ireneidiva:
Nah, I'm not jobless like you. You copied this. We both know. Bye!

Am not jobless, dats ur problem..wanna claim to know me even when we've neva met. Am not jobless, i just want to create time for a deluded fellow.

OmoAlata1: Why are Nigerian men so insecured? what is the big deal about keeping one's maiden name? I am so tired of this nonsense

Why are nigerian men so insecure?
Why do nigerian men carry drinks to your parents before marrige?
You are tired of this nonsense?
I hope you are also tired of your marriage?
This case is straight forward, if tired get out. Hypocrites.

This name change is alien (where I'm from), Our grandmothers were never called Mrs anything, it was mother of this; daughter of that, wife of this. This name change wey una wan kill yourself over borrowed culture.

...then do so. With immediate effect and instant alacrity !

You live in a culture were they are certain expectations and norms associated with marriage. Taking your husbands surname is one of such. If for any reason you preferred to do it differently, you should have mentioned it before saying "I do".

Presumably he carried out in full the expectations of a man seeking a wife? I thought so.

Husband; you are either "poor husband" for having to deal with this nonsense or "poor & weak" for acceding to it. The choice is yours. To be honest, you should have exercised "choice" with more discretion before asking for her hand. Abi you no ask?


TV

They like am like that
what doesn't make sense to you could make sense to others

Nonso23: Women just love chasing the wind.
Okay, Let's say you answer your husband's maiden name in conjunction with your father's name and the husband agrees. What name will your children bear That long hyphenated mixture
Or the husbands?
If your answer is "the husband's name" then what is the point of all the noise?
If you say "the kids should bear the hyphenated mixture" Imagine them passing on this tradition to their own children. In five generations you have a name that consists of 5 different maiden names. How reasonable is that

Na wa for una o. The way some of you pursue fruitless and childish goals with enviable dedication is really breathtaking.

Why are you fond of putting tv after any post of yours? Are you selling television or what?

TV01: ...then do so. With immediate effect and instant alacrity !

You live in a culture were they are certain expectations and norms associated with marriage. Taking your husbands surname is one of such. If for any reason you preferred to do it differently, you should have mentioned it before saying "I do".

Presumably he carried out in full the expectations of a man seeking a wife? I thought so.

Husband; you are either "poor husband" for having to deal with this nonsense or "poor & weak" for acceding to it. The choice is yours. To be honest, you should have exercised "choice" with more discretion before asking for her hand. Abi you no ask?


TV

Godmystrength: I am not for against any of the method adopted so far it works for them. According to the OP, the woman wants to retain her maiden name and still take up her Hubby's name as well. eg some Adenike Abiola Adewale got married to Mr Olusola Ayanlowo. According to what all the men are saying here, after marriage she is suppose to become Mrs Adenike Abiola Ayanlowo. Some women want to be Adenike Abiola Adewale-Ayanlowo. If the husband does not want his name hyphenated with maiden name, is she allowed to drop one of her own middle name and take her maiden name to be her middle name to then become Mrs Adenike Adewale Ayanlowo?

cc: coogar

nah, she's not allowed.
the only name she's allowed to pick is her first name. her father has collected her bride price, i have bought the rights to strike off her maiden name completely.

coogar:

nah, she's not allowed.
the only name she's allowed to pick is her first name. her father has collected her bride price, i have bought the rights to strike off her maiden name completely.

Okay then. What if she decides that she wants to change her middle name to some other name (because she never liked the name at all) i.e maybe from Mrs Adenike Abiola Ayanlowo to Mrs Adenike Ayoola Ayanlowo, will you allow her or insist that she must continue bearing the middle name?

sorry to be disturbing you with my questions. I just want to be clear.

modified:
Sorry i didn't see the part in bold before commenting. Are you saying because she is married, she has no right to have a middle name? Just her first name and your name?

Godmystrength: Okay then. What if she decides that she wants to change her middle name to some other name (because she never liked the name at all) i.e maybe from Mrs Adenike Abiola Ayanlowo to Mrs Adenike Ayoola Ayanlowo, will you allow her or insist that she must continue bearing the middle name?

sorry to be disturbing you with my questions. I just want to be clear.

modified:
Sorry i didn't see the part in bold before commenting. Are you saying because she is married, she has no right to have a middle name? Just her first name and your name?

it depends.....
if she's the type that doesn't give a fuss about names.....she gets to keep all her names including first, second, third to the 10th name & my surname.

however, the moment she broaches the subject of keeping her maiden name, she loses the right of keeping any name apart from her first name. she either takes my offer or she gets kicked out of my life like polio.

We can as well bear her maiden name together na,abi? Some things are too trivial and clear to be debated.

Go nd settle wif ur husband..na family issue b dis...

All I can say is marriage cannot survive without compromise and understanding by both parties involved....

the woman has given her reasons to keep her name, what is the mans own? If he gives her a good reason other than 'you are my wife and so you must bear my name', a reasonable woman should agree to it.

coogar:

it depends.....
if she's the type that doesn't give a fuss about names.....she gets to keep all her names including first, second, third to the 10th name & my surname.

however, the moment she broaches the subject of keeping her maiden name, she loses the right of keeping any name apart from her first name. she either takes my offer or she gets kicked out of my life like polio.

Okay i get you. Thank you.

repogirl: All I can say is marriage cannot survive without compromise and understanding by both parties involved....

the woman has given her reasons to keep her name, what is the mans own? If he gives her a good reason other than 'you are my wife and so you must bear my name', a reasonable woman should agree to it.

But what other reason do you think a man can give in this case apart from the one you stated above because IMO that is the ONLY reason they have.

onetouch7: This name change is alien (where I'm from), Our grandmothers were never called Mrs anything, it was mother of this; daughter of that, wife of this. This name change wey una wan kill yourself over borrowed culture.

This is the most intelligent comment on this thread.
I will always reiterate on threads like this how the British came to destroy traditional African structures to insert theirs and African men ran along with it because it asserts their authority without being checked by our assertive foremothers who had the rights to boycott any policy brought on by patriarchy. The irony today is that the British who brought these alien traditions today have their women being spoilt by choices while African men still want to hold on to rules and regulations alien to their original traditions.

Stillfire:

I will always reiterate on threads like this how the British came to destroy traditional African structures to insert theirs and African men ran along with it because it asserts their authority without being checked by our assertive foremothers who had the rights to boycott any policy brought on by patriarchy. The irony today is that the British who brought these alien traditions today have their women being spoilt by choices while African men still want to hold on to rules and regulations alien to their original traditions.

Traditionally women have always been known by the men who had authority over them by their fathers and later their husbands

So Stillfire the daughter of MoreOxygen will be known as Stillfire the wife of PourWater when she was married

Oyibos introduced Mr and Mrs... thats all

It is even the effects of modernism that women can now compound names or keep their maiden names

apolonius: We can as well bear her maiden name together na, abi? Some things are too trivial and clear to be debated.

Best comment on this thread. Very soon, she would want her children to also bear her maiden name. Or better still, in the spirit of equality, if they have four children, two will bear her maiden name and the other two will bear her husband's name. Isn't that what equality is about?

Then the next fight will be which of the children will bear whose name? But there must be something to fight about because it seems the idea of marriage is to fight endlessly and prove a point.

pickabeau1:


Traditionally women have always been known by the men who had authority over them by their fathers and later their husbands

So Stillfire the daughter of MoreOxygen will be known as Stillfire the wife of PourWater when she was married

Oyibos introduced Mr and Mrs... thats all

It is even the effects of modernism that women can now compound names or keep their maiden names

Leave them.

Be it begged, borrowed, lent or stolen, it's now a part of the local culture. It's become "tradition". An initiative to change or remove said tradition is fine, but to wilfully subvert, or act contrary to it, for selfish reasons is nonsense.

See someone claiming that a man insisting that his wife take his surname because "she is his wife" as a not good enough reason. We took so many yam tubers, I'm sure her people are still finding creative ways to cook it.

Not only will she bear my surname - exclusively - I reserve the right to re-state her given first name or assign any dimunitive I see fit. For the duration of the world cup she was called "babynho" as she served me beverages and sweatmeats !


All traces of her fathers name and authority have been rightfully erased .


TV

TV01:

Leave them.

Be it begged, borrowed, lent or stolen, it's now a part of the local culture. It's become "tradition". An initiative to change or remove said tradition is fine, but to wilfully subvert, or act contrary to it, for selfish reasons is nonsense.

See someone claiming that a man insisting that his wife take his surname because "she is his wife" as a not good enough reason. We took so many yam tubers, I'm sure her people are still finding creative ways to cook it.

Not only will she bear my surname - exclusively - I reserve the right to re-state her given first name or assign any dimunitive I see fit. For the duration of the world cup she was called "babynho" as she served me beverages and sweatmeats !


All traces of her fathers name and authority have been rightfully erased .


TV

.... at the bolded.. it is however fallacious to claim that women taking their husbands name was due to whiteman
Unfortunately chimamanda also helped in propagating that fallacy

Nashville:
Best comment on this thread. Very soon, she would want her children to also bear her maiden name. Or better still, in the spirit of equality, if they have four children, two will bear her maiden name and the other two will bear her husband's name. Isn't that what equality is about?
Then the next fight will be which of the children will bear whose name? But there must be something to fight about because it seems the idea of marriage is to fight endlessly and prove a point.

..

@OP:

Since you are a 'friend', you should have the details:

Did they discuss this before marriage?

coogar:

nah, she's not allowed.
the only name she's allowed to pick is her first name. her father has collected her bride price, i have bought the rights to strike off her maiden name completely.

this guy sha

pickabeau1:


Traditionally women have always been known by the men who had authority over them by their fathers and later their husbands

So Stillfire the daughter of MoreOxygen will be known as Stillfire the wife of PourWater when she was married

Oyibos introduced Mr and Mrs... thats all

It is even the effects of modernism that women can now compound names or keep their maiden names

Children are known by their fathers, don't make it a female thing.
Traditionally, men married more than one wife. In Igboland, the apt description of the woman is the daughter of... That is why women can leave their husbands house and go back to their fathers' house. In fact women are buried in their father's place. You are using Christianity to argue.

[url]http://books.google.com/books?id=04VwpwD7R_AC&pg=PA12&lpg=PA12&dq=are+igbo+women+buried+in+their+father%27s+house&source=bl&ots=8SAUZxFU13&sig=P0eNaRveOmzNiJ16bN8yXw8feNg&hl=en&sa=X&ei=G8DPU4arL4yWyASm7YDYAg&ved=0CB0Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=are%20igbo%20women%20buried%20in%20their%20father's%20house&f=false[/url]

Nashville:

Best comment on this thread. Very soon, she would want her children to also bear her maiden name. Or better still, in the spirit of equality, if they have four children, two will bear her maiden name and the other two will bear her husband's name. Isn't that what equality is about?

Then the next fight will be which of the children will bear whose name? But there must be something to fight about because it seems the idea of marriage is to fight endlessly and prove a point.

Well said.

TV01:

See someone claiming that a man insisting that his wife take his surname because "she is his wife" as a not good enough reason. We took so many yam tubers, I'm sure her people are still finding creative ways to cook it.

TV

I would advise men to hire McKinsey, BCG, and other top consulting firms to help them in presenting a good enough reason why a wife should take her husband's name. Because it seems now that it has to be hotly debated.

Better still they may hire lawyers and settle in court whose name is to be used.

coogar:

nah, she's not allowed.
the only name she's allowed to pick is her first name. her father has collected her bride price, i have bought the rights to strike off her maiden name completely.

na wa o, you better sleep with both eyes open because when your wife is fed up with your over bearing dictatorship attitude, she will put otapiapia in your food.

Traditionally in Nigeria... Women are identified by their men


An igbo lady has discussed this here too and affirmed the same..

Even your book says the same Read 1,1,2

Stop spreading fallacies

Stillfire:

Children are known by their fathers, don't make it a female thing.
Traditionally, men married more than one wife. In Igboland, the apt description of the woman is the daughter of... That is why women can leave their husbands house and go back to their fathers' house. In fact women are buried in their father's place. You are using Christianity to argue.

[url]http://books.google.com/books?id=04VwpwD7R_AC&pg=PA12&lpg=PA12&dq=are+igbo+women+buried+in+their+father%27s+house&source=bl&ots=8SAUZxFU13&sig=P0eNaRveOmzNiJ16bN8yXw8feNg&hl=en&sa=X&ei=G8DPU4arL4yWyASm7YDYAg&ved=0CB0Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=are%20igbo%20women%20buried%20in%20their%20father's%20house&f=false[/url]

I see coogar shouting traditional marriage rights.
Does African tradition allow you to sleep with your 'virgin' bride before the wedding night?

I still don't see how this issue can be the cause of debate between a normal thinking woman and her husband.

Stillfire:

Children are known by their fathers, don't make it a female thing.
Traditionally, men married more than one wife. In Igboland, the apt description of the woman is the daughter of... That is why women can leave their husbands house and go back to their fathers' house. In fact women are buried in their father's place. You are using Christianity to argue. :-

http://books.google.com/books?id=04VwpwD7R_AC&pg=PA12&lpg=PA12&dq=are+igbo+women+buried+in+their+father%27s+house&source=bl&ots=8SAUZxFU13&sig=P0eNaRveOmzNiJ16bN8yXw8feNg&hl=en&sa=X&ei=G8DPU4arL4yWyASm7YDYAg&ved=0CB0Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=are%20igbo%20women%20buried%20in%20their%20father's%20house&f=false

nowhere did it say in your write-up that igbo women do not take their hubby's last name. this link is a diversion........it clearly states there that a man can wake up & sends his wife packing.....if the woman leaves her hubby, the bride's family must refund bride-price.

that's exactly what i said in my earlier submission. i would drive the obnoxious wife back to her father's house safe and sound and collect my bride price. if a woman loves her surname so much then she doesn't need a husband.

Stillfire: I see coogar shouting traditional marriage rights.
Does African tradition allow you to sleep with your 'virgin' bride before the wedding night?

yes, it does.
all my ancestors lost their virginity at age 15 & they were unmarried then. though, majority of them married the maidens they lost their virginity to but they all test-drove. my ancestors in ituku were never as mumuish as the ones who bought into christian norms of no test driving.

Nashville: Best comment on this thread. Very soon, she would want her children to also bear her maiden name. Or better still, in the spirit of equality, if they have four children, two will bear her maiden name and the other two will bear her husband's name. Isn't that what equality is about?

Then the next fight will be which of the children will bear whose name? But there must be something to fight about because it seems the idea of marriage is to fight endlessly and prove a point.

Nash dude, how far?

You are late, this is already happening; apart from double barrelled names - which are old hat really - we now have "meshed" (amalgams) names or alternate (father then mother) surnames for the offspring.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/9664227/Couples-fuse-surnames-in-new-trend-I-now-pronounce-you-Mr-and-Mrs-Puffin.html
http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/advice-support-40/families-relationships-50/881485-gave-your-children-different-surnames-please-help-me-i-have-less-than-24-hours-all.html - (hint marry him you dimwit)

Weak men, over to you.

TV

Greensaint:

Why are nigerian men so insecure?
Why do nigerian men carry drinks to your parents before marrige?
You are tired of this nonsense?
I hope you are also tired of your marriage?
This case is straight forward, if tired get out. Hypocrites.

lol, was my statement that painful?