bigboyslim: What would you do in my predicament.

Here are the facts

1. I work and now make a decent salary(To the glory of God, not by might). Decent salary is a relative term but I make enough to live comfortably by the standards that I have set for myself

2. Wife does not work for reasons beyond our control. I won't go into details

3. My parents have been retired for a while

4. Wife's parents still working and making very decent money

5. We have a little baby

Now, I thought I would be happy making so much money but, I have found that I keep struggling with how much to spend on my family and how much to spend on parents. I know my parents want much more from me than I give and I can definitely give more than I give them now. I also want to give more to my parents but fear that wife would object. In 3 years of marriage, wife has never asked if I want to send money to my parents despite knowing that they are both retired. I find this weird and very unsettling. We keep a joint account. What percentage of ones income should go to supporting elderly parents and what percentage should go to your family upkeep?

erisuena16: did i hear you say you keep joint account?dose your wife work?if no why joint account,anyway i don't know who the head of house is,if it's you then take your stand as a man.you don't have to seek your wife's opinion before sending money to your parents whether she care's or not,it is your duty to take care of your parents.

bigboyslim:
Now, I thought I would be happy making so much money but, I have found that I keep struggling with how much to spend on my family and how much to spend on parents. I know my parents want much more from me than I give and I can definitely give more than I give them now. I also want to give more to my parents but fear that wife would object. In 3 years of marriage, wife has never asked if I want to send money to my parents despite knowing that they are both retired. I find this weird and very unsettling. We keep a joint account. What percentage of ones income should go to supporting elderly parents and what percentage should go to your family upkeep?

Blockus:


You lie.

You are a teenager under the age of 24.

You are not married.

You are not responsible for anyone even yourself.

You still live at home with your parents.

You dont have money.



Tell me any of these that I got wrong and if I didnt be honest and I will explain how I drew this conclusion from your post.

bigboyslim: I also want to give more to my parents but fear that wife would object.

beeevan:



God bless you for this post, lots of likes.

Nnekacherry:

Lol.. I was shocked when i read that post too.. Dont mind the little girl..


@Topic.. Op please take care of your parents.. Tell your wife what you intend to do, so that she will be aware..

beeevan: Phema how have you been?

erisuena16: did i hear you say you keep joint account?dose your wife work?if no why joint account,anyway i don't know who the head of house is,if it's you then take your stand as a man.you don't have to seek your wife's opinion before sending money to your parents whether she care's or not,it is your duty to take care of your parents.

Phema:

Very well dear. Thanks for always checking up on me

How have you been too? And the cute lil ones?

erisuena16: did i hear you say you keep joint account?dose your wife work?if no why joint account,anyway i don't know who the head of house is,if it's you then take your stand as a man.you don't have to seek your wife's opinion before sending money to your parents whether she care's or not,it is your duty to take care of your parents.

bigboyslim: What would you do in my predicament.

Here are the facts

1. I work and now make a decent salary(To the glory of God, not by might). Decent salary is a relative term but I make enough to live comfortably by the standards that I have set for myself

2. Wife does not work for reasons beyond our control. I won't go into details

3. My parents have been retired for a while

4. Wife's parents still working and making very decent money

5. We have a little baby

Now, I thought I would be happy making so much money but, I have found that I keep struggling with how much to spend on my family and how much to spend on parents. I know my parents want much more from me than I give and I can definitely give more than I give them now. I also want to give more to my parents but fear that wife would object. In 3 years of marriage, wife has never asked if I want to send money to my parents despite knowing that they are both retired. I find this weird and very unsettling. We keep a joint account. What percentage of ones income should go to supporting elderly parents and what percentage should go to your family upkeep?

Blockus:


You lie.

You are a teenager under the age of 24.

You are not married.

You are not responsible for anyone even yourself.

You still live at home with your parents.

You dont have money.



Tell me any of these that I got wrong and if I didnt be honest and I will explain how I drew this conclusion from your post.

Goldenboy007:
did i hear you say you keep joint account?dose your wife work?if no why joint account,anyway i don't know who the head of house is,if it's you then take your stand as a man.you don't have to seek your wife's opinion before sending money to your parents whether she care's or not,it is your duty to take care of your parents.






I disagree, she gave a fantastic contribution and it is called REALITY !!! This same mistake ruined many Nigerian men in the US. There are people that were madly in love today and one year after they were divorced ! The men lost all what they worked for because they made decisions based on sentiments rather than common sense!!! And tell me you ask your wife for permission before you give your parents money? I'm flabbergasted !!! I wonder if those parents did not bring you up well whether any woman would desire you! Set your priorities right man or else posterity will judge you!

Goldenboy007:
did i hear you say you keep joint account?dose your wife work?if no why joint account,anyway i don't know who the head of house is,if it's you then take your stand as a man.you don't have to seek your wife's opinion before sending money to your parents whether she care's or not,it is your duty to take care of your parents.






I disagree, she gave a fantastic contribution and it is called REALITY !!! This same mistake ruined many Nigerian men in the US. There are people that were madly in love today and one year after they were divorced ! The men lost all what they worked for because they made decisions based on sentiments rather than common sense!!! And tell me you ask your wife for permission before you give your parents money? I'm flabbergasted !!! I wonder if those parents did not bring you up well whether any woman would desire you! Set your priorities right man or else posterity will judge you!

Blockus:


[b]This your mother and father that mean the world to you, were they brother and sister that got married or did they also meet as boyfriend and girlfriend before getting married? If it's the latter, which I presume it is, why don't you treat your mother like an outsider and with the same level of disdain you people advocate he treats his wife?

You boys need to grow up and stop sucking on mummies glands. You see those parents, they will die long before you. When they die, guess who is still riding with you? Your wife.

That person I quoted has never held any real responsibility let alone a wife. The OP never accused his wife of financial malfeasance.

When your wife has no access to the family finances, when death blind sides you and takes you away, guess who suffers? Your children. Many women in Nigeria today are suffering because their husbands died leaving them in the dark about their family finances. I have a feeling the woman is simply looking our for the OPs immediate family interest and hat isn't such a bad thing. If his parents are demanding more money than they can afford to give, it's her place to tell him no. The whole idea of bread winning is so that your partner can take that bread and make it into a feast. You can't help the poor if you are also poor.

That's why I asked the OP a series of questions to better shed light on his situation. A joint account is something that should be encouraged. Like I once said to someone, of your wife knows that you only have 100 Naira, she would never come and ask you for 1000 Naira for anything.

Your wife should always taking a higher ranking order in your life than your mother. I say this because she is the closest person to you in the whole wife world and has your life in her palms. She sees you in your most vulnerable state daily, cooks the food you eat and serves the water you drink. How hard do you think it is for her to kill you?

Until you are old enough to see that you are no longer your mothers baby, then you are not old enough to be married to a wife. [/b]

cococandy: I didn't see the OP say his wife objects to him sending money to his family only that she shows lack of interest.
It may be because she assumes you already do and no need to start asking you.

Or she thinks you don't care about her own parents hence her seeming disinterest in yours


Your joint account, does all your income go into it?
If not, then I can see why she thinks you're probably giving them on the side.

No reasonable woman will stand in the way of you helping your parents in their time of need especially when you can afford to. So find out through communication if she's really not interested in their welfare or if she thinks you have it sorted out by yourself.

Secondly don't ignore your parents in law because you think they already have enough. Since your wife doesn't work,I'm sure she may be longing to give them occasional gifts and treats but may not be able to as she has no money of her own. I know financial care should be given to those who need it more(your parents) but your parents-in-law are still part of your lives and do them good as often you can so that if there's any underlying feeling of resentment that making her not care about your parents,it will be done away with.
But all this can only be achieved through communication. Let her know that your not sending regular upkeep to her parents is not because they are not your parents but because they are doing fine by themselves and not so much in need of it.

your joint account thing? Just leave some personal money for yourself in a private account but every family needs a joint account.

Blockus:


[b]This your mother and father that mean the world to you, were they brother and sister that got married or did they also meet as boyfriend and girlfriend before getting married? If it's the latter, which I presume it is, why don't you treat your mother like an outsider and with the same level of disdain you people advocate he treats his wife?

You boys need to grow up and stop sucking on mummies glands. You see those parents, they will die long before you. When they die, guess who is still riding with you? Your wife.

That person I quoted has never held any real responsibility let alone a wife. The OP never accused his wife of financial malfeasance.

When your wife has no access to the family finances, when death blind sides you and takes you away, guess who suffers? Your children. Many women in Nigeria today are suffering because their husbands died leaving them in the dark about their family finances. I have a feeling the woman is simply looking our for the OPs immediate family interest and hat isn't such a bad thing. If his parents are demanding more money than they can afford to give, it's her place to tell him no. The whole idea of bread winning is so that your partner can take that bread and make it into a feast. You can't help the poor if you are also poor.

That's why I asked the OP a series of questions to better shed light on his situation. A joint account is something that should be encouraged. Like I once said to someone, of your wife knows that you only have 100 Naira, she would never come and ask you for 1000 Naira for anything.

Your wife should always taking a higher ranking order in your life than your mother. I say this because she is the closest person to you in the whole wife world and has your life in her palms. She sees you in your most vulnerable state daily, cooks the food you eat and serves the water you drink. How hard do you think it is for her to kill you?

Until you are old enough to see that you are no longer your mothers baby, then you are not old enough to be married to a wife. [/b]