Letter to NEPA

September 17, 2008
The Area Manager,
NEPA,
Lagos

Dear Sir,
COMPLAINT ABOUT YOUR SERVICES
I am writing to you with a deep sense of humility and gentleness. I
consider this a great opportunity to communicate with an entity as
awe-inspiring as you. Firstly, I bring greetings to you from residents of
my area in Lagos.

As a dutiful citizen, I consider this letter as part of my civic
responsibilities. Great countries comprise of citizens who are alive to
their responsibilities. As a famous musician once said, "Ask not what
your country can eat from you but what you can eat from your country."

I have benefited immensely from this country; therefore I have decided to
give back.

I want to bring to your notice some strange occurrences which have been
happening in my area.



I want to sadly inform you that in the last 2 weeks, electricity has been
stable. In other words, we sleep and wake up with electricity, we go to
work and come back and electricity is still running. This is terribly new
and It has added DANGEROUS development in the lives of residents of my
area. This is something we are not used to. There is too much electricity
for us to handle. In the first week of constant electricity, I started
acting strangely. I ironed all my clothes because I didn't know when
'light' will be impounded on your orders. After 2 days, the 'light' was
still there. Therefore, I proceeded to re-iron the ironed clothes. My
fridge which had not seen '4 hours' of constant light for months suddenly
started freezing. In order to enjoy the maximum effects of
refridgeration, I have decided to be drinking 20 cups of cold water
before I go to sleep. Once I finish a cup, I put the bottle back into the
fridge. After 10 minutes, the water cools and I drink. I just don't know
what to do. All the Ceiling fans in my house have been switched on
alongside my AC. My deck is playing at a high level. My life is now in
state of chaos because of constant 'light'. My TV and VCD player are
complaining of high blood pressure, as they have been terribly overworked
in the last few weeks. Half of my light bulbs have gone on strike to
protest their resurrection from blissful death.

All the customers in the beer parlour beside my house are complaining
that the beer is too cold and wants to destroy their teeth. Even the rats
and cockroaches are complaining that human assailants find it easier to
track and exterminate them under electric light than under candlelight.

All the witches and wizards that regularly visited me in my sleep have
suddenly taken flight in the presence of "light". Now I have to review my
membership of MFM (Mountain of Fire and Miracles) since their work has
been done. Can you imagine what will happen to the membership of churches
if constant 'light' persists? No more demons, meaning No more offerings!!
Kai!!!!!!!!!

With the above situation not abating, I decided to seek the reason behind
this strange situation. This task was made easy for me when I realised
that it was the work of saboteurs. Sabotage is the main reason for
anything going wrong or right in our country. Our elections were
sabotaged, our president's health is being sabotaged, and Obama's chances
of becoming the American President are being sabotaged by Nigerians.
Therefore this constant 'light' is the handiwork of saboteurs within your
work system. These disgruntled individuals are enemies of progress who
want you to miss your set targets. These enemies want you to score very
low on your KPI assessment. I realised this fact when I stumbled on a
document showing your Key Performance Indicators for every month. These
are:

1. Explosive growth in the amount of Candle-lit dinners and
balcony-bedrooms

2. Massive boom in the sales of Candles, torchlights, generators,
inverters and lanterns

3. Increased work place productivity due to Employees spending at least
16 hours at work because there is no light at home

4. Massive growth of Rock music fan clubs being aided by the endless
sound of generators that are switched on overnight.

5. Volume of human blood being sucked by mosquitoes unchallenged by
ceiling/standing fans

6. Incidence of heat rashes

7. Large Increase in naming ceremonies: When people have no light at
home, what else do they do with their time other than *******?


Sir, I strongly feel that the above achievements will not be possible if
we keep on having 'light'. The saboteurs in your workplace will make you
look stupid and incapable in front of your bosses. The repercussions of
this charade would be unbearable. This is why I am writing to you now. As
a responsible citizen, if I do not volunteer this information, I know
that I will be the one to suffer. The day you realise that I have been
enjoying endless light for 2 weeks, you will pay me back with 10 black
months. The end will be worse than the beginning, thereof. I am at a
crossroad. This is a major dilemma. Should I keep quiet? No I won't. This
is because Evil triumphs when Good Men keep silent. Your incompetent
staffs have left the light switch on and gone to sleep. I know you will
take back all that we have stolen from you but Please remember my house
in the day of recompense.

Your humble servant

Myself

Warm Regards,

lmcao!!!!!!!!

Lolest.
These nepa pple sef

na phcn no be nepa again ok, abi na olodo full here

wetin be olodo

teissys:

wetin be olodo

my african olodo simply mean agbaya any way olodo mean dull person

As in, mumu

my African queen how u take nderstand? any way u are right

Kenya qeen welcome to sponky's world

olodo na title for nija, if u be olodo that is u be corret guy or chick

Lol

That olodo title doesn't sound too appetizing to me. Anyways what's in that Sponky's world

hmm abeg mak ona no sell ma sugar candy oooo . . . .teisssy no just tak dat title oooo,i g o dey tel u d minin lata

~Rotfl~
Thank you aunty, I won't. That's why I love you

dats ma sweet niece

lmfao.

LOL!!! I would send that Letter to NEPA!!! Exactly that!




but with a fake name below it of course

Gabry:

LOL!!! I would send that Letter to NEPA!!! Exactly that!

but with a fake name below it of course

Sharrap!!! Winch

^ ^ ^ How rude!

No. Actually, I meant to say "hello"

is that how to say hello? Hey everybody good afternoon!

wats good about the afternoon, wen ive not been paid yet?

Sorry, I didn't know that idlers also get paid

Gabry:

LOL!!! I would send that Letter to NEPA!!! Exactly that!




but with a fake name below it of course

teissys:

Sharrap!!! Winch

Gabry:

^ ^ ^ How rude!

ROFLMAO gabby

teissys:

No. Actually, I meant to say "hello"

Hiss. . Sharrap there. . LMFAO

nicely drafted letter, good grammer and vocabs. Kudos mite

@Poster,  ur own better u get light for 2 weeks, but for us here we do not knw if it really exist if there shud be light in my area, a one year and six months child would scream with fright cus he/she has not seen anything like dat before and do u know what they are in our area supplying electricities to other people outside our area, but  charity they say begins at home .

I wept for Flexy

dani1luv:

Hiss. . Sharrap there. . LMFAO

Is that why I didn't see you in church yesterday??

Devil go church?

Ermmm. . . I forgot abt that

i wonder if u self nor get kpians

@ OP,
u worry o!    lol!

thanx teissys for bringing this back!