leilah

please don't mind these detractors and don't let them change the course of the conversation. i admire you. it isn't easy for a white to be married to a nigerian man, and be willing to put in the effort it inevitably requires. the others have given you advice from experience no doubt. i wish u all the best. will throw in a prayer that the spell where he helps around the house lasts for a while before u need to worry about an au pair.

cheers!

akininNC:

Well this is where your argument falls flat. If you believe most Nigerian men go home to roost then you should not have married one. You have insulted all Nigerian women by saying they will shut up and take it. I can guarantee that you have not met that many Nigerians because if you have you would not be making all theses general statements.
I cannot imagine any man treating my sisters that way and expecting them to shut up and put up. You are half Jordanian and the same can be said about them but I know it is not true but I have taken the time to learn a little about the society. You cannot make general statements about a whole culture based on your very limited contact with a few people. You are educated and it is important for you to learn about the culture or else your relationship is destined to fail.
I stayed with my "white" wife for 20 years. Does that make me the rule or the exception? The same goes for my brother and sister. I can go on and list over twenty friends that I grew up with in Boston married to foreigners and still married, none of them have decided to go home to roost!

don't take offense with the lady. she is making the effort to adjust without letting it take her under, isn't she? at the end of the day, inspite of tolerance for everything underneath the sun, we will instinctively put our own survival above everyone else's. if that comes through in some of her statements, it doesnt make her a bad person or mean that she loves him less. she's just being human. remember that love won't erase the struggles she'll face in adjusting to some one else's culture. empathize with her. she hasn't insulted anyone IMHO. nigerian women DO put up and shut up. it would however be wrong to mistake it for weakness.

omoge:

a learning process.
by the way, osisi, can one freeze joloff and shrimp fried rice?

yes you can.
I've done it a few times when I run out of space in the refrigerator.
You can freeze virtually anything.
You can put jollof rice in freezer bags/I Quart ziplock bags and seal them well and freeze.
They can stay for a long time and as long as they're well sealed,when they defrost and you warm it up,it tastes like new.
I haven't tried it in a deep freezer though.

@ Iceblue

It is difficult to be married to anyone whether you are naija or from mars. What bothers me is the view she has that the problem is because she is married to a Nigerian. You could have the same conversation if he was from another country, it is not a nigerian issue. 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, are we going to blame them because of their culture? MARRIAGE IS DIFFICULT. I have to agree with her in some sense because she is married to a Nigerian hence her views are skewed towards that viewpoint. But all I am saying is that she should take the time to learn, try to learn from older Nigerian wives in her community and she will go a long way to having a happy and successful union.

@osisi
The trick to freezing anything is to make sure you remove as much air as possible prior to freezing if you plan on freezing for a long period. By removing, you limit freezer burn as well flavor contamination

akininNC:

Well this is where your argument falls flat. If you believe most Nigerian men go home to roost then you should not have married one.

akininNC,
I agree with you 100% on this. What is the point marrying a Nigerian man if this is how you fell about them ?

May be what Leilah is saying is that she didn't know this was how (according to her) Nigerian men were
before she got involved with one.

And as far as the advice given to Leilah by SimiBrazil, Any relationship not built on trust and honesty is doomed for failure.
If you ladies (Leilah and SimiBrazil) have these strong convictions about Nigerian men, Why do you get involved with them at all

@ Maxell
My point exactly, if you believe something will happen then it will, because you will see things that are not there. If you believe in your marriage then it should not matter that it is a Nigerian union or not. You have so much more to worry keeping a marriage together than creating more wahala for yourselves. Work on your marriage not you naija man!

I am traumatized.
Nigerian men ? God protected me !!! I don't want it NEVER MORE.

@ simibrazil
LOL. we're still good sef. how about pakistani and turkish guys who believe in honor killing? i'D be scared to date how much less marry anyone who's born with that cultural background.
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2002/02/0212_020212_honorkilling.html

akininNC:

@ Iceblue

It is difficult to be married to anyone whether you are naija or from mars. What bothers me is the view she has that the problem is because she is married to a Nigerian. You could have the same conversation if he was from another country, it is not a nigerian issue. 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, are we going to blame them because of their culture? MARRIAGE IS DIFFICULT. I have to agree with her in some sense because she is married to a Nigerian hence her views are skewed towards that viewpoint. But all I am saying is that she should take the time to learn, try to learn from older Nigerian wives in her community and she will go a long way to having a happy and successful union.

well she did that by coming here to ask for help, no? is it discriminatory to say for example that indians usually go home to roost? it's their way/preference as far as marriage is concerned (as well as a great many other things). most nigerian folk can live all their lives in a foreign land but don't want to be buried there. that goes also within nigeria. and they prefer their own women because we understand them better. we aren't as liberal minded as they are (which unfortunately is the reason they have such a high divorce rate). i wouldnt defend her if she'D said something derogatory or insulting. if she chooses to have back up plans for her marriage, i believe it is something most whites now have for their marriages, irrespective of the partner's country of origin. i'll say though i'm sorry to hear that.

the person i think who has a lesser opinion of nigerian men is simibrasil. unsure though if it's from experience or hearsay. i'D encourage her to think out of the box whites have put us in and judge each person on their individual merit. it's easy for us to put whites in neat little boxes too.

Iceblue

Horror happen around the whole world, here ? everyday
My naija is perfect , my first everything.
His only mistake is be the first born and he want and his family force him to get married with a naija woman
There are a lot of naija woman here and I dont see you better than me in nothing , but they are better to him because they shup up and put up when their husband make some kind of disgusting thing
I am not liberal either and lot of women not. What are y talking about ?

Dont get married with the man I love because culture issue is over much. Thats why I am traumatized and I dont want NIGERIAN nevermore. It is my think.

A lot of them are special and interesting, as example, Seun, the own of nairaland, but now I have trauma.

@ simibrazil
you've obviously never heard the words 'endurance' or 'patience' or 'perserverance'. that's what you people call 'put up and shut up'. if you knew what those words mean, you'll know it isn't necessarily weakness.

as for the rest of the crap you're spouting here - WHATEVER! we're not interested in your 'love' life, and whatever excuses your man has for not marrying you. keep it to yourself pls.

iceblue (f)

If I decide open the book of my life like almost everyone does here , I will , who are you to tell me this kind of nonsense ? whats the purpose of this site ? senseless

"the person i think who has a lesser opinion of nigerian men is simibrasil. unsure though if it's from experience or hearsay"
WHO WROTE IT ?

I gave you example that my naija is perfect for you understand that I don't have any kind of problem with nigerian men and I don't  think they are all it or that.
Y wrote bullshit and now re trying to be pose ? come on, look at yourself in the mirror.

you've obviously never heard the words 'endurance' or 'patience' or 'perserverance'.
My naija friends with aids and the ones who support kids from another women, knows well the meaning of these words.

weakness.
It can be for you. One thing is y think y re right , another thing is y think y thought is unique

as for the rest of the crap you're spouting here - WHATEVER! we're not interested in your 'love' life
Talk in your name and don't add others . Leilah, are you interested in my love life ?

keep it to yourself please.   
No, I wont keep nothing to myself. Ou favorite position was doggy style 

yes I suppose thats true Akin, no point in concentrating on the negative points. Simi I'm so sorry that you are traumatised. You will get over it in time. Not all Nigerian men are like that. I think it was just b'cos of his family.

Thanks Iceblue those are strong, encouraging words God Bless!

Akin means well and yes, i agree with you. I guess I don't have the stats afterall.

also, on another note if I lived in Jordan I would be dead by now!!! I'm not even going there, aome of those arab men are possessive phychotic maniacs. (xcuse my spelling)

Put it this way I would be buried about two years thats the sad reality doesnt bother me, i am well away from it. They are not bothered about me anyway. As handsome as they are I would not touch them with a 50ft barge pole.

Thanks Leilah, with age comes a little wisdom and I think I am little bit older than most of these posters. We should not confused a scorned woman with a concerned woman. I hope you have had a chance to have your heart to heart with your hubby and he is receptive to your ideas.

Speaking of African men, how about Obama and his prospects. The McCain camp is throwing everything at him. I wonder if Obama has to do dishes?

Hey Sim,


You said:

No, I wont keep nothing to myself. Ou favorite position was doggy style

Oh yes, doggy-doggy style and a good spank whilst at it always gets the looks of amazement and the response - ouch! what have you done that for?  I knew you would love that position anyway and I bet you are missing it, you sexy kitten LOL!!  Miaauww.   

Wait 'til I get my wicked ways with you hairy beaver and teach you a lesson on how to be nice to Nigerian men.  A lesson that you would never forget, just like what A-40 was going to teach Tara.  Hey hey! 



kiwi992.

YOU PEOPLE HAVE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER AT LEAST FOR MORE THAN 4 YEAR AS CLEAR STATED,I THINK THIS ISSUE SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN A THING OF THE PAST.MAY BE YOU NEED TO TELL HIM YOUR MIND IF YOU LOVE HIM AND I THINK HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO CORRECT HIMSELF.IF YOU HAVE FED UP WITH HIM,SEPARATION IS NOT THE BEST SOLUTION IF THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE THINKING.MAKE BEST OF YOU HAVE ,

kiwi992 (m)

How to be nice to a nigerian men ? teach now

lol

OP, why are you screaming?

Hey Sim,


You said:

How to be nice to a nigerian men ? teach now

Alright then.

Which lesson would you like first?  Would you rather I teach you how to be a rider or how to be a missionary that makes a rear entry whilst pushing a wheel barrow, side-by-side towards the stagecoach?

The last time I taught somebody on how to be a rider, she went to cloud nine ten (10) times in that session.  Sadly, my neighbours started complaining about the noise.  Would you like that?  I don't suppose you care about your neighbours that much or do you? 

The above is just a small sample of the lesson plan I've drawn up for you on how to be nice to Nigerian men.  Take your pick but I need to have your vital statistics to see if you are fit to take it all, in your stride.  LOL!!
   
Ready when you are.




kiwi992.

kiwi992

I was not talking about sex

Hey Sim,


Are you running scared now or what?

I thought that was what you wanted because my statement regarding 'how to be nice to Nigerian men' was a sexual innuendo.

I thought you would have figured that out.  I'm surprised that you didn't, meaning that you are still very naive when it comes to matters of this nature.

You totally got the wrong end of the stick!  Next time, please read between the lines.   




kiwi992.

kiwi992 (m)

I have already opened a threadned about it today, similar subject.

There are a lot of ways to be nice to Nigerian men despite of sex, here is family forum, so your focus were suppossed be familiar.

Go to sexuality forum and look for some threads that I made , as example:

- The art of suck abunna (Omoge had teached me this Abunna jooo)
- Licking pussy - steb by step
- How to make babe boy (once it is super important for nigerian women)
etc etc etc

and come here to tell me I am naive on this subjects 

Sim,


I give up on you.  You've got no sense of humour.




kiwi992.

kiwi992 (m)


better late than never

Simi moi it is cow abuna not real abuna

how are you dear, 

Hi, akininNC, I understand your reaction towards Leilah, remember she's gone thru a lot with her hubby and when a woman is unhappy som much can come from her mouth, Remember, its not because she doesnt love her husband, but she expects a little from him. Sincerely speaking, she is not asking for too much. As far as i am concerned its only a heartless man that would not give his wife a helping hand in the house.

For me, growing up, i really never used to do any chores, i am the 1st born, i did chores when i was only young when i grew up, i hadly ever did anything. But would that be permissive as an excuse for not assisting someone you say you love. All the knowledge we have acquired in our lives were gotten here, so for her husband not to want to learn anything just for the sake of making his wifey a bit more comfortable is totally unacceptable to me as a guy. Cooking he can learn, House chores he can learn. If his wife was to go on a training session for 3 months, tell if he would not take care of the house and cook. Sincerely, he is just overbearing.

tatooboy I agree, see when he tries he then gets tired and ends up the same again. its a big turn off, as much as I love him he cannot even boil water, his sister said he was always like this and it was the mother that raised him that way. I don't want to complain to him anymore.

As a lot of ladies said to me to make soup and stew on the weekend and that would keep. i have been doing that but he takes that out for his lunch at work too resulting in me cooking at home in the evenings again. men like this will never change and I just have to accept this. I cannot nag about it anymore as it might warrant trouble.

Rotflmao@ Endurance, perseverance and patience.

Yep, the measure of a woman is in her ability to bear prolonged hardship, her determined continuation with suffering and her capacity to wait for the situation to change.

In other parts of the world, this describes A FOOL, A MUGU, AN ODE, A slowpoke, A BRAINLESS TWIT but for Nigerians it is a Good Wife!

Yippie ki-yay!!
Huzzah!!!

I am a Nigerian woman, hear me rooooooaaar!!

I'm probably late on this but leilah is as selfish as women get and should be the last to complain about having an inconsiderate man. You save your own money and make him pay all the bills and yet you complain about being mistreated. You work 40 hours a week just to save the money for your own use?!?! If I was your man I would not bother about sweeping the floor or doing any other chores in the house.

Your marraige may never work if you don't change your attitude. And its not just Nigerian men, men in general don't like selfish ladies.

Try to talk to him about helping u at home cos u cant do everything by yourself working long hours ,cooking,cleaning and taking care of your kid.
sit him down when he is in a good mood and discuss this with him. let him do the things he can do better or even learn from u.cos personally i think its too much for u.he is in europe and married to one so therefore he has to learn to live the european way of life ,alot of men in africa now help there wives at home with kids and domestic work etc.

No n-gaue he chose to pay the rent himself b'because the Immigration require that he present the last six months worth of lodgements into the landlords a/c he wanted to do this to improve his chances of obtaining irish citizenship.

Some weeks, I'm lucky to get forty euro off him toward the foodstuffs.  i was getting welfare payments and getting everyting paid for all the rent etc. But he wanted me to sign off all that as he was afraid it would effect his naturalisation application.  So in reality, i could have stayed getting 400euro a week and work PT and get the rent paid for but as I have said no, he didn't want that.

I never said he paid ALL the bills. I pay the telephone and internet bill and he pays the TV/NTL bill. I am beginning to pay for most of the foodstuffs as he gives me forty euro towards them.