THE HEAVENS—Saying they were reluctant to make the change but that budget pressures left them no other choice, divine sources announced Tuesday that the traditional promise of salvation would be reduced from eternity to 500 billion years. “To help us meet the rising cost of maintaining Heaven as a lavish kingdom of perfection for all penitent souls, we will now be limiting believers to afterlives consisting of half a trillion years, an amount of time we still feel is quite generous,”

Archangel Michael stated at a press conference revealing the changes, which are set to go into effect immediately and apply to all God-fearing peoples who are currently alive,previously deceased, and yet to be born. “We want to assure all those who have lived virtuous, righteous lives that they will see no dilution in the legendary splendor and magnificence of the Heavenly realm, and that the only difference they will encounter is the new cap on the duration of their stay in paradise.” The Archangel added that divine officials would ensure that all redeemed souls would be painlessly extinguished into oblivion once their 500 billion years expired.

Source: www.theonion.com/articles/budget-woes-force-heaven-to-reduce-eternal-life-to,36012/

See wetin these Pentecostal-private-jet-buying pastors, and non-tithers Don cause.
Pagan9JA, you're also to blame. How can you suggest the government tax God's money?

should we believe this?

Hilarious

If you don't pay your tithes, you'll only have 500billion years instead of the whole eternity to spend in heaven.
Price of real estate is rising, and god said in the Bible that as it is on earth so it shall be in heaven (Matthew 18;18) so prices are increasing in heaven too. That is why Jesus hasn't Come back yet, the cost is too much.
[size=72]PAY YOUR TITHE[/size]

Apatheist: If you don't pay your tithes, you'll only have 500billion years instead of the whole eternity to spend in heaven.
Price of real estate is rising, and god said in the Bible that as it is on earth so it shall be in heaven (Matthew 18;18) so prices are increasing in heaven too. That is why Jesus hasn't Come back yet, the cost is too much.
[size=72]PAY YOUR TITHE[/size]

Does that mean salvation is no pay as you go?

ifeness:

Does that mean salvation is no pay as you go?

Yes, brother-in-the-lord.
The more tithe you pay, the longer your time in heaven.
Our God is a fair and just God!!!!

Apatheist:
Yes, brother-in-the-lord.
The more tithe you pay, the longer your time in heaven.
Our God is a fair and just God!!!!

I can only afford human scarifies. Does that count?

ifeness:

I can only afford human scarifies. Does that count?

Yes, brother.
Jesus body parts are almost finished, courtesy of the Catholics.
And he's anaemic, because of the "blood of Jesus " the Pentecostals shout all the time. The blood Don finish.

Apatheist:
Yes, brother.
Jesus body parts are almost finished, courtesy of the Catholics.
And he's anaemic, because of the "blood of Jesus " the Pentecostals shout all the time. The blood Don finish.

I know Yahweh will surely accept human scarifies,He likes stuff like that. Anything that has to do with blood.

Can we donate people who are already in heaven?

Judas2013:

I know Yahweh will surely accept human scarifies,He likes stuff like that. Anything that has to do with blood.

Can we donate people who are already in heaven?

Only to those in hell.
You should set water on fire like you're grilling it then god in his infinite mercy will give it to those in hell.

Apatheist:
Yes, brother.
Jesus body parts are almost finished, courtesy of the Catholics.
And he's anaemic, because of the "blood of Jesus " the Pentecostals shout all the time. The blood Don finish.

I can give the evil vampire what he wants as long as I will get a receipt . That is what church goers fail to ask when they pay tithes.

ifeness:

I can give the evil vampire what he wants as long as I will get a receipt . That is what church goers fail to ask when they pay tithes.

Evil vampire? !! Blasphemy! !! Now you must pay 5* tithe.

Don't forget to collect your receipt.

Apatheist:
Evil vampire? !! Blasphemy! !! Now you must pay 5* tithe.

Don't forget to collect your receipt.

No problem I will pay, but first where is the location of this heaven? I like to see what I'm paying for.

ifeness:

No problem I will pay, but first where is the location of this heaven? I like to see what I'm paying for.

Have faith, brother.

Many have gone there and come back with different accounts

Apatheist: If you don't pay your tithes, you'll only have 500billion years instead of the whole eternity to spend in heaven.
Price of real estate is rising, and god said in the Bible that as it is on earth so it shall be in heaven (Matthew 18;18) so prices are increasing in heaven too. That is why Jesus hasn't Come back yet, the cost is too much.
[size=72]PAY YOUR TITHE[/size]

stop smoking dry pig sh.it and stop drinking monkey tail better still go for pyshciatric evalution at yaba left i promise to foot the bill

Omexonomy: stop smoking dry pig sh.it and stop drinking monkey tail better still go for pyshciatric evalution at yaba left i promise to foot the bill

Blasphemy! !!
"Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm"
I'll have you know that I'm a certified prophet, I paid good money for prophet-ship and an eternal stay in heaven.

Apatheist:
Blasphemy! !!
"Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm"
I'll have you know that I'm a certified prophet, I paid good money for prophet-ship and an eternal stay in heaven.

that is why i suggest you should stop taking those things

Apatheist:
Have faith, brother.

Many have gone there and come back with different accounts

Ok faith lol. Faith will probably pay the tithe for me in that case.

ifeness:

Ok faith lol. Faith will probably pay the tithe for me in that case.

"Faith without work is dead", brother. God is broke.

Apatheist:
"Faith without work is dead", brother. God is broke.

How about God getting a job. Does that mean Oyedepo and Adeboye keeps his money to themselves? Can any man rob God? Surely those pastors are robbing God.

ifeness:

How about God getting a job. Does that mean Oyedepo and Adeboye keeps his money to themselves? Can any man rob God? Surely those pastors are robbing God.

Yes, which is why god is broke and has to reduce the time of eternity.

it is because you think God does not exist that is why you are talking like this because if you knew the truth and you r stl talkin like this.