Of a truth, divorce is nothing but an easy way out of a troubled marriage even though it is not the best option. Some who divorced later regretted their action when they realize that what caused their divorce would have been fixed. It pains me whenever I read about failed marriages and minor issues that caused their marriage to fail.

One major cause of marriage breakdown is infidelity. It is pertinent to note that love among couple get soured when either or both parties start seen another man or woman. As a result of infidelity, their love gets divided and before long the love for their spouse gets soured. Couples should realize that there are no better men or women out there. When any of the couple begin to get involved in extra marital affairs, he or she may begin to compare his husband with that man or his wife with that lady. But when their marriage eventually collapses, it is then that they realize that the man/woman they divorced was far better than their present man/woman.

CURE FOR INFIDELITY: As infidelity is the major cause of marriage breakdown, solution is to ensure that you never get involved at all. If you have gotten involved, repent whole heartedly and seek the forgiveness of your spouse. And if your spouse seeks your forgiveness, ensure that you forgive him or her wholeheartedly. Moreover, remember your marriage vow and vow never to allow another man/woman to see your pant except your doctor.

Other ways to fix your marriage

Rekindle the love for each other: Love is the bed rock of every marriage, so you will agree with me, when love is blossoming among couple, they will never contemplate divorcing. The main reason for contemplating divorcing is because love for each other had soured.

When love gets soured among couple, other negative issues will begin to follow. So if the couples concerned will agree to sit down and examine what actually happened to their first love? One or both couple doesn’t get up one day and saw that his or her love got soured because it took time before it got soured. Anything that is alive keeps growing, so if your love for each other is not growing, you should do something about it before it gets soured.

Secondly, couple should sit together and critically look at the issues that are causing or bringing conflicts between them. The conflict may be as a result of things any of the couple are doing that is hurting the other party, once the person concerned stop doing those things, the conflicts will stop. Or it may be the good things any of the couple are doing before which the person has stopped doing now. You will see that the conflicts started when you stopped doing those things.

Thirdly, the couple should sit down together and take a sheet of paper and analyze what is causing them conflict: problem with some couple is that they are not open to one another, and such they are not intimate. Couple should take time to build intimacy for each other. I advice couple having trouble with their marriage to sit down and itemize things they like about their husband/wife and then things their husband/wife is doing that are hurting them or things they don’t like. Believe me, if couple are sincere with themselves, i.e. with each other, each start working on those things their partner wrote down which you are doing that are hurting him/her, things will surely improve.

Above all, practice forgiveness. Believe me, one of the reasons why some marriages end in divorce is because one or both couple has something against each other which they refuse to forgive. What is that thing that your partner did to you that is hurting you deeply? If you should sincerely forgive him/her from your heart, things will positively change. The problem is that in most cases, some partners keep repeating those things they found out that are hurting their partner. Most often some couple gets tired and frustrated of having to forgive their partner all the time.

Couples should Change the way they react to issues: If your partner refuses to change in doing things that are hurting you, you could change yourself in the way you react to those things? That way, you will no longer feel hurt if he/she do that thing, and with time you will found out that he/she did not know when he stopped doing those things.

Finally get committed to your marriage: problem with couples is that they are not committed to their marriage. If they are committed, many things they take offense will not be as they will ready to pay any prize to sustain their marriage.

Who said there are no better men and women outside marriage?
I hope forgiveness also applies when the woman cheats too.
Love can actually still break up a marriage when one party feels s/he cant bear the fact that the other went astray.

Some things once broken, can never be fixed.

The truth of the matter is, most people that get divorced especially those who divorce within the first five years or marriage, were never truly in love in the real sense of the word to begin with.

Gone are the days when our parents arranged our marital spouses for us and explained to us that love was all about sacrifice and 'the other person'. In a bid to be at par with the 20th and 21st century westerners , we now view those days as parochial and foolish. We now wait for the other person to love us instead of loving thatperson first.

Marriage now is fixated not on love but on what one partner can gain from the other person i.e she is sexy and intelligent, he has a car and a good job, he will be a good 'catch' etc. While focusing on these things which are the real objects of our affection we fail to know the real person, his likes and dislikes, her good and bad habits. Then when we enter marriage and the deal is sealed our eyes open and the complaining begins. As if you were forced to marry that person. As if you didn't know she couldn't cook, or that he enjoys his meals served the traditional way.

We now start trying to impose our ideals on that person, telling him to cook his food, that sex is not food, that her dressing is outdated etc. Of course its not easy for someone to change. That is where true love's patience would have come in. But since there was no love in the first place the other party becomes bitter and starts to nag and complain and go to social media to declare that she/he has married the devil. This is the same person you danced with smiling to the alter.

The next thing is to get encouragement to have a divorce. Divorce most times is actually an act of selfishness although these days it is painted as self empowerment. The kids suffer but you don't care, you have your life to live. The sadness inside you is drowned by going to parties and living a large lifestyle 'divorced and loving it'. You try so hard to show others you are doing well meanwhile you are not.

How I wish we could go back to the morals of our grandparents. They understood the value of family, togetherness, forgiveness and working things out. True African tradition had a ready format for good marriages. But of course in our blindness to follow the white man and his 'I don't care' attitude we refuse to see that.

Well said 5 minsmadness

At the core of it, being married and staying married is a choice.

OP strong points tho!
But LIFE COMES FIRST BEFORE MARRIAGE.....the dead don't abide by marital vows! STI(s) are real!
Still holding on to some unrepentant promiscuous spouse is like using a parachute amidst tornado....

for me, there are only two reasons to separated in a marriage- violence and continued infidelity. this is because any of the two can lead to loss of life. apart from that i believe EVERY issue can be resolved if the two are mature.

the truth is that the family in this generation has suffered the most forms of attack: from movies who paint marriage as some romantic love flirt to those music videos that show six unclad ladies dancing with a single man who is fully clothed giving the inpression that a ma can have as my girls as possible- so far he can pay for them. people now see divorce as the first option instead of it being the last resort. the society now approves single motherhood as a fashion statement.

if things are going to improve we need as individuals To go back to the basics and come to the understand that raising a family is the highest responsibility given to man and it is more important than a job, career, fame and making money. an old woman once said that the reason for her long marriage is that they are from a generation that fixes things when broken and not just throw them away.

byvan: Some things once broken, can never be fixed.

that ^ adage is for those that never loved each other; I believe a dictum that says: true love has a habit of coming back

LyndaRoyce: OP strong points tho!
But LIFE COMES FIRST BEFORE MARRIAGE.....the dead don't abide by marital vows! STI(s) are real!
Still holding on to some unrepentant promiscuous spouse is like using a parachute amidst tornado....

Exactly.

Domestic violence and infidelity are very good reasons for divorce. People will continue to make wrong choices of partners. If you made a wrong choice, you can correct yourself. This is where divorce come in.

Op, your points are very good BUT it only applies to people who are WILLING to make marriages work. Your tips are useless to people who cheat unrepentantly and for people who married for flimsy excuses. If only ONE person is trying his/her best to make the marriage work, it becomes a complete waste of time and effort. Let everyone get it right from the begining and people should stop giving in to pressure to get married because of age and other flimsy excuses.

5minsmadness: The truth of the matter is, most people that get divorced especially those who divorce within the first five years or marriage, were never truly in love in the real sense of the word to begin with.

Gone are the days when our parents arranged our marital spouses for us and explained to us that love was all about sacrifice and 'the other person'. In a bid to be at par with the 20th and 21st century westerners , we now view those days as parochial and foolish. We now wait for the other person to love us instead of loving thatperson first.

Marriage now is fixated not on love but on what one partner can gain from the other person i.e she is sexy and intelligent, he has a car and a good job, he will be a good 'catch' etc. While focusing on these things which are the real objects of our affection we fail to know the real person, his likes and dislikes, her good and bad habits. Then when we enter marriage and the deal is sealed our eyes open and the complaining begins. As if you were forced to marry that person. As if you didn't know she couldn't cook, or that he enjoys his meals served the traditional way.

We now start trying to impose our ideals on that person, telling him to cook his food, that sex is not food, that her dressing is outdated etc. Of course its not easy for someone to change. That is where true love's patience would have come in. But since there was no love in the first place the other party becomes bitter and starts to nag and complain and go to social media to declare that she/he has married the devil. This is the same person you danced with smiling to the alter.

The next thing is to get encouragement to have a divorce. Divorce most times is actually an act of[b] selfishness[/b] although these days it is painted as self empowerment. The kids suffer but you don't care, you have your life to live. The sadness inside you is drowned by going to parties and living a large lifestyle 'divorced and loving it'. You try so hard to show others you are doing well meanwhile you are not.

How I wish we could go back to the morals of our grandparents. They understood the value of family, togetherness, forgiveness and working things out. True African tradition had a ready format for good marriages. But of course in our blindness to follow the white man and his 'I don't care' attitude we refuse to see that.

interesting write up. i wouldn't have said it better.

Sophyrocks: Domestic violence and infidelity are very good reasons for divorce. People will continue to make wrong choices of partners. If you made a wrong choice, you can correct yourself. This is where divorce come in.

Op, your points are very good BUT it only applies to people who are WILLING to make marriages work. Your tips are useless to people who cheat unrepentantly and for people who married for flimsy excuses. If only ONE person is trying his/her best to make the marriage work, it becomes a complete waste of time and effort. Let everyone get it right from the begining and people should stop giving in to pressure to get married because of age and other flimsy excuses.

Yes ma'am!

Sometimes love isn't enough.
You can't just say this and that are the only reasons why a person should divorce simply because deal breakers differ by person.
What I can tolerate,A may not be able to stand for a second.Something frustrating can take its toll on a person if done repeatedly over years and at a point just become intolerable that the only way is out and truly as you pointed out we humans may just let things fester.

For some,a lazy man/woman who refuses to do anything to support the family may just become too hard to bear after many years and they just opt out..

How about absentee husband/wife married via photograph,only travels back once in 10 years for procreation purposes.
What of people who marry and after that discover spouse is impotent- knew all along and hid under 'chastity'..
How about marrying someone who disclosed AFTER marriage that she can't have children while you love kids and want a minimum of 6?

I know one who was dating a man that is a chronic liar.Even calls to update her about what he's doing at work,sometimes they'd leave for work together and he'd dress in tie and suit etc..She discovered he had no job.when the heat becomes much he now switches off his phones and becomes incommunicado for days before resurfacing with new tales.He even left her stranded at a bus station for hours claiming he was in Lagos while he was chilling in Abuja but he was updating her that he was on his way to pick her.I warned her and she ran but what about the next unfortunate person?

One size doesn't fit all,there are numerous reasons why even the most sensible people opt out.
Being happy and alive plus maintaining your sanity matter most.The thought of living in misery for uncountable years is just unbearable,so much so that some religious ones are now praying their spouses to heaven than opting out.Which one is more wicked?I dunno.

Key is to do your homework before signing the dotted lines but even at that you will still discover things about your spouse that may be hard to live with..

I just dunno,life in itself is just ...... I'm just rambling.My spouse just annoyed me,on my way to put rat trap at the door.muhehe

woky: that ^ adage is for those that never loved each other; I believe a dictum that says: true love has a habit of coming back

Love from here to the sky, some lines ones crossed, there is no return. Human emotions are subject to change depending on the surrounding circumstances. If you think that love is the magic word that resurrects the dead, good for you but I don't think so.

Divorce is a choice.
FREE WORLD!
Marriage is not for everyone.
Unfortunately, you can NEVER really find out till you GET IN THERE!!!!