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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? (30838 Views)
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Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by pickabeau1: 11:41am On Jul 25, 2014 |
Rather than making generalisations based on assumptions, Respond based on what you read The problem with you ladies is that rather than dealing with what is being said here, you respond based on your sentiments I will try and summarise again Single mothers can remarry and some do however it is not a given they will marry There is nothing wrong in being a single mom as she may even be a better wife material than some single ladies Gerrit? Below are two posts one by a male and a female. I see no difference in the two posts... guess she also prays for spiritual relief is my first post on this issue and below a female like you who also posted with a sense of realism that is lacking here You call it spiritual intervention; i call it realism OP, zeb04: I see the men here trying to prove that as a single mum,it will take *spiritual intervention* to get married. Well I think this is BS. |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by Nobody: 11:51am On Jul 25, 2014 |
baron2000: Thank you!! Thank God im not the only one sensing the hate. I wonder if they have personal relationships with these women in their private lives for them to be so hateful. I am not a single mother. But simply because of that, i cannot judge these women. I agree some of them placed themselves in such situations deliberately but you cannot say the same for others. widows who decide no to marry automatically become single mums. Women who have had bad relationships/marriages could become single mums. Different circumstances led these women to their predicament therefore we have no right to condemn them all. As long as we will continue to have irresponsible men, single mothers will continue to spring up. please, nobody is downplaying the realities of the challenges they face. They will all face them. But in the end, to show you that God is always merciful, good things come out of it all and some of them turn out well. Good things we never expected to happen do happen for them. men still marry them. But it seems the comments of hate here stem from the fact that they believe such women have no right to happiness. Even success stories prick them. I wonder. 2 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by shaybebaby(f): 12:23pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
TV01:Because in as much as they are raising children on their own, then yes they will be termed as such regardless of how their status came to be( widowed, divorced or runaway baby daddy), they are all single mums. However fact can and does change when they find love again or someone to share their lives with. Then they are still mums, actually they will always be mums, that fact is unchanging however the single nature of their existence is subject to change when they find a partner. You are a part of the society that sees something wrong with this, based in your perception and should a single parent come into contact with you will be shaped by your negative perception of their situation and such for that moment, that becomes their reality, an unforgiving and unaccepting society- a judgemental one. They can choose to allow that influence their beliefs and actions and validate your perceptions as the norm, as unchanging and once they do that, they are tacitly accepting that to be their reality. Or they can change it, reject your perceptions and seek acceptance elsewhere. Can they find it? Yes they can. Because I know there are people who share my perceptions and we belong in this same society as yours. My perception of their situation shapes my reality when I come into contact with them. I believe they are to be respected for making right choices( if they do like everybody else) regardless of how they came to be in that situation. F they share my perceptions, together we shape our reality based on that. My aunt was a single mum, note the operative word being " was". She no longer is as she married again and went on to have more children, and is still happily married today. Yes she is the sole biological parent alive of the child from the previous marriage but not the sole parent of all her children. Her husband raised her son as his as well as his biological one with her. And that is in Nigeria. So regardless of what you think and how you want to play on semantics, you cannot answer for people's perceptions and all you have control over really is your own. So the generalisations" most and many" which you are throwing about is nothing but your perception. The fact that you are having this conversation shows that the reality of what you perceive is limited to you otherwise we would be in complete agreement. 4 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by Nobody: 2:04pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
shaybebaby: [b]GBAM!!! Now you see the difference between one is being realistic and another who is not being realistic. |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by TV01(m): 2:21pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
Sophyrocks: You talk like a Crude Sadist!!! No pun intended! Just read what i made bold up there.All this suggest is that you do not know what either a "pun" or a "sadist" are. Having said that your posting history is testimony to your "level", so no surprises there. Sophyrocks:As ever you quote my post not in order to respond, but as a platform for one of your gibberish rants. All I have repeatedly said is that the LT outcomes for SM' and their offspring tend to be poorer than for married women and that marriage opportunities and quality of spouse are typically impaired by being a single mum. Truth hurts, but it's stone cold fact. Feel free to disprove it. Character assassination doesn't prove anything. Willfully having a child out of wedlock is rightly considered a societal ill. The fact that the LT outcomes for some are not always poor is no reason to try and sell it as a good thing. Sophyrocks:More of your usual wishy-washy rhetoric. Whatever my wishes, the harsh reality for most having a child out of wedlock is what it is. My aim to make people understand the hardship it can cause and thus avoid being SM' compares favourably to your permissive "single mums are hotcakes" nonsense. To rightly assess something as wrong and/or deleterious is to hate? I responded to Pick on this already. Sophyrocks:More ideological confusion. You are clearly the one "pained" and without a consistently structured worldview. I am the marriage champion and chief marital advocate of NL , indeed, I want to see them and everyone happily married. I merely stress that having children out of wedlock does not improve ones chances. As for the societal stigma, it's for good reason and mostly promulgated by women. Sophyrocks:Stop what? You want to be prescriptive on a public forum? Good luck with that. Hatred? Judge between us. I counsel against children out of wedlock to ensure the best outcomes for women and children, you mindlessly declare single mums are hotcakes, willfully encouraging a practice society considers an ill and rightly stigmatises. You cheerlead them to poor long-term outcomes and stigma. Looking for those to join you in your misery or perhaps slyly trying to eliminate the competition . Yes, I am proudly and resolutely Christian. Happily married and blessed with children. I do not practice, endorse or celebrate out of wedlock procreation. And you are? Try and comprehend better, avoid sentiment and cant, leave your pain at home, thoroughly parse your own worldview and then join the debate. Not being prescriptive, just a well-meaning piece of advice ! TV 9 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by baby124: 2:29pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
Fact is, a lot of men come from single parent homes and they are good men. Most won't have a problem marrying a single mum. So OP, there is someone for everyone. Men stop putting your diseased pri*cks into unsuspecting victims without condoms if you are so passionate about this topic. I see this topic as a justification for abortion and putting down single mothers so young girls can beware and choose abortion instead. If only you will take a step back and think of the repercussions on what 5mins can cost you. A child is the smallest issue that can come out of unprotected sex. How about STD's or HIV. You should be preaching protection or abstinence, instead of the evils that befall single mothers. 4 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by coogar: 2:42pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
baby124: Fact is, a lot of men come from single parent homes and they are good men. Most won't have a problem marrying a single mum. So OP, there is someone for everyone. of course, all these single mothers were unconscious when they were getting screwed by these evil men. 2 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by Nobody: 2:52pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
TV01: [font=Lucida Sans Unicode] I will repeat myself again in case you lack good comprehension of english. Nobody is encouraging single motherhood. My first comment was based on what i have seen myself. what i have seen is that single mothers did not allow society weigh them down and forged ahead to make good of their situation. This is why men still marry them. You may choose to ignore/refute based on your own preception. and i have pointed this out in my replies to your comments many times. I guess you've got a short memory. But regardless of your perceptions/hate for these women, single motherhood will continue. Nobody likes it so but what can we do when we have decaying moral values and since men would continue to run away from responsibiliities. Now thats what i call BEING REALISTIC. I am totally against abortions. No matter how we preach against abortions from january to december, abortions will continue. So you see? I am more realistic than you are!! I am considering all other causes of single motherhood than you are. Thats the world we are living in. You are a christian so i expect you should know we are living in the End time. No matter how people judge humans, humans will continue to to do whatever they like. Our judgemental mindset hasnt helped in curbing other societal ills either. You claim to see things from a broad perspective. I laugh because your knowledge of exceptional stories regarding this issue is low. In this issue of single motherhood, i am aware of the varying circumstances leading to it. But you, your perceptions are fixed so that you cannot see them/choose not to. you do not want to acknowledge that some single mothers didnt become so out of choice or on purpose. Why? Because you have chosen to stick to your perceptions. But guess what, people do not give a damn about perceptions anymore and choose to do what suits or makes them happy or at least use their negative predicament to make something positive out of it. Now whats amazes me is how you are soooo quick to refute success stories. Do you have problems with success stories? Are you a prophet of doom? Success stories dnt give you joy? Just accept other varying opinions from yours and move on. everybody cannot be ruled by perceptions for the rest of their lives. Try to broaden your thought process in this issue and quit being judgemental. Thats what being a christian is all about. Thats what jesus would do. Just a piece of advice. 4 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by Chrisbenogor(m): 2:54pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
Fact is, a lot of single viable men out there would not have single mothers as their first choice to get married to. Having a child out of wedlock seriously dashes the chances of a woman getting married. Its not impossible its just not easy. Before getting married to a single mother that has a daughter for instance the man has to put things into perspective, first of all is he ready to carry on the responsibility of another child that is not his. I know people have a messianic complex but not every body is ready for that burden, further more would it be easy to manage situations that arise from the way the man disciplines the child vs the way he does his other kids. Even kids born of same parents have some as the favorites, would both parties be able to manage it without rancor. I have seen a situation where the daughter becomes a randy teenager and accuses step daddy of touching her....... the list is endless This is not about being sentimental, it does not make single mothers bad people. It just affects their chances of getting hitched Cinderella style, it is not a put down it is just reality! 2 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by TV01(m): 2:59pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
shaybebaby:Firstly, this thread specifically speaks to an out of wedlock birth. This is clear even in my response that you quoted. Secondly, even if you wish to broaden the discussion, it does not change the reality of the hardship and long-term poorer outcomes suffered by SM and their children. shaybebaby:And one of my major points being that the chances of a SM "finding a partner", and one that is of the quality to restore what is missing, are reduced. As for "someone to share their lives with", that is wishy-washy and no guarantee that there will be a husband and father in situ, or that this person will necessarily have a positive effect on any children. Abuse is x6 more likely when one of the "partners" is a non-biological parent (choose your soap wisely ) shaybebaby:More sentiment and PC niceties. It's the SM that lives the harsh reality of of being a single parent. They are the ones who other women shield their husbands from, or don't get social invites, or have a 40% chance of living in poverty (<6% for a married couple) and being welfare-dependent, or fall down the "marital-choice" pecking order and are not welcomed by prospective MIL'S and have a harder time raising children, said children generally having poorer outcomes. Because I can see and clearly identify a social ill, and clearly understand that we need to deal with it at the root, it does not follow that I am judgemental or non-supportive of individuals. And more to the point, nobody elses perception sets their reality, it's their own actions. Will OP's care and support of "his friend" change her reality? shaybebaby:This is just odd and what on earth are you qualifying as "right choice"? shaybebaby:Do the vast majority of mothers who have children out of wedlock experience this? Let alone all those who are single mothers for whatever reason (and I noticed your list of reasons did not contain, "willfully irresponsible women". In the days of "full reproductive rights for women", it's still not their fault if they have children out of wedlock ) I'm pleased for your aunt and cousin, but is their experience typical? Or to be the catch-all template and basis of policy or societal consideration of SM. Personal anecdotes are fine as far as they go, but they only go so far. shaybebaby:It's you that are attempting to genaralise based on an atypical instance. And further employing semantics to glamourise what is an ill which has a LT cost to society to mask the harsh reality many SM face. Out of wedlock births are not advantageous to the mother, children or society, fact. If you have any "facts" to the contrary, please provide them. Deceptively reaching for the moral high-ground by feigning being generous and supportive doesn't work or prove anything - no matter how well-meaning your post is. TV 5 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by TV01(m): 3:10pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
Chrisbenogor: This is not about being sentimental, it does not make single mothers bad people. It just affects their chances of getting hitched Cinderella style, it is not a put down it is just reality!...and there are very few women on NL who like to face reality, deal with it, or remain calm and rational when it's pointed out to them. We continue to bear with our women. But we won't indulge them in their irrationality . TV 5 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by crackhaus: 3:29pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
TV01:Which is why I wonder how you guys do it when you spend pages going back and forth debating with the ladies who always divert attention with sentiments and conjectures. |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by coogar: 3:30pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
TV01: ouch!!!!!! |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by pickabeau1: 3:51pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
Frankly I am tempted to reason with crackhaus...these intermittent bouts of staccato posts coupled with the uncanny ability of reading what you want to see rather than what is written can be confounding Have debates with them it descends into insults and trolling...i still don't see where hatred of single motherhood came in from Other females even said the same A lady even said she should not even marry so as to focus on her child..is that a hater too... The struggle is real... 1 Like |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by OmoAlata1(f): 4:10pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
if you are a single mother, I will just use this platform to say please consider your children when all these "suitors" are flocking over to you. PedophIiles love love single mothers. They will sweep you off your feet and making you feel like queen. But they only want to fuk your child/children (boys or girls). So I beg you all in the name God, be very sensitive to this. I am sick and tired of children talking later as adult that they were molested by their step father. Either they said their mother did not even notice or believed husband over them. Desperation is not a good thing, abeg put your child/children first. Your child/children must also fall in love with the man NOT JUST YOU. It is your children who determine who you marry not you. 6 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by coogar: 4:15pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
pickabeau1: Frankly I am tempted to reason with crackhaus...these intermittent bouts of staccato posts coupled with the uncanny ability of reading what you want to see rather than what is written can be confounding perhaps 99% of the ones seeing hatred are single mothers or abandoned wives themselves and your comments are hitting home. you are spoiling their market right before their eyes. i had a rethink - single mothers are hotter than mercury. i would definitely consider a single mother of 5 children before considering a young virgin. she's got it all.....experience, maturity, ability to care for her partner, etc. surely, that's a better deal than getting stuck with a young virgin woman that you have to teach everything from the start. |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by pickabeau1: 4:45pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
coogar: I will not be surpised..lets not forget nothing is as it seems online People have been known to send valentine gifts to themselves how much more posters concoct a facade and persona to satisfy some online itch. In my opinion single moms while experienced in bedroom matters do not need additional complications in their lives. In the world I know which some say is not real, they have to consider the effect of relationships on the kids.. Do you want to have the guilt of letting down that young kid who looks up to you Some even start calling you dad 2 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by RoyalRoy(m): 5:28pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
I had to go back to the first page to read all comments again just to see where the word "hate" came into this discussions. Personally most ladies on this topic are getting sentimental and reading unprofound meaning into the guys point of view. 1 Like |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by Chrisbenogor(m): 6:41pm On Jul 25, 2014 |
TV01:You self dey try the way you explain and explain. uncle tisha 2 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by 5minsmadness: 4:17pm On Jul 26, 2014 |
TV01: Chrisbenogor:Am telling you. He must be a very patient fellow. |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by havilla(f): 5:35pm On Jul 26, 2014 |
Well the single mothers I know are far from hot cakes, they are very desperate for marriage and men keep running away, the only one I know who got married ended with a man who has three kids plus her two kids from two different men, I don't envy them at all. Coupled with the fact that I know if she wasn't a single Mum she probably won't touch him with a pole. 5 Likes |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by Nobody: 11:23am On Aug 12, 2014 |
any single mom in ph ..... drop a pm . |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by ElFenomeno1: 11:25am On Aug 12, 2014 |
Nothing wrong in dating or marrying a single mum. |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by Nobody: 9:53am On Dec 10, 2014 |
Why is her hope damaged? Of course she will get married to a man that would love her&the child.....there r still good men out there,Ts just a matter of time |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by Babacele: 4:06am On Dec 24, 2014 |
Kanwulia:And let's say when you dating me, you realised that your pain is always mine, and I'm ready to make your daughter mine. I treat you like a god and always drive your feelings to beautiful level X, and you then realize that despite your past, I am damn ready to live in every minute with you cos you are my soulmate, mummy won't you play ball? |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by franzis(m): 11:04am On Dec 24, 2014 |
amazing people to date or get married to |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by Safari29: 11:26am On Dec 24, 2014 |
Bn there done that. never in my life again. It's hell. especially when she is not responsible. Most of them are selfish and don't have a heart. You will be fourth on her list trust me |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by Nobody: 2:28am On Dec 25, 2014 |
Kanwulia: So on point! Dads have a choice whether or not to parent their kids, with mums no options, we get on with it 1 Like |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by OgaMadam(f): 11:58am On Jan 22, 2016 |
Kanwulia: 'If I had' That means you are not in those shoes. I liked your advise until I read you are not in those shoes. |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by OgaMadam(f): 12:01pm On Jan 22, 2016 |
Babacele: I am privileged to have met someone like this in my life. There are men out there who can love you for you. I know this for sure. |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by Joy1706(f): 5:07pm On Jan 22, 2016 |
dytbabe:Speak for urself my darling! I can't go for a single dad for anything in this world abeg. My choice! Can't deal with their baggage |
Re: Guys, Can You Marry A Single Mother? Single Mothers, what are your experiences? by eitsei(m): 8:11pm On Jan 22, 2016 |
I don't see anything bad in a single mother as long as she meets my criteria of a wife, I will MARRY Her.. I even have a sister who was a single mother when she got married and she now has two handsome boys for her husband, so if someone could marry my sister despite d fact she was single mother y can't I do d same for another lady as long as she possesses what I want in a wife n has a good reason for being a single mother cos I won't marry someone who left her husband for a rich man |
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