in washington NOT newyork(thank God) 2014
It’s spring in America’s unaffordablecapitol city, and chris evans ( the avenger no one gives a flying f*ck about) is being boring as usual when all of a sudden his conji-radar catches sight of a sweaty muscular super sexy chocolate anthony mackie jogging in slow motion( a tribute to homo fans)then just like an usher raymond music video chris evans smooths his way over to anthony mackie to lay the game proper guys watch and learn
chris evans
(Does a chris brown dance around girl routine)hey! i know you are running away from a cop but excuse me nigger i saw you from across the road
anthony mackie
Cop? Nigger? Chris brown dance routines? Is this because i am black?
chris evans
yea a little game we used to play in the 40s u mean they dont do "pick a nigger up" anymore?
anthony mackie
Er...........no
chris evans
yea right lemme guess burning crosses on niggers porches is now illegal
Anthony mackie
well actually it is a hate crime now!
Chris evans
really? what about niggers at the back of the bus No more niggers at the back of the bus?
Anthony mackie
damn no man what? Have you been like under a cave all these years
Chris evans
more like trapped in ice
Anthony mackie
whatever
Chris evans
So the black dude all those secret service agents escourt around washington isnt the presidents personal shoe shiner or something
anthony mackie
buddie that's the president
chris evans
Oh! My bad
Narrator
Marvel notice the audience falling asleep and deploys SCARLETT JOHANSSON and her lips ( the only good thing about this movie) to pick captain america up

scarlett johanssen
Yo, Chris! Its Time to suit up!
Narrator
They head to some luxury yacht which is actually a s.h.i.e.l.d navy workstation
French speaking terrorists have captured this vessel and are holding s.h.i.e.l.d's super spies hostage? Perhaps they are the trainees and b*tches of s.h.i.e.l.d

chris evans
Hey i got a padded black suit? Hope i Dont look fat in this?
scarlett johanssen
Yea we noticed superman no longer wears panties over tights anymore so we thought if getting rid of silly suits worked for man of steel perhaps it can work here besides its supposed to play "camouflage" during. That super secret thing you do which no one knows about
Chris evans
Hmmm camouflage got it now hand me that super shiny shield. Which makes the whole camouflaging excuse even more ridiculous. GERONIMO!
Narrator
Chris is able to kick the sh*t out of all the armed bad guys on board thanks to good old hollywood "wait for your turn when your predecessor is getting his arsse kicked"
But all of a sudden chris approaches a mini boss and becomes slow and stoopid because hollywood says so. Then scarlett johanssen risks getting captured or killed by sneaking into a room to download one of those hollywood american military secret files when she could have just assisted chris evans in regaining control of the ship

Dude from marvel agents of shield
surprise!you know how i am in that boring show agents of shield? Well check it out I am actually one of the hostages! Cause i work for s.h.i.e.l.d get it? Pretty neat right?
chris evans
rrrrrrriiiiiiight!
Dude from marvel agents of shield
(gasp) what? you dont know who i am? Oh i get it trapped in ice for 70 years probably never caught the show
chris evans
Well actually, No one catches that "24 wannabe" show

To be continued.......

Ahn! ahn! Winter soldier was a good movie nah! Abeg no spoil am for me i no dey read again lol

And I thought this dude died with NL?

This first part nothing hillarious,well I still believe you can better(kind of).

brothers: Ahn! ahn! Winter soldier was a good movie nah! Abeg no spoil am for me i no dey read again lol

too late he has ruined it for me already

@op who tell you say washington is unaffordable

friendlyadvice:

too late he has ruined it for me already

@op who tell you say washington is unaffordable

you dare ask me that kind of question

U know who i be? Two words Benin Boy dont be surprised if i tell you i have a relative in every continent

severee:

you dare ask me that kind of question

U know who i be? Two words Benin Boy dont be surprised if i tell you i have a relative in every continent

benin people wey sail pass jack sparrow i throwe salute

SMH this isnt even a political thread and you guyz are already tribalizing
Na only God fit save naija

brothers:

benin people wey sail pass jack sparrow i throwe salute

E don even reduce now at least if person wan travel out na either uk,us,canada,sa,malaysia or dubai but before omo you go hear of benin person go talk say e travel go finland or iceland or norway countries wey you no even knw say exist, na from benin guy i first hear about bosnia nah as in benin guys travel pass j.b

Honestly u need to see how am laughing now. O boy! after that spidy own now na captain, leave am u too funny.
But i thought the winter soldier was a good movie imo.

Csami: Honestly u need to see how am laughing now. O boy! after that spidy own now na captain, leave am u too funny.
But i thought the winter soldier was a good movie imo.

okay truth be told it was not spectacular but it was way better than spiderman 2 and was not as bad as i expected i was averagely entertained

but u know me, couldnt help myself

Narrator
chris spends his free timegetting laid, catching a movie hitting the gym. shooting some hoopsvisiting this depressing EXHIBIT about HIMSELF which is surprising considering how he didnt do sh*t to stop the alien/hydra invasion in the avengers,or WWII then some dude starts telling some plot details of part 1 for the benefit of those who missed that snorefest,the story probably bores chris so he heads back to shield HQ
Next we see
Samuel l jackson and some sexy models showing off the latest american government's reason for tax hikes, a helli-thingymagic capable of individually causing 9/11 X 10 in a matter of seconds,which they will never use

chris evans
What are these?
samuel l jackson
Some death machine robert downey jr. Created in iron man 2

chris evans
Robert downey jr. Still makes weapons? I thought he announced that he wasnt gonna make weapons in iron man1
samuel l jackson
Yea you know i never got that concept, he claimed he felt guilty for the lives taken by the weapons he created then he created a battle suit that shoots laisers. And fires missiles?runs on battery and is practically a drone, fighter jet ,armored tanker and cruise missile wrapped up in one death suit
chris evans
must be one of his jokes again You know how no one ever gets robert downey jr jokes
Anyway
I feel really uncomfortable with this new machine you guys acquired(2 seconds later) ah f*ck it we will be fine alright time to go see that hot honey from the park earlier
Narrator
Chris walks in on what looks like an alchoholics anonymous group therapy session but everyone is so cool about it like hey intruding peoples personal space and nosing into someones privacy is really hot.
Maybe its cos he is a celebrity or somethin

chris evans
(Mimmicking a lil anthony and the imperials dance routine)oh i think i am going out of my head yes i think i am going out of my head over youuuuuuu
Anthony mackie
Singing lil anthony and the imperials? You know You are kinda doing the racist thing again
Chris evans
My bad been trapped in ice for 70 years old habits die hard
Anthony mackie
*sigh* what do you want
Chris evans
I’m worried SHIELD just got 3 new helicarriers that work faster and more efficiently than i do and it makes me feel kinda inferior I feel like maybe I should retire.
anthony mackie
dont you dudes like have doctors for this sort of thing back at shield head quarters i mean isnt it kinda dangerous just mouthing off to an outsider about shield i could just knock you out and have samuel l jackson by the nuts then what you gonna do?
chris evans
Gosh, you’re right. Could you like forget i ever said anythin abt shield thanx black friend you are the best black friend ever
samuel l jackson
o yea?! I ma show you
Narrator
samuel l jackson is all of a sudden confronted by like a billion hollywood extras, samuel l jackson replaces their internal organs with bullets and punches. and he confronts sebastian stan with his badassery
sebastien stan
Yaaaaaaawn!(Kills samuel l jackson by sneezing on him)
Audience
ha ha very funny nick fury is dead? When is he coming back?
Chris evans
Coming back? He is dead
Audience
Yea right like we didnt get the memo that jesus the dead ressurector is on marvel's payroll
Chris evans
No seriously he is really dead look even scarllet johanssen is crying which is pretty wierd considering she never shows any sign of emotion in all her black widow movies even when one of those scary aliens from the avengers tried to r*pe her she was so cool about it
Samuel l jackson
Yea i noticed no one was really scared of the aliens everyone was just acting normal, passers by were watching and only running when things blew up or glass shattered around them , police were like just shooting and being lazy there were even fire fighters and U.S marines joining in the fight, shouldnt everyone have been like what da f*ck run around crazy? oops i mean erk!(Dies)
Scarllet johanssen
Oh Nooooo! I can’t believe he’s dead! He was about to give me a raise
Audience
hmmmmn i got my eye on you
chris evans
oh how i will try not to disappoint you
To be continued.....

@op ;S
Omo those guyz are lucky they are not seeing this them for don commit suicide by now

lanreajirobaju: @op ;S
Omo those guyz are lucky they are not seeing this them for don commit suicide by now

Hmmm that sounds like an idea anyone knows how i can get this to stan lee? Wanna give that dude a heart attack

Narrator
SHIELD HEADQUARTERS
Robert redford watches a ton of fugitive assassin movies and then forces its plot into the movie to finally get the movie started. he calls CHRIS to his office

Chris evans
i know i know you are here to fire me cause of the hellicarriers robert downey jr designed
Robert redford
I'm sorry what?
Chris evans
I mean they kill more people in mere seconds than i can kill in a week and..........
Robert redford
No i mean you said robert downey jr created those hellicarriers? Didnt his house like get blown up by the mandaarin last week? Are we still buying weapons to protect this country from a guy who can't protect his own house?How come its still business as usual at stark tech when their CEO is missing or perhaps dead? And why arent we even hunting down this mandaarin fellow? I mean he is in america right?
Chris evans
Well the mandaarin is iron man's arch nemesis just as the red skull is my arch nemesis according to hollywood you fight your arch nemesis alone while your friends act like they are in another dimension
Robert redford
That is so lame
Chris evans
Lame as a 100 year old counter terrorist agent who fights terrorism while wearing an uncle sam-like july 4th costume and carries metallic freebie?
Robert redford
*sigh* marvel
Chris evans
yea tell me about it
robert redford
Anyway i am not here to fire you i just wanted you to know that i am the new director of SHIELD
Chris evans
You mean the new villain? Its pretty obvious you even have hollywood corporate villain make-up and all
robert redford
Really my bad one second please(flips scripts) you're right who would have thought?
Audience
Everyone who has ever seen a hollywood movie
Robert redford
aii, Fine. F*ck it. I’m evil. You’re under arrest. I order all of SHIELD to hunt you down
Chris evans
Hmmn just like G.I joe retaliation. Wait a minute does SHIELD even have agents?
Robert redford
well they do today ATTACK!
Narrator
CHRIS is ambushed by wave after wave of SHIELD AGENTS (which makes you wonder why they initiated the avengers programme in the first place and why there werent waves of SHIELD agents protecting tony stark's home when he threatened the mandaarin) and Chris mops the floor with their butts as expected with karate chops he got from watching bourne movies
Next
CHRIS meets up with SCARLETT JOHANSSON(who isnt clobbering him for some reason) at a mall with an Apple Store(courtesy of steve jobs) so they can finally open that hollywood military super secret file they downloaded on the shield yatcht
Audience
Really?! A fugitive goes to a mall to open a flash drive? Couldnt they do it at home? Wait a minute does captain america even have a home? He sure never talks about it?
Chris evans
yep! Sexiest hobo ever after wolverine, bruce banner,sabretooth, punisher and all'em marvel knights
Marvel
remember kids there's nothing wrong in being a loser hobo it will only sky-rocket mortgage interest rates and probably torpedo the mortgage system and the economy not to mention take food out of your mouth but you will look cool when it happens just like captain america

Signed:
marvel management

Chris evans
Wow! That's pretty disturbing
Writers
Well that's what you get when you hire the writers of piece of sh*t movies like you kill me and thor dark world. Lol! Our last movie had a talking lion a warrior rat and perhaps a flying horse Trust me we've come a long way
Chris evans
gulp!
Writers
We could like put them in the screenplay if you like
Chris evans
No thanks i'm good(changing subject) so scarlett how's that flash drive going
scarlett johansson
Sh*t its encrypted. What do we do?
Chris evans
Well we could take it to felicity smoake i mean she can hack into anything in seconds
Scarlett johansson
and make me look like a red head no count assassin who is inevitably going to join oliver quin's disgusting long line of conquests? No thanks
Chris evans
You are right besides by now oliver quin might have hacked into SHIELD database and joined SHIELD to hunt me down you know he has like wiped his arsse with his father's notepad and basically just goes after anyone these days
Scarlett johansson
Oh wait we got this magic compass i got from the set of lord of the rings perhaps it could direct us to where to decrypt the file
chris evans
Ok!
scarlett johansson
(Looks at script) *rolling eyes* oh look SHIELD agents have tracked us to the mall we must kiss to hide our faces
chris evans
Wow! That's a very lame way to sneak in a romantic scene between us
Scarlett johansson
Yep its some bullsh*t tribute we are paying to the perverts in the audience going #teamScarlEvans kiss kiss
Chris evans
Yea i guess, but what about the SHIELD agents? Wont they notice us i mean public display of affection is not something you see in public everyday
scarlett johansson
Nah! They wont look cause they might get er ..............
Writers
i gat it. Boners
Scarlett johansson
Boners?
Writers
Well we could go for an even dumber logic like SHIELD Agents are like middle school 12 year olds who believe that watching two hot p*rnstar looklikes kiss might give them cooties?
Scarlett johansson
What da? Man f*ck reasons and logic man let's just kiss already
Chris evans
cover me boys i am going in
Narrator
They kiss
Scarlett johansson
Dude? i said kiss not fellate/r*pe my mouth
Chris evans
70 years trapped in ice havent gotten laid in a while
Scarlett johansson
Ew! WTF dude did i ask you for that gross detail? You know what? fine lets just do it again just little tongue this time
Narrator
Shield agents rush past them to get the new ipad air with usb port available for $499
Scarlett johansson
meaningless kiss disguise ever anyway
(ESCAPEs).
Narrator
Then they head to " NEW JERSEY" cause yea new york is so irresistible that they just got to get it in there even if it means settling for its nearby neighbour
Chris and scarlett search the abandoned army post where captain america was created in the first movie
[b]Audience
Really?! That still exists i guess tommy lee jones and haley atwell are still alive
Chris evans
nah they kicked the bucket before they could make it to the freezer besides it became the first headquarters for SHIELD after World War II. That's why the exposition department of this movie "exposes" those GLAMOUR SHOTS of all its FOUNDING MEMBERS on the F*CKING WALL
Audience
Meaning anyone who is mad @ big brother tapping their phone lines can simply stroll into the office of the most discreet spy agency in america and take a sh*t in their coffee maker?
chris evans
I guess, but the joke will be on them cos the post is abandoned
Audience
Hmmmn and their super secret computers were left behind? Some funny joke
Scarlett johansson
Yo, just for those jerks that are going to wonder how we got outta here in the next 2 minutes there is a secret door out the back of the facility. Right here
Audience
Alright now we shall try and act scared when the next action scene comes up
chris evans
Now let's try the flash drive on this rather ancient computers that have usb ports even though those werent available in the 70s lets hope no one picks on that
computerized dude
Got you covered, hey everyone I’ve downloaded my consciousness into this 1970s super computer! Now pick on THAT!
Audience

CHRIS EVANS
Thanks you are the best carry on
Computerized dude
You see when you like crashed that plane ( which you could easily turn around) and the soldiers had to win world war II without your help, SHIELD thought it was a good idea to not kill the remaining hydra scientists or even imprison them but rather employ them with heafty pay checks, health insurance,vacation allowance a house on the hill with social security and all but here's a twist
Audience
Hydra is now in charge of shield
Computerized dude
Damn you dont have to be a d*ck about it
Anyway we plan to establish world peace with a computer algorithm that predicts any man, woman, or child who might disrupt peace at a future date and stop them before they can commit this crime
Chris evans
What? That doesnt even make any sense how does it work?How could you possibly know the algorithm works? Who did you test it on
why Doesnt shield just employ fortune tellers rather than spending billions of dollars on a bullsh*t algorithm? cos that's way cheaper
Narrator
All of a sudden SHIELD gives a giant f*ck you to tax payers by sending a billion dollar cruise missile to destroy a billion dollar military facility which of course ...............misses chris evans
To be continued........

severee:
Chris evans
Wow! That's pretty disturbing
Writers
Well that's what you get when you hire the writers of piece of sh*t movies like you kill me and thor dark world. Lol! Our last movie had a talking lion a warrior rat and perhaps a flying horse Trust me we've come a long way

loooooool Chronicles of narnia abi?

op u be bastard you just dey waste your talent for here

severee:
Chris evans
yep! Sexiest hobo ever after wolverine, bruce banner,sabretooth, punisher and all'em marvel knights
Marvel
remember kids there's nothing wrong in being a loser hobo it will only sky-rocket mortgage interest rates and probably torpedo the mortgage system and the economy not to mention take food out of your mouth but you will look cool when it happens just like captain america

Signed:
marvel management

Ah my boyz don tell me say the movie no make sense omo na to steer clear man ,
It's not as if captain american tinz are good sef

thenairama: Ah my boyz don tell me say the movie no make sense omo na to steer clear man ,
It's not as if captain american tinz are good sef

Exactly! The cartoon o, the comic o the movies o captain america is not just an interesting character

severee:

Exactly! The cartoon o, the comic o the movies o captain america is not just an interesting character

Well you have to admit captain america first avenger was very good

MY GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU STILL DEY OMO SEUN DON PHUCK YOU UP? ALL YOUR SPIDERMAN ROBOCOP NA WA O
I DEY WAIT FOR THE REMAINING PART OF THIS ONE O!

Ready....

kobosmart:

Well you have to admit captain america first avenger was very good

ah! If that is the case i think first avenger was worse o
I don't just get it in the eighties marvel movies were just average maybe because they hadn't perfected their CGI then.
When they now started, their movies were good even fanstastic four try small
After that 2007 marvel just started making rubbish their movies stopped having plots, no character development, no realism or plausibility them own na just to show us people killing each other with the cheapest CGI possible SMH nowadays the best way to stand a marvel movie it's just to picture it as a comedy

severee:

ah! If that is the case i think first avenger was worse o
I don't just get it in the eighties marvel movies were just average maybe because they hadn't perfected their CGI then.
When they now started, their movies were good even fanstastic four try small
After that 2007 marvel just started making rubbish their movies stopped having plots, no character development, no realism or plausibility them own na just to show us people killing each other with the cheapest CGI possible SMH nowadays the best way to stand a marvel movie it's just to picture it as a comedy

Leave capt America o! That movie was very good. Assuming it was not ok by u, can u please list movies that were okay by u cos i wanna know where u are coming from with this.

yoji:
Leave capt America o! That movie was very good. Assuming it was not ok by u, can u please list movies that were okay by u cos i wanna know where u are coming from with this.

Y? So you can tell me how critics and fans didn't like those movies?

severee:

Y? So you can tell me how critics and fans didn't like those movies?

Lemme give u a movie liked by most fans and critics: terminator 2. Now by doing this, i put myself out there for criticism by anyone who thinks otherwise, that way, the conversation is complete.
You are just playing safe by rubbishing most of these movies without at least putting up the one that passes your criteria for a good movie.

yoji:
Lemme give u a movie liked by most fans and critics: terminator 2. Now by doing this, i put myself out there for criticism by anyone who thinks otherwise, that way, the conversation is complete.
You are just playing safe by rubbishing most of these movies without at least putting up the one that passes your criteria for a good movie.

What are we talking about?

severee:

What are we talking about?

GOOD QUESTION ME SEF WAN BE ASK AM
SO

yoji: Lemme give u a movie liked by most fans and critics: terminator 2. Now by doing this, i put myself out there for criticism by anyone who thinks otherwise, that way, the conversation is complete.
You are just playing safe by rubbishing most of these movies without at least putting up the one that passes your criteria for a good movie.

SO THIS AUTOMATICALLY MAKES WINTER SOLDIER A GOOD MOVIE? *SMH*

@op i just watch need for speed yesterday WTF? Omo i no go mind if you yab that film infact write this your tori for am i go pay you

brothers: @op i just watch need for speed yesterday WTF? Omo i no go mind if you yab that film infact write this your tori for am i go pay you

NFS has a movie?
didn't know dat why didn't they just stick to making video games
Fast and furious has already killed the chances of any racing movie success

severee:

NFS has a movie?
didn't know dat why didn't they just stick to making video games
Fast and furious has already killed the chances of any racing movie success

Op. where our continuation post go?

brothers: @op i just watch need for speed yesterday WTF? Omo i no go mind if you yab that film infact write this your tori for am i go pay you

Bros, that movie has something similar to the legend of Hercules. Those movies can send someone to sleep faster than sleeping pills. I and my roommate slept off while starting the two of them.

severee:
Exactly! The cartoon o, the comic o the movies o captain america is not just an interesting character

You know what i told ma friend while watching the avengers? I told him that Captain america isn't a character people relate with. He ain't that strong, intelligent, has no special ability, the guy is just useless to me. If someone like me should head S.H.I.E.L.D, i'ii poison him and just to make sure he's dead, i'll slit his throat then drown him.