought to have avoided that before now. It is not good to quit relationship cos it affects one's psycology. There are ways of getting slim somehow. He needs to sit her down so that at the day the guy will not be blame. Make Una Do it Jeje Ooooooo.

Ladies, why all this beef for the poor fellow, at least he is honest?

Look at it this way, by putting on weight, the lady may have changed the parameters of the relationship and the guy is entitled to reevaluate the basis of the relationship.  

This is for the ladies... what will you do if you discover that your boyfriend drinks and smokes heavily, and he refuses to change despite your efforts, will u marry him if u find those habits distasteful?

Weight for him maybe a fundamental issue, so why knock him, its his taste. What i expected was for the ladies to advise the fellow to talk to his girl and encourage her to slim down even if that means him exercising with her or even eating less.

Dont drink panadol for the girls headache, if the babe feels very strongly about the relationship, then she should be prepared to fight for her man and lose that weight, abi?

Klex,

What I see from the original post is that a man "loves" a woman and had originally planned on marrying her. Then, oops, she got fat. Now he no longer "loves" her. Did she get fat over night? Did he not see where she was going weight wise? Could he have not started exercising with her long before this point?

Where's the communication that supposedly takes place between two who are in a relationship? If he "loves" her then why is he telling her to simply move on because of her weight? If he "loved" her wouldn't he fight for her as well, not just her fighting to keep him?

My dear girl, If the brother does not lie what he see's now regardless of what was before, he has all the right to express homself and if he feels she had gotten to that stage were she now offences his taste, he should do what he needs to do and in this case..... hoop schotch and away......

My dear fellow,

Why is it that easy to hop, skip, and jump away from this woman with whom he has been in a relationship for this long. What was so wrong with him commenting about her weight gaining issue before it reached the point of offense to him?

Why didn't he open his mouth and speak up?

Why should he be let off so easily beause HER weight offends him?

There is a gap missing here. Was he not in a relationship with her? Weight does not come on overnight. It's a process. Did he not see it long before this point?

Love that focuses on your phisique as a pre-equisite for marriage isn't a perfect love.

Proof me wrong and I will tell what I know best.

Love that focuses on your physique as a pre-equisite for marriage is definitely wrong but being fat is unhealthy also.  Try hard to tell her to do something about it but if you cannot cope again after trying more, just tell her your feelings again because a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.

Do you have any idea how much work it takes to lose weight for someone who's naturally large? Do you know how many months or years of self-imposed suffering you're sentencing her to, all in the name of possible marriage? It's not likely that she's going to be able to pull it off, so break up with her as soon as possible so she can find someone who appreciates big women.

The problem is that women don't understand men: his love may not be as deep as you'd like to imagine.

If he says he loves me, he better mean it. And he better love all of me. Don't tell me, "I love you but. . ."

Like I said in my first response: Break up with her. She deserves someone who will love her for her; not someone who will put physical conditions on his "love."

this whole thing is an issue just cos women have to wait for guys to propose to them thats why men think they have a whole world of women to pick from; bad thing is that its actually a man's world sad as it is...

anyway bad as e bad i think she should just dump the loser and get the stepping, but still go ahead to do something about her weight cos forget that argument about feeling good about how look, a little less weight can make you look better apart from the fact that it's healthier.

Love endures all so it's either she agrees to slim down or it's over cos i dont really think the bro's ready for any dialogue(WHich aint true love)and i think he just hasnt got a better reason than this to say it's over.....Hmm No guts

Why must they stick to each other as if they were born for each other? Why must the guy stick with what he doesn't like in the name of love? Let the guy look for a Slim shady and let the girl also look for a Fat Papa.

Hey, weight doesn't matter in Love or relationship. If you really like that girl and you went as far as willing to marry her then I think you should see that same reason and remain in love. Does size really count? At least she wasnt as fat as that before; what you need to do is encourage her on a diet and exercise. She doesn't need you to run away because she is fat.

Moreover how fat is she? I do not advice you to go look for a slim shady because that means you have to start a fresh. Think of it.

I really appreciate all ur advice and suggestions. I really wanted to get enuf advice and suggestion for my guy before I print and forward them to him. But I really need to correct some impressions, Larry truly love his babe. U need to know what it means for a man to wait for a girl for good 7 yrs just to say YES I love u too.

The problem is that the lady in question wasn't a fatty type right from the start. Only God can explain why and how. On the other hand, Vexxy, I will like u to understand that every man/woman knows exact qualities he/she wants from a woman/a man he/she intends to get married to. I dont know whether u know anyone who doesn't appreciate phisique. But I am cock sure that not every woman would love to take KING KUNK for husband, even though is the only man in the universe. After all not all what ALLETS likes that YXXEV likes.

well i don't know what to say.

Can ask u a question?

How fat is this Gal in question?what size is she?

Does it matter how fat? what is fat for you may not be fat for another, so its relative. Since they are not married and the girl is adamant about doing something with her weight, I think the guy can have a review. There is no obligation at this stage of their relationship.

However, as someone said......the guy needs to weigh the options, start another courtship or marry a slim babe who is likely to grow fat (normally with women) after the 1st child?

I think its early to judge about fatness before the 1st or second baby. Guys, I ask you to look at the mum of the lady you are marrying upfront and decide, do you like that flabby old woman? if you do, go marry the girl. The mother is the mirror of the babe you are marrying and provides you the clue of what she becomes even if she looks like miss nigeria now.

hahahaahahha..

To some who say her physique doesn't matter, let us get it straight that it has started to matter for the guy in question, so why put his head into what he knows he wouldn't be happy with for the rest of his life?

Like I said: Break up.

Now if the one he marries ends up getting fat. . . .

Latoya, I have become a CID because of this serious issue in our hands.
With what I gathered she should be weighing 90 to 92kg

kenflavor:

Latoya, I have become a CID because of this serious issue in our hands.
With what I gathered she should be weighing 90 to 92kg

Yay! She be Sumo Wrestler?

Is it just me or is the guy in question dumb? Didn't he know that with time people change... I wonder if he'll ever get married. When his wife has 2 kids and she looks like his mom, I wanna know if he'll divorce her.

Anyways advice your friend to break the relationship now. he should not lead the girl on. The girl needs to go find real love, so please tell your friend to release the girl.

I agree with HA, that your friend has issues and he should go deal with them before any marriage commitment.

@hot-angel and latoya, why say he should deal with that problem? See, that's what he's already dealing with and I don't agree that every woman would look soo big after marriage and subsequently after child birth coz there are some who don't. Maybe that's what the guy wants.